Heart Of Stone

by Lace, Lolah

  “My father fucked every Black prostitute in town. Sometimes they wouldn’t want to do it in front of me. I was a little kid. It’s bizarre. Even a whore knew that shit was fucked up. My father was cruel and malicious and violent as could be. He would punch them in the face if they said anything about me watching. He was a terrible person. Mean— cold— heartless. The women were nice to me. Sometimes they would give me candy. Sometimes they gave me advice.”

  “That’s fucked up. You father was fucked up. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Yes, he was fucked up. This one time I was mad at him and I told him I would tell my mother what he was up to. He put a gun in my face. Right to my forehead. My eyes went crossed looking at it. His hand was on the trigger. He thumped me in the head with the barrel, one, two three times. He told me if I ever ratted him out he would blow my head off and then he fired the gun in the air just so I knew the motherfucker was loaded.”

  “You would never do that to Alex.”

  “No I wouldn’t but there are parts of me that are just like my father. I don’t want to think about him. I said I would stay away from all Black women just because I don’t want to be like him. But when I saw your picture I couldn’t control myself. I wanted you. I wanted you just like my father wanted— I couldn’t think or sleep until I had you in my bed. You are what I had to conquer or face. I don’t know. You were my pretty girl, my own Black whore. I could just fuck what I had fantasized about since I was a boy. It’s fucked up. I’m fucked up. My father made me into something I don’t want to be. I stayed away from you and I slipped up twice. I fell in. Look at me now.”

  “Tonio.” Her call to me was barely audible.

  “You took my money and I would have paid so much more if you asked. Those women never loved my father. He was terrible. But I was going to make you love me because I’m not like him. I was going to fuck you until I got black pussy out of my system. But the joke was on me. I’m just like my fucked up father. I haven’t gotten you out of my system yet. That’s why I picked you. That’s why I came back for more. That’s why I fucked you yesterday and everyday since I’ve been back. I can’t control thinking of being inside you. It’s like I’m fucking obsessed.”

  I felt it, tears. I didn’t know where they came from. I reached up and wiped them from my eyes and off my cheeks.

  “Tonio.”

  Hearing my name brought me back into the moment. My eyes left the road to look over at her. She reached over and took my hand in hers. She brought my hand to her lips and gently kissed my knuckles. No one had done that before. I didn’t understand what she was doing. She should loathe me. I paid for sex with her because of some ill-formed infatuation with Black prostitutes. If that isn’t the most racist shit she’s ever heard. I don’t know what else is.

  “It’s okay.” She lowered my hand into her lap. I glanced over at her and I wanted to fill her mouth with my cock. Basically because I’m an asshole. I wanted to pull over to the side of the road— fuck her face and bounce my balls on her chin. But I couldn’t. I remembered I had a kid in the backseat, my son. I would never do to him what my father did to me. My father exposed me to things that I should have never seen or known. I hated him for it. My son wouldn’t grow up hating me. Hopefully he will grow to love me.

  The truck was filled with silence. When I finally arrived at my brother’s place in Willow Springs I was calmer but nervous. I didn’t want to fuck this introduction up. I had never ever been out in public with her. I didn’t know how she would interact with people. I didn’t know much about her at all. We talked a little here and there but I didn’t know her as anything more than a fuck. Wait, I knew she liked to hit me. I also knew she was a good mother.

  I put the car in park when I drove up the driveway.

  “This is my brother’s place.”

  “It’s nice. Does he live alone?”

  “No, he’s married. He has two kids. My nieces.”

  “Oh yeah I remember you saying you had two nieces.”

  “They want to see Alex. I could have brought him myself but I didn’t think you would allow it.”

  “No, I wouldn’t have allowed that.”

  I grinned. Everything I saw suggested she was a good mother. She was very protective of my son. Punching me in the face while I was driving didn’t detract from that.

