Broken

by Monica Rossi

  “Hmmm yes. Loving husband and father that you are I can see that. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve got a lot of work and fucking some intern to do so I’ll let you go.” She pressed the end button on her phone and dropped it, letting it slide across the polished surface. Tilting the glass up and finishing the last of the wine, she stood up and walked over to the counter to pour another glass.

  The kitchen door opened and Jessica walked in, ignoring their mother and continuing through the room with a garment bag slung over her shoulder.

  “Well hello,” her mother said.

  “Hey,” Jessica replied without slowing down.

  “Where have you been?” her mother asked to a room that was already empty. She walked over to the table and picked up her phone. She tapped a number in her contacts and waited for someone to answer.

  “I’d like to place an order for delivery, yes this is Mrs. Sanderson, umm hmm that is the correct address, yes I’d like my usual, thirty minutes, alright.”

  She hung up the phone again and sipped on her wine, her eyes staring at nothing at all.

  The images around her began to shift. Sidney didn’t want to see any more. Everyone around her was miserable, they were miserable people. How was this helping her to see anything other than how horrible life was for everyone she was supposed to love?

  Shapes and objects began to form and she knew she was at the mall, a place she’d always dreaded going as a teen.

  THAT’S ENOUGH! I don’t want to see any more! She screamed, but no sound came out.

  She saw herself walking with another girl she’d tried to befriend in one of her classes. They both looked awkward and out of place, like they’d rather be anywhere but with each other at the mall. Sidney couldn’t even remember her name.

  She walked forward, trying to catch up with the pair but was stopped by an invisible barrier. Confused she looked around, wasn’t she supposed to be seeing herself clearly this time? She’d already seen how miserable and wretched her family was. Her father consumed with worry over their finances, her sister just as unsure of herself and her place in life as Sidney had been, her mother alone and abandoned by the family she’d made. Surely this time she was supposed to see how weird and alone she had been herself. So why was she stuck?

  “Man, I’m telling you, you should just ask her out.”

  Sidney turned toward the voices of two boys sitting on the edge of a tiled water fountain.

  “No, there’s no use. She’s hot, and her family has a shit load of money,” the boys long black hair hung in his face. “There is absolutely no chance she will go out with me.”

  Sidney remembered this guy. He had been in her AP History and her AP Calculous class. He was smart but he always wore black and dyed his hair the blackest shade he could find and hung out with people who dressed the same. Emo. That’s what they’d called it. Sidney had always thought it seemed like a lot of work to look so depressed all the time.

  “No man, she’s nice. We worked together on that anatomy project and she was actually really cool.”

  The guy shrugged, “I don’t know man.”

  “Come on, Jesus, just because Sidney Sanderson’s parent’s have a lot of money doesn’t mean she’s better than you. And she doesn’t act all stuck up anyway, like I said, she’s really nice.”

  The guy just shook his head. And the scene disintegrated, replaced with one of her studying with Reyner, a German exchange student she’d been friends with in college.

  “You will pass this exam with a higher grade than me,” he said, leaning into her so that their shoulders bumped.

  College Sidney smiled, intent on her flash card, “That’s doubtful, you’re still beating my average by a point.”

  Sidney didn’t remember Reyner being this gorgeous. His wavy chestnut hair brushed his ears and curled messily at his forehead, giving him an unkempt look that begged you to run your fingers through his hair. He leaned over and sat his chin on his elbow, his blue eyes smiling as they looked at college Sidney.

  “Then you will beat it tomorrow. When you make perfect on the test,” Sidney didn’t respond, just kept flipping through her cards without looking up. College Sidney didn’t see the look he was giving her, the one that said all she had to do was ask and he’d jump through hoops for her, but present day Sidney did and she was kicking herself for not noticing when she had the chance.

  “Do you want to go get something to eat? I really like the bar on the corner, they have the best cheeseburgers I’ve ever eaten.”

