Imposter in Zebra-striped Briefs

by C. C. Dado

  Suddenly he leaned down and literally ripped his jeans right off like they weren’t even sewn together, leaving him in only a pair of zebra-striped boxer briefs. When the stripper got back to the chair, the tempo started to pick up again. His eyes locked on Nathan’s. He seemed a bit indecisive and missed a beat, then slowly straddled Nathan’s leg, continuing to move to the music.

  Everything seemed to be in slow motion as Nathan looked up past his hips to lean, sculpted abs and chest, and met a pair of smoldering brown eyes. As the stripper continued to grind on Nathan, the tempo of the music changed. Nathan had never been this close to a half-naked man, nor had he ever had a man gyrate on him. As the rhythm built, so did Nathan’s breathing, right along with the tension in their gaze.

  This suddenly felt very real to Nathan, like real real. His inhibitions stripped away, and motivated by alcohol and lust, he leaned up and pressed his mouth against the stripper’s. He seemed startled at first, but grabbed the back of Nathan’s neck and kissed him back. Nathan completely forgot about the party. He tasted beer in the stripper’s kiss and smelled the leathery musk of his cologne as he nipped his bottom lip before plunging his tongue into Nathan’s mouth. Nathan’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. This man’s touch was overwhelming all his senses. This was better than any dream ever.

  That was until he heard the people around the dance floor hooting and whistling, and the stripper jumped off him like he had just been shocked by an electric fence. He wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, looking at Nathan while his chest rose and fell like an angry bull’s.

  Nathan was horrified. Not again. He was never going to try to kiss another person as long as he lived. He looked up and caught Josh’s startled expression and bulging eyes before a look of pity washed across his face.

  “I’m sorry,” Nathan mumbled, standing up, unable to make eye contact with anyone else. He walked as fast as he could to the door, away from the party and back to the safety of his new apartment.

  Chapter 7

  WTF (David)

  WHAT THE fuck just happened? David thought, watching the guy with the glasses make his way through the crowd of people to the rooftop door. David’s mind was spinning from more than just the alcohol he had earlier. Thankfully someone started up more music and everyone was dancing again, seemingly forgetting about what just happened. He wished he could do the same. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to control his breathing, seeing one of the grooms walking his way.

  “Hey, buddy, I’m Josh, the other groom,” he said, putting his hand out.

  “Uh, hi, name’s David,” he said as he shook Josh’s hand.

  “You okay?” Josh followed David’s line of sight in the direction Nathan went.

  “Yeah. Sorry about your friend. I didn’t mean to give him the wrong impression, but I’m not actually gay.” David grabbed his clothes, figuring his dancing was over at that point.

  “Does your penis know that?” Josh chuckled as he patted David’s shoulder.

  David looked down to see his dick so hard it was coming out of the top of his ridiculous zebra-striped underwear. He couldn’t even respond he was so confused and embarrassed by what had happened and his body’s obvious reaction to another man.

  “Nathan lives in apartment B-2… just in case,” Josh said, paying David before joining his fiancé on the dance floor.

  David threw on his T-shirt, snapped his jeans back on, and headed down the stairs. As he got close to the main door, he saw B-2 on the right and stalled. He leaned his head against the wall, trying to get his emotions in check. He should just leave. He knew that was the right decision to make, the easiest decision. And he kept thinking that even as he raised his hand to knock on the door, but before his knuckles made contact, he turned and walked away. David walked down the front steps of the brownstone, fearing his life had just changed. He took his phone out to call for a cab.

  Chapter 8

  The morning after (Nathan)

  THE NEXT morning Nathan woke up with rumpled sheets wrapped around his legs. He ran his fingers across his lips, remembering last night. Even if part of him didn’t want to conjure up the humiliation, he’d just had his first real kiss. Nathan was trying not to let the little fact that it was with a stripper who didn’t really want to kiss him ruin it. If Nathan were at all artistic, he could recreate every curve of David’s washboard stomach by memory alone. As he lay there replaying the night before, there was a knock on his door.

  Nathan felt a moment of panic, like whoever was at the door had caught him fantasizing. He rolled out of bed, trying to clear a head that was partially foggy from drinking last night, and went to the door in his plaid pajama pants and T-shirt. Nathan peeked through the peephole to see who could possibly be at his door this early in the morning, and was surprised to see Josh looking like he had just rolled out of bed as well.

  “Hey, you’re alive,” Josh said as Nathan opened the door. “Brandon is cooking up a hangover feast. Come over and join us.”

  “Umm, I don’t think so.” Nathan looked down at the floor, completely embarrassed over the way he had acted at their party last night.

  “Oh, come on. We’re super hungover,” Josh placed his hand on Nathan’s shoulders like he was preparing him for a pep talk. “No one even remembers last night.”

  Nathan was torn between wanting to move to a new building so he never had to see any of them again and wanting to be friends with these great guys who had so openly embraced him. His craving for friendship won out. “Okay, thanks. Let me just change.”

  “Don’t bother. We just crawled out of bed.” Josh threw his arm around Nathan and directed him to their door.

