Torn Hearts

by M. E. Gordon

  Simon

  I saw the water splotch on the card before I even realized that it was coming from my eyes. What am I doing? I was doing the one thing Simon just asked me not to do. I was forgetting him. Handing the paper to Gia, I sat back down at the table, suddenly feeling queasy. “Gia, I need to stop this. It’s literally making me sick.” I held my head in my hands and kept taking deep, calming breaths.

  “I know what you mean,” she said, looking a little green in the face, too.

  ***

  Gia and I decided to focus on school. She was going to help me stay on the straight and narrow and I was going to make sure she stayed home and studied. I needed to get back to who I was at the core. I wasn’t a love sick, playboy-chasing, Internet sensation. I was just Beth, a regular, determined, soon to be college graduate. My acceptance letter had finally arrived, and I was officially an intern at the Library of Congress. Things were looking up.

  The paparazzi had disappeared as fast as they arrived. Since it was public knowledge that Spencer was in Vegas. They caught him at the airport and he had confronted them for the first time, letting them know he was leaving town for the week to go home--alone. As of then or at least the next week, I didn’t have to stress about running into Spencer.

  Simon and I had talked a few times after my epic “I love you” but he never brought it up. Until he did. “Why haven’t you said it?” His voice turned questioning.

  I cringed on the other end of the phone as I punched the bed that I was lying in. Fuck, how do I explain this? Here goes nothing. “Simon, I really care about you--”

  “But--” he said, taking the word right out of my mouth.

  “But I’m not sure. You’ve been gone for so long, and I love talking to you and I do miss you. I just--it kind of just flowed out rhetorically.” I hoped that that made sense. Lord knew, I couldn’t tell him some other man had totally shaken me to the point where I didn’t know what color the sky was when I was with him.

  “I kind of figured that’s what happened. But I want you to know that my feelings haven’t wavered. If anything, they have only grown. I wish I didn’t have to be away, but I don’t have a choice. You have to trust me. It’s for the best.”

  Hearing him sigh through the phone made me feel horrible. “I do, I do trust you.”

  I just don’t trust myself. The only thing I could say for sure was that every day I didn’t talk to or see Spencer, I found myself taking another step toward Simon. I knew that I had to tell him everything once he got home, then the decision was up to him. As for right now, I didn’t see the harm in talking to him. Some people might call me a slut, but I refused to tell him over the phone or in an e-mail. He deserved more. And even if Spencer had fallen off the face of the earth and I never saw him again, I was still going to tell Simon everything.

  The conversation came back around to a lighter note and I was thoroughly relieved. We discussed that I would be picking him up the Sunday evening he returned. We had eight days to get through, but the real question was, was he going to want to stick around once he found out about everything.

  “Hey, I gotta head out. I love you--Don’t say it back. I want to see your face the first time you say it for real. I’m officially calling a do over,” he said, and I knew he was smiling on the other end.

  “Deal. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I said, smiling from my side as well.

  Chapter 21

  I watched as Gia ran back in her room to get just one more shirt to add to her already over stuffed overnight bag for a two day trip. “Gia, come on, we’re going to be late, and you know how Teddy hates being late.”

  Running back out of her room she carried at least three more shirts. “Calm down, they’re not going to leave without us.”

  “I don’t know why you pack so much. You know you’re going to go shopping and buy a new outfit anyway.”

  We were on our way to New York to celebrate getting through our exams. My brothers were nice enough to go with us, so we had our own escorts for the weekend.

  ***

  Walking into our Manhattan apartment, which we inherited from our parents, I took a second to look around. The boys had lived here for a while, but once I decided to move to go to college, they followed. It had been a few years since I had been here. Not much had changed. It was a bachelor pad, and probably always would be. It was masculine and didn’t have a throw pillow in sight.

  “So where are we going tonight, people?” I asked, ready to release some pent-up energy. I was anxious about going out, but I felt protected having my brothers there to keep an eye out.