  “I can’t, I’ve got to finish studying.” College Sidney still didn’t look up at this beautiful man who was trying to get her attention.

  “Come on, you need a break, and you already know the material anyway.”

  “Not tonight Reyner, I really want to do well.”

  Reyner said goodbye while she kept looking at her flashcards and muttering , repeating definitions under her breath. Sidney wanted to scream. God she had been blind.

  Her studying form faded before her eyes and was replaced by nothing but blackness. She felt lost, no light, no sound, and no smells left her feeling disoriented and on the verge of panic.

  “Why can’t you just tell her? Tell them all?” a man asked, he voice pleading. His face came into focus and she saw what must be a man in his early twenties, or late teens. “Just tell them and we can be together.”

  He was staring at the naked back of another man, a familiar man.

  “You know that I can’t. I have to uphold this image, I have to be who they think I am. Anything less would tear the family apart.” He turned around to face his lover, it was David, probably a few years before she’d met him.

  “So?! Who needs them, we’ll leave and be together and not give any fucks about what your family thinks.”

  “I do. I need them. I care what they think. Don’t you see that they expect me to be this viral man who goes around slaying pussy daily. I’m supposed to be well educated, well off, and well thought of in the community. ‘Be a man every man wants to be and every woman wants to fuck, son.’” He imitated his father’s voice, almost perfectly Sidney had to admit. “How do you think it’s going to go if I say, ‘Oh by the way, I’m bisexual and I’m currently dating a college student.’ My family has plans for me, one of which includes a wife from a good family who can finance my father’s political career.”

  “Doesn’t it matter what you want?” the guy had tears streaming down his face, “I just want you, that’s all, and I don’t want to hide it or pretend that we’re roommates or tennis partners or whatever the next lie you think up will be. I just want to be your boyfriend.”

  David didn’t seem all that moved by his lover’s plea, “That is what I want Trev, I want all those things my family wants. I want money and power and being gay isn’t going to get me either one. I like you a lot, but I can’t let a little bit of fun get in the way of my life.”

  The scene faded and Sidney was left with the look of hurt and anger on her ex-fiancé’s boyfriend’s face. God, David was a dick.

  Her vision cleared and she found herself sitting in the field again, the events she’d just witnessed rolling through her brain. What was she supposed to learn from this? That everyone had problems?

  It was never you.

  She heard the voice flow through her brain and instantly knew what it meant. It had never been her fault. That’s what she was supposed to see. Her parents, her sister, her fiancé; all of them had issues that made them how they were and none of it reflected on her. She wasn’t unlovable, she wasn’t fatally flawed, she wasn’t doomed to be ignored and kept at arm’s length by everyone she met. All these years she’d thought that there was something wrong with her to make everyone so uncaring towards her, and there was: her inability to see the faults in other people and instead assume it was something she had done.

  But she had been wrong, she could see that now. She wasn’t the center of the universe and everyone’s actions were not a direct result of some lack in her. Th
ere was nothing at all wrong with her. Nothing.

  The tie fell onto the crushed velour chair as he walked into the room, his sanctuary, and began unbuttoning his shirt. It had been a long day. His body wasn’t tired but he wanted to rest anyway. The body can endure much more than the mind had the will for. Well, his body could anyway.

  “So you’re finally home, huh,” the prone woman on the bed asked, abandoning the iPad and rolling over to look at him. He stood in front of his antique and ornately carved dresser, the one he’d had shipped all the way from Scotland and it’s previous castle home, and saw his mouth pull down slightly in the mirror. He immediately corrected himself, leaving a neutral countenance in its place. He hated informal speech, and ‘huh’ was a particular peeve of his, but that wasn’t an excuse to let his guard down. One had to always present a calm front, even at home, even in front of your current lover. There was no telling when a friend, family member, or fling would suddenly become an enemy. Better not to give them any ammunition against you, even knowledge of your minor annoyances.