  “Look who I found,” Josh said as they walked into the apartment. Nathan smelled waffles and syrup in the air.

  “Hey, Nathan, have a seat,” Brandon said from the kitchen.

  Nathan wasn’t sure where to sit. He decided to take a stool at the kitchen counter so he could chat with Brandon while he cooked.

  “Is there anything I can help with?” Nathan asked, seeing Brandon mix up more waffle batter.

  “Nope. You’re our guest. I’m a nice Southern boy, Nathan. My momma would tan my hide if she heard me asking a guest to help in the kitchen. Speaking of which, she is coming into town this week and hosting the rehearsal dinner for us here. Just close friends and family. We would really like you to come.”

  Nathan was uncomfortable since he had never been rolled into someone’s close friend category, and it was a little weird they wanted to since he’d just met them. “I probably shouldn’t. I don’t want to intrude.”

  “Nonsense. I can tell that six months from now you are going to be one of our best friends, and we’ll be sitting around wishing you had been a part of our wedding,” Brandon assured him, pouring more batter onto the waffle griddle.

  “Don’t bother fighting it, Nathan. When Brandon decides something, there’s no way to talk him out of it,” Josh said, walking up behind Brandon and giving him a quick kiss.

  Nathan shifted on the barstool. “Okay. Um, I’m sorry I ran out on everyone last night, by the way. I was a bit embarrassed.”

  “No need to be embarrassed. People do stuff when they drink they wouldn’t normally do,” Brandon said, looking at Josh.

  “What?” Josh looked confused until his expression suddenly changed to one of understanding. “Seriously? It was a misunderstanding. Sharon said she learned a new trick on vacation in Tijuana. What was I supposed to think?”

  “Not that she was going to fuck a donkey, I can tell you that much,” Brandon said, shaking his head in disgust. “And seriously, you’re gay. Why would you even want to watch some lady screw a donkey?”

  “First of all I was wasted! And secondly I was intrigued,” Josh said unashamedly.

  Brandon shook his head again.

  “So what was her trick?” Nathan asked, laughing.

  “Oh, she learned how to balance a spoon on her nose. Super ant
iclimactic, right?” Josh said, rolling his eyes at Nathan and cuddling into Brandon’s side, grabbing a piece of bacon.

  “You probably will never run into him again.” Brandon ignored Josh and placed Nathan’s plate of food in front of him. “No harm, no foul, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” Nathan said, taking a bite of his waffle, knowing he really wanted to run into him again.

  Chapter 9

  The morning after (David)

  DAVID HAD been lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours contemplating his sexuality. His inner monologue over whether he was gay or not was going to make him crazy. The term bisexual rolled around in his head; he had dated girls before and he definitely couldn’t call himself straight after last night. Maybe he was bisexual, but really, had a female ever turned him on the way that guy did last night? Nathan. He liked the name. David never thought about whether or not he liked a person’s name or not before, but the name fit him. David wondered if it was short for Nathaniel. He could totally see that. He looked really intelligent. The answer was flat-out no, he had never felt a pull like that before to another person. He was starting to wonder if he was an eunuch, since he had yet to meet someone that made the world pause when you saw them, like his mom had always described meeting his dad. Until last night, the minute he locked eyes with Nathan. So did that mean he was gay? Or maybe it was just Nathan. Part of him wished he would have knocked on that door last night, but he had to figure his shit out. Nausea was overwhelming him. He threw his covers off and staggered into the bathroom, hoping his brother wasn’t awake yet. Thankfully when he got home last night, his brother was sleeping.

  He wasn’t so lucky now. He strolled out into the living room and saw Jamie sitting on the couch playing a video game.

  “Hey, brother, how’d it go?” Jamie asked, setting down his controller, waiting for his response.

  David walked past him into the kitchen to grab some breakfast, really just trying to avoid answering the question. They were always pretty close, but he didn’t think he could talk to Jamie about this. David started some coffee and made a bowl of oatmeal in an attempt to kill the nausea.

  “So dude. Tell me how it went,” Jamie finally said.

  “It went fine,” David deadpanned.

  Jamie stared at David in disbelief. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say about stripping for a gay bachelor party? ‘It went fine.’ Seriously did something bad happen? Did you chicken out? Shit, you did, didn’t you,” Jamie said, shaking his head, looking at the floor.

  “No, I didn’t chicken out. I danced, got paid, and I’m hoping we can never bring it up again.”

  David heard Jamie’s sigh of relief. “Hey, thanks. Really you’re the best brother ever.”

  “Yeah, no problem,” David said. “How you feeling?”

  “Much better, even though you forgot my soup,” Jamie said ungratefully.

  David shook his head, realizing he had lost his appetite, and went back to bed, thinking maybe things would be clearer when he wasn’t hungover.

  Chapter 10

  Working (Nathan)

  NATHAN WAS still getting settled into the new place. Between work and adjusting to having friends, these past few days had been completely crazy. Josh wasn’t kidding when he said Nathan was “his” new friend. Josh managed to swing by for something or other every night and hang out for a bit. Nathan was pretty sure he was just trying to get out of Brandon’s way since he was manically planning the perfect wedding taking place in one week.

