Kestrel

by A. M. Hargrove

  “Wow. Someone’s pretty grumpy this morning.”

  “Shit. Sorry.”

  “Did I wake you?”

  “Yeah. I must’ve been wiped.”

  “Then I’m the one who’s sorry. I thought for sure you’d be up. It’s nine-thirty.”

  “What the hell? I never sleep this late.”

  She laughs. “I was going to see if you wanted to go for a run.”

  I rub my face. “Um, give me a sec.”

  “Do you wanna call me back?”

  “No. I want to talk to you. Come over?”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  We hang up. I’m so groggy. I feel like I was drugged last night. I have been burning it pretty hard these last few weeks. But nine-fucking-thirty? That hasn’t happened in ages. The next thing I know my phone is vibrating again.

  “Did you fall back asleep?” Carter asks.

  “Shit. I’m so sorry. You here?”

  “Uh, yeah. You sure about this?”

  “Hang on.”

  I pad to the door and let her in.

  “Hey.” Then her eyes pop out. “Uh …” she makes and up and down motion with her finger.

  “Jesus.” I’m ass naked. I run my hand through my hair and say, “Come talk to me while I do my best to wake up. I don’t know why I’m so groggy.”

  “Are you feeling okay?”

  “I guess.”

  I stop in the bathroom to piss and then I brush my teeth. My throat is sore and my head throbs. She’s sitting on the bed when I get there.

  “Did we drink a lot last night?”

  “No,” she says.

  “My head and throat hurt.”

  “Maybe you’re getting the flu.”

  “Nah, I never get sick.”

  She runs her hand over my head and then puts it on my forehead. “You’re burning up, Kestrel.”

  “Mmm.”

  “Do you have a thermometer?”

  “Dunno. Maybe in the bathroom somewhere.”

  “Mind if I look?”

  “Huh uh.”

  She turns and kisses my cheek then tells me she’ll be back. I must’ve dozed because the next thing I know, she’s sticking a thermometer in my mouth.

  “You have a fever of a hundred and two. Here, swallow these.” She hands me pills. “You may need to go to the doctor. One of those minute clinics or something. If you have the flu, you need some antiviral medicine right away.”

  “Yeah? I don’t get the flu.”

  “Kestrel, anyone can get the flu. And it’s already the flu season.”

  “Shit.”

  “Do you have any body aches?”

  “Just sore muscles. But I worked out the other day.”

  “Yeah. Get some clothes on. I’m taking you in.”

  She bosses me around until my objections are completely ignored. I give up and do as she says. We go to the doctor and they confirm her suspicions. I test positive for the flu. After we leave there, we head to the pharmacy and get my prescriptions filled. By this time the cough has set in.

  “I didn’t know it could progress this fast. My chest already hurts.”

  “Yes, and it would get worse until you’d think you were dying.”

  “Thank you, Doctor.”

  “Home to bed for you.”

  I’m back in bed before I know it and she even cooks me up some home made chicken soup. By mid-afternoon, I feel like a freight train hit me. This shit sucks; shivering one minute, burning up the next. My head’s exploding and my lungs are on fire.

  She checks on me and asks, “Need anything?”

  “A new body.”

  “No you don’t. Yours is perfect.”

  Her cool hand caresses my hot cheek. I reach for it and say, “Thank you, angel.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “This is just one more reason why I chose that pet name for you. You fucking glow, you’re so good.” And she does. In my fever-induced state, I see the afternoon sun slanting through the shutters, creating a luminescence about her. It surrounds her like a giant halo. I mumble, “You even have a halo.”

  “Kestrel, you’re a kook.”

  I capture her hand and kiss it.

  “About a lot of things, but not that.”

  My mouth is dry from the fever so I lick my lips. I whisper the words, not intending for her to hear them. “I want to be inside of you right now, but I doubt I’d be worth a damn. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted more than a couple of times. You really should run from me, like the big bad wolf.”

