Waiting on Forever

by Ashley Wilcox

  We sit cross legged facing each other on her bed while I fill her in on everything. When I get to the end my stomach twists and I realize that I haven’t heard anything from Matt. Not that I have anything to say to him, but I at least expected that he’d try to get in contact with me so he could try and explain. Did I mean that little to him?

  “Oh no, what’s wrong?” Kayla worries, obviously picking up on my mood change.

  As much as I try to hold it back, I can’t. The tears start to trickle down my face again.

  Damn him for making me weak!

  “He hasn’t even called,” I say between sniffles.

  Her eyes dart open, almost bulging out of her head before she leaps off the bed to grab something under my pillow.

  “Shit! I forgot,” she says, handing me my phone. “It started vibrating like crazy when the police got here, so I casually turned it off without you guys noticing.”

  I exhale in relief which pisses me off because I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to miss him. Visions of Matt screwing not only Brynn, but Brynn and Kate keeps creeping inside of my head making me not only incredibly pissed, but utterly disgusted. He makes such a production about sleeping with me, but goes and has a repulsive threesome with the two fakest bitches in our school. How can I even care about someone like that? But I do, and I can’t fuckin’ stand it.

  “You know what?” I say while my thumb hovers over the power button. “I don’t want to hear what he has to say.”

  “You go, girl!” Kayla says with a proud grin. “He’s just like the rest of them–only thinks with one head and it’s not the one attached to his neck.”

  Even though my heart and every muscle in my body aches for Matt and what he has done, I half smile with appreciation at Kayla’s attempt to make me feel better. I don’t care how much the girl drives me crazy or how easy she spreads her legs for every Tom, Dick, and Harry.

  She’s a sweet and loyal friend, and I frickin love her.

  Chapter 26

  It’s now well into the afternoon on Sunday and I’m still in bed. Last Sunday I rolled over to a beautiful face and was pinned down by a gorgeous body. I’m not sure if this is what college life is all about, every week a complete change from the last, but I don’t like it. I frickin hate it if I’m being honest. Maybe this is why I never cared about being in a relationship or hooking up with random people. It’s a cluster-fuck of crazy that I just don’t want any part of.

  “So, Trevor and I are going to go get somethin’ to eat. You wanna come?” Kayla softly asks.

  “Trevor? It’s daytime still, right?” I ask confused.

  Kayla doesn’t hang out with guys—especially during the day. Guys only serve one purpose for Kayla, and it’s not to be best buddies with.

  “I actually like this one,” she says with a sense of warmth in her voice.

  Shooting up to a sitting position, I stare at her shocked.

  Has hell frozen over again?

  This has been the most messed up weekend. I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone. Remember when you were little and you’d have opposite days? Yeah, I feel like that is happening to me right now.

  Nothing is as it should be. Everything is backwards.

  “Really?”

  “Don’t look at me like that. It is possible, ya know!” she snips with her hands on her hips.

  I give her a smirk.

  “Wow…” I say, shaking my head in disbelief. “Good for you.”

  She shrugs her shoulders. “Thanks. So, do you wanna come?”

  Sitting across from them and watching them be disgustingly cute is not something my stomach, or heart, can handle at the moment. “No, thanks. I’m not feelin’ so hot,” I say, holding my hand over my stomach.

  “Don’t let him ruin you, Leah. No guy is worth it,” Kayla says matter of factly.

  Ruin me? How exactly can someone ruin me?

  “I’m fine, really,” I answer with a half grin. “I just don’t feel good.”

  She exhales, knowing all too well that I’m lying through my teeth. I feel like shit and it has nothing to do will being ill.

  “K, but you better not still be in bed when I get back,” she orders.

  I force a smile before laying back down and facing the wall, so she can’t see the stray tear trickling down my face.

  Yeah, don’t count on it.

  Don’t count on anything requiring me to function like a normal human being. My life and every part of me has been sucked dry and served to Matt on a silver fucking platter to be eaten up and destroyed. Nothing about me is as it was before.

  Everything is the opposite.

  An hour later I roll over to see the Facebook notification blinking on my computer. My skin crawls with nervous goosebumps. I never turned my cellphone back on, but I’d forgotten about my Facebook. Sitting up and swallowing the knot that’s pushing up my throat, I swing my legs over the side of my bed and reach over to wiggle my mouse to brighten the screen. I have a message but it’s not from Matt. It’s from Landyn. Sighing in relief, I stand up and take the two steps to my computer and open the message.

  Landyn:

  Hey, wanna finish our project today?

  Crap, I forgot all about that that. We took some pictures the other day, but not enough and we need a better variety. I exhale, trying to decide the route to take. If I say yes, that means I have to actually get ready and be somewhat human. If I say no, I’ll be screwing Landyn over by throwing this all on him and setting myself up for a potential bad grade which is just unheard of.

  Ugh.

  Leah:

  Yeah, sounds good. When and where?

  I’m assuming word of what happened last night has probably gotten around, so he better not say to meet at his house or I just might bust in his face, too.

  Landyn:

  Quad in an hour?

  Good boy.

  Leah:

  That works.

