Still Rocking

by A. D. Herrick

  “Do you think we should have it written on a giant cake and then pop out of it like a jack in the box? Surely she would say yes to that, what do ya think?” I asked the excited baby in my arms. His eyes were still locked on something behind me, drawing me to turn around.

  Behind me I saw a wide-eyed Heather. Her eyes laughed in humor. I was so surprised that without thinking I threw Dominik at her. In hindsight this was not my proudest moment. Gracefully Heather caught the flying infant. Panic seized my chest at the realization of what I had done. I was immediately regretful. Rushing over I inspected the giggling infant in her arms.

  I had been so startled by Heather’s appearance that I had not realized that I had thrown the baby at her until it was much too late. Thankfully she had been standing right behind me so there wasn’t more than a foot’s distance between us. It wasn’t so much of a toss as it was a quick hand off. I felt like an utter jackass. Heather thrust Dominik into my arms and began signing furiously. I had absolutely no idea what she was saying. All I knew is that she was livid and it was entirely my fault.

  “Babe, I don’t understand.” I tried to explain only fueling her rage. I tried several more times to tell her I didn’t understand but she continued on. In a panic I screamed for Emily. I felt like a child calling for help as I held a giggling baby in my arms as my wife told me off. At least that’s what I thought she was doing. If she was proclaiming her love for me she had one hell of a way of doing it. Her face was beet red, her hands flying in a blur of motion. I felt completely helpless. I wished she would just hit me or something, give me some sign as to how she felt. As if on demand, she shoved her middle finger in my face and flicked me on the nose before spinning away.

  I stood there, my feet rooted to the ground as I watched my wife stomp away. I guess that answered my question, she was not expressing her love for me in a romantic gesture. I was pretty sure she had told me to go to hell and even drew me a map.

  “I think Aunt Heather is a bit ticked off.” I cuddled the happy baby to my chest.

  I thought Dominik had been excitedly listening to me talk, when in fact, the little betrayer had his eyes locked on his Aunt Heather the whole time. The little devil could have told me she was there. It would have saved us a lot of trouble and I wouldn’t have thrown him at her in self-defense.

  Looking back at it now it was pretty funny. Heather didn’t seem to think so but Dominik and I did. “Alright little guy, It’s time to go put out some fires.” I said to the little man in my arms as I walked with him back toward the house.

  “What do you mean he threw Dominik at her?” Kiev shouted in confused anger. I had just walked in on Heather frantically telling everyone what happened as Emily translated. I had no clue how she was able to read the mad signing skills Heather was throwing her way.

  “I did not throw the baby at her.” I tried to explain all eyes turning toward me. Emily kept her eyes on Heather translating the argument between the two of us.

  “Yes you did, you threw the baby, your own nephew, at her as soon as you saw her.” Emily roared, sharing in Heathers anger.

  “I didn’t do it in anger. I was minding my own business and when I turned around she was right there. It scared me so I did the only thing I knew to do.” I tried to explain but the words weren’t coming out how I had planned.

  “By throwing an infant at her?” Katinka shouted enraged.

  “In my defense, the little bugger was scheming behind my back with her without me knowing.” I tried for humor hoping to defuse the rapidly escalating situation.

  “Are you hearing yourself talk?” Katinka shouted standing rigid at her full five foot two height.

  “It was a reflex. Dominik enjoyed the fun, Heather caught him.”

  “You threw a baby at your wife.” Katinka spoke the words slowly as if talking to a child.

  “I was there. I know exactly what went down.” I rolled my eyes at her theatrics. Everyone began screaming all at once. Heather was signing the shit out of something. I honestly had no clue what. Her hands were flying through the air rapidly, Emily shouting out explicative. I wasn’t sure if Emily was still translating or if she had gone rogue.

  “Okay, I’m calling a timeout.” Nik shouted above the crowd. Girls, you take Heather into the kitchen, we’ll handle Ivan.” He bellowed. I couldn’t believe he was talking about me as though I were a child. Poor Dominik sat in my arms, his head bouncing back and forth between all of the adults talking. I was sure he was going to get whiplash.

