Fractured Memory

by Jordyn Redwood

  The air bag deployed into Julia’s face, and acrid smoke filled the interior compartment of the vehicle. Julia felt herself somersault forward, the seat belt cutting into her flesh from the force of the hit and subsequent launch into the air. She gritted her teeth against the nausea that built in her gut.

  The car screamed as metal tore from metal. Wind howled through the broken windshield. Then came the stomach-lurching drop into the rushing water. Julia shoved her hands into the air bag to brace herself against the dashboard. The SUV met the river, and a shock wave of pain tore through Julia’s spinal cord. Water surged around the windows. The vehicle rocked and moaned as it was tossed like a miniature toy in the current.

  The worst-case scenario.

  Julia patted herself checking for injures. She wiggled her fingers and toes and found them responsive. She glanced to her left. Eli was slumped onto the steering wheel. Even though she feared a possible neck injury—she had to determine if he was breathing. With both hands she leaned over and eased him back—trying to keep his neck midline with a firm hand on his jaw and one clasped behind his neck. A stream of blood flowed down the right side of his face.

  “Eli!” She pressed her fingers into the bony part of his jaw, hoping the pain would jolt his consciousness like a defibrillator to an aberrant heart rhythm. Whatever caused the laceration to his forehead had likely knocked him out. Water seeped through the floorboards. A shiver overtook Julia—the frigid water would rapidly drop her body temperature. She struggled to get her cheek as close as she could to Eli’s face, stymied by the seat belt, and waited...endless seconds to feel some sort of life against hers.

  A warm breath danced across her chilled flesh.

  Good—just unconscious.

  That was only a momentary reprieve, considering they were bobbing in a wrecked car down an ice-cold mountain river.

  She turned around. Jace had his hands pressed into the seat beside him. He was tight, stiff, his eyes wide with fright.

  “Jace.”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Jace!” Julia yelled.

  He blinked...shook his head briefly and then glanced furtively around. “Julia?”

  A question, like what a child would pose to a mother when danger was imminent.

  Julia released Eli’s seat belt and then her own. She stretched her body over Eli’s and hit the electric control for his window, holding the button down until the window was level. Icy spring runoff lapped in, sloshing waves drenching Eli’s clothes. He still didn’t move.

  “Jace, we have to get out of this car. Get your seat belt off and roll your window down.”

  His eyes glazed over. Shock presented itself in many forms. A patient didn’t have to hemorrhage to begin the death spiral. It could genesis from a traumatic event that proved too much for the mind to process.

  Like impending death.

  We’re not dead yet.

  “Jace! Move!”

  Finally, his fingers clumsily reached for his seat belt, and he eased it from his body. Just as he powered his window down, Julia mimicked the same action with her own. “Jace, I need your help with Eli.”

  His body shook and his teeth started to chatter. “Julia... I can’t swim.”

  Julia closed her eyes. Her hand gripped the fabric of Eli’s sport coat. Why was it that medical professionals always did end up in the worst-case scenario? The water inside the car was up to her calves and filling faster with the windows open. She inhaled deeply and held her breath for a few seconds to ease the anxiety that raced through her veins. With every beat of her heart, she could feel the dangerously cold blood getting closer to her core.

  She opened her eyes and glanced around. As the car rocked down the river, at times it slowed near shallow eddies—Jace would have to jump from the car and try to reach the shore.

  “Jace, listen to me. You’re not going to have to swim, but I need you to do what I say, when I say it and as quickly as you can do it. Got it?”

  He nodded.

  “Sit on your windowsill with your feet outside the car, but hold on to the inside strap to keep yourself steady.”

  Hard reluctance swept over his face.

  “Now. Do it right now!” Julia screamed.

  He moved quickly and got himself positioned at the window. The water was up to her waist inside the car. Still Eli didn’t move.

  “When I tell you to jump, you have to jump. Don’t think about it.”

  “But I can’t swim.”

  “The water will be calmer and not deep enough that you’ll have to.” She could see a turn in the river. Jace’s side of the car positioned closer to an area where the surface of the water showed gentle ripples. She hoped it wouldn’t be too deep, otherwise she would be asking Jace to leap to his death.

  “Doggy-paddle and pull yourself to the bank.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Jace, please. You have to. I can’t get both you and Eli out of this car by myself. Eli can’t help himself right now. You can. You’ve got this. I promise you—it’s going to be okay.”

  His spine straightened with her affirmative words.

  “Ready?”

  He nodded—his muscles tightened to pounce.

  “Push off the car to help you get closer to the shore.”

  His body tensed. The car’s forward progress paused.

  “Jump!”

  Jace leaped away from the car and gained more distance to the shore than Julia thought possible, his muscles fueled by the primal drive for survival. He landed with both feet in knee-high water. The car swung around and Jace disappeared from Julia’s view.

  Now what to do about Eli?

  The SUV’s speed in the water picked up. Julia’s side faced downriver. A boulder popped into view, bigger than the size of their vehicle that divided the river in half. There wasn’t any way to avoid the collision. What Julia hoped would be a gentle tap instead threw her violently against the side of her door. The force of the river pinned the vehicle momentarily against the rock, and water rushed in through the windows and forced her under.

