Broken

by Monica Rossi

  “Yeah, me and Trainz have gotten it all figured out.”

  “Well, I’m glad to hear it.” Demon could feel the smugness emanating from the man. How could Big Dog stand there and not punch him in his smug nose. “Do tell.”

  “None of the guys know we are involved in anything, yet. So we keep it that way. Make them think the Hellhounds had us, kept us prisoners or whatever. Tell them we overheard them talking and how they were working with the other shifters to try to get rid of the Dogs. Make them think there’s a plot against the club, and they’ll lash out against all the shifters who ain’t club members.”

  “But I thought the whole concept of your little town was ‘family first’? Would they believe that shifters in their community would turn on them?”

  Trainz laughed, “The guys are good, but they ain’t the brightest in the world by no means.”

  “What about this Ryder character you were so worried about? Is he no longer a problem?”

  Big Dog hesitated, “No, he’s still a problem. We’ve got to get rid of them. He’s the only one in the group who doesn’t play follow the leader very well. I’m thinking we need to… ”

  “I don’t care how you get it done, just do it,” the man said.

  Demon listened as the footsteps headed back towards the door. “And Big Dog… Don’t fuck up again. The results would be… disastrous for you.”

  The door slammed. “BD is this going to work?” Trainz asked.

  Big Dog waited a moment before he replied, possibly contemplating failure, “It’s got to, or we’re three dead Dogs man.”

  Demon opened his eyes and let his senses center again, drawing a deep breath as the world refocused. He was disgusted. Big Dog and Trainz were nothing but pawns in someone else’s game. They would still pay, and pay dearly, but he now had a new prey.

  He took off at a sprint, leaving the cover of the bushes but staying concealed within the shadows. The sleek black car was turning out of the driveway and he had to catch up with it before it lost him.

  He leapt onto a low wall and ran down the length of it, never faltering , and he hit the pavement without losing momentum. The car was approaching a more populated area. He’d be conspicuous running through downtown at such a speed. A speed humans would never be able to achieve. So, with regret he slowed, he could shift, some people might mistake him for a very large dog running loose after having jumped a fence. But he didn’t, shifting had it’s purposes, but there were almost always better ways to do things.

  Demon took a deep breath and told the world he was invisible, and it believed him.

  Sidney’s breath came in short, shallow pants. She felt like she was close to passing out. How had she let herself get into such a situation? Naked, bound, and completely encased in black cloth.

  Who had thought this would be a good idea.

  Bree. Bree had said that she’d have to trust her, and stupidly Sidney had gone along with it. How could an old lady do anything bad to her, right? Her house and her pretty blue floral apron reminded her of Auntie Em, and Auntie Em wouldn’t hurt a fly, right? Right? Now look where she was, all trussed up and about to be drowned like an unwanted kitten in a lake.

  She had to calm down and think about her situation. It was too close to the same way she’d felt when the Hellhounds had kidnapped her. She was completely helpless and at someone else’s mercy.

  Think Sidney, think. What can you do to get yourself out of this? She listened as feet crunched on the dry grass. She was sitting with her knees pressed against her chest and her arms tied behind her but she could try to stand up and headbutt the next person who walked close enough. But she couldn’t guarantee who she’d hit or if there were 10 other people around who would just throw her back to the ground. What was worse, she had agreed to this, even though she hadn’t exactly known what was going to happen, so technically she could only blame herself for going along with people she hardly knew.

  “Sidney Sanderson, will you enter this circle in perfect love and perfect trust?” a disembodied female voice asked from above. It wasn’t Fran or Bree. Great, strangers. Being tied up, nude and helpless in front of a crowd was just what I always wanted.

  Love and trust? How about near to panic fear and utter confusion? What the actual fuck was happening here?

  “Yes,” the calm voice surprised her, she hadn’t intended to speak but the word tumbled out against her will.