  “Give me that baby.” Katinka growled, snatching Dominik out of my hands.

  “Run along Tink, go start the roasting pit.” I egged her on. I knew Katinka had been in rare form lately, her fuse had been shorter than normal. That didn’t stop me from opening my mouth and riling her up more.

  “Enough.” Nik growled angrily snatching me by the arm and ripping me away from Katinka.

  Nik led me out of the room, Kiev and Tosha hot on our heels. We went down the hall and through the doors leading to the gym. Once we were all in the room Tosha closed the door and locked it from the inside.

  “Now do you want to tell me what happened?” Nik sighed in frustration raking his hands through his hair.

  My head flung back in exasperation. No, I didn’t care to tell anyone what had happened but it looked like I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter now. I told him as much.

  “I was down by the lake with Dom. We had been out there for a while and I was talking to him about possible ways to ask Heather to stay the night. He was giggling along and I thought he was really into what I was saying. He kept glancing behind me so I turned to see what he was looking at, there was Heather. It scared the shit out of me and next thing I know Little D was sailing through the air into her arms.” Wiping my hands down my face I tried to rake off the shame.

  “You seriously threw Little D at her?” Kiev began to laugh.

  “Fuck you man. It was all of no more than a foot distance and she caught him. She thrust Dom back into my arms and began signing like a mad woman. I tried to call to Emily for help. I told her I couldn’t understand what she was saying and that only enraged her more. Next thing I know she is stomping back to the house.” All three guys began cackling in hysterical laughter. “Fuck you all.” I flipped them the bird, the only sign language I was good at.

  “I can’t believe you threw a baby at your wife.” Tosha fell to the floor wiping tears from his eyes.

  “It was a reflex.” I groaned in annoyance at myself.

  Kiev and Nik were on the floor struggling to catch their breath as they rolled around like a bunch of overgrown kids. The laughter was infectious and soon I found myself cracking a smile. I could see the humor in it if it was someone else. But this was me. I was trying to make a good impression on my wife and take my relationship to the next level. All I seemed to be doing was screwing it up by chucking babies at her. I suppose I had accomplished my goal in taking my relationship to the next level, it just wasn’t the level I had been looking for. We had just officially had our first fight.

  I needed to figure out how to make this right. I didn’t want Heather leaving on her trip, with her parents, while she was still pissed off at me. Running my hands through my hair roughly I racked my brain, trying to figure out how to fix this mess.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Okay, so the girls aren’t going to let us out of the house without your head on a platter. So we need to think of something quick before you bring us all down with your idiocrasy.” Nik shot me a pointed look.

  “Hey I’m all in favor of smiling women and happy wives. So I’m down for anything that accomplishes that goal, granted I get to keep my nuts. I’m the only one without a kid here.” I reminded them.

  “Okay, so what do chicks love the most?” Kiev asked absentmindedly as he thought out loud.

  “Babies?” Tosha answered landing him a punch to his dick from me. Tosha fell to the ground in anguish.

  “Seriously, babies? That’s
the best you could come up with after I threw one at my wife?” I looked at him in astonishment.

  “Chicks dig chocolate and ice cream, bro.” Nik said smacking Tosha upside the head. Tosha groaned in pain still cupping his jewels.

  “I’m going to tell my wife if you guys keep picking on me.” Tosha whined.

  “Snitches get stitches.” Kiev and I threatened in unison.

  “Yeah well my wife will kick both of your asses if you keep punching my dick.”

  “If you tell your wife on us we’ll tell our wives that you’ve been watching porn.” Kiev threatened.

  Tosha’s face scrunched up in comical confusion. “What the fuck does that matter to me?”

  “Our wives will tell your wife and then we’ll see who’s laughing.” Nik said in a sing song voice.

  “That’s it, you guys are dicks and just for that I’m not telling you mine and Katinka’s super-secret news.” He shrugged smuggle.

  “What news could you possibly have? She let you sneak a peek at your balls in her purse?” I asked scoffing.