  Julia kicked hard and broke the surface, gasping for air. The water in the car lapped at Eli’s chin, and his head dropped forward, dipping his nose into the muddy deluge.

  If anything was going to wake him up, it was a face full of snowmelt—still nothing. If he was still breathing then he was pulling the water into his lungs and he would drown. Julia reached out and forced his chin up.

  The river now raced through their vehicle. The boulder blocked Julia’s exit from the passenger window. The only egress was out Eli’s window, swimming against the mighty influx of water.

  Julia’s body was numb. The only thing she was physically cognizant of was her heart thudding in her chest. There wasn’t a way—any way she could see them both surviving. She glanced at Eli. Her arm ached and throbbed from holding his head up.

  Do I leave him? Make it out on my own and then pray that help makes it in time to resuscitate him?

  She clutched a fist to her chest. In her heart, she knew leaving him would kill him. Could she live with that?

  The car shuddered. Their position shifted.

  Julia couldn’t live with the guilt of not trying everything within her power to get Eli out. Whatever fate God forged for her, it was tightly linked with Eli’s. If she lived—then so would he. If he died—she would die trying to save him.

  The back end of the car began to rotate. If the water tore the crushed SUV away from the boulder, Julia envisioned being able to pull Eli out the passenger-side window and escape before the icy waters buried them.

  Lord, I trust You to help me. I can’t save us like this. Please, move this car. Set us free. Give me the strength...

  The car dislodged and turned one hundred and eighty degrees. Julia took a f
inal gulp of air and in one swift movement grabbed Eli under his arms and clasped her arms around his chest. With one hand she reached up and pinched his nose closed. The water helped float his body weight so he rested on top of her but shoved them up against the ceiling. Not a single air pocket remained from which to sneak one more breath of oxygen. Julia reached a hand back and grabbed the top of her window and pulled with all her might, kicking with her feet until they met the bottom edge of the window. Then she shoved with both feet to force their bodies away from the SUV.

  Water roared in Julia’s ears. Her lungs burned for air. Finally, her face broke through the surface. The torrent ripped Eli from her arms, but he’d surfaced on his back and she slapped at the water and sidestroked to him. After grabbing his arm she looped her arm under his body, her hand on his chin to keep it above the water as his head lolled on her shoulder. Julia positioned their legs downriver and saw another eddy on her right.

  Eli was still—perfectly still because he was no longer breathing.

  Julia frantically kicked with what remained of her strength until they reached the calmer water. She planted her feet on the bottom of the river and floated Eli to the bank. Then she crawled out of the water and grabbed both of his shoulders and dragged him out.

  She nearly collapsed onto his chest as she positioned her cheek over his mouth and lifted his chin to check his breathing, praying he didn’t have a neck injury. Nothing. At some point he’d inhaled enough water to cut off his air supply. The faint blue tinge around his lips verified what her heart wanted to deny.

  Even though CPR now dictated chest compressions first—she felt that a few breaths might be enough and she didn’t know if she had the strength to push as hard and fast as she needed to.

  If she gave him one breath—would that be all that he’d need to come back to her?

  Dizzy from exertion, Julia took a deep breath and sealed cold flesh with her lips. She exhaled as hard as she could and barely saw a lift in his chest. Again, she repeated what she’d done the first time with only slight improvement in getting more air into his lungs.

  Reaching her fingers to his neck, she felt for his pulse. Ten seconds lapsed without a response from his heart.

  Now she didn’t have a choice.

  Julia settled on her knees, right next to his body, clasped her hands together and started chest compressions.

  “Eli Cayne...you better breathe! You can’t do this to me. Not when...”

  What was she about to say? Julia counted to thirty and bent back over him. Pulling his mouth open, again she tried to breathe life into a body that groped for the grave.

  Better chest rise this time.

  Again, Julia pushed harder on his chest as tears coursed down her face. She was tempted to throw her fist to the sky at God for putting her in this position. Exhaustion would overtake her quickly and she’d be useless.

  “Eli!”

  A shudder from his body caused her to stop compressions. Murky river water spewed from his mouth and he coughed violently. Julia reached across his body and grabbed his shoulder and hip and rolled him toward her, collapsing on the ground next to him.

  Her hand trembled as she laid it on his cheek. She could see the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest and she smoothed her thumb over the doughy coolness of his cheek.

  “Eli...open your eyes...please...”

  A faint flicker of his eyelashes and finally she could glimpse the pale blueness of his eyes. Unfocused. She could see his pupils weren’t dilated. Good. He coughed more and closed his eyes. He became still again, though continued breathing. She examined the cut to his forehead—just a small trickle of watery blood from the gaping wound. At least the icy water had constricted the open blood vessels and stopped any bleeding.

  As the last bit of strength seeped from her, she begged him. “Eli, please, open your eyes. Wake up.”

  And he did as she asked. His eyes locked on to hers with a flicker of recognition. In that moment, she knew he would live.

