Imposter in Zebra-striped Briefs

by C. C. Dado

  “Bye, Nathan.”

  “Bye, David.”

  Nathan stood in the kitchen for a few minutes not moving, then realized he had twenty minutes. Was what he had on okay? What did you wear for a guy coming over to watch a game? Is that all this was, or was it a date? He was not going to mistake affection again. Maybe David wanted to be his friend. That actually made more sense than a super-hot ripped stripper coming over for a date with him. But why would he want to be buddies with him either?

  Nathan stopped thinking about it and left his apartment, crossed the hall, and banged on Brandon and Josh’s door.

  “Hey, Nathan,” Brandon said as he opened the door. He took a second look at Nathan’s panic-stricken face and called Josh. “Honey, I think Nathan is here to talk to you,” he hollered without taking his eyes off Nathan.

  “What’s… uuup?” Josh’s voice trailed off as he took a look at Nathan. “You okay, buddy?”

  “He’s coming over. Why is he coming over? He said he wanted to watch a game with me, and he’s bringing beer. Why would he want to watch a game with me?”

  “Okay, calm down. You’re fine. It’s called a date,” Josh said, moving in front of Brandon and grabbing on to Nathan’s shoulders.

  Nathan looked up at Josh, feeling like his eyes were going to bulge out of his head.

  “Seriously, dude, calm down. What time is he coming over?”

  “Twenty minutes, but that was like five minutes ago, so, oh God, he will be here in fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay.” Josh gave Brandon a quick kiss on the mouth. “I will be right back, baby,” he said with a little chuckle.

  “Take your time. I’m going to start dinner.”

  Josh turned Nathan toward his apartment and walked him across the hall, through the open front door, and sat him down on the couch. “Okay, now tell me why you are freaking out,” he said as he squatted in front of Nathan.

  “I don’t know how to do this.”

  “Do what?”

  “Date!” Nathan screeched. “The closest I have come to a date was kissing your neck while you tried to hide from your fiancé,” he admitted as his face flushed.

  “Let’s not forget you’ve also made out with the straight stripper,” Josh tried joking to lighten the mood but failed drastically. “Too soon? Sorry. It’s going to be fine, Nathan. You’re twenty-three. Have some fun. See what happens. He would not be coming over if he weren’t interested in you.”

  “What if he just wants to be my friend, like you did?”

  “He doesn’t.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because I’ve been with a lot of guys. Trust me. That man does not want to just be your friend.”

  “Okay.”

  “And if you’re going to practice, you might as well do it on a ‘curious straight guy.’”

  “Why?”

  “Because if you suck at it, no pun intended, he isn’t going to tell anyone about it. It will be like it didn’t even happen.”

  “Oh,” Nathan said, deflated.

  “Just don’t fall for him, okay?” Josh said, grabbing Nathan by the side of the neck reassuringly.

  “Okay.”

  “All right, I’m going back home,” Josh said, standing up and moving toward the door. “You got everything covered here? Do you need to jump in the shower and do a little complimentary manscaping before he gets here?”

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing, dude.” Josh chuckled as he headed out the door. “Have a good time. Call me in the morning.”

  Chapter 11

  The date (David)

  DAVID PARKED his vintage blue Ford Bronco in front of Nathan’s brownstone and dropped his head onto the steering wheel, contemplating what he was about to do. All he knew was he could not stop thinking about that night, replaying what happened with Nathan and trying to make sense out of it. He was so tired. He hadn’t really slept since the night of the bachelor party.

  David took a deep breath, wondering if his Sounders T-shirt and soccer pants were too casual. He wasn’t a soccer player anymore, but he’d never gotten out of the habit of dressing like one. Maybe he should have at least put on a decent pair of jeans. David grabbed the pizza and beer off the passenger seat, shaking his head at himself, and hopped out of the truck. He walked up to the front door and hit the buzzer for B-2.

  “Hello.”

  “Uh, hi, Nathan. It’s David.”

