Jagged Edges

by Denise Bower

  Shelby approached me and immediately hugged me, squeezing tightly until I could barely take a breath.

  “Tonight is the anniversary of the worst night of my life. My parents went out to dinner and never came home again. You shouldn’t leave things unfinished. Just talk to him,” she whispered.

  She grabbed Alex by the hand and pulled him down the hall. I frowned because I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to talk to since she had escorted Alex away.

  I wiped a few tears and headed for the rink. I stopped when I heard the distinct scratch of blades on ice.

  When I poked my head around the corner to see who was skating, I backed up, immediately banging into the wall and dropping my skates.

  The noise caught Carter’s attention, and he slowly spun around toward me. He stopped, leaned on his stick, and stared at me.

  For a few seconds, I did nothing but look at him. His hair was sticking up haphazardly, curling around the beads of sweat that glistened on his skin. I yearned to smooth it down. His cheeks were flushed, matching his bright red lips. He wasn’t smiling, but he still took my breath away.

  “You left,” I finally said.

  He blew out a breath of air and skated toward me. “I saw you.”

  “I know,” I said.

  Trying to explain to him that it wasn’t what he thought sounded stupid in my head. It was exactly what it was. I let Viktor kiss me and I kissed him. I could argue logistics, say that we had never defined our relationship or declared it exclusive, but I had hurt him whether intentionally or not.

  “I thought you were getting back with Viktor. I think we all did,” Carter said.

  I shook my head.

  “Shelby said you’ve been given an exemption to compete at Nationals.”

  I nodded, unable to find my voice until I closed my eyes. “I’m skating alone.”

  “I know.” He paused. “The mini demon hunted me down and shouted at me. She made Alex drive to Minneapolis, then talked to the coaches and explained why I needed to leave right after the game. She forced me to come here because she figured we do our best communicating on the ice.”

  I sat down on the bench and kicked off my shoes. Carter climbed over the boards, dropped his stick, and knelt in front of me, taking my skates from me. He took a deep breath and ran his hands up and down my legs. His touch lit up my nerves and made my stomach swoop. He quickly laced me up and helped me to my feet.

  “Skate for me,” he said. “Show me how you feel.”

  He clicked a button and a melancholy song blared from the speakers. I let it guide my steps until I felt him reach for my hand. This was the moment to let him go or fight for what I wanted. I laced my fingers with his and enjoyed his closeness as we glided around the ice.

  “I am sorry,” I said as tears welled up in my eyes. “For what you saw. It didn’t mean anything to me. Viktor and I were together a long time, and I wanted to make sure it was over.”

  He skidded to a stop.

  “Is it over?”

  I placed my hand on his cheek and traced the dark circles under his eyes with my thumbs. He didn’t move, only gazed at me with an intensity that made me shiver. I licked my lips and fisted his collar, forcing him down to my level.

  The kiss was tentative at first, only a quick brush of dry lips. But the moment he put his hands on my waist, I lost it and attacked him. He responded with the same enthusiasm. We kissed until we were both flushed and panting.

  “Does that answer your question?” I gasped.

  “What question?” He smiled and twirled me around.

  “Can I come out now?” Shelby shouted.

  Carter groaned. “That kid.”

  We skated toward the boards where she was draped over them, grinning at us. “Does this mean everything is good?”

  “It would be better without all the interruptions,” Carter muttered.

  “I know, but it’s getting really late and I promised Vika’s dad you would be back for morning skate.”

  “You’re leaving?” My voice squeaked.

  “I have to. Coach will kill me if I miss skate. I can’t screw up again. I don’t think I have any chances left.”

  A popular song that I’d been skating to played in the background and tugged at my heartstrings.

  “Shoo, mini demon,” he said.

  She snorted but turned her back. He cupped my cheeks and tilted my head up. “God, I missed you,” he whispered against my mouth.

  “Are you done yet?” Shelby asked.

  Carter laughed, kissed my cheek, and then pushed me to the center of the ice. “Work hard. I’ll see you when we both have some time off.”

  I blew him a kiss and watched him jump over the boards, hug Shelby, and disappear into the dark tunnel. I wanted to chase after him.

  “Oh my.” I sighed and did a few three turns into a triple toe. My legs felt light and powerful. My heart pounded in my chest, and for the first time in days, I smiled and felt everything around me light up.

  “Are you happy?” Shelby asked.

  “Yeah. Thank you,” I said.

  “You guys need to learn to use your words. These last few weeks have been terrible. Even knowing you weren’t going back to Viktor, I couldn’t concentrate.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t do it again.” She frowned. “Can we go home now? I’m exhausted and Alex left me. He’s going to be so mad when he gets back home.”

  “You mean…?”

  “Yeah, we sort of kidnapped Carter so Alex has to drive him back to Minneapolis.”

  I chuckled. “Ah, I’ll have to take it easy on him at practice tomorrow.”

  She laughed and we headed back out into the snowy night.

  When I arrived home, I called my dad and was treated to a barrage of questions about exactly why Carter needed to come straighten things out.

  “So, you’re dating him?” he asked.