  ***

  The room is bathed in darkness when I wake up. What’s going on? We came home from the doctor and I took a nap. Did I sleep all afternoon into the night? I go the bathroom and while I’m up I go the refrigerator and grab some orange juice. Thirst overwhelms me.

  Shit! Carter! She was here for most of the day. I hope she made it home okay. Damn, I was out of it. I get back in bed and the covers stir.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Fuck!”

  “What’s wrong?” Carter asks.

  “Nothing. You scared me. I didn’t realize you were here. I must’ve been out of my head today.”

  “The flu will do that. And all the medicine you’ve been taking for your cough.”

  “Christ.” My heart clangs; I can almost hear the damn thing.

  She scoots next to me, and feels my forehead. “Your fever is gone. Thank God.”

  “Yeah, but now I have a heart condition.”

  She laughs. Her hand automatically lands on my chest and starts rubbing a circular pattern there. “Why did you tell me to run from you?”

  “I told you that?”

  “Uh huh. You said to run like you were the big bad wolf.”

  “Huh. Well, maybe because I am.”

  “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?”

  “Oh, angel, it doesn’t matter what I expect you to believe. What matters is the truth.”

  “I believe I’m going to have to make up my own mind about that.”

  She starts to play with my fingers, running her fingertips up and down mine, like they are some precious things she reveres. In turn, I do the same to her. Her fingers are long and slender. The bones are delicate things, so fragile feeling to me.

  “Fair enough. But when the time comes, don’t say you weren’t warned.”

  “Warning accepted.”

  Rolling onto my side, I pull her up against me and fall back to sleep.

  When the morning comes, it’s chaotic. My alarm goes off and I jump up, extremely disoriented. Carter follows suit. Then we argue.

  “If you go into work today, you’ll contaminate everyone in your office. You can’t possibly do that. That’s irresponsible of you.”

  “I’ll wear gloves and a mask.”

  We go at it like this for fifteen minutes, upon where she throws her arms up in the air, calls me a stubborn and foolish idiot, and then blames every communicable virus epidemic on dumbasses like me. Finally she stomps out, leaving me feeling very bereft, and every bit the fool. I call her immediately.

  “You’re right. I’ll stay home.” I picture her smiling.

  “Thank you.” Then I hear the door opening and she’s standing there. “Now, back in bed and I’ll bring you everything you’ll need for the day. I have some things I have to do, but then I’ll be back to take care of you.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know. But if I don’t, you’ll work like a demented fool all day, get no rest, and then relapse. That won’t do at all.”

  She brings me my laptop, charger, and cord, phone charger and makes sure they’re all plugged in. Then she goes to get my breakfast made. Soon, she’s carrying in a tray laden with coffee, water, juice, toast, and fruit.

  “Thank you,” I tell her as she carries it in.

  “Okay, this should hold you until I get back.”

  After she sets everything down, I grab her hand and say, “Angel, you don’t h
ave to come back. I’m a grown man and I can take care of things here.”

  “I know. But I want to.”

  “No. Go to work. If I need you, I’ll call.”

  She chews on her lip for a minute, thinking. “Okay. But I’ll drop by for lunch.”

  “You got it.”

  “Don’t forget your medicine.”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  She sticks out her tongue at me and is gone. The place seems so empty without her. But I have lots to do so I log into the work site and get going. My first order of business is to let everyone know I have the flu. They all thank me for staying home.

  I pick up my phone and call Kolson.

  “Hey. I have the flu.”

  “Shit. That’s not good. You want me to postpone?”

  “It’s up to you. Jack’s already here. I’m better today. Went to the doctor yesterday and got all kinds of crap to take. I’m working from home today. Maybe even tomorrow. You may have to come here. I don’t want to contaminate the office.”

  “Right. Maybe I’ll come Wednesday.”

  “Kol, that might work better.”

