Collision

by Stefne Miller

  My entire family came out to join in. We even spent a day out on the mountain. The ladies sat in chairs and watched me and my dad stake out the dimensions of mine and Kei’s and future home. Everyone with a C for their first initial had an opinion as to what rooms should go where. Kei, on the other hand, didn’t care. All she wanted was the porch and a view. Nothing else really mattered to her. She’d lived in huts, and said she’d do it again as long as she was with me and our rainbow of children. Personally, I couldn’t wait to start that particular journey.

  “What do you think?” I asked as I took a break and sat down on the ground in front of her. “Think it’s going to work?”

  She nodded.

  “You don’t seem so sure.”

  She shrugged. “I want to believe it.”

  “Do believe it. It’s going to happen. Borrow some of my faith if you need to.”

  “No,” she said with a shake of the head. “I’m starting to hope. I think I feel it sprouting in my toes.”

  “Good. Maybe it’ll move on up to your heart.”

  The next morning, at sunrise, the two of us stood looking out at the valley below as the mist fell over us. I don’t think either one of us cared that it was raining. The fact that it was wet seemed appropriate. It felt familiar.

  “So we go our separate ways again tomorrow,” I said.

  “But only for a few weeks. You leave for Gulu on the sixth.”

  I nodded. I didn’t want her to go. I’d rather she travel back with me to LA for the movie’s release. I wanted her by my side. That’s when I was most comfortable. Most myself.

  “I need to be there, Cabot. It’s Gregory’s wedding. It’s

  important.”

  “I know it is. I’m just being selfish. I want you here with me.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  She kissed me and then smiled. “I’ve got a birthday present for you,” she announced.

  “A present?”

  “Well, I hope you see it as a present anyway. It isn’t really something I can physically give you.”

  “You’ve got me curious. What is it?”

  “You mean what are they? There are two gifts.”

  “Bring them on.”

  “I told you once that I was too frightened to give you my

  heart.”

  “I remember,” I whispered.

  “Not anymore. I think you’ve more than proven that if I give it to you, you’ll take very good care of it. So that’s my first gift: my heart. I’m handing it over to you without a bit of fear or concern. I give it to you knowing it’s in very good hands.”

  Tears filled my eyes.

  “And the second thing is hope. I’m hoping for us to last forever. I truly am. It isn’t just you hoping for us; I’m all in. I’m hoping for it too. Us, this house one day, and then our rainbow of children. All of it.”

  “I realized that you’ve made so many promises to me but I haven’t made any back. So my promises are to give you my love and my hope.”

  “Those are the best gifts I could ever receive.”

  “Honestly?” she asked with a shy smile.

  “Honestly. The best gifts ever. Thank you.”

  My heart beat wildly as I reached over, placed my hand on the back of her neck, and pulled her to me.

  “And I have a gift for you,” I whispered.

  “What? Why?”

  “I couldn’t let us be apart without giving you something first.”

  “You’re the most gift-givingest person I’ve ever met.”

  “Can’t help myself.”

  My heart beat even faster as I reached into my pocket, pulled out the box, and kept it hidden in my hand. “It’s a good thing you just gave me your heart.”

  “Oh?”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. Suddenly scared out of my

  mind.

  “Cabot, what’s the matter?”

  “Nothing…I just…just…” I sputtered as I looked down at my closed hand. “You’re the most important person in my life,” I said, looking back up at her. “And I think that because of you and all that you’ve shown me, I finally know who I am and why I’m a part of this crazy world.”

  “And why is that?”

  “To love you. And to make sure you get everything you deserve. You’re the most unselfish, loving person I’ve ever known, and you need to be with someone who realizes that. Trust me. I realize it. And you should have someone who’s passionate about you.” I laughed a small laugh. “Hell, I don’t think I could get any more passionate about you without getting in some serious trouble. And I’m not just passionate about you like that; I’m passionate about who you are and what you believe in.”

  I got serious again and nodded.

  “I don’t want you to settle for someone because it makes sense or because you don’t think you can have it all. You can have it all, and I want to give it all to you.”

  “You don’t have to give me anything, Cabot. Just having you in my life is enough.”

  “Still…and I know we’re still relatively young and probably very stupid and people are going to think we’ve lost our minds. But…” I looked into her eyes for several seconds and then took a deep breath. Then I slowly lowered myself to one knee.

  “Kei Sallee,” I said firmly and without hesitation, “will you be my wife? Will you marry me?”

  After what felt like sixty-seven years, she managed a nod.

  “Really?” I asked, feeling relief.

  She nodded again.

  I opened my hand and showed her the ring that was hidden inside. “No comments about how the money I spent on this ring could save a country or anything.”

  “It’s huge.”

  “You deserve huge. I have another one too. It’s a more simple one. I figure you could wear it when you’re back home and nobody would make a fuss.”

  “You bought me two rings?”

  I stood up and smiled. “The best of both worlds, I guess.”

  She looked down at the ring, eyes large and bright.

