Waiting on Forever

by Ashley Wilcox

  “Yeah,” I whisper back, our faces only inches apart and his hands pushing into the pillow on each side of my head.

  “My heart belongs with you, baby. Only you and never anyone else.” He wipes away the stray tears that are beginning to slip down my face. “I want you right now–all of you, but I have to know that you feel the same way. I need to know you feel for me what I feel for you.”

  Cupping his face with my hands, I kiss him gently before softly pushing him back up off of me. Wondering what I’m doing, he looks at me confused and almost worried. Giving him a reassuring smile, I slip out from underneath him and head to Kayla’s desk. In the top drawer I pull out the “do not disturb” sign, crack the door slightly and then slip it on the outside handle.

  When I turn back around, Matt’s laying on his side watching intently and running his eyes slowly down my body as I make my way back over to the bed. Sliding in next to him with our bodies facing one another, I softly whisper the words that have been itching to come out.

  “You have my heart,” I confess, staring deep into his eyes. “I’ve loved you all along.”

  Licking his lips Matt leans in, but not all the way. He closes his eyes and inhales softly.

  “I’m so in love with you, Leah Bennett,” he passionately whispers before closing the distance, pressing his lips against mine.

  I wrap my arms around his neck as his body moves above me. Our tongues slide delicately together, tasting the love that we share. Running my hands slowly down his sides, I grip the bottom of his shirt to bring it up over his head. We continue kissing, moving very slowly and passionately and enjoying each second together. Unlocking our lips, Matt sweetly nuzzles my nose, then kisses me gently again before moving his face to the side of mine. Lightly nipping the bottom of my ear, he grazes my neck with his mouth, kissing and breathing heavily into the fold. My body warms from his touch and aches with desire as his mouth continues down my chest and over my breast. Matt takes his time, teasing and caressing one nipple with his hand while licking and sucking the other with his mouth and tongue. I let out a soft moan while arching my back, overwhelmed by the sensation.

  Removing his hand from one breast, but keeping his mouth on the other, Matt slides his hand down my stomach and between my legs. He teases my clit with his finger, swirling and rubbing it, warming my body and pushing me to the edge. I become more vocal, moaning uncontrollably—overstimulated and needing relief. Matt sees my struggle and stands up next to the bed, removing his pants and boxers. His erection springs free and my breathing grows heavy with eager anticipation.

  He pulls a condom from his wallet and rests it next to my head as he climbs back on top of me.

  “I need to tell you something,” he whispers once our faces are back in alignment.

  I don’t respond. I just stare passionately into his eyes, waiting for him to continue.

  “I’ve never given myself to anyone before,” he confesses. “I wanted my first time to be with someone that I couldn’t live without. Someone that I loved and could see a future with.”

  I look at him in disbelief. All this time I’ve thought he was experienced and has hooked up with multiple girls. Never did I ever imagine that he could, like me, be a virgin. It never even crossed my mind.

  “It’s true. My mom was a drug addict and my dad...well, who knows what he was. I never wanted to be like them. I never wanted to have mindless sex. I wanted it to mean something–I wanted it to be real.”

  I’ve always known that Matt wasn’t like the others, that he was different. He has a heart. He has a soul. And he has every quality that I ever dreamed that my somebody would have. He has captured my heart, he has won my soul and there’s nothing that will ever change that.

  “I love you,” I softly whisper before leaning up and kissing his lips.

  He moans in response and pushes his weight on top of me, transmitting the heat and fire back into our bodies and bringing us back to the need of being inside of me.

  Our mouths move feverishly together while our hands have a mind of their own. Soon my body aches with desire, not able to wait another second. Matt sits back on his heels and places the condom over his length. He moves slowly and gently back over me, trailing warm, sweet kisses up my stomach, over my chest and back over my mouth.

  Feeling his arousal resting on my folds, my hips instantly react and push up against him. Matt reaches down and lines the tip with my opening, pushing in gently. I can feel myself stretch around him, but it doesn’t hurt. It just kind of stings.

