Still Rocking

by A. D. Herrick

  Chapter Twelve

  One night with Heather soon turned into a week of overnights. Nothing happened between us sexually and I was okay with that. I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for things to heat up just yet. I still felt like I needed to work on my signing better. Obviously Heather could smack me if I did something she didn’t want me to. I began to wonder if maybe that was something she was into and that I might get the signals wrong. I was a nervous wreck about the whole thing once I got to thinking about it.

  I was going in blind, she was going in mute. What a fucked up pair we made. I felt lost. On the plus side, after spending so much time with Heather some of the sign language had begun to stick. Thank God for small miracles. We were now able to hold more in-depth conversations and grow with them. I still continued to mix up the signs when asking Heather if she would like some coffee, instead signing asking her if she wanted to make out. She would just laugh and sign yes to both.

  One day after I had finished a grueling workout in the gym Heather had asked me if I needed anything. I tried telling her that I was thirsty. I had tried to use the sign for very thirsty which left Heather turning shades of pink I had never seen her blush. When I had told Emily about it and I showed her the sign she said I had pretty much told Heather what a horny bastard I was by signing that I lusted after her. Though it was true, it was not what I had intended to say.

  Unaccustomed to the silence I was beginning to grow used to it. We had always been loud and rambunctious as children and continued to do so as adults. Heather, though quiet, had found a way to make herself known. She would walk into a room giving a few small claps to announce her arrival.

  I was still the slowest of the group to pick up on the sign language so conversations between Heather and the others flowed naturally. Heather had even begun to move in. She was starting small by only bringing a few things at a time, primarily a few articles of clothing and her toiletries. We were a week in and already she dominated nearly half of my closet space. I wasn’t sure how much more she had to bring over. Every time I offered to help she shut me down by signing that she was an adult woman and didn’t need me coddling her. I signed back telling her that I could coddle her ass all I wanted because she was my wife.

  Though Heather signed that she was angry with me I could see the pride in her eyes as I signed back that she could be angry, that I would wait. She laughed more freely than she did in the beginning which lit my heart. I loved when her beautiful face lit up, her tinkling laughter spilling from her lips.

  I was truly in love with this woman. It was a love I had never thought existed. Unlike the love I had felt for Nina that seemed all encompassing, nearly an addiction. This love bloomed differently and burned brighter. It started somewhere deep in the recesses of my heart and rapidly spread through my body before I had even realized what had happened. I didn’t feel an addiction to Heather; it wasn’t as though I needed her. Instead I felt as one with her. As though she were an extension of myself. Her happiness made me happy. Her frustrations were my own frustrations. I could feel her before she walked into a room. My eyes would automatically seek her in a crowded room. It was a comforting feeling.

  The rings we were presented with on our wedding day were my grandparent’s rings. I couldn’t have been prouder to see them on her finger. Still, I wanted to get her something from me to symbolize our new beginning. I had gone out with Damon ring shopping. Apparently I wasn’t the only one eager to slip a ring on a finger and claim my woman.

  I was happy for Damon. He and Cassie seemed to be happy together and she openly accepted Dominik into her arms and heart. Damon admitted that Cassie suffered from a misshaped uterus that made pregnancy for her nearly impossible. The doctors had warned her not to get her hopes up. Damon had comforted her letting her know that he loved her for who she was and not what she could give him. Cassie was able to find in Damon a loving man that could offer her the opportunity at being a mother despite her condition. It looked like Dominik would have a mother of his own in the very near future.

  “Do you know what you want?” Damon asked as I browsed the rows or large sparkling diamonds.

  “Something that screams my husband is awesome.” I chuckled as my eyes continued to search out the perfect ring.

  “I’m looking for something that screams my husband is a rock god.” Damon stood proudly puffing his chest out, his hands braced on his hips.

  “You’re not at all an arrogant bastard, are you?” I chuckled at his posture. He looked like a peacock preening.