  “I designed it myself. Three diamonds,” I announced. The two on the sides represent each of our worlds apart. The big one in the middle, that’s our world together. It had to be big, seeing as how our world is endless.”

  Again, she didn’t say a word.

  The smaller diamonds on the side were pink. The center was a white diamond, and all three were surrounded by smaller diamonds.

  I reached into the other pocket and pulled out the second ring. It looked just like the first one, only the diamonds were a lot smaller.

  “Only you would buy a girl two engagement rings, Cabot,” she teased.

  “Only you would deserve two rings, Kei. Which one do you want to wear right now?”

  “The first one, of course, at least until I leave for Gulu. Then I’ll switch to the second one, I suppose. After we swap, keep the other one and give it to me when you see me. You can even get down on one knee again if you wish. I would enjoy it.”

  “All right.”

  As she stared at it, I slipped it on her trembling finger.

  “It’s official,” I whispered. “No getting out of it now.”

  “I don’t want to get out of it.”

  She stood staring at it until I put my hands on her cheeks and lifted her head so she was looking at me.

  “Did you really just ask me to marry you?”

  “Don’t tell me you’re surprised?”

  She nodded.

  “How? We’ve been talking about having kids and building a house. Surely you didn’t think I’d expect you to do all that without us being married first.”

  “I think I just thought we were hoping for all of those things. I don’t know that I realized you actually wanted it and you wanted it to occur now.”

  “Well, I do. Don’t you?”

  “I said yes, didn’t I?”

  “Thank God, yes. You did.”

  She laughed. “Are we truly getting married?”

 
“Oh, King of Glory, yes.”

  She laughed and then shook her head a little. “I’m in such a shock that I might just pass out.”

  “I’ll catch you if you fall.”

  “You would, wouldn’t you?”

  “For certain.” I kissed her on the forehead. “How soon?” I asked.

  “How soon what?”

  “How soon can we get married? Do you want a long engagement or short?”

  “I want to marry you as soon as possible. Where?” she prodded. “Would your family come to Uganda?”

  “To see me marry you they would.”

  “Then can we do that?”

  “If that’s what you want, then that’s what I want. We could do it when I come next month.”

  “I would love that. I can start planning as soon as I get there.”

  “Perfect. And I can plan the honeymoon of a lifetime. I’ve already figured out where I want to take you.”

  “Where?”

  “Well, there are still a few places you haven’t seen. And there’s one place I’ve always wanted to go but haven’t had the chance.”

  “Where?”

  “I’m not telling. It’s a surprise.”

  “A hint?”

  I smiled. “Sandy beaches, sparkling water, and complete privacy.”

  “Sounds like heaven. Are you taking me to heaven, Cabot?”

  “I sure hope so.”

  C H A P T E R

  38

  I was tired. The scene was taking way too long to shoot. The weather was miserable and causing problem after problem, but the director insisted on getting the shot before we wrapped for the day.

  It was days like that, standing in the rain, freezing my tail off just so we could get ten lines of dialogue taped, that made me wonder why I did any of it at all. There were about five thousand things I’d rather be doing, most of which involved not being wet to the bone and freezing to death. All of them included Kei.

  She’d only been gone a few days, but I was already miserable without her.

  My family was in Asheville for my birthday when I proposed, so they heard the news as soon as we got off the mountain and walked inside the front door.

  I’m not sure, but I think my sisters ran to the store and bought bridal magazines within the hour because for the rest of the night, we all sat in the living room, looking at magazines and trying to figure out how we would have a wedding in Gulu.

  Finally, my mother decided that we could get married in Gulu but have a big reception in the States. That way, Kei would get the best of both worlds. Personally, I didn’t give a rip where we got married. I just wanted to marry her, period.

  Word of the engagement spread quickly across the globe. Someone got pictures of Kei and me at the airport. She was wearing the ring, and given its size and style, there was no denying what kind of ring it was. James spun into action and sent out a press release within a matter of hours. He acknowledged the engagement but lied and said that we didn’t plan on actually having a ceremony until the fall, when my schedule loosened up. We figured it would keep the paparazzi out of Gulu when I went back.

  We wanted the ceremony to be private. Only our families and the people of the mission would be there. I didn’t even plan to invite James.

  Standing there in the cold, rain, and mud, I couldn’t wait for the honeymoon in a much warmer climate. Well, that wasn’t the only reason I couldn’t wait for the honeymoon, but it was part of the reason.

  An assistant handed me some warming packets. I squeezed them to activate the heat and then stuck them in my pants pockets. While in there, I looped my finger through Kei’s engagement ring. We switched rings just before she walked through security at the airport. I kept it with me and couldn’t wait to put it back on her finger.

  I was watching the director of photography line up his shot when, just past him, my mom and Cassidy came into view. It was a pleasant surprise. Their arrival hadn’t been planned, and I figured Kei sent them to visit so I wouldn’t get too lonely without her.

  I smiled at them and waved. Neither waved back or smiled.