  They had promised me they wouldn’t leave my side, that tonight was about Gia and me. Not them.

  “Only the best for you two,” Charles said, looking between Gia and me. He took a second too long looking over Gia. She really was beautiful in her black cocktail dress and stunning high heels. Me, on the other hand, I went for old trusty--the red dress that played a wicked part in all my recent issues.

  “Where might that be?” Gia asked, flipping her long blonde hair in Charles’s direction.

  Chuckling inwardly at the way Charles obviously sniffed the air, I had to look away before I let a laugh out. I glanced at Teddy who seemed to do the same thing. We watched Charles straighten his tie and clear his throat.

  “Ummm, we’re going to Blue”

  Blue? I know that. How do I know that? Wait a minute. “Is that--” I was cut off by an overly excited Gia.

  “Oh my God, you got us into Blue?”

  “The number one night time spot on the east coast. Well, that is, until ours opens up, but yes I did,” Charles said with a cocky smile.

  Teddy stood up from the couch and walked toward me, seeing the concern on my face.

  “Yes, it’s Spencer’s club,” Teddy said, confirming what I had suspected.

  I want to throttle them! Why would they take me there knowing all the shit that was going on with Spencer?

  “He won’t be there. We had a meeting with him earlier in the week and he informed us that he was going to be on the west coast this weekend,” Teddy said, rubbing my arm.

  “What did you do to him, Beth? He’s been a real ass the past couple weeks, flipping out over the smallest details.”

  Charles just has to rub my nose in it.

  “Knock it off, Chuck,” Teddy said, taking a step away from me and toward Charles.

  “What?” Charles demanded. “It’s not like this is new news. We all know but no one talks about it.”

  “Chuck, just shut your face. The club is almost done, and we won’t have to deal with him on a daily basis anymore. Leave Beth alone. This weekend is supposed to make her feel good, not like shit.”

  My hero. Teddy was my hero. He might be over protective but he was such a good man. He was going to make some girl so happy.

  “Okay, well, now that we have all that awkward tension out of the way, let’s get the hell out of here,” Gia sang. “I’ve got my dancing shoes on and I’m ready to mingle with celebrities!”

  Thank you, Gia.

  ***

  I saw why this place was so popular. It was right in the middle of everything--restaurants hotels, businesses, other bars. It was sleek and modern, under a luxurious hotel. The music was great and everything looked expensive. I was afraid to touch anything. Simply put, it was breathtaking, not unlike the man who owned it. Our dinks were ready for us as soon as we sat down. Thank you, Spencer, for getting me drunk so I can hopefully forget about you, I said toasting to myself before downing the first of many drinks.

  Our night was going perfectly, no sign of Spencer or photographers. I was well on my way to not remembering anything in the morning. No surprise, Gia was not too far behind me. Charles was being Charles, dancing and talking to anything that had legs. Teddy was being the sensible adult and keeping tabs on all three of us.

  “It is so much fun out there!” I called to Teddy as we all sat down at our reserved table.

  The music took a sultr
y jazzy turn as people paired up on the floor swaying seductively to the music.

  Standing abruptly, Teddy walked over, taking Gia’s hand in his. “May I have this Dance?” he asked, kissing her hand.

  Not taking her eyes off of his, she walked with him to the dance floor. He pulled her close to him as they moved to the music. I saw my brother’s hand slide down her slender back. At the same time, I heard Charles hiss and grumble under his breath. Jealousy had turned Charles’s usually cocky demeanor sour.

  “Ha!” I laughed loudly, gaining his attention. “I guess she finally listened to me,” I said, looking back at them on the dance floor.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Charles asked, downing the rest of his drink.

  “Charles,” I said, feeling the alcohol go to my head. “Gia has been obsessed with you since the day I introduced you guys. And well--let’s just face facts here--you don’t have a great track record with women, so I may have pushed her in another direction,” I said, slurring a few words but still managing to smile wickedly at him.