  “Oh god,” Matt breathes out once he pushes in further. “Are you good? Is this okay?” he asks, opening his eyes to make sure he’s not hurting me.

  I smile because words can’t express how wonderful it feels to have him inside of me. Any pain or discomfort I feel is numbed by the pleasure that’s flooding my body.

  “Yes, keep going,” I respond, wrapping my legs around his waist and gripping his back firmly with my hands.

  Not wasting a moment more, he buries his face into the fold of my neck and pushes in further and harder, quickening his rhythm with every thrust. A moan escapes my mouth as I feel my body building with warmth and aching with pleasure. I can feel his breathing grow deeper as I’m pushed to the edge—ready to break free.

  “Shit…” he moans, lifting his head and resting his forehead against mine.

  “Yeah…”

  “Look at me, baby,” Matt softly says between heavy breaths, still moving in and out of me.

  I open my eyes, to be greeted with his. He kisses me hard while quickening his pace to an unbearable speed. With all loss of control, my body unravels below him—tensing and spasming into a delicious orgasm.

  “Fuck,” he moans as I clench around his length, sending him spiraling into a release of his own.

  Once finished, his body collapses on top of mine and we lay there quietly, his face resting on my chest with my arms wrapped around his body, trying to catch our breaths. Not even realizing it, I slowly and sensually run my fingers gently up and down his back. Matt snuggles in closer, sliding his hands under my back so he can hold me tightly.

  “I love you,” he tells me again in a soft sweet voice.

  Exhaling with happiness, I respond, “I love you, too.”

  We lay in silence for a couple minutes longer, taking in the moment, reveling in the new step in our relationship.

  “I’ve got some news,” he says exhaling deeply, giving me the impression that it’s not good and something he isn’t very thrilled about.

  “Okay,” I answer, gently massaging his head with my fingers.

  “My stepfather showed up at the house last night.”

  I don’t answer. Since I know very little about Matt’s family I don’t understand the shock value of his stepdad coming to see him.

  “I didn’t even know I had one.”

  Okay, big shock.

  “You didn’t know your mom remarried?” I softly ask.

  He lightly chuckles.

  “I didn’t even know if she was still alive.”

  Realizing there’s going to be a lot more to this story that I’m about to learn, and wanting to be able to look him in the eyes as I comfort him through this, I push up onto my elbows. Matt slides off of me, removes and throws away the soiled condom, then slips back into bed across from me, pulling the blanket up with him. Our legs and arms tangle with one another while we lay naked, facing each other under the covers.

  He picks right back up from where he left off.

  “I was the product of one of my mom’s sex for drugs hook-ups. She wanted an abortion but my grandparents wouldn’t let her. They had her sign over her rights for me to them. They made her agree that she wouldn’t have any contact with me, that she’d just disappear. I guess she was so fucked up that even my grandparents lost hope for her.”

  Holy shit!

  “God, Babe,” I sympathize, feeling awful for him.

  “Eh, it is what it is. My grandparents were awesome and I li
ved a normal life. Everything was fine,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.

  “Do they still live upstate?” I ask, confused since he’s never spoken of them or seen them at any of his games.

  “No…” Matt exhales and swallows hard like he’s fighting back tears. “They passed away a few years ago. My grandma first, from cancer. My grandpa less than a year later from a broken heart.”

  My stomach twists and my heart aches knowing Matt has lost all the family he has ever known. I have such a huge, close family that I can’t imagine ever being alone and not having even one family member to lean on.

  “Collin’s family begged for me to move in with them, but I didn’t want to be a burden. They had their own life, their own family. I didn’t want to intrude.”

  “So what did you do?” I ask, scared to hear the answer.

  “I went into foster care,” he says like it’s no big deal. “My social worker, Brenda, was amazing and found me a couple that lived in my school district, so I didn’t have to switch schools. They were nice. Not the warm home that I grew up in, but they provided me with food and a bed to sleep in until I graduated.”