  “Oh, I will buzz you in.”

  The buzz of the door felt like a prison cell closing. When David got to Nathan’s door, he was just opening it. David thought he looked nervous, which made him feel better. He also thought he looked adorable, which made him feel worse.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi,” Nathan said in return as they stood there staring at each other, not moving. “Oh, uh, come in.” Nathan moved out of the doorway and motioned for David to enter. When David went in he noticed a partially packed or maybe partially unpacked living room, with empty boxes and hundreds of books stacked against the walls.

  “I grabbed a pizza. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I guessed and got half-vegetarian, half-meat eater’s.” David handed the pizza box to Nathan.

  “That works. Thank you.”

  “Are you okay with me being here?” David asked, looking into Nathan’s green eyes. He had a sudden urge to push up the glasses that had started to slide down Nathan’s nose a bit in his nervousness.

  “Um, sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” Nathan said, turning around and stepping into the kitchen to set the pizza on the counter. “Do you want pizza now?” He started rifling through the cupboards for plates until David laid his hand on his shoulder and turned him around.

  “I know this is weird, and I’m sorry. I just… I need to know why I can’t stop thinking about you. I know it’s not fair to you. I have no idea what is going on. I have never been attracted to another guy before. I thought maybe we could hang out together as friends and give me some time to figure it out. I swear I’m not trying to lead you on or anything like that. I honestly thought when I left here the other night I would pretend what happened between us never happened, but I can’t.”

  Nathan stared into David’s eyes, not speaking, leaving David to wonder if he was about to be asked to leave. Instead Nathan grabbed a beer off the counter and handed it to him. “You turn on the game, and I’ll dish up the pizza.”

  David accepted the beer. “Thank you.” They both knew he was talking about more than just the beer.

  “So you like to read?” David asked once they got settled on the couch with the game on and pizza in hand, looking around at the overflowing bookshelves.

  “Yes,” Nathan admitted, looking embarrassed by the vast amount of books he had.

  “Are you some kind of genius or something?” David noticed there wasn’t any light reading, from what he could tell. It was mostly science and medical textbooks and geographical novels.

  “Technically no, I was three points shy of that title.”

  “So what does a ‘technically not a genius guy’ do for a living?” David asked, grinning at Nathan.

  “I work in a medical research lab.”

  “Sounds about right. You work with rats and stuff?” David gave a full-body shiver.

  “Mice sometimes, but not at the moment.” Nathan said, smiling. “I mostly work with plants at the university, working on a cure for degenerative brain diseases like Alzheimer’s.”

  “Uh, wow. I’m officially impressed.” David looked at Nathan in awe. “Okay, tell me something bad about yourself so I stop thinking you might walk on water too.”

  “I am a little claustrophobic,” Nathan admitted.

  “Like, what’s a little?”

  “Like, I panic a bit if I don’t have an exit, or if there is only one exit, or if there are multiple exits but the ratio of people in the room to exits is too much. I have a tendency to calculate my odds of dying in any given situation. I’m kind of crazy, I guess,�
�� Nathan said, seeming flustered by making the admission. “Aurora is always trying to put me on medication for it. What about you?”

  “Whoa, not so fast. First let me say I like that you’re a little crazy. Second, clowns scare the shit out of me.” David added to make Nathan feel better. “And third, who’s Aurora?”

  “Oh, that’s my mom.”

  “You call your mom by her first name? My mom would kill me.”

  “Yeah, well, Aurora’s not your average mom,” Nathan said with a bit of sadness. “Why do clowns scare you?” Nathan changed the subject but seemed genuinely curious.

  “Are you kidding me? Have you not seen Poltergeist?” David looked shocked at Nathan.

  “No, should I rent it?” Nathan asked, fidgeting with his beer.

  “Not if I’m here.”

  “So how did you get into, um, what you do for a living? Is it stripper or exotic dancer? I’m not sure what the right title is.”