  Landyn:

  K

  Deciding that it’s probably a good idea, I grab my bathrobe and shower caddy and make my way over to the bathroom. I’m temporarily blinded by the bright fluorescent lights lit up like a hospital in the hallway, but adjust after a few seconds.

  Thankfully there is no one in the bathroom who I have to force a smile or strike a fake conversation with, because I really don’t feel like it or think that I could.

  Aren’t I a peach today?

  When I get back to the room it’s dark, empty, and inviting. I contemplate crawling back into my bed and forgetting about any responsibilities that await me, but I push back my dark and twisted personality. I quickly get dressed and do my hair before I change my mind.

  My cellphone is sitting lifeless on my desk and I know I’m going to have to turn it on today. It’s Sunday and my parents will be checking in. Even though they just saw me yesterday, they never miss a Sunday call. With a deep breath I prevent the inevitable and press down the power button. Within seconds of turning it on the thing brightens and chimes so many times with missed texts, calls, and voicemails that you’d think it’s a damn singing, blinking Christmas tree. Not wanting to listen or read any of them, I cancel out of each screen without glancing at one. I stuff my phone in my back pocket, pick up my jacket, and go out the door.

  “Look at you. Not even a scratch,” Landyn greets me, impressed.

  It takes a minute to register what the heck he’s talking about, but then pride sweeps across my face when I realize he’s talking about my little brawl with Brynn.

  “And this surprises you?” I joke.

  He laughs at my confidence. “Nope. Not all, tough guy.”

  I give him my best “that’s right” kind of look with my first genuine smile in what feels like days.

  “Let me just tell you, you did some impressive work on that chick.”

  Last night is such a blur and I ran off so fast that I can’t remember or picture what exactly I did or what Brynn looked like after, but with Landyn’s statement and th
e grin on his face, it must have been a job well done on my part.

  “That bad, huh?” I ask, scrunching my nose up with a half smile.

  “Oh yeah…she’s gonna be lookin’ rough for a while.”

  I’m getting the impression that I’m not the only non Brynn fan.

  Even though this conversation is quite entertaining and fills me with the happiness that I’ve been lacking, the topic flirts too much with another situation that I’d like to stay as far away from as possible–the reason why my little moment of weakness even happened.

  “So pictures…” I say, changing the subject.

  “Yes, there’s a nice breeze today and I got a wicked cool idea when I was walking over here,” he tells me, completely forgetting about what we were talking about already.

  Well that was easy.

  Excited about his idea, he starts walking towards one of the academic buildings and motions for me to follow him. With his long legs and my short ones I have to almost jog to keep up with him.

  Wow, he’s really excited about this!

  We finally get to the little L-cove of the science building that connects the old wing to the new one, and in front of me is a little tornado-like swirl of brushed up leaves that the wind is making in the corner.

  Very cool!

  I immediately start snapping pictures before the wind disappears.

  “Good find,” I congratulate him after taking a dozen or so pictures.

  “Thanks,” he replies with a big goofy grin.

  I give him a warm smile back. He reminds me of my older brother–a big friendly teddy bear. I discreetly chuckle to myself because he even has the full cheeks and shaggy brown hair, just like my brother Chris. Landyn’s one of those guys that would be a loyal friend and go out of their way to make you smile, even if it’s acting like a complete dumbass which he hasn’t done... yet.

  “I think we’re good,” I say after snapping a few more pictures of random things that might be a nice contrast to some of the others.

  “Do ya have time to go over to the art building and develop them?” he questions.

  Since I’m back to Loner Leah with no life and no boyfriend, I have all the time in the world.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Just like Meredith promised, the art building and our classroom is unlocked. We quickly collect all of our supplies before heading into the dark room. For a while we work in silence, helping each other out and praising the pictures that come out good. But soon Landyn asks the question that I was hoping he wouldn’t go near.

  “Have you talked to MJ?”

  My breath catches, hearing his name, and I swallow so hard you can almost hear the gulp.

  “No,” I quickly respond in a dry tone, hoping he’ll get the hint that I don’t want to talk about Matt.

  “I think you should talk to him, Leah,” he continues in a low caring voice.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” I casually respond, hanging a damp picture up on the drying rack.

  “I think you’ve got it all wrong,” he says, leaning back on the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. “MJ’s a good guy. He’s not like the others.”

  I once thought that, too.

  “Yeah. Well…seeing is believing,” I answer, still carrying on with what I’m doing.

  “Not everything is what it appears,” he rebuttals, raising an eyebrow.

  Annoyed with his statement and knowing what I saw, I quickly turn on my heels so that I am completely facing him.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Landyn shrugs his shoulders.

  “Just talk to him.”

  I stand there and look at him puzzled, trying to understand what he’s insinuating. I feel like there’s more to Matt that I don’t know and Landyn does, but it isn’t something he feels he can tell me. This intrigues me.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  Landyn leaves it at that and we go back to our project.

  Chapter 27

  Last night I came to a conclusion–I’m giving myself the day off.

  I never skip classes, work, or anything for that matter. I’m an above average student, present every day. I’m always early to work, never just on time. When it comes to academics and responsibilities I’m the staple student and stand up kid. But everyone needs a break at some point or another, and today is the day that I’m allowing myself that time off. Oh, and I don’t want to see Matt. Yeah, I know–pathetic, but it’s just too soon. I will talk to him. I will confront him about Saturday night, but not today. Not yet.