  A tear escapes my eyes, picturing how horrific the last few years of Matt’s life have been. And to make matters worse, he says it like it’s not that bad, like it could be worse. But it is awful. He’s never had a mom or dad who cared. For the last few years, he’s been living day to day anxiously awaiting graduation and turning eighteen, so he can legally be on his own.

  “Aw baby, don’t cry,” he says, wiping away my tears. “I’m fine…really. It’s okay.”

  I shake my head no, disagreeing with him. “No, it’s not okay, Babe,” I say, looking at Matt with heartfelt eyes. “You deserve so much more than the cards you were dealt.”

  He studies my face intently before responding. “It’s my past,” he whispers, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The edges of his lips curl up into a sweet grin. “I’m making up for it with my future.”

  A smile creeps across my face from the warmth of grin. He will be making up for his past with his future, because his future consists of me and him.

  By the sparkle in his eyes, I know that he can see it, too.

  Getting back to his original news, I ask, “So…your stepfather?”

  He exhales in remembrance. “Yeah. So, apparently my mom got cleaned up a while back and met this guy in an outpatient rehab. They got married, had two kids, and have been kinda livin’ a normal life since.”

  “So why show up now?” I ask confused.

  “Well, I guess my mom has been wanting to find me for a long time, but she signed that no contact order, agreeing to stay away. She was waiting for my eighteenth birthday to get in touch, but was diagnosed with lymphoma and rapidly growing leukemia a couple of months before my birthday…”

  Jesus Christ, this shit just never ends.

  “She and her husband said that they’d hold off on finding me until she got better, but I guess she’s not and actually dying, so that’s why he came looking for me. So she could meet me before she dies.”

  I stare at him blankly, not knowing how to respond. Talk about a cluster-fuck of crazy. My issues are nothing compared to his. Suddenly I’m feeling guilty for ever complaining about anything bad in my life. Nothing has ever compared to the struggles that Matt has endured.

  “Are you gonna see her? Do you want to?” I ask, not really knowing what I’d do.

  “I think so,” he responds, but not confidently.

  “I can go with you,” I offer, holding his cheek in my hand and providing him the comfort he needs and deserves.

  His body melts and loses its tension with the assurance of me standing by him through it all. I don’t know why he ever thought I wouldn’t, but it warms my heart knowing how much me being there relaxes him. Never will there ever be a day that goes by without Matt knowing how much he is loved and cared for by me. Never will this ever happen. Of this, I’m sure.

  “I don’t think I could do it without you,” he confesses, his voice shaky with the tears streaming down his face.

  “And you won’t have to. I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

  I kiss away the tears.

  Chapter 28

  Later that night Matt calls his stepfather, Jack, notifying him that he has decided to go through with meeting his mother, and that we can make the three hour drive to Buffalo, New York where they reside. Because her health is dwindling quickly with no knowledge of how much longer she has, Jack asks if we can come sooner than later. After talking with his coach and explaining the situation, Coach Peterson was more than okay with Matt missing their game this weekend and wished him the best.

  It’s now Friday afternoon and Matt and I are loading up my small Honda Civic with all of our belongings and everything we’ll need for the next two nights. Knowing that the situation is still fresh and awkward for Matt, Jack was kind enough to rent us a hotel room next to the hospital where his mother is being cared for. Although Matt has acted unaffected all week by this trip, I can tell his nerves are running wild. Not only is his mother alive, but she has a family which means Matt has a stepfather and siblings that he never knew existed.

  After taking a quick bathroom break and grabbing us both a coke from the refrigerator, I meet Matt in front of the car.

  “Ya ready?” I ask, coming up next to him and gently touching his arm.

  Matt looks down at me, studying my face with eyes full of emotion, but an apprehensive grin. “Yeah…I’m ready,” he softly responds.