  I froze.

  The closer they got, the more scared I got. Something was wrong, very, wrong.

  The set went quiet, literally not a sound as everyone stopped and watched them walk my way. It was obvious to every crew member and to myself that they were there to bring bad news.

  “Is it Dad?” I asked.

  Mom shook her head.

  “Chloe? Candice? The kids?”

  “No,” Cassidy said. She hesitated for a second, but it felt like an eternity. “Kei,” she finally said.

  I took a step back. “Kei what?”

  They didn’t answer.

  “Kei what?” I screamed.

  Mom finally spoke. “Motorcycle accident…”

  I dropped to my knees.

  “The cycle she was riding had a collision with another. She didn’t survive.”

  My entire body shook violently as the people around me gasped or started crying.

  “They say she didn’t suffer. She died instantly.”

  I groaned and fell forward. My hands sunk into the mud, and I watched it ooze around my fingers and through the holes in her ring.

  “Take it back,” I finally said.

  “I can’t,” Mom said.

  “I said take it back!”

  She dropped to her knees in front of me. “I can’t,” she cried. “I wish I could, but I can’t take it back. She’s gone, Cabot. I’m so, so sorry. She’s gone.”

  I slapped my hands onto my face and ran them through my hair. The mud was cold on my face, and her ring was like ice on the back of my neck. It stung my skin, but I couldn’t manage to move it.

  Mom wrapped her arms around me.

  That’s it. That’s all I remember.

  All went dark.

  My world ended.

  C H A P T E R

  39

  I didn’t go to Uganda for Kei’s funeral. I couldn’t. I couldn’t go back to the country where she’d been taken from me. I hated it, and I never wanted to go back, never again.

  Instead, I threw myself into the film and fulfilled my commitment by completing my scenes. James cancelled all of my public appearances for the latest movie release, and as soon as I finished filming, I boarded a plane to Asheville. It was the closest thing to home that Kei and I had together. It was the only place I could think to go to say good-bye.

  My family came with me, as did Oliver, Mariah, Millie, and the rest of their family from the States. We said good-bye on the mountain, at sunrise. The service didn’t last long, and once it was over, people started to go.

  Right before she walked off, Cassidy handed me a scrapbook. “It has some pictures in it. And I hope you don’t mind, but I got on your e-mail and printed all of the e-mails between you two. I thought they might make you smile.”

  I didn’t take it out of her hands. I couldn’t.

  “I think it’ll help to read them,” she said.

  “Thank you.”

  She kissed me on the cheek, set the book on the bench, and walked away.

  I jammed my hand into my pocket and slid my pointer finger through Kei’s ring. Her finger had been so small that the ring didn’t even make it my knuckle.

  Feeling the cold platinum brought out the emotion I’d held on to during the service.

  “She saw a lot of sadness on this earth,” Millie said from behind me. “Experienced a lot of sadness too. But you, you brought her happiness, Cabot. Her life might have started miserable and painful, but it ended full of happiness. Don’t you ever forget that.”

  My chest shook as the tears flowed. “I promised her I’d give her a happy ending. I promised she’d get happily ever after. She put her hope in me that I would honor my word. I let her down.”

  “You didn’t let her down, Cabot. She got her happily ever after. She died very, very happy.”

  The words she died sliced right through me.

  “She
didn’t ever think she’d have what you managed to give her, didn’t think she deserved it, never even dared to dream of it.”

  “I know,” I said, my voice shaking. “She did just as much for me, if not more.”

  “I know she did. She did for everyone she ever met. Everyone’s better off because of her. And everyone will be better off because of the her they see in you.”

  I shook my head.

  “You have to keep going and doing good. Don’t let her death put an end to what it is you’re meant for.”

  “I don’t know what I’m meant for anymore. If she isn’t here for me to love, then I don’t know why I’m here.”

  “You’re here to carry on her work, Cabot. You’re here to live the life she can’t live anymore.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “It’s what she would want.”

  I didn’t answer.

  Millie didn’t speak again. She gave me a small pat on the arm and then walked off.

  I was finally alone. I’d come to Asheville a year before to be alone and get away from people. Instead, I’d met Kei. Our lives had collided. We were a happy collision of two worlds combining into one. I never thought I’d have to be alone again, yet there I was, alone and miserable, alone and lost.

  The book sat next to me, almost begging me to pick it up. I didn’t want to. I wanted to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there. But I knew that pictures of Kei were inside, and more than anything, I wanted to see her face.

  I pulled her ring out of my pocket and sat on the bench and placed it on the bench next to me. Then I picked up the book and started flipping through the pages.

  There were tons of pictures of Kei and the two of us together in Asheville, Italy, all over the world. She was smiling. We were happy.

  There were articles about her—only the good ones, of course—and e-mails, all of our e-mails to each other. I read through them. Cassidy was right; they made me smile…until the last one.

  I hadn’t read it yet. Actually, I didn’t even know it existed.

  She’d sent it the morning of June 25, the day she was killed.

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