  “Jesus Christ, Beth, you told me to leave her alone.” He looked back at the dance floor, then back at me. “So you push her toward Teddy? You really think that little of me? That I’m just going to use her? I would never...What the hell has happened to you?” He grabbed Teddy’s half empty drink and downed that before getting up from the table and leaving me sitting there--alone.

  “Well, damn, look who’s sitting alone at a club--again. This chick,” I said, pointing to myself and talking too loudly. Damn, I have to pee.

  Walking back out from the bathroom, I covered my ears. I swear they turned the volume up. I started to make my way back to the table when I was stopped. Feeling a heavy hand on my shoulder, I turned around to see a man behind me. Taller than me with a bald head and wide shoulders, he looked like a WWF wrestler. “Hey, baby, you want to come dance with me?”

  Do I know this guy? Hell, I don’t even know what day it is right now.

  “Sure, why the hell not?”

  Seductively, I ran my hand up and over his arm, gaining a smile from him. Taking my hand, he led me toward the back of the club and into a more private area.

  Once at our destination, he pulled me close to him, running his hands up and down my curves as I moved to the music. “You are one sexy bitch,” he said, talking in my ear so I could hear him over the music.

  I looked up at him as the room spun slightly and grabbed his neck to keep from tipping over before turning around to, for lack of better words, grind on him. Right now, I have no shame. My hair fell over my face as we moved to the beat of the music. It felt good to be seductive and sexy. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until this moment.

  Opening my eyes, I registered that someone was standing in front of us but I brushed it off and continued dancing. Moments later, I still sensed someone in front of us. My hair flew back sending the smell of my shampoo through the air as I tried to see who was in front of us. My eyes focused on the figure and I fell back into the large bald man as Spencer took a step closer.

  “Dude, back the fuck up, I got this,” the man behind me said, holding on tighter around my waist.

  “No, you don’t. Now take your hands off her,” Spencer said, looking solely at the man behind me as if I wasn’t even there.

  “Who the fuck are you? Get a life man, she’s with me.”

  Laughing at the man, Spencer rubbed the stubble on his face as he took another step closer, pinning me between the two of them. My face was just under his neck and I was hit with his scent. Oh God, come on knees hold it together.

  “She’s not with you, she’s with me.”

  The way he said it, so possessively, sent a chill up my spine. I quickly sobered up. Not waiting for another word to leave the bald man’s mouth, Spencer grabbed my arm roughly. The familiar jolt of electricity made my heart jump to life. It had been over two weeks since he’d touched me but it didn’t change the way my body reacted to him. My heart raced and heat pooled between my legs.

  He turned abruptly, leading me out of the main area and into what I could only guess was his office, hence the big desk and computer. He tossed me in, slamming the door behind him. I stood there, not really sure what was going on. I watched as he walked around the back of the desk running his hands roughly through his dark hair, his three-piece gray suit hiding his perfect body from sight. He turned abruptly to look at me.

  I stared back at him, not giving into his obvious disappointment in me. Like I’ve said before, I don’t need another good-looking disapproving brother. “I was fine out there. You didn’t have to rescue me. Why the hell are you here, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be on the west coast?” I said, crossing my arms.

  “Elizabeth, don’t do this right now,” he said, almost yelling.

  “Don’t do what? I was dancing. Trying to forget everything, ya know, like these past two weeks for instance,” I yelled back, louder than necessary.

  “Well, they haven’t been a fucking picnic for me either,” he roared. “Why would you let someone touch you like that?”

  I held my ground, making sure that I kept my wits about me. “What does it matter to you? You come and go as you please. Why can’t someone else? Stop acting like you care, because clearly you don’t.”

  “You have no idea what I’m going through, or what I’m giving up. But you, little miss-be-nice-to-everyone-but-Spencer, you can’t even be bothered to do the same for me. You always cater to him. Why do you keep holding on to him? He’s not even here. Look around, Elizabeth. It’s just us. It’s always been just us. Stop pretending he’s standing in the room, judging you, he’s not. He’s not here.” His voice was harsh and desperate.