  “Dude, at least my wife wants to hold my balls and I didn’t throw a baby at her.” Tosha shot back.

  “Low blow dick head.” Nik cuffed the back of Tosha’s head again.

  “I’m definitely not telling you our good news now.” Tosha shrugged cockily.

  “What happened to you man. You used to have a set of balls. Now you hide behind your wife’s skirt.” Kiev asked the question that had been on all of our minds for months.

  “My wife stays knocked up, that’s what. I’m not trying to raise her stress level any more than I have to. I’m about to kick your asses when it comes to baby making.” Tosha replied smugly.

  “Dude, you have one kid, just like the rest of us. Well except Ivan.” Nik gave me an apologetic look. “Sorry.”

  “No harm no foul. It’s the truth.” I shrugged.

  “Shows how much the three of you jackasses know.” Tosha said flipping us the bird.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Nik asked immediately on alert.

  “I’m not saying. You guys are dicks.” Tosha folded his arms across his chest pouting like a toddler.

  “Oh we can make you tell fat kid.” I threatened bobbing my head gearing up for an attack. The guys were still sitting on the floor where they had landed after laughing so hard they couldn’t stand.

  “You can’t make me tell shit momma’s boy.” Tosha shot back. We had reverted to our childhood selves, nicknames included.

  “If you don’t tell us we’ll kick your ass.” I threatened again gearing to tackle the big bastard. I looked to Nik and Kiev, both of which jutted their chins out letting me know they had my back. It would take all of us to take Tosha’s big ass out. Tosha wasn’t fat by any stretch of imagination. He was tall as shit and built like a fucking house. His arms were the size of trees. I knew that my scrawny ass wouldn’t be able to take him down alone. I wasn’t a twig but I swear Tosha’s arms were bigger around than my waist.

  “Toshy, I’m warning ya. Spill the beans before I give you a noogie.” My eyes were trained on Tosha holding his focus on me. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Nik and Kiev got in place.

  I signaled the guys for our countdown. It was the same one we had used all our lives so it wasn’t rocket science. I only hoped to keep Tosha distracted enough that he didn’t realize what was coming.

  “Toshy.” Three.

  “No dude. Just no.”

  “Toshy.” Two.

  “Oh my god, you’re killin’ me.” He whined.

  ‘Toshy.” I bellowed as I lunged forward tackling Tosha flat on the ground. Nik and Kiev dogpiled on top of us the added weight holding Tosha down.

  I scrambled desperately to rub my knuckles along Tosha’s head as he struggled to throw the three of us off of him.

  The noise was deafening as we shouted and rolled around on each other, the four of us scrambling to maintain control of one another. I felt someone bite my calf and screamed out in pain. “No biting. That’s cheating.” I shrieked in pain.

  Pain ripped through my skull as Tosha latched on to my hair trying to pull me off him. I rubbed my knuckles harder against his head in retaliation.

  “What the fuck is going on here?” Damon shouted from somewhere in the room.

  Suddenly I felt the weight of Nik and Kiev being tossed off me, leaving me on my own against Tosha. “Dude.” I screamed for back up.

  “Your mine now little man.” Tosha bellowed, wrapping his monster arms around me, pinning my arms to my sides as he squeezed the life out of me.

  “Tosha has a secret.” I heard Nik yell alerting Damon to what was going on. Suddenly Damon and the rest of the guys were on me. The air had been knocked out of my lungs as their bodies crashed into mine and Tosha’s.

  Tosha’s arms were pinned around me leaving the two of us open and vulnerable. Arms came from everywhere slugging into us, hands ripped at our hair. It was an all-out war, every man for himself and I was stuck pinned in Tosha’s iron grip. What started out as a three on one to get information turned into the five of us going at it, every man for himself.

  “Let me up fat ass.” I screamed at Tosha as I struggled in his grip.

  “You get off of me fat ass.” Tosha bellowed back.

  “Enough. All of you. Off my husband.” Katinka shouted causing the room to go still.