  Josh started texting Nathan too. He was pretty funny. He liked to talk in e-cards—Nathan swore there must be an e-card for everything—and most of them were super inappropriate, stuff you would never actually say to someone in person. He wasn’t quite comfortable enough to respond to most of them, but Josh sent a follow-up text after the first one that said, You know you laughed. It felt really natural to be friends with Josh. At first he was worried after the misunderstanding when they met that it would be awkward between them, but Josh was so cool and easy to get along with, they just clicked as friends. It was the first time he had really had a true friend like this.

  After twenty-three years of feeling like he couldn’t be himself, he was finally happy. He still kept thinking about that stripper, though. It was weird. He had only kissed one person in his life—well, two if you counted Josh—and he’d gotten both kisses without the other person wanting them. But for some reason, kissing the stripper felt different, like mind-blowing different.

  Nathan was analyzing scans from a recent clinical study when he heard the ding of his cell phone. He was already laughing before he looked at the text. His friendship with Josh was certainly making his workdays more interesting.

  The stripper called me and asked for your number. Want me to give it to him? FYI Pretty sure there’s an e-card for that ;) If not there definitely should be.

  Nathan typed frantically. What? Why would he ask for my number? Nathan started to sweat and got a little nauseous at the thought of seeing the stripper again. He had to find out his name; he couldn’t keep calling him “the stripper.” It made him feel dirty.

  Ding…. My guess is he is not as straight as he thought.

  Nathan felt his stomach drop reading Josh’s last text. What should I do? Did you get his name?

  Ding…. It’s David, and it’s up to you. But I did tell him if he fucks with you, I will beat the shit out of him.

  Nathan sat down hard on the lab stool, overwhelmed. On one hand he couldn’t believe Josh had threatened David. He liked the name, he thought absently. He had never had someone who wanted to stand up for him.

  Ding…. Brandon said quit being a baby and do it.

  Nathan sat there building up his courage like he was going to jump out of an airplane, not give a guy his number. He typed his response before he had time to chicken out. Do it.

  Ding…. Done.

  Nathan ran to the garbage can as his mouth started to water. He held the edges of the can, wanting to text Josh back: Don’t do it, don’t do it.

  What was he going to do if David called? What did you say to a straight guy who’d danced practically naked on you, then ran away after you kissed him?

  Ding… Brandon said stop freaking out, it will be fine.

  Ding… He’s always right. Don’t tell him I said that.

  Nathan shut off his phone and stuffed it in his bag.

  Four hours later….

  NATHAN STOOD in his kitchen, staring at the phone on the counter like it was a creature from another planet about to attack him. Every once in a while he would go over and touch the power button to wake it up to make sure he hadn’t missed a call while he was staring at it, like that was even possible.

  He started to wonder if the guy was even going to call. Maybe he’d asked for the number, then changed his mind. Or maybe he’d given it to some thug who was going to come over and beat him up for trying to make out with a straight guy. That didn’t make sense. Why would he need to pay someone for that? He was way bigger than Nathan. He could do it himself if he wanted to, but not if he was so disgusted by what happened that he never wanted to lay eyes on Nathan again. Or maybe he was going to write it on the men’s room wall: For a good time call….

  Oh God. Nathan sat at the kitchen table and lowered his head between his knees before he started hyperventilating. Maybe his mom was right. Maybe he should be medicated. Nathan knew the medication would calm his anxiety, but he was literally afraid of taking it. Every time he read a list of side effects, that was all he could focus on, and Nathan knew he would get whatever the worst symptom was if he dared to take it. Right now he didn’t care what the worst side effect was; it couldn’t be worse than what he was feeling at this moment.

  He got up and went to the cupboard where he had shoved his stockpile of meds. His mom never checked to see if he ever took any of this stuff. He thought she felt better being able to tell people he was medicated and he wasn’t just naturally socially awkward.

 
Nathan was rifling through the bottles—trying to remember what all the labels meant, knowing there had to be something there to calm him down—when his phone vibrated on the counter. He froze, turned, and looked at it as it vibrated again. Knowing it would go to voicemail soon, he leapt to the other side of the counter to answer it.

  “Hello,” Nathan said, sounding horribly squeaky to his own ears. He felt his face heat up.

  “Um, hi, Nathan. This is David. I was the dancer the other night at your friend’s bachelor party.”

  “Oh, yeah. Um, hi. What can I help you with today?” Nathan quietly banged his head on the counter, wishing his life had a rewind button, because he sounded like a customer service agent.

  Nathan thought he heard David chuckle under his breath. “Hey, listen, I wanted to apologize for freaking out on you the other night. I had a bit too much to drink before the party.”

  “No need to apologize. I did too. I barely even remember that night,” Nathan lied through his teeth.

  “Oh.” Nathan wasn’t sure, but he could swear David sounded disappointed. “Well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out. I could bring over some beer and we could catch the game or something.” David sounded a little nervous too.

  “Uh, sure.”

  “Cool. I’ll see you in like twenty.”

  “Okay,” Nathan said.