  “So they probably think we were dating. They don’t know anything about our financial arrangement. I told them we were seeing each other whenever I came to town and you got pregnant and then there was a baby that I just found out about. Daniel knows more of course but not his wife and kids.”

  “So everyone doesn’t know I was a paid escort?” She joked.

  “Funny, but in all seriousness.”

  “Okay. I will just follow your lead.”

  I took a deep breath. Why was I somewhat nervous? “Everything is private here. This is my family. Only a few people know I have a brother. Different last names helps with his anonymity. You’ve met Daniel. His wife is Carla. My nieces are Samantha and Jessica. Sammie and Jessie.”

  “Okay, I got it.”

  “They, Carla and the girls, don’t know you’re Black but that’s not going to be an issue. I don’t know why I just said that.”

  “You seem nervous but I’m going to be on my best behavior. I’m sure everyone will. I’m not going to hit you in the face. I’m not going to show your nieces any tricks of the escort trade. I’m not going to cornrow anybody’s hair. I’m not going to ask for fried chicken and watermelon.”

  “That’s not funny. Shit! I’m nervous. I haven’t been nervous since, I don’t remember. My mother is going to show up. She not here yet but she’s coming. I haven’t told her about Alex.”

  “She’s coming here but you didn’t tell her.”

  “No, I didn’t. I’m my mother’s only child but she has a relationship with my brothers.” Shit! I said brothers. Maybe she didn’t notice.

  CHAPTER 7

  TONIO

  Things went better than I expected. Naturally Carla asked a lot of questions. She was my sister-in-law but she always had her therapist hat on standby. Kelby was able to navigate without any help from me. She didn’t give too much away and that made this situation work in my favor. Sammie and Jessie were enamored with Alex. They made him laugh and he seemed to love their double version of peekaboo.

  My mother hadn’t arrived yet. I didn’t know how I would explain this to her. I was just going to wing it. We all were in the family room when Daniel’s cell phone buzzed. Mine buzzed a second later. It was our brother Curtis. He texted. [I’m at the backdoor. Let me in.]

  “We have an unexpected guest.” Daniel said what I was thinking.

  “Who?” Carla asked as Kelby looked in my eyes. I was sure she thought it was my mother.

  “Curtis.” Daniel stood but I was closer to the hall leading to the back of the house.

  “I got it.” I stood and left them all in the family room. I walked to the hall and went through the dining room to the kitchen and Curtis was standing at the back door. Not sure why he didn’t come through the front.

  I opened the door and he stepped in. He was always dressed fashionable and today was no different.

  I gave him a huge hug after he shut the door. Curtis was the youngest. I had sort of taken care of him. He was raised in the projects and his mother fell hard into drugs. I was determined to keep him off the streets. I loved that kid like he was my son. He was only eight years younger than me but I watched over him like I was his father. I did the same for Daniel. We had our fucked up father in common. That alone was enough to bond us for life.

  I resented my half-brothers at first. Then I realized their life was no better than mine. Our father was abusive to all of us in one way or another. He cheated on all our mothers. I decided at an early age I would look after them and stay in contact. I was going to help them in anyway possible. I became rich and I had the means to help them financially.

  “Where were you?” I
asked him the question every single time I saw him. I did this even when we were young. I keep tabs on him but asked to make sure he was being honest with me.

  “I just got back in town. I was in London.”

  “A little vacation.”

  “Sort of. Do you remember that ballerina?”

  “No, I don’t. There’s been more than one ballerina.”

  “True but enough about me. Congratulations are in full effect. I heard you are a baby daddy.”

  “Yes, I am.” Daniel had a big mouth.

  “I can’t believe you had a kid before me.”

  “You probably have a low sperm count.”

  “Fuck you, Tonio Bolognio. I hear your baby mama is Black.”

  Daniel told him that part too? “Don’t even go there.”

  “What? You thought I was going to say, like father like son.”

  “Don’t mention that bastard to me, ever.”

  “Dude, chill. I want to see this woman. I mean she’s not a supermodel and she’s not White. I got goosebumps and shit.”