  One by one the bodies began to melt off of me. I sucked down gulps of air, my lungs burning from the rush. Once I was free I scrambled to my feet, Tosha right behind me. We all stood hunched over, struggling to catch our breath.

  “He started it.” Came a round of chorus as we all spoke in unison, each one of us pointing to the other.

  “I don’t care who started it. I’m ending it.” Katinka stood glaring with her hands on her hips. It was then that realization dawned on me. The sudden mood swings, the secret, the way Katinka stood as if sheltering her stomach. Katinka was pregnant.

  “You’re having another baby?” I accused pointing a finger between Katinka and Tosha.

  “I didn’t tell him I swear.” Tosha said scrambling to his feet to get to his wife. If he was a smart man he would have ran the other direction, but no one accused him of being smart. Of course the same could have been said about me. A smart man does not throw a baby at his wife. I guess we were all dumbasses in our own right.

  “Cassie, what are you doing here?” Kiev asked in confusion. I looked around to spot one of the girls from In Your Dreams standing beside the gaggle of wives that gathered inside the gym. They each held a baby in their arms as they glared in our direction.

  “I-um.” She stammered at a loss for words.

  “She’s my girlfriend, that’s what she’s doing here.” Damon said walking over to the pretty brunette, placing a protective arm around her shoulders.

  “But she’s a kid.” I remarked unable to hold it in. I had given Kiev hell about the teen group to keep him off my trail which nearly ended out relationship. It was a low blow but at the time I felt it was necessary.

  “I’m twenty five.” She spat jetting her hip out.

  “I thought you were like eighteen.” Kiev said still confused.

  “You’re also an idiot. You do know you have to be twenty-one to get into the Nick right?” She asked Kiev giving him a look I couldn’t decipher. Realization seemed to dawn on him.

  “Anyone want care to share?” Nik asked looking between the two.

  “Not really.” Kiev answered, looking away.

  “Now you really have to answer.” Katinka demanded.

  “I found him drunk at the Nick and carried him home. Nothing happened. I returned him and his intact virtue back to his truck the next day.” Cassie offered with a roll of her eyes.

  The truth was boring so we just let it roll past us. The two of them had nothing to hide. They had both been single at the time so I doubt either one would have lied about the reality of the situation.

  “So what’s this I hear about
you throwing my kid?” Damon asked as all eyes swiveled in my direction.

  “Dude, it was more like a quick hand off. She was like a foot away, not even arm’s length away. She scared me and I reacted. I’m pretty sure I screamed like a girl, if that makes you feel any better. Besides, Dominik seemed to enjoy it, the little traitor.”

  “Don’t throw my kid again.” Damon said pointing a threatening finger in my direction. They acted like I threw kids all the time. I just rolled my eyes.

  My eyes searched the small crowd for Heather. I found her standing toward the back of the group, her arms wrapped firmly around her waist. Lumbering past the crowd I walked straight toward her. Without stopping I lifted her into my arms, and kept going. Her hands moved frantically as she tried to sign to me.

  “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m taking you upstairs to my room to apologize.” I explained to her. Heather continued to sign, frustration clear on her face. I ignored her, carrying her straight into my room, setting her firmly on the bed.

  “I’m sorry about today. I’m sorry for throwing Baby D at you. I promise you it will never happen again. I was just surprised when I turned around and saw you there. I’ve been a nervous wreck trying to figure out how to ask you to spend the night.” Heather’s brows shot up in surprise at my admission. “Not in a sexual way.” I watched as her face fell. “Fuck.” I growled in frustration. “Of course I want you in that way. I want you in every way. I’m just messing this all up.” Scrubbing my hands down my face I paced the room.

  I tried again, this time with more confidence. “What I’ve been trying to say is that I want you to stay the night with me. Nothing has to happen. I just want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to you beside me.” I stopped pacing, dropping to my knees in front of her, cupping her face in my hands I stared into her gorgeous honey colored eyes, her golden red hair spilled down her back in waves. “I’m falling in love with you Heather. The more time we spend together the more I crave you with me.” Before I could say another word her lips crashed into mine. I took that as a yes in my book, kissing her back passionately.