Still Rocking

by A. D. Herrick

  My father impatiently tapped his foot on the ground, my mother's hand resting on his forearm trying to sooth him. "Son," My father's voice had hardened, there was no more stalling, that had been my final warning. My final warning for what I wasn't sure but I wasn't intending to find out.

  Tosha stood silently to the side, acting as a mitigate in case he was needed, at least I hoped that was the reason he was here. For all I knew he could have been here to watch as my parents and wife beat me to a bloody pulp. Sometime you just never knew with Tosha.

  "When we were doing our last show in Russia I had met someone. I thought she was beautiful, smart, and enchanting. Once I got back home to the states we continued to chat. With each conversation we grew closer." I looked up to gage their reactions at the bombshell I had just laid at their feet. No one had known that I had been in a relationship before so I knew this was a rather large bombshell to drop at my parent’s feet, though not nearly as large as the one to come.

  Heather's face along with my parents was schooled to reveal nothing. There was no hint of emotion on their blank faces. They stood patiently waiting for me to continue. I looked up to Tosha for support. He gave me an encouraging nod, spurring me to carry on.

  I continued recanting my story despite my discomfort. My eyes rolled up to the ceiling as I drew in strength, unable to bring myself to look them in the eyes as I spoke, afraid to see the disappointment that would soon show on their faces as I told the next part. "I began to travel to Russia to court this woman. She insisted that we keep our relationship secret until we knew the direction we wanted to go. With each trip, we grew closer. I felt that the relationship had taken a turn, bringing us closer than before.” I blew out a nervous breath.

  “On my last trip, I had asked her to marry me. I felt sure that I had found the one. She had been so understanding and forthcoming with her emotions. I really thought that we could make a go of it." I exhaled stalling for time. I couldn't bear to see their faces. I couldn’t stand to see the shame and hurt reflected in their eyes at my deception. I lied by omission, having never relayed my true intentions in Russia. Everyone had thought that I was scouting new talent and I let them believe that. Though the talent wasn’t musically inclined.

  "I begged her to let me scream it from the rooftops that we were engaged, but she still denied me. I wanted to come clean with my family and share in my elation but she begged me not to. She wanted to wait just a little longer. He brother had just got engaged and she didn’t want to steal his joyous moment she insisted. The next day I had come home and found that my best friend had received a call. He had been arranged to marry a girl from Russia, my girl in Russia." I spoke slowly, letting the words sink in.

  "What are you saying?" My mother exclaimed clearly disturbed by my revelation.

  "I'm saying I was engaged to Nina Mikhailov" I said softly. The words tasted bitter in my mouth as I spoke them.

  "And what now?" My father's voice boomed clearly unhappy with the turn of events. I knew he had taken the deception hard. He had always preached about openness and transparency. He was a firm believer that lies beget lies and that family was the absolute in transparency. Though he did ambush me with the marriage to Heather, but that was somehow different. I could see where he felt the trickery was necessary, not that it made the situation any easier to swallow.

  "I begged her to come clean, to let her family know, to allow me to let my family know, but she continued to deny me. She kept promising that it would all be over soon and that we could tell everyone about our engagement." My shoulders sagged in shame.

  “And why didn’t you just tell us all anyways? Why didn’t you save Kiev from a situation that you knew was tearing him up inside?” My father berated.

  “I didn’t want to betray her confidence in me. I trusted her to come clean and erase the issue. I trusted that she loved me enough to be forthcoming with her family and allow me to be as well with my own.” I pled, begging for forgiveness and understanding. My father’s look remained hard. He was clearly taking the betrayal personally. I couldn’t fault him.

  "Once word got out about Kiev and Emily marrying, I again begged her to let everyone know about our engagement. Again Nina denied me. She began to say I was smothering her and that I was pushing too hard for something that was inconsequential. She blamed the fact that her reputation would be in tatters if anyone should find out that she was engaged to one man and then immediately another after.” I tried to explain. Though speaking the words out loud to my parents I could see her words for what they were, open lies.

  “It was a low blow. I felt hurt by her words but I respected her privacy. Soon it became clear that she was only toying with me. That she found this to all be a game. She would reel me in and then push me away with her words only to reel me back in." I ran my hand through my hair tugging at the roots to release the tension and stress that had been mounting.

  "I had finally had enough. I called it all off and cut her out of my life. I refused to be a pawn in someone else's game. I felt foolish for believing her lies. I felt betrayed. It hurt more than I imagined it would but I realized that it wasn't love that I felt for her. I could not love someone that could so easily and eagerly manipulate me and toy with my affections. What I felt for her was attraction yes, perhaps maybe lust. But it was never physical or tangible. It was mental and emotional but not true love. I can’t express in words what it was that I felt, but I know now that it was not love in the least." I could feel the weight on my shoulders lifting with each word. Everyone remained quiet. The hard look on my father’s face had begun to smooth out, comforting me and encouraging me to continue.