  “Where have you been?” she asked as she got to her knees and started to craw across the huge satin duvet covered bed.

  He felt like grimacing again, he hated being questioned and she was becoming more and more accustomed to demanding answers. The longevity of this current affair was beginning to seem doubtful. “I was getting the situation with Big Dog sorted.” He threw his watch and ring into the handmade leather catchall that sat on his dresser, a gift from a former friend and yet another reminder of the fickle nature of humans.

  “And did you get those stupid mutts straightened out? I don’t know how you tolerate the filthy things, just thinking about them makes my skin crawl.” She shivered, her robe falling to the side and exposing the sheer black negligee she wore beneath.

  “They are a tool, nothing more. A tool I had hoped would work better than it has, but it is what it is.” He sighed and slid naked between the luxurious white sheets he’d had special made for his abnormally large bed.

  “So when are they going to begin the… purge? I’m ready to get the ball rolling.”

  “Soon enough dear. We can’t be impatient and let it cause us to make mistakes.”

  She made a lovely pouting face and rose up on her knees, letting her dressing gown pool around her.

  He had to admit, the she was magnificent, even if she wasn’t truly one of the chosen. Her breasts were high and firm, the rosy brown nipples teasingly visible through the diaphanous material of her nightie. He felt himself responding and rolled over, letting his knuckles lightly move up her inner thigh while he kept his eyes on hers.

  His hand found the juncture of her legs, the bare slick folds parting easily for him as he sought entrance with his fingers. She was wet and ready for him, her head lolled back and a soft moan escaped her as he pressed further into her. Playfully his thumb traced circles around her tiny nub as he worked inside her, slipping another finger in and watching her writhe.

  His cock was hard and ready, he could throw her down and thrust into her without further foreplay, but again, the body was sometimes capable of doing things the mind and heart wasn’t interested in. And he just wasn’t interested in her tonight, his mind was elsewhere.

  With little effort he brought her to climax, as he watcher her almost clinically. Her face flushed, her body thrusting against him, her breathing heavy and disjointed. It wasn’t actually attractive and yet it still drew him, making his own body respond further. She made a little ticking sound, like a painful chunk of something was caught in her throat, and arched her back so far it looked harmful to her spine as she came and the fell down in a puddle of satisfaction beside him.

  It was all very interesting, he’d have to look into the female orgasm at some point to see exactly what the science behind it was, but he was happy to let it remain a mystery for a while longer. He had other things to work on.

  He smiled at her since to do otherwise might be seen as odd, and rolled away, ready to close his eyes and concentrate on his plans for the next day, like he did every night.

  “Your turn,” she purred from beside him as her hand snaked under the sheet and around his waist, dipping down to try to grasp his engorged member in her hand. Lightening fast his hand reached down and grabbed her, applying little pressure, he had no intentions of hurting her. After all, what sport was there in harming something so much inferior that it had absolutely no chance at fighting back?

  “Not tonight, darling,” he always tried to use affectionate words when he spoke to women he was ostensibly close with, he had learned that it made them easier to deal with. “I’ve got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow.”

  “But…” she tried to argue.

  “But nothing, I was happy to pleasure you but now I’m ready to rest. Go to your room and sleep, that way you won’t worry about bothering me with the noise from your iPad.” His voice gave no room for argument; it was a skill he’d learned early. Speak in the right tone and you can subvert all kinds of insubordination.

  Regardless, she didn’t move.

  Instead she pressed closer to him, explicitly disregarding his clearly stated preference and ignoring the order to go to her room. “Why do you have to be so cold? I just wanted to spend some time with you tonight. You’re always gone and I get tired…”

  Without warning his hand shot out and wrapped around her throat, pinning her to the bed.

  “You’re tired? Well maybe it’s time you were retired. You’ve been a good and willing companion for the last few months, but it’s time for you to go. It seems you’ve lost the ability to follow directions.”

