Chase Me

by Farrah Rochon

  She remained silent for several moments more. His chest tightened with each second that ticked by. Finally, she raised her head and looked at him.

  “A little,” she admitted. “I know what you’re going to say and I’m not sure I’m ready to hear it.”

  “What am I going to say?”

  The words came out in a whisper. “That you want a real relationship.”

  “Would that really be so bad?” Griffin came farther out onto the veranda, taking the other chair. He clasped his hands together and stared out at the water. “You say it as if the thought of starting a real relationship with me is the scariest thing on earth.” He turned to her. “Why is that, Indina?”

  She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. The tormented look in her eyes gutted him to the point where he nearly backed off, but Griffin steeled himself against the urge to halt the conversation. They were in the midst of a pivotal moment. There was no going back.

  “I don’t know,” Indina finally answered. “I’m just…I don’t know how to feel about this, Griffin. I liked what we were doing before. I liked it because it was safe.”

  “And you think being in a real relationship with me won’t be?”

  “It hasn’t worked out for me in the past.”

  He curbed the sudden impulse to lash out at her for comparing him to the men who’d hurt her before.

  “I deserve a chance to prove that I’m better than the guys you’ve been with in the past,” Griffin said.

  “I know,” she said. “I’m sorry. I just…” She held her hands out, pleading with him to understand. “What about all the things that could go wrong? What if we discover that we don’t work as a couple? How could we ever go back to just being friends?”

  He stared at her for a moment before he said in a soft voice, “You do realize we aren’t friends now, don’t you?”

  Instant shock registered in her light brown eyes.

  “We are friends,” she said.

  “No, we’re not. We’re coworkers who fuck on the weekends.”

  Her entire body went rigid. Griffin started to apologize for his crudeness, but decided against it. Maybe the shocking language would get through to her since his subtle hints sure as hell hadn’t.

  “Indina, before this weekend I didn’t know how many siblings you had. I didn’t know your favorite color, or that you liked bananas, or that you were a cheerleader in high school. I learned more about you in the past three days than I’d learned in over eight months of sleeping with you. Friends talk to each other about what’s going on in their lives outside of work. We don’t do that.”

  He reached over and gave her arm a fleeting caress with the backs of his fingers.

  “But I want to,” Griffin said softly. “I want to know everything there is to know about you.”

  Her bottom lip started to tremble. She pulled it between her teeth.

  “What scares you so much?” Griffin asked.

  “Getting hurt,” she admitted in a small voice. She released a deep breath and lifted her shoulders in a hapless shrug. “That’s what scares me, Griffin. Once there’s a real emotional connection, you’ll have the power to hurt me.”

  “I won’t hurt you, Indina. I would never hurt you.”

  “You don’t know that. Look at what happened between you and your first wife.”

  He pulled his hand away and stood. “Don’t do that,” Griffin said. “I didn’t tell you about that just so you could turn around and use it against me.”

  “But it’s a valid point.”

  “No, it isn’t. What we have could never be as toxic as what I had with Jackie. You’re nothing like her, and I’m not the man I was back when I was married to her.

  “Why are you so afraid to even consider that maybe things could work out between us? That we could have the happily ever after? It’s not unheard of, Indina. Just look at all the people in your family.”

  “Like who? Like Harrison and Willow?” she asked. “They can barely stand to talk to each other. Do you want to know about Alex and his first wife, Chantal? She died in a car wreck with her lover when Jasmine was just a baby. How’s that for your happily ever after?”

  “And you don’t think Alex has found happiness with Renee?” Griffin asked. “And what about all the others? Your cousins and their wives? Your Aunt Margo and Gerald? Your own parents?” he asked. “We could be one of those. Or maybe we won’t, but damn, Indina, just give us a chance.” Griffin ran his hand down his face. “Look, I know when we started this, neither of us were ready for a relationship—”

  “Which is why what we have going right now is perfect.”

  “Except it’s no longer enough for me,” he said. “I want more.”

  She pulled her sweater more securely around her. “So what are you saying? Is this an ultimatum? Either I agree to enter into a real relationship with you or I find myself another fuck buddy?”

  The jealousy that came over him at the thought of her lying next to some other man at night was thick enough for Griffin to choke on.

  Indina closed her eyes and pitched her head back. With another frustrated breath, she said, “If I’d known this is what would come of this weekend I never would have invited you to come on this cruise.”

  Her words hit him like a baseball bat to the chest.

  “That didn’t come out right,” Indina said.

  Griffin just stared at her. He had to clear his throat before he could speak.

  “Do you care for me at all? Do you have any feelings for me outside of what I do for you in bed, or am I just a good lay to you?”

  She hesitated a second too long. It was all the answer he needed. He pushed away from the railing and went back into the cabin.

  “Griffin,” Indina called after him, but he didn’t stop walking. Not until he reached the top deck and found himself face up on a lounge chair, staring mindlessly at the millions of stars in the sky.

  When he returned to their cabin hours later, Indina was already asleep. For the first time in eight months they slept in the same bed without making love.

  Chapter 6

  “What about Diane’s Daughters?”

  “That’s stupid,” Ezra said. “Mom only had one daughter.”

  “But the foundation will be for girls, so in a sense they’re all mom’s daughters.” Reid tapped the side of his head. “Think outside the box, man.”

  “The Diane Holmes Foundation is just fine,” Ezra said.

  “The Diane Holmes Foundation sounds boring. Hey.” A piece of popcorn came flying at Indina’s head. “You plan to have some input or what?” Reid asked.

  Indina jumped. “Huh?”

  Her brother threw another popcorn kernel at her head. “If you came here to just stare into space you could have stayed your ass home,” Reid said. “And where in the hell is Harrison? He should be here. He’s the one doing all the legal stuff for Mom’s foundation.”

  “Shhh,” Ezra told Reid as he looked over his shoulder. “Don’t talk so loud. I think Dad’s in the next room. He’ll hear you.”

  “Maybe he should,” Reid said. “I still think if we’re going to set up a foundation in Mom’s name, he should have some input.”

  “He will have input. We just want to have the initial groundwork laid so we can present it to him on Mom’s birthday. You know that’s going to be a hard day for him.” Ezra turned to Indina. “And he’s right. We could use your input here. Have you been paying attention at all to this conversation?”

  She could lie and say that she had, but Indina had only been listening with half an ear. “I’m sorry,” she said. “What were we discussing?”

  “The foundation,” Reid said.

  She rolled her eyes. “I know we’re discussing the foundation. Have we established each of our roles yet? That would prevent us all from working on the same thing at the same time.”

  “Harrison is handling all the legal stuff, and I’m going to deal with the PR,” Ezra said.

  “We haven’
t even decided on an official name yet,” Reid interjected. “It’s too early to think about PR.”

  “It’s never too early to think about PR,” Ezra said. “And the name will be The Diane Holmes Foundation.”

  “Diane’s Daughters is better,” Reid said.

  “Okay, okay.” Indina put her hands up. “We first have to decide what our initial goal will be. We know we want to build this into a foundation to help at least one student from the New Orleans area go to medical school—”

  “Just one?” Reid asked.

  “Of course we want to eventually help more than just one, but we have to have a realistic starting point. I think Harrison’s first suggestion is still the way to go. We set up the foundation and sponsor a scholarship of $10,000 to a student planning to study cardiology, and who is specifically planning to deal with heart disease in the black community.”

  “And I still think there needs to be a physical component. Something that would look good in print,” Ezra said. “Maybe we can partner with a local clinic to do free health screenings, or hold seminars on how heart disease affects black women. Scholarships are great, but they don’t create the same visuals as a room full of people getting checked out by doctors and nurses. We need to show people that we’re actually doing stuff. That kind of PR is what brings in donations.”

  “Here he goes again,” Reid said, rolling his eyes. “Always on this PR trip.”

  Ezra pointed to him. “I told your ass—”

  “Hey, when did you all get here?” They all jumped at the sound of their dad’s voice as he entered the kitchen. “I guess this is what I get for letting my grown kids all keep their house keys.” He came around the table and pressed a kiss to the top of Indina’s head. “You don’t have to work?” He looked around at his sons. “Do any of you work?”

  “I’m waiting to hear from Alex before I go back to the work site,” Reid said. “The construction job we’ve been working on had a bunch of rain delays so the crew is behind. We're supposed to start on the plumbing today, but who knows.”

  “Didn’t one of your foreman leave? Have you all found someone to replace him?” Ezra asked.

  Reid shook his head. “I’ve given Alex the names of a few people to interview, but he’s picky as hell when it comes to Holmes Construction. He’s not going to bring in just anybody.”

  “And he shouldn’t,” their father said. “If it’s got the Holmes name on it, it needs to be held to a certain standard.” He gave Indina’s shoulder a squeeze. “And what about you? What are you doing here on a Tuesday afternoon instead of at your office?”

  “I’m working from home today,” Indina said.

  “My home?”

  “Hey, it was my home for eighteen years,” she said with a laugh. “And I’m here so that I could help these two gang up on you about flying out to San Diego with your Navy buddies,” Indina said.

  “Oh, don’t start that again.”

  “It would be good for you, Dad.”

  He pointed to a domed cake holder next to the coffee pot. “Have you all had a piece of that cake on the counter? Mrs. Johnson brought it over. It’s good.”

  “That’s the lamest dodge I’ve ever heard in my life,” Ezra said as he rose from the table. “But it worked.” He grabbed a plate and sliced himself a piece of cake. He pointed his fork at their dad. “Hey, why didn’t you ask me why I’m here instead of at work?”

  “Because he doesn’t think you have a real job,” Reid said.

  “Stop that, Reid,” their Dad said.

  Ezra’s work situation remained a sticky subject. Although Indina knew Reid’s jab held no malicious intent, their dad wouldn’t allow anyone to needle Ezra over his termination from the newspaper where he once worked.

  She, however, still had a bone to pick with her brother.

  “Apparently Ezra’s job is harassing Councilmember Arnold,” Indina said. “I thought I asked you to leave Mackenna alone?”

  “I’m not harassing her,” Ezra said. “I’m researching a story.”

  “You’re being a pain in the ass to one of my dearest friends. I’d appreciate it if you’d stop.”

  Her dad walked over to Ezra and clamped a hand on his shoulder. “If your brother thinks there’s something going on, then my bet’s on him. I read that piece you wrote about the new zoning being done in the city. You got under a lot of people’s skin with that one.”

  “Yeah, well, it isn’t juicy enough to get me the kind of coverage that’s going to pay the bills,” he said. “These days I spend more of my time teaching journalism than actually practicing it. Speaking of teaching, I need to head home so I can try to make a dent in the papers I have to grade.” He pulled a roll of foil from the cabinet and wrapped up a second piece of cake. “The new department head is a hard ass about things like that. I think he’s just sucking up to the president of the college.”

  “Ezra, can I get your word that you’re going to leave Mack alone?” Indina asked.

  “No way.” He shook his head. “I know she’s your friend and all, but there’s something shady going on with Mackenna Arnold and her husband.”

  “He is her ex-husband,” Indina said pointedly.

  “Doesn’t matter. They were married at the time all this stuff I’m digging up happened. She had to have known and was complicit.” He opened the door that led to the back steps, but then stopped. “I forgot to ask if any of you got the family picture we took on the cruise? Monica said she would have copies made for everyone.”

  A painful ache pierced Indina’s chest at just the mention of the cruise. She shook her head. “Not yet. I’ll have to ask Monica.”

  Although that picture wasn’t high on the list of things she wanted sitting on her mantle. The thought of passing it every day and seeing Griffin’s smiling face filled her with enough sadness to drown her.

  It had been over a week since they disembarked the ship, and over a week since she’d talked to Griffin.

  By the time she woke the morning following their argument, Griffin had already showered and left the cabin. He joined the family at the farewell breakfast aboard the ship, but other than a brusque hello when she sat next to him at breakfast and an even brusquer goodbye once they arrived at the port, he hadn’t spoken to her.

  Indina had known he was upset, which was why she’d steered clear, hoping to give him the space he needed before attempting to patch things up. She’d considered going over to his house last Monday night, but instead decided to wait until she saw him at work the following day.

  But when she arrived at Sykes-Wilcox the next morning, Indina discovered that Griffin had been called to work out of the company’s Baton Rouge offices. He remained there for the rest of the week, not returning to the New Orleans office until yesterday morning. Indina still wasn’t sure if he’d actively avoided seeing her yesterday or if he just happened not to be around for the few hours she was there.

  She’d made every excuse she could think of to explain why she’d been in such a funk since leaving that cruise ship, but deep down Indina knew the truth. She’d been miserable because of how she’d left things with Griffin.

  This is why I gave up on relationships.

  This shit was just way too complicated.

  But the more she thought about it, the more Indina had come to realize that it wasn’t complicated at all. She missed him. It was as simple as that.

  And it wasn’t just about the sex. She missed Griffin. She missed the easy conversation they had when she walked into his office at work and perched on the edge of his desk. She missed having someone in her corner, someone she could bounce ideas off of, or complain to when she ran into a roadblock.

  When she wasn’t thinking about what she missed, she was thinking about what she could have if only she would allow it to happen. She’d gotten a glimpse of it back on that cruise ship. The hours they’d spent talking out on the veranda, holding hands on the beach, lying together all night in bed. That could be her life if she stopped g
etting in her own way.

  She was ready to make that happen. For so long, the thought of placing her heart in someone else’s care had scared her to no end. But Indina knew now that she was willing to take that chance.

  She was ready to trust Griffin with her heart.

  She stood up so abruptly that her chair nearly tumbled to the floor.

  “Watch yourself there, Baby Girl,” her dad said.

  “Sorry. I’ve got it,” Indina said, righting the chair and pushing it under the table. “Are we done here?”

  “I guess.” Reid shrugged as he shoved a piece of cake into his mouth.

  She rounded the table and kissed her dad on the cheek. “I’ll be here for dinner on Sunday.”

  “No, we’re going to Margo’s, remember?” he said. “They’re having a picnic.”

  “They changed the picnic to Alex and Renee’s,” Reid said.

  “Okay then. I’ll see you all at Alex and Renee’s.”

  She loved her family, but she had something else she needed to take care of.

  There was a man that she could see herself falling in love with—growing old with—and she had to make sure she hadn’t messed things up completely with him. She’d told herself she was done chasing after love, but if it was Griffin’s love that awaited her at the end, she was willing to do a bit more chasing.

  Griffin picked up his sketch pencil and tapped it against the blotter before tossing it on his desk. He’d started out using the new drafting program the office had recently switched to, but his work had been for shit. He thought going old school with a pencil and paper could possibly shake him out of his funk, but his brain just was not up for design work today.

  His brain hadn’t been in the mood for working at all lately, which didn’t bode well for the project he’d been handed from the Baton Rouge office. Griffin grabbed the pencil again, but just as quickly set it back down. He perched his elbows on his desk and ran his hands down his face.

  It didn’t matter how much he tried to distract himself with work, or TV, or any of the other methods he’d attempted in the past week, he couldn’t get Indina off his mind. How in the hell was he supposed to work when what she’d said to him out on that veranda kept replaying over and over again in his mind?