  “I don’t really know what we’re doing, Dad. I like him. He makes me happy and crazy all at the same time.”

  “Sounds like your mother and me. The crazy got us in the end,” he muttered.

  “And if you hadn’t heard, I’m heading back to Nationals to compete.”

  “I did hear it. At first I thought it was a rumor, but Sawyer called me and confirmed.”

  “I’m doing it on my terms,” I said.

  “I wish you the best,” he said. “I always have, Vika.”

  A lump formed in my throat preventing me from speaking. My dad saved me by saying goodbye and ending the call.

  With my personal life not in total shambles anymore and my team firmly behind me, Sawyer, Margo, and Hank helped me set up practice schedules for the players and then for me. We broke down each day into thirty-minute segments. I’d never had so much structure in my life. Johan tried to tell me I shouldn’t travel with the team since I only had two months to sort out two programs. I shot him down.

  “No, I’m going to do my job. I’ll bring my skates and train when I can. I’m sure there’s ice available in every city.”

  “Maybe she could perform during a period break,” Hank said. “It would be better than watching people try to run around the rink in hamster balls.”

  “What?” I said.

  “That’s actually a great idea,” Sawyer said. “She needs to be in front of an audience.”

  Margo handed the Raven schedule to Sawyer.

  “I believe I have some calls to make,” Sawyer said. “And doll, you have to speak with the media. My phone won’t stop ringing, my email is overflowing, and my voicemail is full.”

  I’d noticed several people hanging around the arena in the morning and when I left in the evening, but the added security had kept them away from me.

  “I’ll prepare a statement and make it clear that you won’t be doing any interviews until after Nationals,” Margo said.

  “Oh, thank you,” I exclaimed and hugged her. She wrinkled her nose and shooed us out of her office, claiming we were disrupting her day.<
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  “Can you do one more thing for me?” I asked.

  She lowered her glasses and peered at me.

  “Can you include the Hawks game schedule on my calendar?” I smiled sheepishly.

  “Glad you straightened things out,” she said. “Now get out of here. I’m buried in work.”

  “Yes, Margo. Thank you.”

  “You owe me,” she said.

  By the end of the day, Margo had sent out a statement to the media. The next day, the parking lot at my apartment building was filled with journalists trying to get a quote. I had to call Cam to come rescue me.

  “Why do they think this is a story?” I mumbled.

  Cam looked at me like I was off my rocker. “Are you kidding me? People are curious. Hell, I’m curious.”

  “Shut up,” I said.

  The reporters snapped a few pictures as we pulled out of the lot.

  Things turned downright weird when the media tried sneaking questions to the players at after-game interviews, especially at the games where I performed.

  “What do you think about your conditioning coach heading back to competition?” someone asked Alex. “There have been rumors she’s involved with Hawks’ star Carter Murphy.”

  Cam immediately stepped in and shut down the interview. I scurried out of the room but not before I heard someone ask if Cam knew that Carter used to be a figure skater.

  I shuddered and ran down the hall to hide in the laundry room. I dreaded talking to Carter when he found out the media had discovered his secret.

  The next day Margo issued another strongly worded media release, threatening to ban all journalists from the Ravens. It took a few games, but things finally calmed down in the locker room as the media moved on to more scandalous stories.

  Even with the reporters out of my face, my life did not slow down. Sawyer put a nix on my skating at night. He wanted to supervise my every movement on the ice, and I really did need more sleep. The good thing about having my evenings free from skating was that Carter called me every night, regardless of the time.

  The conversations were interesting. Once he tried to seduce me on the phone by talking sexy. All it did was send me into a fit of giggles at his effort.

  “Stop laughing,” he said defensively.

  “If you send me a picture of your dick, I will spread it around the locker room.”

  He grumbled but didn’t say anything, and I immediately wondered if he had taken a picture of his dick.

  “Carter, you don’t have to do anything special for me. I just like talking to you. I’m too tired to have phone sex with you. I’m too tired to think about sex. Besides all the skating, I spent an hour in the weight room with the guys doing Pilates. I can barely move.”

  “You doing okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Not bad, except for the lack of sex thing. My right hand is exhausted.”

  “Have you tried using your left?”

  “Shut up,” he said. “Did you watch the game tonight?”

  “Of course we did. Shelby almost knocked the TV off its stand when you scored a hat trick, and don’t get me started about that hit from Hartman.”

  “He’s a goon.”

  “Your black eye is sexy,” I said.

  He laughed and decided it was time to wrap up the phone call.

  I hung up and cursed long-distance relationships and empty beds. The only thing that made me miss him less was sleeping in one of his T-shirts I’d found under my bed.

  Time passed quickly, with barely a nod to Thanksgiving. Christmas went by without much fanfare, and New Year’s disappeared with only a brief listing of new goals and wishes I knew would never come true.

  Missing him had become my normal. It was always there, gnawing in my stomach and making my heart thump wildly in my chest.

  “You miss him,” Shelby said.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “I thought he’d be able to get back here to see us,” she said.

  “Between his schedule and ours … they don’t cross a lot.”

  She shifted on the couch and leaned against me, yawning loudly.