  “So what did you settle on Captain Wets His Pants?”

  I ignored his idiotic name calling. “That one.” I said pointing at the large princess cut solitaire. It was beautiful, simple, and would match the set already on Heather’s hand.

  “That’s a good pick. I like it. It screams Heather. Good choice bro.” Damon clapped me on the back in approval.

  “Did you pick?” I asked eager to see which direction he had chosen to go. Last time he had picked a diamond nearly as big as its intended thumbnail.

  “That set right there.” Damon said pointing to a modest set. It was simple yet elegant, a perfect complement to Cassie. It was feminine, classic, and not so large it would cause her to fall over under its weight.

  With our purchases secured we split up. Damon was headed to the studio to meet Cassie and I had an appointment to get to.

  I had hoped that the whole issue with Nina had gone away; sadly that was not the case. I had received a call from Nina’s attorney threatening to go to the media if I didn’t own up to impregnating her. She wanted a sizable settlement in exchange for her silence. I scoffed at the notion. There was no way possible that I had impregnated her. I wasn’t going to cough up a dime to her. She was clearly off her rocker if she thought she could intimidate me.

  Jason, the band's lawyer rose from his seat behind his large wooden desk. “What can I do for you Ivan?” He said eagerly shaking my hand firmly.

  I rubbed at the back of my neck trying to ease the tension building. I hated having to air my dirty laundry out to everyone. “I need to stop something before it starts.” I shuffled my feet ashamed of the mess I was in.

  Jason motioned toward the chair in front of his desk. “Have a seat and we’ll see what we can do.” Nodding my head I took a seat in the offered chair. I slumped down into it lazily.

  “I have a woman claiming to be pregnant by me. She wants three million to go away. I need to make her go away without payment.” I explained scrubbing my hands across my face.

  Jason’s face remained stoic as though he heard these types of complaints all the time. Perhaps he had. He had been in the business for a long time. We were just one of his many high profile clients.

  “Is she telling the truth?” He asked cutting to the chase. He pulled out a sheet of paper and began taking notes.

  “No way in hell. There is no way it’s my kid. I never slept with her.” I promised him recanting our relationship to him in detail.

  “And you’re positive of this?” He asked dubiously as he continued to scribble on the sheet of paper in front of him.

  “A hundred percent.” There was no doubt in my mind that Nina was lying.

  “Okay, well we can wait until the baby is born and then have a DNA test ran to rule you out at the potential father.” He said giving me a sad smile, his hands held out helplessly on the table.

  “Is there anything we could do now? I mean she said she is going to the media in a week if she doesn’t have the money.” My palms began to sweat, my leg jostling in anticipation. I didn’t want this to break out in the rags. Things had been quiet on the home front and I didn’t want to draw any undue attention to our quiet home. The media could be relentless like a dog with a bone once they found something to sink their teeth into.

  “Is she here in Tennessee?” Jason’s brows drew together.

  “No, Russia.” Jason tsked, clicking his tongue between his teeth as he thought.

  “That makes thing
s a bit harder. Are you sure you don’t want to just pay her to go away?” He asked offering me a sympathetic look.

  “Positive.” I held firm. I may have seemed like a pushover to Nina but I was the farthest from being one. Women like her tend to mistake kindness for weakness. Just because I wasn’t anxiously waiting to jump her bones and treated her with some semblance of respect didn’t mean I would allow her to take whatever she wanted from me.

  “Congratulations on your new wife. I heard all of you are married now.” Jason said smiling brightly as he congratulated me. I was grateful for the change in conversation. I knew the discussion of Nina was far from over but I would take any reprieve I could get.

  “Yeah, Damon is the only one left but I’m sure it won’t be long before he’s tied the knot.” I gave a chuckle. If I knew Damon he was probably down on one knee proposing to Cassie right now. He liked to move fast.

  “Who did your prenups?” Jason questioned his voice laced with concern.

