Harold Pinter Plays 2

by Harold Pinter

  Pause.

  I tell you what, maybe it were them Blacks.

  ASTON. What?

  DAVIES. Them noises.

  ASTON. What Blacks?

  DAVIES. Them you got. Next door. Maybe it were them Blacks making noises, coming up through the walls.

  ASTON. Hmmnn.

  DAVIES. That’s my opinion.

  ASTON puts dorm the plug and moves to the door.

  Where you going, you going out?

  ASTON. Yes.

  DAVIES (seizing the sandals). Wait a minute then, just a minute.

  ASTON. What you doing?

  DAVIES (putting on the sandals). I better come with you.

  ASTON. Why?

  DAVIES. I mean, I better come out with you, anyway.

  ASTON. Why?

  DAVIES. Well … don’t you want me to go out?

  ASTON. What for?

  DAVIES. I mean … when you’re out. Don’t you want me to get out … when you’re out?

  ASTON. You don’t have to go out.

  DAVIES. You mean … I can stay here?

  ASTON. Do what you like. You don’t have to come out just because I go out.

  DAVIES. You don’t mind me staying here?

  ASTON. I’ve got a couple of keys. (He goes to a box by his bed and finds them.) This door and the front door. (He hands them to DAVIES.)

  DAVIES. Thanks very much, the best of luck.

  Pause. ASTON stands.

  ASTON. I think I’ll take a stroll down the road. A little … kind of a shop. Man there’d got a jig saw the other day. I quite liked the look of it.

  DAVIES. A jig saw, mate?

  ASTON. Yes. Could be very useful.

  DAVIES. Yes.

  Slight pause.

  What’s that then, exactly, then?

  ASTON walks up to the window and looks out.

  ASTON. A jig saw? Well, it comes from the same family as the fret saw. But it’s an appliance, you see. You have to fix it on to a portable drill.

  DAVIES. Ah, that’s right. They’re very handy.

  ASTON. They are, yes.

  Pause.

  You know, I was sitting in a café the other day. I happened to be sitting at the same table as this woman. Well, we started to … we started to pick up a bit of a conversation. I don’t know … about her holiday, it was, where she’d been. She’d been down to the south coast. I can’t remember where though. Anyway, we were just sitting there, having this bit of a conversation … then suddenly she put her hand over to mine … and she said, how would you like me to have a look at your body?

  DAVIES. Get out of it.

  Pause.

  ASTON. Yes. To come out with it just like that, in the middle of this conversation. Struck me as a bit odd.

  DAVIES. They’ve said the same thing to me.

  ASTON. Have they?

  DAVIES. Women? There’s many a time they’ve come up to me and asked me more or less the same question.

  Pause.

  ASTON. What did you say your name was?

  DAVIES. Bernard Jenkins is my assumed one.

  ASTON. No, your other one?

  DAVIES. Davies. Mac Davies.

  ASTON. Welsh, are you?

  DAVIES. Eh?

  ASTON. You Welsh?

  Pause.

  DAVIES. Well, I been around, you know … what I mean … I been about.…

  ASTON. Where were you born then?

  DAVIES. (darkly). What do you mean?

  ASTON. Where were you born?

  DAVIES. I was … uh … oh, it’s a bit hard, like, to set your mind back … see what I mean … going back …. a good way … lose a bit of track, like … you know.…

  ASTON (going to below the fireplace). See this plug? Switch it on here, if you like. This little fire.

  DAVIES. Right, mister.

  ASTON. Just plug in here.

  DAVIES. Right, mister.

  ASTON goes towards the door.

  (Anxiously). What do I do?

  ASTON. Just switch it on, that’s all. The fire’ll come on.

  DAVIES. I tell you what. I won’t bother about it.

  ASTON. No trouble.

  DAVIES. No, I don’t go in for them things much.

  ASTON. Should work. (Turning). Right.

  DAVIES. Eh, I was going to ask you, mister, what about this stove? I mean, do you think it’s going to be letting out any … what do you think?

  ASTON. It’s not connected.

  DAVIES. You see, the trouble is, it’s right on top of my bed, you see? What I got to watch is nudging … one of them gas taps with my elbow when I get up, you get my meaning?

  He goes round to the other side of stove and examines it.

  ASTON. There’s nothing to worry about.

  DAVIES. Now look here, don’t you worry about it. All I’ll do, I’ll keep an eye on these taps every now and again, like, you see. See they’re switched off. You leave it to me.

  ASTON. I don’t think.…

  DAVIES (coming round). Eh, mister, just one thing … eh .… you couldn’t slip me a couple of bob, for a cup of tea, just, you know?

  ASTON. I gave you a few bob last night.

  DAVIES. Eh, so you did. So you did. I forgot. Went clean out of my mind. That’s right. Thank you, mister. Listen. You’re sure now, you’re sure you don’t mind me staying here? I mean, I’m not the sort of man who wants to take any liberties.

  ASTON. No, that’s all right.

  DAVIES. I might get down to Wembley later on in the day.

  ASTON. Uh-uh.

  DAVIES. There’s a caff down there, you see, might be able to get fixed up there. I was there, see? I know they were a bit short-handed. They might be in the need of a bit of staff.

  ASTON. When was that?

  DAVIES. Eh? Oh, well, that was … near on … that’ll be … that’ll be a little while ago now. But of course what it is, they can’t find the right kind of people in these places. What they want to do, they’re trying to do away with these foreigners, you see, in catering. They want an Englishman to pour their tea, that’s what they want, that’s what they’re crying out for. It’s only common sense, en’t? Oh, I got all that under way … that’s … uh … that’s … what I’ll be doing.

  Pause.

  If only I could get down there.

  ASTON. Mmnn. (ASTON moves to the door.) Well, I’ll be seeing you then.

  DAVIES. Yes. Right.

  ASTON goes out and closes the door.

  DAVIES stands still He waits a few seconds, then goes to the door, opens it, looks out, closes it, stands with his back to it, turns swiftly, opens it, looks out, comes back, closes the door, finds the keys in his pocket, tries one, tries the other, locks the door. He looks about the room. He then goes quickly to ASTON’S bed, bends, brings out the pair of shoes and examines them.

  Not a bad pair of shoes. Bit pointed.

  He puts them back under the bed. He examines the area by ASTON’S bed, picks up a vase and looks into it, then picks up a box and shakes it.

  Screws!

  He sees paint buckets at the top of the bed, goes to them, and examines them.

  Paint. What’s he going to paint?

  He puts the bucket down, comes to the centre of the room, looks up at bucket, and grimaces.

  I’ll have to find out about that. (He crosses right, and picks up a blow-lamp.) He’s got some stuff in here. (He picks up the Buddha and looks at it.) Full of stuff. Look at all this. (His eye falls on the piles of papers.) What’s he got all those papers for? Damn pile of papers.

  He goes to a pile and touches it. The pile wobbles. He steadies it.

  Hold it, hold it!

  He holds the pile and pushes the papers back into place.

  The door opens.

  MICK comes in, puts the key in his pocket, and closes the door silently. He stands at the door and watches DAVIES.

  What’s he got all these papers for? (DAVIES climbs over the rolled carpet to the blue case.) