Collision

by Stefne Miller

  “Why does that make you horrid?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe it sounds as if I were looking for

  attention.”

  “Baby, if you were only wanting attention, you got that already, more than you could ever ask for. Nobody would ever think you wanted more.”

  She pulled away and looked up at me. “For certain?”

  “For certain.”

  “I feel lighter now, like a weight’s been lifted.” Her head rested on my shoulder again.

  “Then so do I.”

  We got quiet, and I listened to the hum of the bathroom fan until Kei decided to speak again.

  “I used to have nightmares that I was running,” she said.

  Now I pulled away and looked at her.

  “Like, running from something. I couldn’t ever see what it was. I suppose now I understand I was running away from the truth.”

  “Funny.”

  “How is that funny?”

  “Well, it’s not funny haha; it’s funny weird.”

  “Why?”

  “I used to run in my dreams too, except I was running to something. You were running away from the truth, and I was running to it.”

  “What truth?”

  “The truth of who I really am.”

  “You mean the Choice Male Hottie?” she laughed.

  “Oh, King of Glory, yes.”

  “I love it when you do that.” She giggled. “It makes me laugh every blasted time.” She laid her head back down on my shoulder and sighed. “So what do we do now?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “Stop hiding, I suppose, but stay in this tub for a bit longer if we could.”

  I sat forward and swung my leg over her head so that I was now facing her and my legs we straddling her body. After I leaned back, she laid down next to me. Our chests were touching, and her head was on my shoulder. I don’t know how we were able to actually lie in that small bathtub, but we managed to do it and do it comfortably.

  “I talked to Millie the other day,” I told her.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I asked her if she had any plans for that land next to Oliver’s.”

  “And?”

  “I told her I wanted to build us a house out there on our mountain. You know, with a porch right there where the bench is so we can sit out, rock some babies, and watch the sunrise.”

  She pulled her head back and looked at me. “Are you messing with my mind right now?”

  “No. I’m totally serious. She said she’d let us if we wanted to.”

  “You want to live in a house with me?”

  “I’d live in a tent with you.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I meant, you look into your future and see me in it? I mean, beyond the twelve-month Cab Stone calendar?”

  “You’re the one who doesn’t hope, Kei. I hope all the time.”

  “Hope for what?”

  “What I just said.”

  She laid her head back down as I talked.

  “Married. Two dryers. Lot of kids.”

  “I thought you said you only wanted three or four.”

  “That was before I thought I’d be having them with you. Now I’m thinking I’ve got to have some carrot tops running around, and at least one or two brown-skinned kiddos from Uganda. You can adopt them, you know. You’ve lived in Uganda for three years, so it’s legal for you to.”

  “You looked that up?”

  “Yeah. Maybe two or three from there.”

  “And we’ve got to have a few with your Greek god blond hair. It just wouldn’t be right if we didn’t,” she added.

  “So what are we looking at here? Six? Seven? We’re going to need a bigger house.”

  “It’s a big piece of land.”

  “Thank God for that.”

  “And thank God you’re rich; otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to get to Uganda for frequent visits.”

  “Thirds. That’s what I’m thinking. A third of our time in Asheville. A third of the time in Uganda, and a third of the time with me on set somewhere. Then throw in some promotions and stuff in there somewhere. I mean, I’ve got to make a living, you know, pay to feed all those kids.”

  “Hoping is actually kind of fun,” she whispered, “especially when you’re doing it lying in a bath tub. We should sincerely do this more often.”

  “If you insist.”

  We relaxed in silence for several minutes before I spoke again. “James has some ideas of what we need to do about the information that’s out there. I think he’s right. It would help get people off your back a little.”

  “I’ll do whatever he says.”

  “Are you just saying that to shut me up?”

  “No…maybe a bit. Can we talk about it later?”

  “Sure.”

  She reached over and pulled the curtain back across the tub.

  “You aren’t going to try to have your way with me, are you?” I asked.

  “Maybe a little bit.”

  So, right there in my parents’ guest bathroom and with my entire family and entourage on the other side of the wall, we had a full-fledged make-out session. It was great.

  My parents thought we were in there consoling each other. Little did they know, that was the last thing on our minds.

  C H A P T E R

  36

  Kei sat on a stool in my parents’ kitchen and watched as men set up lighting and fussed with sound equipment and cameras. Two makeup artists went to work on Kei and me, and every time Kei looked over at me and saw me getting makeup put on my face, she laughed. I eventually told her to keep her eyes to herself until they were finished, because every time she laughed, I laughed and my makeup artist got peeved.

  My agent arranged for the interview. While several reporters wanted the exclusive, we went with the one Mom wanted. She felt like the woman, Diane, would be fair and sensitive to Kei’s situation, and of course, that was my biggest concern too. We also managed to make the interview conditional on Kei’s parents’ mission being mentioned and information of where donations could be made to be given.

  Diane was nice to Kei and put the first-time interviewee at ease—at ease, that is, as someone who was about to tell the world her story.

  Kei was ready to come out of hiding, and she wanted me right by her side when she did it. I wouldn’t have chosen to be anywhere else.

  The first question was directed at both of us: “How did you meet?”

  Kei and I looked at each other, both waiting for the other to answer. I realized she wasn’t going to speak first, so I dove right in. “I went out of town to escape people for a few months, and she was there on break from Uganda.”

  “Completely an accident?” Diane asked.

  “Mmhmm,” I said with a nod. “I mean, I guess there really are no accidents, especially ones like this. But neither one of us went there expecting to walk out with what we did.”

  “When did you figure out there was something there?”

  I laughed and glanced over at Kei before looking back at Diane. “Day one,” I admitted. “From day one, I was intrigued. But I guess if there was one moment when it dawned on me what was happening, it would’ve been our first campout.”

  “Campout?”

  “A few days after we met, we decided to sleep out on this mountain that we run on, no tents or anything like that, just two completely unprepared people in sleeping bags.”

  “And completely platonic,” Kei added.

  “Yep. Totally innocent. Two new friends hanging out ’cause we didn’t have much else to do. And anyway, it started raining in the middle of the night. There was like this one-minute span of time that was complete cluster. We were running around, trying to get out of the rain. We finally jumped in the car.” I looked over at Kei and smiled. “She was dripping wet, literally drenched, but she had this huge smile on her face. Right then, it dawned on me that I was pretty much done for.”

  “That was it,” Diane said.

  “Ye
ah,” I said with a nod. “Now that I look back on it, I realize I was pretty much all in at that point.”

  “What about you?” she asked, looking at Kei. “Was it that fast for you?”

  “Uh, no.”

  Her response made Diane and me laugh.

  “I mean, I knew he was gorgeous. You can’t really ignore it when you see him. It’s obviously the first thing anyone is going to notice. But I…I don’t know. I didn’t go there in my noggin.”

  “Until…” Diane prodded.

  “Uganda. He came for a visit, and the very first day, we visited the children’s home. We were sitting on the porch, both holding babies, and he was teasing me and said something like, ‘Let’s do this forever.’”

  “I wasn’t teasing,” I interrupted. “I was completely serious.”

  “You could have stayed there and rocked babies with her?” Diane asked.

  “Oh, without a doubt.”

  “And you felt the same way?” she asked, looking back at Kei.

  “Um…I think I wanted to hope for it and it frightened me. I had an ‘oh dear’ moment. I knew I was in trouble. I think I understood my feelings for him, but I also knew better than to let myself hope for that.”

  “Because of your past?” Diane asked.

  Kei nodded.

  “Can you elaborate?”

  I squeezed her hand.

  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I never let myself look into the future and see someone in it. I think I’d accepted that under the circumstances, I would never be in that place; I wouldn’t be sitting on a porch, rocking babies with a husband.”

  “Did you know how he felt about you?”

  “No.”

  “She was pretty much clueless,” I said.

  “I just couldn’t grasp in my mind that that would be possible.”

  “Because of who he was?”

  “Not the celebrity part of it necessarily. More simply, who he is in general. He’s amazing and loving and kind and gentle; too good, I suppose.”

  “For someone who’d experienced what you had. Or so you thought?”

  Kei nodded.

  “The case got attention again a few years ago, around your eighteenth birthday. Some expected you to come forward and claim your rights to your father’s percentage of the family business. You didn’t come forward. Why?”

  “I’m not interested in the business,” Kei said firmly.

  “Not even the financial aspects?”

  “I have a trust fund set up by my grandfather. I age into it at twenty-five. But as far as the business aspect of it goes, I’m not interested. Actually, I’m not really that interested in the trust fund either, but I suppose I can use it to do good.”

  “Do you know how much is in it?”

  “No. I think my parents might know, but we’ve never discussed it.”

  “Money doesn’t appeal to you?”

  “Money can be used to solve problems, but if you aren’t careful, it can also cause problems. I don’t need much of anything, financially speaking, so I don’t need fame or fortune.”

  “But you got both.”

  “And I got them by either accident or circumstance. I didn’t plan for either and would be fine if I lost both.”

  “What do you have to say that that?” Diane asked me.

  “I’d prefer not to lose both if I can help it,” I said honestly. “But I’d survive.”

  Her eyes stayed on me. “How did you find out about her past and what her birth parents had done?”

  I fudged a little. “She told me. We were exploring the idea of being in a relationship. She felt like I should know before I decided if I wanted to move forward.”

  “How did you react?”

  I rubbed my face with my hands and shook my head. “I don’t know if I can describe what it’s like to be sitting in a room with someone you love and have to watch them as they tell you something they’ve kept a secret for so long, especially when they’re afraid of what your reaction will be. It was torture. It was horrible. But it was good and it was necessary and it brought the demons out of the closet, so to speak. But it was painful. I think it made me better understand why she sees the world the way she does. I don’t know. It was an important moment. Hard, very hard, but important.”

  “What did you think about her parents?”

  “I hated them.”

  “Do you still hate them?”

  “I’d be lying if I said I don’t have moments of hating them. It mostly happens when I see her past flash into her mind or like when her mom outed her to the world. I hated her for that, for hurting her again.”

  “Did you hate her?” she asked, looking at Kei.

  “I don’t know that I hated her. But for all these years, I’ve been able to tell myself that she acted out of protection of me. I believe that’s how I rationalized it all. I built her up to be my protector rather than a person who wanted me dead. And so, for her to come out and tell the world my story for her personal gain was a slap of truth to my face.”

  “Truth of what?”

  “Truth of…truth of the fact that she wanted me dead. She wasn’t protecting me. She did it for herself.”

  “She did what for herself?”

  Kei took a deep breath. “Tried to kill me.”

  Diane let the room be silent for a few seconds before asking the next question. “Why are you talking about it now?”

  “A couple of reasons. If I don’t address it now, people are going to keep pestering Cabot about it. They’ll try to get to me or him to answer questions. They’re curious. I can’t necessarily blame them for that. Second, and most important, if I run away from this or act ashamed for what happened to me, then I give the message to other women and girls who have been victimized that they should be ashamed. And they shouldn’t be. I can’t be in the ministry on one hand and believe in healing and restoration for others and believe that everyone else is worthy of love but not believe it for myself. And if I don’t believe it for myself, then there’s a chance others won’t believe for themselves either. Everyone’s worthy of being loved, everyone.”

  “Even your mother?” Diane asked.

  “Even my mother.” She glanced at me and then back at Diane. “Cabot came to Uganda and learned that there’s a lot of need there. I’ve come to America, and I’ve learned there’s a lot of need here. People are hurting all over the world. They’re hurting due to choices they’ve made for themselves or situations they find themselves in or for choices that someone else has made that they end up being hurt by. People are hurting, and they need to be loved. It doesn’t matter where you live, what color your skin is, what god you worship; we all need it, and we all deserve it. I’ve learned that I don’t need to be in a third-world country to be in the mission field. The entire world is the mission field. Hurting girls and women who’ve been assaulted are part of that mission field. If I have to tell my story to bring about a little less shame for them, then it’s worth it for me. If I can manage to earn the love of a person as incredibly kind, loving, and accepting as Cabot, then anyone can.”

  “I think that goes both ways,” I said.

  “Cabot, did you worry at all what people would think about you dating someone with the past she has?”

  “No. If people want to think less of me because of it, so be it. I don’t get it. She managed to forgive me for my past and the choices I made. Why shouldn’t I accept her past and her circumstances, especially when she was powerless to stop what happened to her? Violence against women and children is rampant. The woman I love just so happens to be one who fell victim to that. So of course, it now becomes something that I feel called to bring more attention to, try to lessen as much as I can. Like Kei said, if by telling people about Kei and what she’s come out of, I can help other kids or women, you bet I’ll be sharing as much as I can. We’ve both learned that the first step is getting it out of the darkness.”

  “It’s keeping it a secret that gives it its power,
” Kei added.

  “So is this your new purpose,” Diane asked Kei, “to spread the word about violence against women and children?”

  “It’s one of them. I’ll certainly lend my voice to it if someone asks. And I’ll continue to bring attention to the needs in Northern Uganda and anything else that I feel called to. My purpose is to be God’s hands and feet. I’m sorry if that’s inappropriate to say on television, but it’s the truth. I’ll go and do whatever I feel I’m called to.”

  “And you?” Diane asked me.

  “The same.”

  “You’re a team then?”

  I looked over at Kei, and we smiled at each other. “We’re a team, a brilliant team.”

  C H A P T E R

  37

  Kei and I escaped to Asheville a few hours before the interview aired on television. We wanted to be somewhere safe and private when the rest of the world was given a little bit of insight into our world together.

  Somehow, we’d managed to keep Asheville a secret. Nobody knew that was where we met or where we escaped to every time we got a chance. It was still cut off from the rest of the world. It was our home together, or at least the closest we’d get to a home.

  We didn’t watch TV, and we didn’t scan the Internet for a reaction of any kind. We just woke up the next morning, met in the driveway like we always did, and went for our usual jog. Kei was grateful to be running outside instead of on a treadmill, which she fell off of every time she looked to her right or left. I even managed to make it all the way to our spot without being out of breath.

  A few days later, when I went back to Los Angeles to film, Kei flew to Washington, DC, with Millie for two days, and talked to a legislative panel about violence against women and children.

  She was stepping out into new territory and really seemed to like it. She’d found her voice, and it was getting stronger and stronger by the day.

  Things didn’t calm down much when it came to the paparazzi and reporters. They still wanted their photos and information, but they didn’t ask any more questions about her past. The interview and the televised time with the legislators answered most of their questions. Either that, or it was just old copy, as they say.

  Kei went back to Uganda and stayed there until I finished filming in the middle of June. We met in Europe and hopped across the continent for premieres before returning to Asheville for my twenty-fourth birthday on the twenty-first.