  "I quit taking her calls. I quit all communications with her. I couldn’t play her games anymore. I couldn’t be the pawn in her sick twisted game. I came clean to my friends and I asked Kiev for his forgiveness. I am thankful every day that he accepted my apologies. I didn’t tell you because I found it a moot point. I had thought I had found something in my life to share only to realize it was but a dream.” Scrubbing my hands across my face I pushed on, eager to get everything out in the open so that I could begin the new chapter in my life.

  “I thought everything was going to be alright finally. Life was returning to normal and I was now emotionally and mentally ready to start looking for something, someone, serious in my life.” My eyes drew to Heather as I spoke.

  “I had realized first hand all of the things I didn’t want in a relationship and with that knowledge I also realized the traits I did want in my future wife. I was so grateful that I had gotten out in time, before I was jaded, before I closed myself off from the prospect of a relationship. It also made me open to finding that someone in my life. It made me realized that I did want to find someone to share my life with, someone who would accept me for who I was and that would be proud to stand by my side and let the world know.” Heather gave me a small smile in understanding.

  “Then Nina began to call again. I continued to ignore her calls. There was nothing she could say to change my mind. There was no way in hell I would willing go back to the toxic environment she called a relationship. Tosha came to me this morning with the news." I inhaled deeply gathering the strength to finish the story, letting out a slow breath.

  I looked over at Tosha, I saw the lines of anger creasing his eyes, and his lips firmly pressed shut. He knew what was coming next. "Nina says she is pregnant." I heard a collective gasp, sucking the air out of the room. I held up my hands in defense before any of them could get the wrong idea.

  "Wait, wait, hear me out," I begged. My father shot lasers at me; my mother's face was full of disapproval. Heather, my sweet Heather looked crushed.

  "It's not mine.” I plead. "I swear I never touched her in that way." I continued to plead.

  “Why does she say it is?" My mother demanded finally speaking for the first time since we came into the den.

  "I have no idea. But I promise you, I have never so much as placed a chaste kiss on her lips. She sa
id she was saving herself for marriage and I believed her. I never once brought her up to my hotel room. I always met her out in public. I swear to you on everything holy that there was never anything physical between the two of us and I'm quite sure a woman cannot get pregnant from holding hands. At least not that I had ever heard of." I tried to soften the tension in the room with a little humor.

  "So what do you do now?" My father demanded.

  "I have no idea. There is no merit to her story; if she is pregnant I know for certain that it is not mine." I promised him.

  “So you are just going to wait and see what she does?” My father asked confusion and irritation lacing his voice. His hands were balled into fist at his sides.

  “Papa, there isn’t much I can do. She can scream it from the rooftops but it will never make her words true.” I promised him. My father just huffed. My mother gently stroked his arm in comfort. I knew it was a lot for her to take in as well.

  “I’m sorry for all of this mess. I‘m sorry for not telling you the truth, for not being open with you about it in the beginning.” I said with complete honesty.

  My mother bat the thought away with her free hand. “Nonsense. Why would you tell us about a girlfriend? I could understand the excitement of a secret romance, but really you shouldn’t feel bad for not telling us you had a girlfriend. I feel hurt that you did not tell us you were engaged but considering how things worked out, I hold no ill feelings. I am, however, enraged by this woman for playing with your heart and now trying to threaten you with a child. You and Heather must make me a grandbaby soon. It’s the only way my heart will heal.” When my mother first began to speak I felt such lightness in my heart at her forgiveness. I was right along with her in the moment until she decided to turn it against me and use it to manipulate me into giving her grandchildren. I wasn’t opposed to the fact, it was just the way she went about it. It was like saying “Here, have a cookie. Now you own me babies.” My mother was a sneaky one.

  “You do know that I’m not the only one involved in the baby making process.” I reminded her with an arched brow. My mother just batted the thought away as though it were an inconsequential notion.

  I finally braved a glance in Heather's direction. She seemed deep in thought. How I wished that I could peek inside her beautiful mind and know just what she was thinking. Was she disgusted by me? Annoyed, regretting her marriage to me? Sensing my eyes on her she gave me a small smile. That one tiny gesture was enough to let me know that it would all be okay, that everything would work out.

  "I'm sorry," I said looking her directly in the eyes. I was sorry for the mess she had been drawn into and the blunt words of my mother. I was sure there was a whole host of things I should be sorry for and even sorrier for in the future but I would have to deal with that as it came.

  Heather's smile widened slightly as she dipped her head. I held my hand out to her in an offering. It felt like the world had stood still as I waited to see what she would do. Would she take my hand? Slap me in the face for being an insufferable jackass? As if sensing my nerves Heather took my hand, putting me out of my misery. She curled herself into my arms, her head resting on my shoulder. Automatically my arms wrapped around her pinning her against my chest. Her soft breath caressed the side of my neck sending a different nervous energy through me.

  "Well, if Heather can forgive you then I guess all is well. If what you say about Nina is the truth then you have nothing to worry about. You know we will always support you, son." My father said as he placed a hand on my shoulder in support.

  "I'm so glad we found a girl for you, honestly, Ivan, you had to find the craziest nut in the tree?" My mother scolded giving me a teasing wink. I chuckled despite the gravity of the conversation.