  “Ha,” David laughed, and almost choked on his pizza. “I’m not a stripper, Nathan. I was just helping out my brother.”

  “Oh. Well, you’re really good at it,” Nathan said, blushing.

  “I actually build furniture for a living.” David chose to ignore the flutter in his stomach over Nathan’s opinion of his stripping.

  “Like what kind of furniture?” Nathan said, sounding interested, taking a bite of his pizza.

  “I do craftsman-style pieces using reclaimed wood.”

  “That’s great. How did you get into that?” Nathan leaned back on the couch, partially facing David as they talked.

  “I blew my knee out my second year of college and lost my soccer scholarship. My parents volunteered to pay the rest of my way, but I knew they couldn’t really afford it. I worked some odd jobs for a bit, then started working in my dad’s woodshop in my free time. It started as me making furniture for my apartment. I couldn’t afford a lot, so I would get wood off old fallen-down barns and stuff. I was always pretty good at it, and my dad had taught me old-school tongue-and-groove woodworking, so the aged look of the wood worked nice in the style. My dad started showing people what I was doing, and it kind of took off. When my parents decided to move to Arizona, my dad basically gave me everything out of his woodshop when they sold the house, so I found a little place in Freemont. We’ve been open almost three years now. I get a lot of orders through word of mouth. It wasn’t what I had planned, that’s for sure. But I’m happy. My little brother Jamie is still in school, and he pays his way dancing at parties. He was sick the other night and afraid he was going to lose his job. So I filled in.”

  “You’re a good brother,” Nathan said, then focused on the TV.

  David only partially watched the game. Nathan kept looking at him, and he could tell Nathan was still nervous. His napkin was torn to pieces in front of him from his fidgeting. Nathan cringed as he took a sip of beer. David smiled to himself, knowing Nathan was drinking a beer with him even though he obviously hated it.

  “You don’t have to drink that if you don’t like it, you know.” David said, relaxing back to watch the game.

  “No, it’s good, really. I’m just not usually a beer drinker.” Nathan leaned back on the couch next to David after taking another sip of his beer without cringing.

  That was the last thing David remembered. He must have dozed off while they were watching the game. Then his senses were filled with Nathan: his smell, the feel of his skin as David nuzzled into his neck. David thought he was having a dream until Nathan’s hair tickled his nose. David took stock of his position before opening his eyes. His arm was resting over Nathan’s waist and his face was tucked into the side of his neck.

  David slowly lifted his head to look at Nathan, who was wide awake and a little in shock. “Ahhh, I’m sorry. How long was I out for?” David asked, rubbing his face.

  “About two hours. You looked so tired earlier I didn’t want to wake you.” Nathan broke eye contact bashfully.

  David had an overwhelming urge to kiss him but didn’t want to do anything until he was sure this was what he wanted. “You should have pushed me off you. That couldn’t have been comfortable, sitting up like that for two hours with me practically lying on you.”

  “I was fine.” Nathan looked back at David, his blush deepening.

  “Well, thanks.” David wasn’t sure what else to say, starring into Nathan’s wanting eyes, knowing his were reflecting that same look back, but knowing he couldn’t act on it.

  “I better head out.” David got up and grabbed his coat. “I really liked hanging out, even though I slept through half of it. Maybe we can do it again sometime?”

  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

  David got to the door and turned around, almost running into Nathan, who was following him. “By the way, that was the best sleep I’ve had in, well—I can’t remember when I’ve slept that well.” David didn’t realize it was even possible to blush deeper than Nathan already was. “Good night, Nathan,” he said, stepping into the hallway as Nathan closed the door with a shy “Goodnight” in return.

  David made it halfway down the hall when he heard a door open behind him.

  “Hey, wait up a sec.” David turned to see Josh, Nathan’s neighbor, make his way towards him. David tensed, feeling like this wasn’t going to be a ‘how are you doing’ conversation. Josh didn’t even have shoes on so he must have heard him leaving and rushed out. Josh matched David in height. He could see why some folks might be intimidated by him. David waited for Josh to speak.