  A deep, almost musical, male voice responded to her. “Here you will be given a choice. A choice between the mundane and the magic. A choice between life within this family or life without it. A life inside the circle of understanding or drowned in confusion. A life joined with all of creation or a discordant life, the music of the universe unheard and unfelt. The choice will be yours tonight Sidney, and only you can make it.”

  Sidney rolled her eyes inside her black bag. How would she ever choose? They made such a convincing argument for both sides.

  The voice continued, “But you are not yet prepared to make that choice. First you must see things as they really are, feel the arms of Earth surround you, and have your eyes opened to the cord of life that connects us all.”

  She was about to make a snide mental comment when she felt the palm of a hand gently press against her forehead. It was warm, unreasonably warm through the black fabric. The warmth spread, her checks flushed and her breathing came more heavily. Her whole body began to tingle and the warmth seeped through her. Then with a flash bright white light jolted through her brain and left her feeling nauseous. Sidney toppled sideways, her back scraping against something rough as she went down.

  “Open your eyes Sidney, and see clearly,” this time the female voice spoke softly, the sound seemed close to her ear and unfathomably far away that the same time, because she had left the darkness of the black cloth behind and instead walked through an open field, the night air cooling her overheated skin. She looked up at the sky and her heart leapt in her chest, it was the most beautiful sky she’d ever seen. Stars winked and sparkled like glitter in the inky void of space, it felt like she were looking into a beautiful abyss and at any second she could fall in and lose herself.

  Something shimmered in her peripheral vision and she turned towards it. The air wavered, color and light dancing in front of her, until the image became solid. It was a child, Sidney walked closer. A chubby child reading a book, her glasses crooked on her nose, a smattering of freckles dancing across her face. The child bit her lower lip and looked around and Sidney laughed. It was herself as a kid, maybe twelve or thirteen, and she was adorable, hair pulled back in a ponytail, eyes darting to see if anyone would catch her. She looked to see what book she’d stolen, ah a romance. She hadn’t been allowed to read them, she always ‘borrowed’ them from her aunts or her friends mothers whenever she got the chance.

  It was funny. Sidney had never really liked romance novels, it was just something that was forbidden so she had to have it. A small way of rebelling in a life spent trying to please.

  “Sidney, what are you doing in my office?” the sound of her father’s voice made both the vision Sidney and the real Sidney jerk their head to the side. “You know you’re not supposed to be in here.”

  “Sorry dad, I was just looking for a quiet place to read,” little Sidney closed the book and tucked it under her arm so her father wouldn’t see the brawny Scotsman on the front cover. She shouldn’t have worried about it because he didn’t even look at her, just went and sat at his desk and started looking through books.

  “Well, you can read in your room,” he said, not looking up.

  “Jessica is in there with her friend, using my new make-up to play ‘make-over’,” Sidney remembered that. She’d gotten the make-up for her birthday, a jab from her mother about her appearance, because she certainly hadn’t asked for make-up. That didn’t stop her from being angry that her mother had forced her to give up her bedroom so that Jessica and her snotty little friend could play with her things. Oh sure, she could have st
ayed in there with them, but she really wasn’t up to the argument that would happen when one too many jabs at her weight were made by Jessica and her accomplice.

  “Well, go read somewhere else then. The garden, maybe.” He pressed the button that would turn on his computer. It was Sunday, he shouldn’t have to work on Sunday.

  Little Sidney bit her lip, “Maybe you could take me to the new skating rink?”

  “Get your mother to take you.”

  “Mom isn’t here. I think she went to lunch with some of her friends.”

  Her father glanced at his watch, “Jesus, it’s only 9 o’clock in the morning. You’d think she could stay home and take you girls to church or something. I don’t know, maybe cook breakfast for once.” Sidney stood there waiting for an answer and her father flipped through the pages of a ledger. “I don’t have time to take you anywhere. I’ve got a lot of work to do, so go play and don’t bother me.”