  I shook my head sucking my teeth. “None needed.” I reassured him.

  Jason blanched. “Now you know it’s my duty to remind you boys that there may come a time when you will need one. It’s better to be safe than sorry. You can’t have a prenuptial drawn up but you can do a post.” He explained as I waved my hands waving him away.

  “Honestly Jace, we don’t need them. But I appreciate the thought. We all have kids with our wives or will soon, so honestly, if it doesn’t work out then they deserve their half of the pot.” I reassured him firmly believing every word I said. I would gladly give up every red cent to Heather should she decide to leave me. I could always make more money. I wasn’t about to begin planning our divorce before our marriage had a chance to take off.

  “If you ever change your mind just let me know. I’ll get working on this case. Leave me the name and contact information for the woman and her lawyer and I’ll see what I can do.” I gave Jason all the information I had on Nina, including her lawyer's contact information. After we had finalized a game plan we shook hands with Jason promising he would get back to me within a few days.

  It had been a productive day. I found a perfect ring to give Heather and hopefully I would have Nina out of my life for good within a week or so. Things were really starting to look up. I couldn’t wait to get home to Heather and tell her about my day.

  The first thing I wanted to do was drop down on one knee and ask her to marry me, the proper way. Of course, that would have to wait. Heather had left for a week with her parents to visit family. I had plans in place to fill that time. I had signed up with a therapist specializing in ASL.

  I had been wandering blindly through this relationship. It was time I got outside help instead of relying on Emily for everything. I knew that Emily couldn’t be there every step of our marriage. She had her own marriage and career that filled enough space in her life.

  I both needed and wanted to be a full partner in this marriage without having to use a translator. And to be better able to anticipate Heather’s needs. I didn’t want to offend her by coddling her or treating her as though she were handicap. As hard as it was for me to accept, Heather had been managing all this time without me. She didn’t need me to hold her hand. She didn’t need me to solve all her problems for her. I needed guidance from a professional to ensure I was going about things the proper way. I needed someone to help me build my tool box so that I could be a better husband to my wife.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “The first thing you need to understand about your wife, Mr. Smirnov, is that your wife is not dumb, she is nonverbal” Doctor Hines explained speaking slowly.

  I had been here for nearly an hour and already I wanted to strangle her. I wondered if she spoke to all of her clients this way. I found it belittling and highly irritating.

  “I understand that. I am fully aware that my wife is not an idiot. What I am seeking is to learn how to better assist her. How to better communicate with her.” I reiterated my earlier statement. I felt like we had been talking in circles since I walked in the door.

  “Selective mutism and hearing relationship have their own special challenges.” Doctor Hines began.

  Waving my hands in the air I stood abruptly. “I don’t think you’re hearing me lady. My wife isn’t selectively mute. She cannot speak. She was in an accident; there was severe trauma to her larynx. She is truly unable to speak. What I am looking for is guidance to help me better communicate with her.” I growled out as I paced the room like a lion trapped in a cage. I couldn’t understand why this woman wasn’t listening to me.

  “How do you feel right now Mr. Smirnov?”

  “I feel angry, anxious, frustrated, exhausted.” I explained rambling off the top emotions I was going through as I ran my hands through my hair roughly. What was the point in all of this? I didn’t understand it.

  “Why do you feel that way?” She asked flatly.

  If it wasn’t for my love of Heather I wouldn’t be here right now. I was told Dr. Hines was the best available in the area but quite frankly I was beginning to seriously doubt that. “You’re not listening when I speak. You’re constantly forcing me to repeat myself over and over again. I feel like we're just talking in circles.” I continued to pace the length of the office. I was sure I was wearing a path down in the Oriental rug on the floor but I was too frustrated to care.

  “Imagine not being able to answer me with your words. Imagine for a second you had no way of expressing these emotions with your voice. That’s a fraction of what your wife feels. Though it isn’t just one instance in which she can’t explain it to you. It’s a constant.” Spinning around on my heels I turned to face her. The gravity of her words sinking in.