  In an attempt to avoid the awkward silence and to keep Matt’s mind at ease, I have filled my iPod with music ranging anywhere from the annoying pop songs, to classic oldies to wanting to kill someone hard rock. I also bought a bunch of those Mad Libs books where you ask the other person a bunch of one word answered questions that fill in the blanks to a crazy short story. My brother and I used to do them all the time on long road trips and we’d laugh our asses off the entire time. On top of that, I have a whole duffle bag of junk food and candy. I’m bound and determined to make this trip as fun as I possibly can for Matt.

  “Okay, an adjective?” I ask Matt, filling in the blanks for a “How to get a girl to like you in school” Mad Lib story.

  “Um…sticky.”

  “Another one,” I ask.

  “Another adjective?”

  I nod my head yes.

  “Smelly.”

  “Keep in mind the subject isn’t football players after a game,” I explain.

  Matt looks at me with a smirk.

  “You said that I look sexy after my games. All hot and dirty and sweaty…”

  I look at him with a questionable grin as I try to hold back my laughter. “I said that?”

  “Sure did, Sweetcheeks.” He winks.

  Rolling my eyes, I continue with the last question. “Verb.”

  “Jump,” he answers, glancing over at me with a sweet grin, the one that makes his eyes sparkle and my heart flutter.

  “Okay, you ready for this?” I ask now, all the blanks filled.

  “Yes. Please tell me how to get a girl to like me in school although I think I already scored a pretty frickin awesome one.”

  I smile at his statement, but continue with the story.

  “It’s simple. Turn the porcupine. Make her want loudly to date you. Make sure you’re always dressed to thrust…” We both laugh at that one. “…Each and every day, wear panties that you know shows off your hotel and look like a million shoes. Even if the two of you make meaningful ass contact–”

  “Yes! That one worked perfect!” He shouts, happy with how his ass answer worked into the story.

  Chuckling at his enthusiasm, I proceed. “…don’t admit it. No hugs or bunnies. Just shake her ear firmly. And remember, when she asks you out, even though a chill may run down your peanut butter and you can’t stop your bird from relaxing, just play it sticky. Take a long pause before answering in a very smelly voice, ‘I’ll have t
o jump it over.’”

  “Babe, do I give you chills down to your peanut butter?” Matt asks in a serious tone, but can see his cheeks struggling not to smile.

  I try not to laugh in response while I answer, “Only when we make meaningful ass contact.”

  With that, we both burst out in laughter.

  Matt glances over at me, turning serious and squeezing my thigh. “Thank you for this.”

  Resting my hand on his, and giving him a loving smile, I answer, “I just want you to be happy.” Because that’s really all I care about.

  Matt has spent the last few years of his life being unhappy and unloved and it’s now become my mission to change that–to ensure that his future is filled with nothing but love, happiness, and the best years of his life.

  He looks at me with a mischievous grin and I know where his brain is heading. “How bad do you wanna make me happy?” Matt asks with a raised eyebrow.

  Giving him an apprehensive smile, but curious with what he’s thinking, I answer, “Very happy.”

  His eyes open wide and grin grows big. “There’s a rest stop in a couple of miles…”

  Eww.

  “You wanna have sex in a rest stop?” I ask, disgusted.

  Matt looks at me like I have ten heads. “Whoa…who said anything about having sex?” he says in a surprised tone, but his facial expression says otherwise.

  “Oh whatever,” I respond with a glare. “You were so insinuating that.”

  “I was talkin’ bout getting a big juicy cheeseburger, but hey, havin’ sex on the road…” he says wiggling his eyebrows.

  “You are so full of shit.” I roll my eyes, making him chuckle.

  “You’re so cute, Babe,” he says with a sweet smile, patting my leg.

  “Uh huh.”

  Chapter 29

  Just after eight-thirty we pull into the Hampton Inn Suites with the address that Jack gave us. It’s a nice hotel with your standard exercise room, indoor pool that smells like a big chlorine tablet, and a commons area that looks to be where they serve their complimentary breakfast. Nothing fancy, but definitely nice.