  He let go of her and she scuttled away to the other side of the bed, fear clouding her eyes. “No, Fredrick, no. I’ll go to my room and I won’t argue anymore, I promise. Just don’t send me away.”

  “Stop talking and go, like I said, I’m ready to rest for a while.” He tried to resume his previous position, which had been very comfortable, but somehow couldn’t get settled properly again. Probably because he’d allowed himself to become annoyed and it was just the perception of comfort he’d lost. He’d find it again once she left and he calmed himself down.

  But he could hear her breathing, she was still in the room, but she would comply, he told himself taking a silent deep breath. They always did.

  She turned to go, her footsteps heavy, as if she might be purposefully stomping. Yes it was time to get rid of her, probably well past time.

  Her footsteps stopped, Fredrick heard her draw in a deep breath before she turned around, almost falling, but catching herself on the edge of a couch before she could embarrass herself further. He knew she was about to say something else. Probably apologize for being so difficult, he was glad. He was a reasonable man, he would forgive her, as long as he could think of an appropriate punishment that would be both annoying to her and still humane.

  Her voice cut sharply into his thoughts on punishment. “How dare you use me and then threaten to get rid of me. I won’t be treated this way, I am the daughter of a US Senator and a graduate of Columbia University and you can’t talk to me any way that you want to, much less lay your hands on me like I’m a common whore. Who exactly do you think I am? Do you know the power I have? One word from me to the media and you’d be…”

  Her words cut off as he closed his hand around her throat once again. Fredrick had listened to her little rant, frankly a little surprised she had the gall, but he wouldn’t be threatened.

  Her eyes wide and shocked, she was surprised by the speed at which he’d left the bed and crossed the room, which was understandable, he didn’t let most people see even a fraction of what he was truly capable. “I’m sorry, Veronica, your usefulness in my life has come to an end and sadly you’ve now presented yourself as a threat. I hate to do this, but you don’t leave me much of a choice now do you? Goodbye darling.”

  A sharp twist of his wrist and her head lay against his forearm at an odd angle, her huge eyes that had attracted him to begin
with still full of anger and fear.

  It was such a shame. He shook his head and rang for his head of security to come remove the refuse. He sighed, security would be noisy, tromping through his room like giant bulls through a glass menagerie. Running his hands through his hair in an uncorrected show of irritation, he turned and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind him. A bath and a bourbon might help him relax. He smiled, looking forward to the solitude.

  Demon watched the gate as the shiny black car disappeared behind it. It was a solid looking gate. Not your usual, ‘I’m a rich person and I have a gate’ gate. More of a, ‘don’t fuck with this gate’ gate. That would be a problem if he’d had any intentions of going through it, which he didn’t.

  Propping his motorcycle up behind a rather tall hedge, where it hopefully wouldn’t be noticed, he surveyed the twelve foot brick fence that surrounded the property. It was a bit of a jump, but wouldn’t be much of a problem. He closed his eyes and aimed his intentions, he felt the breeze tug at his jacket, and let the lighter than air sensation overcome him. When he opened his eyes again he was crouched on top of the narrow wall, just like he’d intended.

  From his viewpoint the ‘house’ looked small. The grounds were huge and meticulously manicured, trees lining the drive, bushes in elegant clumps that seemed random yet perfectly planned, a multitude of flowers spilling out of planters and lining walkways that seemed to go nowhere in particular, and benches. Benches everywhere. Well if someone were planning to walk the entire property, they’d probably need the benches. And probably a hiking pack. Who needed this much… yard?

  Seemed like a waste to Demon, but then he’d never needed more than the space he was currently occupying at any given moment. He wasn’t the biggest collector of possessions, a saddle bag and a canteen could see him through weeks without feeling the slightest discomfort. A product of his upbringing you could say.

  He crept slowly, inching his way toward the mansion behind bush and tree. There was very little likelihood that someone was watching every inch of the grounds 24/7, but he’d skulk in the bushes just to make sure.