  “Now I want you to tell me without using your words how you feel about your wife.”

  I stood there stumped. I understood what she was getting at. It was all becoming clear to me. Now I was faced with a new set of challenges. How do I express how I feel about Heather? I loved her. Beyond a reasonable doubt I loved her. I opened my mouth to speak my jaw hinging and unhinging, like a fish out of water my mouth worked but no sound came out.

  I began pointing at my chest. Dr. Hines looked at me quizzically. “Do you have heartburn?” She asked deadpan. I huffed out a breath through my nose like a bull ready to charge, my frustration getting the better of me. I tried drawing a heart across my chest my finger making harsh lines against the material of my shirt. Dr. Hines just sat there, her brows furrowed, a pointed look of confusion on her face.

  “I fucking love her.’ I bellowed out throwing my hands in the air to emphasize my point.

  “I rather hoped so, Mr. Smirnov.” Dr. Hines replied in her flat tone as she scribbled on the file in front of her.

  I walked back to my seat dropping down into it much like a discarded sack of potatoes.

  “You have been married for a month now you say?”

  Annoyed I narrowed my eyes at her. “Yes.”

  “How often do you practice ASL?” I looked at her in confusion. What the fuck was she getting at?

  “American Sign Language?” She asked raising a perfectly sculpted brow misunderstanding my confusion. “How often do you practice signing?” She clarified.

  “Every day.” I spit out.

  “So you mean to tell me that you practice every day and yet you can’t sign to me that you love your wife?” She threw her pen and notebook on the table in disgust.

  “I’ve been learning how to talk to her, sign good morning, ask her how she wants her eggs, how her day has been. I speak to her as I sign. I’ve been picking up more and more.” I sighed in exasperation.

  “How do you communicate during sex?” My jaw nearly dropped to the floor with her boldness. I worked to make words as I struggled to reel in my shock.

  “We haven’t had sex.” I managed to choke out.

  “You mean to tell me that you have been married for a month and have never had sex?” She asked disbelievingly.

  “I don’t know how
to go about talking about it.” I answered honestly.

  “When you were with a woman who could speak, did you ask her about sex?” Dr. Hines leaned forward in her chair anxiously awaiting my answer.

  “No, we just kind of let things flow naturally.” I admitted.

  “So because you’re wife cannot speak, she’s different right?” I felt the light go off in my head. I had been treating Heather as though she were different. Like she were made of glass when I should have been treating her like a regular woman.

  “But what if it’s not what she wants?” I didn’t mask the fear and vulnerability in my voice. I let it all hang out there for the doctor to see.

  “Do you believe that she is capable of saying the word no?” I chuckled in response to her question.

  “She is well versed in the word no.” I admitted around a smile. Heather had no qualms about telling me no about anything. I had heard the word from her more than I had ever heard it in my life, though never when it came to sex because I never asked. I never initiated.

  “So what’s the problem?” I pointed a finger directly at her, BINGO.

  “I’m picking up what you’re playing down, Doc.” I couldn’t help the ear splitting smile that slashed across my face.

  “Finally, he can be taught.” She mock cheered throwing her hands in the air as though she had scored a touchdown.

  “Ha ha laugh it up Doc.” I smirked.

  “That concludes our session today. I want to see you here every week, same time, same place, less attitude from you.” She gave me a tight smile dismissing me.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I saluted her getting up from my chair to leave.

  “Oh and Ivan, just put out already.” She chuckled at my retreating form. Walking out the door I lifted my hand in a one finger salute.

  I was grateful for her advice and helping me to see where I had been messing up and going about things all wrong. It didn’t mean we were best friends or that I had to like her. I mean, I had just spent the better part of an hour completely frustrated with Dr. Hines. Going in circles as she tried to pound realization into my thick skull. I had overcome one hurdle, now it was time to put it into practice. There was still so much for me to learn.