  "Well, Maw, you know I like to flirt with the lines from time to time." I gave her a cocky smile.

  "I sure hope Heather remembers to remind you of your place. Don't you come crying to me when she has you scrubbing the bathroom floor with a toothbrush." My mother warned. I chuckled.

  "Ah, Maw, Heather loves me too much to torture me that way." Heather's head jerked up in response cocking a brow at me, she shook her head side to side and tsked. "Seriously babe?" I asked. "You're my wife for all of five minutes and already you're taking my mother's side?" I asked indignantly teasing Heather.

  Heather pinched my side causing me to cry out and jump away from her. Pointing a finger in my direction Heather gave me a silent warning. She would definitely kick my ass if I ever thought about getting out of line, that much was for sure. "Woman," I gasped in mock shock holding my hands out in front of me and hiking my knee up in defense much like a football player.

  “Welcome to married life.” Tosha said patting my shoulder as he walked out of the room. I grinned at his comment. Welcome to married life indeed.

  The carefree banter flowed easily between Heather and I making me feel that much surer of my parent’s decision to make her my wife. Though we were unable to communicate verbally, we communicated through easy touches, laughter, and smiles. Heather was an easily likeable woman. The chemistry between the two of us seemed to flow naturally bringing a smile to my face. Upon seeing the two of us together one would never imagine we had just met only hours ago. Our bodies seemed to be drawn together by invisible magnets. I couldn’t be near her without touching her in small ways, a hand resting against the small of her back, brushing her long red hair off her shoulders or tucking a strand behind her ear. I felt my body leaning into hers as she spoke, her smile lighting me up from the inside out. Her minty breath had me aching for a taste of her lips. Her sweet floral perfume made my cock jerk against the confinement of my jeans. Everything about this woman drew me in.

  Chapter Nine

  Though we were now married, Heather and I had agreed to take it slow. Everyone expected us to ride off into the sunset and proceed to make babies. While that sounded fine and dandy it was unrealistic. Heather and I had just met and though we were married I respected her enough to let things come together naturally.

  Heather and I began to date. It seemed backwards having been married already; it gave us the time to get to know one another. I would pick her up and take her out to dinner or a show, often something engaging that would allow us to enjoy one another’s company. Several nights a week she would come over for dinner at the house so that she could get to know everyone better. We would spend time chatting, playing with the babies and getting to know one another better. Emily had showed me enough sign language that I was able to hold a basic conversation. By basic I mean I was able to say hello and ask how she was doing. Mostly I prattled on and Heather listened. When we were all together Emily acted as a translator, enabling us all to talk and get to know Heather more.

  We had set up a reasonable time table established before Heather would be moving in. We had decided that two months seemed to be an acceptable term to determine whether we would both benefit from living in the same house together. Though it would hurt if in the end she decided that it would be best if we lived separately, I would respect her wishes.

  My parents came to dinner once a week like they always had. We would all sit around the table chatting enjoying one another’s company. It warmed my heart that everyone had taken an interest in learning sign language so that Heather wouldn’t feel excluded.

  With the help of Emily I had been learning sign language so that I could connect better with Heather. Though she understood what we were all saying, I felt that it was important for her to also be able to have a voice among us, especially in our marriage. I didn’t want her to feel like a possession, just a trophy on my arm.

  I didn’t want her to think that just because she couldn’t speak that her feelings, thoughts, and emotions were unimportant. I spent several hours a day with Emily learning the basics. Thought they had taught it in grade school I could only remember the one form of sign language that was universal and I used it often when the guys ridiculed me for botching my hand signs. I seemed to be a slow le
arner when it came to learning sign language, slower than the rest of the group. Emily continued to encourage me, pushing me to keep going.

  “No dude, just no, point to your chin for face with your pointer finger and thumb to your forehead for father. You keep saying my father has a big cock.” Damon laughed clutching his side.

  I glared daggers at him. “No, I was trying to say Damon is a big cock. Why the hell would I tell Heather my father has a big cock?” I yelled tossing my hands in the air in frustration. I had been working on learning to tell Heather that she was beautiful. I knew she could hear me but I thought it would mean more if I signed it to her. Though the phrase was simple I somehow continued to fuck it up. My nerves were getting the better of me causing me to make mistakes. The more I practiced the more nervous I got, meaning the more I screwed up.

  The more time I spent around Heather the more I liked her. She was smart, funny, and had impeccable wit. With Emily acting as a translator when we were all together, it gave Heather the ability to speak freely with us all as a group. It was orgasmic watching her face as she signed rapidly telling humorous stories, the way her eyes lit up, her whole face animated with her storytelling. She was enrapturing to watch.

  Heather had shared with Emily the story of what had happened to her, stealing her speech from her, so that Emily could verbalize it for her. Heather had been in a severe car accident the night of her college graduation. She had just left the graduation ceremony down in Birmingham, Alabama where she had just completed her degree in nursing at UAB. As she exited the onramp onto the highway her car was struck by a drunk driver on the interstate as she was headed to the restaurant to join her family.