  “Do not flirt with her. I mean it. Keep your hands off her.”

  “Dude, come on. You’re my brother. I have never and I would never.”

  “Curtis, no bullshit.”

  “What?”

  “You get more pussy than anybody I’ve ever seen in my life. These women, they fucking get wet for blue-eyed Black men with curly hair. I’m coming back in my next life as you.”

  “You’re doing just fine as Antonio Lambrusco.”

  “Don’t flirt with her. This one is mine.”

  “Cool, she must be a bad bitch. You are really flexing. I’ve never got this speech before.”

  “She’s my bad bitch.”

  “I hear you. I’m on my best behavior.”

  “When have you even been on your best behavior?”

  “Good point.” He smirked flashing a dimple in his right cheek that was identical to mine.

  “Don’t even give her eye contact you fucking blue-eyed devil.”

  “You know that term is only reserved for White people.”

  “I’m using it on your beige ass today.”

  He laughed out loud. “Fine bro, let me meet Beyoncé.”

  “She’s more like Kelly Rowland.”

  “Oh shit, dark girls love me.” He tried to run from the room but I stopped him.

  I punched him in the stomach. Not hard, but hard enough to make him buckle. “Come on Curtis don’t fuck around.”

  He stood up straight and followed me out of the den and into the living room. I went straight for her. I touched her wrist. I didn’t have a reason. It was some territorial thing I didn’t realize I was doing until I had ahold of her.

  “Kelby, this is my other brother Curtis.”

  Curtis stepped forward and gave Kelby his hand to shake. She took it. I watched his eyes as they subtly ran up and down her entire body. I couldn’t blame him. Her body was beyond hot.

  “It’s nice to meet you Curtis.” She gave him a warm and friendly smile. I wasn’t sure if she was just being polite. Or if it was seeing another Black person made her more comfortable.

  “You too. It’s Kel—”

  “Kelby, it rhymes with Shelby.”

  “Cool. So I hear there’s a baby.”

  “Yes there is a baby.”

  “I have a nephew. What’s his name?”

  “Alexander Jaxson.”

  “What’s his last name?”

  “He has my last name. It’s Dozier.” Kelby spoke up before I could.

  “Not Lambrusco?”

  Curtis was being a dick.

  “We thought it would maybe be better if he had my last name. Lambrusco would bring a lot of attention to him. We’re trying to keep him safe and give him a normal regular life.” Shit, she came up with that all on her own.

  “A regular life. His father is the most famous actor in America. Maybe even the world. A normal, regular life, is wishful thinking.”

  “Maybe, I’m trying to be optimistic.” Kelby was fighting this battle and she was going toe-to-toe with my brother. Curtis was a troublemaker. He reminded me of a younger version of me.

  The Q and A was halted with the chime of the doorbell. It was my mother. I just knew it. This was the first time I had flown into town and not spent a lot of time with her. She was very busy but I felt guilty that I was keeping Alex a secret. That problem would be solved in minutes.

  I rushed out of the room like it was my house. I opened the front door to my mother. It looked like she stopped coloring her hair. I could see that gray.

  “Antonio.”

  “Ma.” I bent to hug her and kiss her on the cheek. Either I was growing or she was sinking. She was only five foot one inches but she seemed so little today.

  How was I going to tell her about Alex? I should have told her over the phone or prepped. This was the perfect time for a table read before the actual performance.

  “Ma, I have some news for you.”

  “Good news I hope.”

  “Ah, yeah. Remember how you always wanted me to settle down, get married and have a kid.”

  “Yes.” Her face frowned.

  “I didn’t settle down and get married but I did have a kid.”

  “Is this a prank?”

  “No, there was sex and then there was a baby.”

  “One of the models?”

  I guess that was a natural assumption. “No, she’s just a regular girl. We dated for a time.”

  “Girl or woman?”