  She got up out of the winged back chair and started for the door, she didn’t know why she’d expected anything different.

  “And keep your sister busy too. The last thing I need is you children coming in and out of here asking for things.”

  Little Sidney opened the door and left the office.

  Rage flew though Sidney as she watched the child walk out the room, feeling neglected and unloved. Her father hadn’t even looked at her the entire time he’d been talking to her, as if he couldn’t even spare his daughter a glance.

  He began typing and she got closer, wanting to see what was so important that he couldn’t take any time out of his day for her.

  Dear Mr. Barclay,

  I am unable to comply with your request at this time. While I fully understand my responsibility to this obligation, payment must be delayed until I am able to liquidate more assets. I fully intend to take care of this matter as soon as possible and I appreciate your understanding going forward.

  Graham Sanderson

  CEO Sanderson Textiles

  Her father ran his hand over his eyes and through his hair before opening the ledger back up and sighing with disgust at whatever he saw there.

  Sidney leaned over his shoulder and saw huge numbers that had no meaning for her, but were obviously causing her father a great deal of stress. He leaned back in his chair for a moment, closing his eyes.

  There had never been any talk of financial strain around the house. The thought that they were having money problems had never even crossed her mind.

  She stepped back and watched as he punched in the combination and unlocked the bottom drawer on his desk. His hand dipped in and pulled out a shiny silver gun. He sat it in his lap and looked at it, one hand holding the handle, the other caressing the barrel.

  Sidney’s body felt electrified, was this an alternative universe? What could have happened? Surely her father had never contemplated suicide.

  He looked up from the gun and he grabbed the picture of Sidney and Jessica sitting on a rock at the zoo off of his desk. His other hand left the gun and he traced the outline of his daughters.

  Conflicting emotions rolled inside of Sidney. Her father’s eyes left the picture and looked up at the ceiling, water escaping and running down the track of crow’s feet that had just begun around his eyes.

  “Daddy, I’m here…,” Sidney went to him, about to put her hand on his shoulder, when the scene around her changed.

  She was at her old school, in the auditorium. A stage had been set and a 15 year old Sidney sat on the stage, in an awkward floral dress, surrounded by other student who looked almost equally as awkward. With glasses still firmly in place, she hadn’t had Lasik until she’d been in her early twenties, swollen lips from new braces, bad acne, and a bad perm, she looked like the president of the geek club. She was so ugly it was almost cute.

  She remembered this day too. She was being inducted into the National Junior Honor Society and she was also going to get some kind of award for her perfect score on the exit examine. She had been so nervous about being in front of everyone she had felt like she was going to throw up on stage.

  She looked around the auditorium, remembering faces and the stories that went along with them, until she came to Jessica. She sat in the middle of her clique laughing and giggling while they waited for the ceremony to begin. Since she was only one year younger, Sidney hadn’t been able to escape her very often, even at school.

  Sidney walked closer to them, she remember these people. They were awful. But even so, she’d had a crush on Michael Lamply, who was sitting right beside Jessica with her hand lazily rubbing small circles on his thigh. Sidney hadn’t known Jessica and Michael had ever been together, but it didn’t surprise her, anything she had known Sidney wanted, she always took.

  “What is wrong with your sister?” a tall girl with perfectly coifed blonde hair asked Jessica. It was Isabella, Jessica’s best friend and possibly the worst person on the Earth.

  Jessica’s eyes darted up to the stage where 15 year old Sidney was sitting, chewing on her already swollen lip and picking at an acne scab on her cheek. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, “I don’t know, she’s a freak. Look at that dress she’s wearing. I swear to God if there is an ugly piece of clothing in a store she will zero in on it and buy it.”

  Michael didn’t look very interested, “Well at least she’s smart. Neither one of you are up there on stage are you?”

  “Whatever, like I wanted to be anyway,” Isabella said, flipping her hair. Several of the other girls nodded and muttered their agreement.