  “You should go to bed,” I said. “It’s the new year. We made it to midnight.”

  She grumbled but stood and walked with me to the door. “Happy New Year,” she said.

  “Make sure Alex goes to bed,” I said as we both glanced at him. He was sound asleep in the chair with his mouth wide open and snoring loudly.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She opened the door for me. “Murph!”

  “Carter,” I gasped.

  Shelby launched into his arms. He was ready for her this time and he hugged her tightly, but his gaze never left mine.

  “Good to see you,” she said. “But it’s time for me to go to bed.”

  She shoved me into the hallway and then slammed the door in my face.

  “Uh, okay,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

  “I don’t have much time. We fly out tomorrow for LA, but I had to see you. I’ve been told that what you’re doing when the New Year rings⁠—”

  He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because I shoved my tongue into his mouth. He groaned, scooped me off the ground, and headed toward my apartment.

  I’m not sure how we opened the door or managed to get to my bed without falling over each other. I couldn’t get enough skin, and he actually tore my shirt in his haste to get it over my head.

  He only stayed for a couple of hours before I had to let him go again.

  “Carter,” I called out.

  He turned and flashed a smile at me. “Yeah.”

  “I⁠—” I couldn’t say the words, so I blew him a kiss instead.

  “Me too, Vika,” he yelled back.

  My face flushed, and I couldn’t move until the taillights of his car disappeared over the hill.

  Shelby was waiting for me in the weight room in the morning.

  “Nice hickeys,” Shelby said.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “Alex decided to try and have the talk with me this morning.”

  “What talk?”

  She raised her eyebrows and frowned.

  “Oh, that talk,” I gasped. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It was quite funny,” she said. “He couldn’t say the word condom, so I said it. His face turned bright red and he ran into the bathroom to take a shower.”

  “Oh, jeesh.”

  “He’d already taken a shower.”

  “Why did he bring it up?”

  “I’ve been talking to a boy that I met at sections,” she said.

  “If you have any real questions, you can always ask me. You should watch out for those skater boys though.”

  “Sawyer said the same thing,” she said and smiled sheepishly. “I kissed him.”

  “You kissed Sawyer?” I said, giggling.

  She punched me in the arm. “No, his name is Drew.”

  “Oh really?”

  “He’s so nice.” She squeaked and covered her mouth.

  “Did you know I had my first kiss at a skating competition?”

  “No,” she said dreamily.

  “It was Carter.”

  She clapped her hands together and squealed. “Really? Oh my god! You were destined to be together.” She swooned and clutched her heart.

  “Can we skate now?” I asked. “Please.”

  “I love embarrassing adults.” She laughed and headed for the rink.

  One of my resolutions for the New Year was to clean up my apartment. Shelby showed up dressed in ratty sweats and a raggedy sweatshirt.

  “Alex and Carter think you need some help.” She glanced around the room and wrinkled her nose. “How can you find anything?”

  “I can’t,” I said.

  She shook her head and cranked the music.

  We gathered all of my dirty clothing, sorted it into neat little piles, and began the process of washing everything. Shelby scolded me for letting things get so out
of control and told me it was time to become a real adult. I’d been riding a tidal wave of emotion, but now I needed to get down to business.

  With the laundry going, we sat down and made a list for the grocery store. At the last minute, we decided to order online and have the items delivered. When I completed my shopping, Shelby ordered me to empty the boxes and suitcases still littering the living room.

  We were derailed once when she unpacked one of my gym bags and found Carter’s hoodie.

  “I wear it for luck,” I said.

  She smiled and tossed it in my face. “Can we at least wash it?”

  I grumbled but finally agreed that it did have a peculiar odor.

  “We only have a week before we leave for competition. Have you decided what music you’re using?”

  “Sawyer wants me to go traditional and use the music we’ve been training with. ”

  “What do you want?”

  “I sort of want to take all this back and return to just being the Raven’s conditioning coach.”

  “Too late,” she said. “But you should do what you think is right.”

  The team had a big send-off party for everyone who was competing at Nationals. Unfortunately we didn’t have cake or pizza. Instead we settled for smoothies, along with several platters of fruit and veggies. For the main course we all had baked chicken.

  “Parties are supposed to have cake,” I grumbled as I poked at the strawberries.

  “Oh, doll, you would not be able to squish into your dresses if you ate cake.”

  “She could always skate in her Raven jersey,” Cam said.

  The team roared their approval.

  “Let’s see ’em,” someone shouted.

  Sawyer removed the plastic garment bag to reveal two gorgeous black dresses. The team started teasing me about the lack of material.

  I was a little sad the guys wouldn’t be with me, but they had a game the night I skated the short program. I took comfort in knowing they would all be able to watch the long program on TV.

  I wished them luck in the three games I was going to miss. Hank moaned about all the extra work but winked at me and gave me a quick hug. Margo patted my back and smiled. Shelby wouldn’t let anyone get away with just a smile. She hugged everyone.

  We piled into a van for our nine-hour drive. By the time we pulled into the parking lot of our hotel, Sawyer was a mess. He was flipping through his journal and poking at his phone. Shelby was trying to help him.