  “She’s twenty-eight.” I hope I remembered Kelby’s age. “She’s here with the baby.”

  “Boy or girl?”

  “Boy.”

  “He’s nine months old. I found out about him recently. Not really her fault. I disappeared and she had no way to get in touch with me.”

  “He’s your son?”

  “Yes, he’s been tested. His name is Alexander Jaxson Lambrusco.” I kind of lied about the last name but there weren’t any documents around to prove otherwise. “She lives here so you can see the baby anytime.”

  “Oh my God.” My mother’s eyes were tearing up. I wasn’t really expecting that to happen.

  “Ma.”

  “I wanted to be a grandmother before I died. I prayed that you would have a baby and you have one. He listened to me. I’m so happy.” She embraced me and I held her while she cried into my chest. Geez, I didn’t know how strongly she felt about this grandmother role. She did bring it up quite often but I never really thought it meant that much to her.

  “Alex is in the family room and he is waiting to meet you.”

  “Oh my god. I’m so proud of you.”

  Really? Proud that I had unprotected sex with a woman I barely knew and conceived a child. Sounds bad but she approves so I’ll take it.

  I took my mother’s hand and walked her into the family room. She was excited. I could feel it radiate out of her.

  We entered the family room and Carla was holding my son in her lap. Kelby was sitting next to Carla on the sofa. Daniel was engaged in conversation with Curtis.

  My nieces ran toward their surrogate grandmother. They hugged her and talked while I moved toward Alex. When my mother was done talking to Jessie and Sammie she locked eyes with me. I was holding Alex. Kelby stood to greet my mother. This was a real odd moment for me.

  “What’s her last name?” I heard Kelby whisper for my ears only. I guess I should’ve told her my mother’s name.

  “Lambrusco.” I muttered.

  My mother was standing in front of us. “Ma, this is Kelby Dozier.” The Ex—no. The girlfriend—no. The paid escort—hell no! “Alex’s mother.” Bingo!

  Kelby offered her hand. “It’s nice to meet you Ms. Lambrusco.” My mother pulled her in for a hug. It lasted longer than your standard hug. Everyone took notice.

  “You had a baby. I can’t tell. You’re so pretty. You look like a model.”

  “Thank you. No, I’m just a regular person.” Kelb
y smiled and I had never seen her smile like that before. This was weird, especially because they were still touching each other. She let my son’s mother go and looked over at me. No, she was looking at Alex.

  “Oh my god. He looks just like you.” Her face was red. Her cheeks were ballooned out. She covered her face with her hands. She was really overjoyed. I had never seen my mother so excited. Not when I bought her a new house. Not when I bought her a new car. Not when I introduced her to Harrison Ford at the Academy awards. Not when I got her tickets to sit on the front row at the Oprah Winfrey Show when I appeared to promote a movie.

  My mother stretched her arms out to me. I paused because was two seconds behind the situation. I was watching it like a spectator instead of a participant. I handed my son over to his grandmother.

  She took him in her arms. I watched her rub her face against Alex’s cheek. He grabbed her cheek and squeezed it. My mother found this funny.

  I felt like I was in a movie, a family drama that was a feel-good movie.

  Hours went by and dinner came and went. Curtis had left us. He had a date with one of his many women. I walked my mother to her car. We were finally alone. I opened her driver’s door. She turned to me. I really wanted to know how she truly felt.

  “I want to be in my grandson’s life.”

  “You will be.”

  “You live in L.A.”

  “Kelby lives here. I will make sure you see him.”

  “I missed so much already.”

  “And you won’t miss anymore of his life. This is not the last time you’ll see him. Kelby is a good person. It’s my fault that you didn’t meet him sooner. I disappeared.”

  “Are you two in a relationship?”

  I didn’t expect that question. “We’re co-parenting.”

  “I’m not trying to be in your business.”

  “I know. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. This is my first time being a father.”

  “I can see you care about her.”

  “I don’t know maybe.”

  “You do. I can see it.”