  “This is all about Simon, isn’t it? It has nothing to do with tonight, does it?”

  His eyes were on fire as he yelled at me. “Of course, it’s about him! It’s about him, and us, and this whole fucked up situation!”

  Jealously is a bitch. I had done this to him. I had made this strong, determined man, question himself.

  He paced back and forth, as if having an internal battle in his mind. “Fuck it, I don’t care.” The words weren’t even off his lips before his mouth landed on mine. Wrapping his long fingers on either side of my head, he kissed as if like he wasn’t going to be able to do it again.

  Deep down, that was what I had wanted since the beginning. I had tried to push it down, keep it from the forefront of my mind, but I had lost that battle the moment he looked at me that first night at Mood. It was only now that I realized it.

  Pulling back from me, he rested his forehead on mine. “Not here, not like this. Come with me?”

  Hell, yes! I would go anywhere with him right now. I nodded, not moving my face from his, feeling his smile rather than seeing it. Taking my hand in his, he pulled me out of the office and through a door that led to an elevator.

  When the doors opened, I didn’t even have time to fully look around. I saw an impressive wall of windows, looking out over the New York City skyline. He rushed me down the hall and in to a room. We stood before a huge bed, its crisp white sheets catching the light from the city below us.

  “Shut up and just listen to me, please,” he said, holding my hands in his.

  I scowled at him. He can’t talk to me like that. I tried to open my mouth but his hand quickly covered it.

  “Nope, no talking, just listen.”

  I exhaled and shrugged my shoulders, seeing as I couldn’t say anything else.

  “I need you,” he said removing his hand from my mouth. “I haven’t been myself since I met you and it scares the shit out of me that I feel this way.”

  Shit, I was thinking the exact same thing about him.

  “I’m done trying to compete. I’m taking what I know is mine, what has always been mine,” he confessed.

  “Am I allowed to talk now?” I asked smartly.

  “No,” he said pulling me closer.

  I heard the fabric of my dress rip d
own the seams before I felt it. Damn it, that was an expensive dress! Hastily he pulled it off, discarding the scraps on the floor. Not fair. Breathing heavily, I reached up yanking his jacket off angrily. I fumbled with the buttons on his vest before he just ripped them off. I can take a hint. I grabbed either side of his un-tucked shirt and ripped it open to reveal his bare chest. The buttons hit the floor, going in different directions.

  Nothing mattered then, not my brothers, Gia, or what the media would say, not even Simon. The only thing that mattered to me right then was getting as much of Spencer Salvatore as I could. And I didn’t care if the whole world saw me.

  I watched his jaw tense up as my hands ran up his chest. His mouth crashed down on mine and our tongues danced back and forth. I noted the way his hand ran over my body, leaving my skin tingling underneath his touch and begging for more.

  Moving me closer to the bed, he ran his hand up my neck then pushed my shoulders down so I sat on the edge of the bed. I scooted back, grabbing a pillow and placing it in front of my stomach. I needed to have a safety blanket in front of me. I was afraid he’d get a look at me without clothes and change his mind.

  With a sly smile across his face, he leaned down kissing me again, I released the pillow, my hands going to either side of his face. The pillow that was protecting me was moved from my lap and hit the floor with a thud. Damn it! My safety blanket!

  “No hiding, I want to see everything. I want to see all of you,” he said, kissing just below my ear, sending a chill down my spine and heat between my legs. I leaned back from him, looking closely into his beautiful cool eyes. Shit, they are actually sparkling.

  I watched, open mouthed, as Spencer did the most erotic thing I had ever seen in my life. Backing away from the bed, he lowered his head. His black hair fell from its slicked back position. The few strands swept over his eyes, but that didn’t stop him from looking through them and down at me. I was going to put a hole through my own lip at this rate. He wasn’t even touching me and I was on the verge of an orgasm. How the hell am I ever going to make it through sex? Oh my God, I’m going to have sex with him.