  “Okay, I’ll amend my trip. See you Wednesday. Take it easy today. I’ll call Jack and let him know. We can have a video conference tomorrow.”

  “Sounds good.”

  My email is jammed. Shayla is on the phone with me for over two hours, filling me in on everything. Jack and I talk for another hour and a half and I look up to see Carter standing there with her arms crossed.

  “You were supposed to rest.”

  “Sorry. The morning flew by.”

  She walks up to me, closes my computer, grabs my phone, and tells me to go to the bathroom while she fixes me my food. When I’m back, lunch is ready. After I’m done, she makes me rest and I quickly conk out. It’s dark in the room when I awaken. I check the clock to see it’s six in the evening. My house is quiet so I assume Carter never returned. I get up and hit the shower. I’m feeling slightly better so I walk into the kitchen and I’m filling a glass of ice water when Carter prances in. Once again, I’m not wearing a stitch of clothing.

  “Do you make a habit of this?”

  I shake my head. “Yeah, I walk around naked all the time. I really do. When you live by yourself, it’s something you don’t think of.”

  “Kestrel, I live by myself and I don’t walk around naked.”

  “Well you ought to. You look like a damn goddess naked, Carter.”

  Her mouth hangs open.

  “Sorry, angel, it’s the truth.”

  I turn and face her. “Would my dick be hard just thinking about you if you didn’t?”

  Her eyes roam my body, but move downward at my question. She shakes her head. “No, I guess not.”

  “Own it. It’s yours.” I head back to the bedroom.

  As I pass her she says, “You baffle me.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “The things you say.”

  “Don’t worry. I baffle me too. And I’m trying to figure it out.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” I say.

  “No. I want to know.”

  “Okay. I don’t know what’s going on between us.”

  “Good, because neither do I.”

  “Fair enough.” I start to move again.

  “Is that it?”

  “Carter, what else do you want me to say?” I spread my hands out.

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. Something. Like maybe we can try to figure this thing out.”

  Sighing, I say, “The last thing you want to do is to figure me out.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “I know. And you don’t want to. I meant what I said about the big bad wolf. I’m him.”

  Then she does what I was hoping she wouldn’t. She walks up to me, puts her arms around my neck, and says, “Yeah, well, up until now, I have seen nothing of this big bad wolf. But what I have seen makes me want more.”

  She moves to kiss me, but I stop her.

  “I’ve exposed you to all sorts of contaminants. I’m not going to kiss you and make it even worse.”

  “It’s too late for that, you know. I’ve been surrounded by the virus.”

  I cup her cheek and say, “I know and I’m sorry. Had I known you were walking into a viral infested den, I wouldn’t have allowed it. But let’s not take a chance with the kissing quite yet.”

  “Okay.”

  “You told me not to make you fall in love with me. Promise me you won’t,” I say.

  “I promise.”

  “I need to ask you something. Why is a girl like you okay with just sex?”

  “Because you make me feel alive again. Until I met you, I hadn’t felt that way in over four years. So just sex is fine with me, Kestrel Hart.”

  Her ghostly eyes gaze back at me, and I search in their depths for the truth, but she doesn’t flinch at all. She speaks from the heart—or at least it’s my greatest hope that’s what she’s doing. She reaches for my hand and leads me back to bed.

  Chapter Eleven

  Carter

  Kestrel unnerves me. When I get him settled in bed, I bring him some more chicken soup. As I stand, his hand closes around my wrist.

  “Thank you. If I haven’t told you, I appreciate you so much. You don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to. Besides, who else is going to bring you homemade soup?”

  His emerald eyes freeze me. Even as sick as he is, hair all disheveled, he’s still sublimely sexy.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I say. My belly tightens and the need to clench my thighs is almost overwhelming.

  His lids drop and sooty lashes dust the tops of his cheekbones like the fringes of a fern. He hasn’t released my wrist, but he begins to eat. Between bites, he says, “Sit with me, please.”