  “Sure, sure, with boobs like that, I guess you all don’t need brains,” another guy said.

  “Are you saying that we’re stupid, because we have boobs?” Jessica asked, arching an eyebrow. “That’s so sexist.”

  The guy shrugged and laughed, “Hey the truth is the truth.”

  Isabella and Jessica looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

  “No the truth is they’re just jealous of Sidney. They both wish they were up there on stage and instead of saying so they’re making fun of her to make it seem like they don’t care,” Michael pushed Jessica’s hand off his leg. “I wish I was up there with her. I try really hard to make good grade but it’s not easy for me. “

  “Jealous of Sidney? You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jessica sat up straight, her eyes sparkling with fire.

  “Whatever Jessica, you might be prettier and have more friends, but she’s going to make something out of her life while you’re still giving hand jobs behind the bleachers on Friday nights.”

  Jessica’s face turned bright red and you could tell she was searching for something to say and failing to find it.

  Michael stood up and looked away, “But anyway, come on Josh, let’s go sit down there. I’m tired of listening to these two.”

  The boys walked off, leaving a furious Jessica surrounded by her friends, some of whom seemed to be smirking slightly.

  Jessica’s eyes followed him though, even after everyone started chattering about something else, she was still watching him with glistening eyes.

  “I’m not stupid,” Jessica said, interrupting the conversation around her that had continued on to other things.

  “Oh my god, who cares what he said? And besides, Josh was kind of right. You don’t have to be smart when you look like we do.”

  “I’m not stupid,” Jessica repeated as the scene faded again, replaced by a kitchen Sidney could barely remember from early childhood.

  “Come on Sids, you’ve got to go to sleep.”

  It was her mom, looking impossibly young and beautiful with bed tousled hair as she held a toddler on her hip.

  “Don’t you want to go to sleep so mommy can get up and play with you in the morning?” her mother cajoled the baby.

  “NO, pway now!” baby Sidney demanded.

  Her mother laughed and sat her down on the edge of the kitchen counter. “We can’t play now, its sleepy time.”

  “NOOOO, pway NOW!”

  “Oh you silly
thing. Ok, just for a minute. Want to play the Toesies Game?”

  “Pway I Love You!”

  “Ok, I love you more than I love, hmm,” her mother put her hand to her chin, “cookies.”

  The baby clapped and giggled, “I love YOU more!”

  “Nooo, I love you more than I love… new dresses!”

  “No, I love you MORE!”

  “But I love you more than I love…. chocolate!”

  “No, I love you more danevwyting!”

  Her mother scooped her up and laughed, holding her close to her chest, “You silly goose, I love you more than everything too.” She nuzzled the babies cheek and kissed her as she began singing to her.

  The scene began to change again but Sidney wanted to hold on to it, she’d never seen her mother like this, never known her mother as anything other than a manipulative woman who never seemed happy with her. It made her feel a knot deep inside to see a side of her that had actually loved her as a child.

  Another scene formed before her another kitchen materialized, the one in the home she’d grown up in as a teenager. Her mother was there again, but this time she was notably older, she looked tired and haggard, sitting at the kitchen table, glass of wine in front of her as she stared off into space.

  Her phone rang and she looked at it the name displayed on the screen before answering. Sidney walked closer, it was her father.

  “Hello,” her mother sounded aloof, like she had no idea who was calling. Sidney heard the rumble of her father’s voice but couldn’t make out what he was saying.

  “Oh I figured you’d be late again, why on Earth would you come to your home and spend time with your family.” She took a big swallow of the wine and twirled the stem between her fingers.

  “Sidney is in her bedroom, probably studying and eating something she’s smuggled in, and God only knows where Jessica is. Why are you asking anyway?”

  “Of course you have every right to ask about your children, but since you can’t be bothered to see them every once in a while I just wasn’t sure why you’d care.” Her eyes seemed blank and empty as she stared through Sidney.