  Although I’m exhausted and feel like I haven’t slept in days, I’m staring at the clock–it’s 8:58 a.m. Two minutes until I’m supposed to be in French class with Matt. I’m not quite sure why it’s a big deal, or why the butterflies are flapping nervously in my gut, but it is and they are. And like I expected, at exactly 9 a.m. my cellphone rings with none other than the song Brown Eye Girl by Van Morrison that Matt programmed in my phone under his number. I watch it as it sings and vibrates on my desk. I don’t move. I don’t answer it. I just watch it ring. After the fourth ring, it stops. I wait to hear it chime with the voicemail notification, but it doesn’t. I wait a few more seconds, but still, nothing happens.

  Huh.

  But then it beeps. He texted me. This I can deal with.

  Taking a deep breath, I swing my legs over the side of my bed and reach over and pick my phone up. With one more deep breath, I unlock the screen and open the message.

  Sitting there, I just stare at the screen. I don’t read it more than once, but I can’t look away. I’m numb, speechless, confused. So much was said in just that four sentence message that I’m just trying to take it all in.

  He didn’t cheat on me.

  Something big happened.

  He needs me.

  It’s cold as fuck outside.

  How is that even true? I saw it.

  What could have happened that is more important than our current situation?

  He needs me?

  And yeah, it’s upstate NY. Of course it’s cold.

  Just as he warned, the intercom buzzes and the voice that makes my insides crumble follows it.

  “Baby, it’s me. Let me in.”

  Without even thinking, I hop off my bed, go over to the intercom and press the button to unlock the door. I don’t move. I just stand there–arms crossed and tapping my foot anxiously. No coherent thoughts are running through my head. Just nervous anticipation. I faintly hear the bell to the elevator ding, then the squishing sound of wet shoes walking along the tiled floor and coming in my direction. The sound stops outside my door and three soft knocks follow. Knowing that it’s now or never, I take a deep breath and open the door.

  Standing on the other side is an exhausted, soaked, ridiculously adorable Matt. My body instantly melts and tears trickle down my face. I’ve missed him.

  I need him, too.

  “Oh, Babe…” he whispers, pulling me into his chest.

  My arms naturally wrap around his waist and breathing in his scent, my body instantly relaxes into his arms. Matt allows just enough space between us to hold my face in his hands, staring at me with pain and warmth in his eyes, then pushes his lips on mine with so much emotion that I can feel it in my toes.

  After what feels like seconds, our mouths separate, but we stay there frozen. Foreheads touching and eyes fused together, exchanging every pained second we spent apart. I hope it’s true that he didn’t cheat on me and never would, because I don’t know if I could ever spend one more day without him. He has claimed my heart. I would never be able to give it to anyone else.

  Hook, line, and sinker–I belong to Matthew Jacobs.

  “Oh my god. I’ve missed your frickin face,” he says, kissing me again.

  This time the kiss becomes more passionate. We start moving inwards, mouths still feverishly attached. Matt kicks the door closed behind us, never loosening our hold on one another. Within seconds the back of my legs meet the sid
e of the bed, and in one swift movement I’m laying down with Matt on top of me.

  Matt reaches down for the hem of my shirt and pulls it up over my head. Even though I want this as bad as he does, I need to know the truth. Without stopping and in between kisses I ask, “you didn’t hookup with Kate and Brynn?”

  Running his mouth down my jawline, “Fuck no, baby.”

  Feeling his heavy breath next to my ear, I’m having a hard time concentrating, but manage to keep asking, “But I saw them walking out of your room, and Brynn–”

  He cuts me off as he makes his way down my chest. “They dropped an invite off for a party–they barely made it past the door.”

  I exhale deeply when his mouth slides over my nipple. “She said they…oh god!” He nips the peak of my breast, sending a wave of achingly delicious pleasure rippling throughout my body. My train of thought is long gone and has been replaced with an overwhelming surge of desire.

  He moves down my stomach. “Anything that comes out of her mouth is shit–don’t ever listen to her,” he says through heavy breaths and seductive kisses.

  For a second I don’t know what he’s talking about, but then remember that we were talking about Brynn.

  “K.”

  Although I know I shouldn’t be giving in this easily, I trust Matt. I trust that he’s telling me the truth, and I trust that he would never cheat on me. I don’t know if I ever truly believed that he did what I thought I saw, but given that actions speak louder than words and believing is seeing, I convinced myself that it had to be true. Now, hearing his confession and how the whole thing was just poor timing on my part and Brynn being the total bitch that she is...the whole situation seems so obsolete and a thing of the past.

  Once Matt’s mouth reaches the top on my pajama bottoms, he takes them off along with my underwear and throws them to the side. I’m completely exposed, laying naked for his viewing. Sitting back on his heels, he slowly runs his eyes up my body, taking it all in. When his eyes are back on mine, they are full of emotion.

  “Leah…” Matt softly says as he slowly climbs back over me, eyes glued to mine the whole time.