  One thing I’ve noticed about Kestrel is his manners. They are impeccable. He is every bit the gentleman and knows etiquette as only someone who has been coached from an early age would. How do I know this? I was raised the same way, so it’s easy for me to recognize it. I take a seat next to him on the bed.

  “Are you not going to eat?” he asks.

  Chuckling, I answer, “I was, but you have quite a hold on my arm.”

  He stops and looks. “Oh, I apologize.” He releases me.

  “It’s fine.”

  “Go and get your food. I’ll wait. Forgive my lapse of manners.”

  I do as he asks and return with my own tray. Pulling up a chair next to the bed, I begin to eat.

  “You’re a great cook, Carter.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Who taught you?”

  “My mother, mostly. And then I picked up a few things from TV.”

  We chat about cooking. He apparently can’t boil water.

  “I can teach you, if you’d like.”

  “What? Cooking by Carter?”

  We laugh a bit. The apples of his cheeks are flushed and I ask him how he’s feeling. He shrugs.

  “Maybe you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

  “I hope so. This is a busy week for HTS,” he says.

  After we finish, I collect our trays and remove them. When I return, he’s dozing. I bring him his medicine.

  “Kestrel, here’s your medicine and then I’m going to leave.”

  “Don’t go. Stay with me.”

  “You’re getting …”

  “Please, Carter.”

  His voice has taken on a different tone. He’s pleading with me. It’s as if he doesn’t want to be alone.

  “Yeah. Sure. Let me run home and pick up my work things for tomorrow. I’ll be back in a half hour.”

  He extends his arm and I take it. Then he raises my hand to his mouth and kisses my palm. But he doesn’t immediately release it. He curls it for a moment and holds it close to his heart. It’s a curiously intimate gesture.

  “Thank you. I owe you.”

  “No you don’t. Let’s just say it
’s part of our deal.”

  His eyes suddenly darken, like the sea during a storm. “Carter, are you fucking me because of this deal between us?”

  It would be a lie if I said yes. The deal hasn’t entered my mind until now. I’m not sure why I hesitate before I answer, but I do.

  “Never mind. Your silence is the answer I need. Don’t bother coming back.”

  His tone is icy and it angers me.

  “You have no idea what I was going to say.”

  “The mere fact that you had to think about it gives me some idea.”

  “Why are you so sure about that? The truth is our stupid deal hasn’t crossed my mind in days,” I huff.

  “Our stupid deal? Is that what you think it is? Because as I recall, it was all your idea. We can call a halt to it at any time.”

  “No! Please, don’t.” I hate the way he has me over a barrel, begging.

  “Just go.”

  “I’ll be back in a half hour.”

  “You don’t need to. I’ll be fine.”

  I watch him as he rubs his arms. He’s very agitated. And I’m unsure how to handle this. Deciding a bit of time to ourselves is not a bad idea, I scurry out of there and scoot home. It only takes me minutes to gather my things. As I do, guilt floods me. Why didn’t I immediately answer him? Did I want to make him feel guilty? I hate games, so why am I doing this shit?

  Less than twenty minutes have passed by the time I pull back into his driveway. His door is locked, so I knock, but he doesn’t answer. When I call him, he answers.

  “Hey.”

  “Your door’s locked.”

  “I know.”

  “You’re not going to let me in?”

  “Should I?”

  Sighing, I say, “I hate games, Kestrel.”

  “As do I.”

  “Then unlock your door right now, or this is over between us, deal or no deal. I’ll just have to learn to live without Ells’ room. And maybe it’ll be a good thing for me. Who the hell knows?”

  A few seconds later, I hear the lock click and the door swings open. He’s standing there butt assed naked. And I want to lick him. Then he turns and pads back to his bedroom. That man has one mighty fine ass.

  “Quit staring at my ass,” he says over his shoulder.

  “Why would I do that? If you wanted me to quit staring, you would’ve put some on clothes.”