  “I know I’m overstepping my bounds here but Nathan’s my friend and I got a pretty good idea of who you are. Don’t fuck with his head, okay? If you want to mess around and dip your toe in the gay pool, more power to you, but don’t make him think it’s more than that just to get some.”

  David instantly wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and mind his own business but he knew Josh was a good friend of Nathan’s. He was actually kind of glad Nathan had friends that looked out for him like this, even though he didn’t want to be the one people protected him from. “I’m not messing with his head. I think it’s more the other way around.” David chuckled to himself over how true that statement was. “I never had any intention of dipping anything, anywhere, until I met Nathan.” The look on Josh’s face made him realize how that sounded. “That’s not what I meant, I mean he’s different than anyone I’ve ever met before. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I wasn’t expecting this, honestly I’m not a hundred percent sure how to react to it, but I’m not messing with him.”

  Josh must have been satisfied with David’s response. “I hope you get it figured out. You have a good night.” And with that Josh turned and slowly made his way back to his apartment.

  Chapter 12

  Monster-in-law (Nathan)

  THE NEXT day Nathan made the mistake of texting Josh on his way to work and telling him David had fallen asleep on him, then got up and left. That had been the longest, most torturous two hours of his life. At first he was going to wake him up, but when he tried to move, David nuzzled into his neck, tightened his arm around Nathan’s waist, and said his name so quietly on an exhaled breath Nathan thought for sure he had imagined it. So Nathan had sat there, pretending it was real, that his boyfriend had fallen asleep and he would eventually wake him up and take him to bed. But of course that was not what happened. But he had asked to see him again, so that had to be a good sign.

  When Nathan got back home Josh was still out with Brandon and his mom, picking up supplies for the dinner that night. Somehow Josh had managed to text him all day. He said Nathan needed to be better prepared in case he ended up in a similar situation in the future, and then something about slacking on his mentoring duties, and instantly started to send Nathan video links that made Nathan wonder if he was really trying to help or just messing with him. Thankfully he was working alone in the lab. It started with three video tutorials on giving the perfect blow job and one article about the power of going commando. He cave
ated the link with the text Tell David he can thank me later, making Nathan chuckle in embarrassment. Nathan set his bag down next to the couch, and headed to the kitchen for a snack to tide him over until tonight.

  Ding…. He heard his phone go off again as he was grabbing an orange from the fridge. Nathan set the orange on the counter and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

  Maybe I’m jumping the gun here. What are you into?

  Nathan wasn’t quite sure how to answer that. He leaned back against the kitchen counter and stared at the keypad for a second before responding. Guys?

  Ding…. I’m literally shaking my head at you right now….

  Ding…. Josh instantly followed up his last text. I meant what turns you on about a guy. Eyes? A nice ass? I need to know what I’m working with here.

  Nathan felt like the entire world could see his words as he typed his response. I think men’s feet are sexy.

  Ding… Josh responded, apparently not fazed at all by Nathan’s answer. All right then, let’s start at the toes and work our way up.

  This was followed by multiple sexual tutorials Nathan was shocked were even allowed on the internet.

  When his phone rang instantly after the last text about the how-tos and possible health hazards of rimming, Nathan knew it was going to be Josh.

  “I’m not going to give him a rim job,” Nathan whispered into the phone. Even though he was at home alone, he was too embarrassed to say the words too loud.

  “Excuse me?” His mother’s appalled voice washed over him like a bucket of ice-cold humiliation.

  Nathan closed his eyes and prayed that didn’t just happen. Maybe she would ignore the beginning of the conversation like she ignored everything else she found displeasing.

  No such luck. Thirty minutes later he was still being lectured on what living in “Satan’s playground” was doing to him, and if he did not pack his stuff that instant, he was no longer a part of the family.

  Nathan heard a knock on his door, and swore he would hug whomever it was who was saving him from this.