  His hand found its way to her face. “There are those brown eyes I’ve been waiting to see.”

  Again, that phrase that always brought so much peace.

  What did it mean?

  Julia couldn’t hold her eyes open any longer and she slumped onto the riverbank.

  SEVEN

  Instead of finding herself in the sweet blackness of sleep, Julia stood in the foyer of her old Craftsman bungalow and reeled with confusion. How was she here in her old home? The house was exactly as she last remembered it, including its peaceful calm.

  Am I dreaming? Did I die? Is this a memory?

  The home had been a gift from her parents. Together they had worked for two years to bring its stories back to life. Hours spent removing layers of dirt and paint to reveal beautiful wooden paneling and heavy rafters. In that time of endless cleaning, sanding and staining, it was the closest she had ever felt to her parents. The months of difficult work showed how much they loved her—not so much in words, but in every moment they spent making her house a home to cherish.

  Resting her hand over her heart, Julia listened and could just make out the sound of sandpaper, her father’s voice and the lilt of her mother’s laughter. Grief overwhelmed her.

  Those moments were gone forever. All she had left of them was what she could hold on to from the past. How long would she be able to remember them? Even now the vividness of her memories of them were washed in sepia tones—dull, muted—fading.

  A knock at her front door refocused her attention. She glanced at her clothes. The nursing scrubs that she’d been wearing that day.

  Today was that day.

  No, no...no!

  Dread bloomed in her chest like a drop of blood in water. Behind that door loomed the monster that would try to steal her life from her. Julia tried to flee from the terror, her feet slipping as she raced backward, but with every step she took back, the door came closer until the knob thrust into her hand.

  “Julia?”

  A voice.

  “I’m coming.”

  Julia’s mind screamed at every action, but her current will couldn’t stop the actions of her past self. Her present mind a prisoner of these events—watching them unfold through barely open fingers as the horror movie played on the screen.

  Reaching above the door, she grabbed the decorative, antique brass key and slid it into the lock and released the only barrier between her and death.

  A blast of light blinded her, and an intense pounding echoed through her head. She reached her hand up and felt wet sand drip onto her. She could hear the distant rush of swift waters. Her eyes focused, and she saw Eli before her, his eyes closed but lips pink.

  Julia rolled onto her back and looked up at the sky where dark gray clouds gathered.

  What she had just seen—was it true or something her broken neurons pieced together? A false narrative to fill the void? Had she opened the door to her attacker? Did the stress of nearly drowning open her mind to things forgotten?

  Because if what she saw was a true memory—how could she forgive herself?

  Her attack. Her parents’ subsequent death.

  All of it had been her fault.

  Julia had let the man into her home.

  She was relieved when darkness took her again.

  * * *

  The roar of a train broke through Eli’s haze as the ground thundered under his body. His eyes darted open in time to see the behemoth coal train curve along the railroad track on the other side of the canyon. Julia lay on her back next to him, her arm reaching out with the tips of her fingers resting directly under his nose. His body was frozen and achy. Tentative fingers reached up to his pounding head and felt the open wound on his forehead. Julia appeared to be sleeping. Her color was pale, but her cheeks held a hint of blush. He reached for her
hand and felt her pulse at her wrist—strong and steady.

  How long had they been lying here? He struggled and pulled up the sleeve of his sopping wet shirt and checked the time on his watch. If he remembered correctly, they’d gone off the road at approximately three o’clock.

  It was over an hour later.

  Emotion overwhelmed him, and he rolled over onto his back, quickly brushing away the tears that brimmed his eyelids. He was supposed to keep her safe. How had she done it? Pulled him from the car?

  Jace...where is Jace?

  Eli sat up too quickly and his vision washed white. He leaned heavily to one side and braced himself until the feeling passed and his eyesight crystallized. He lifted his head slightly. Was someone calling his name? He looked upriver and saw a figure walking along the shoreline on the opposite side.

  Friend or foe? That was always the first question. He placed a protective hand on Julia’s shoulder until the figure drew closer.

  Jace. Alive and well.

  “Are you okay?” Eli yelled.

  Jace ran. He held his phone in his hand. “Can’t get a signal, but I was able to reach Ben on our com line.” Jace pointed behind Eli, and Eli looked up—all he saw was the slope of canyon behind him. The road wasn’t visible from his vantage point.

  “Is Julia alive?” Jace yelled.

  All Eli could do was nod. If he spoke any words, his voice would crumple with guilt. He gave Jace a thumbs-up sign.

  “Rescue is delayed. Another accident somewhere,” Jace said.

  If Eli blocked out all the other noise, he could hear a melee of voices in the distance.

  A delay in rescue was not good. They were at risk of hypothermia. Springtime in the mountains was still known for low temperatures at night. If they were stuck here, they could die from exposure.

  He reached for Julia. Time to wake up Sleeping Beauty. “Julia. Can you hear me?”

  Her eyes popped open, and she licked at her dry lips.

  “Anything broken?” Eli asked.

  Her eyes were dim. She blinked several times.

  “Julia, do you know where you are?”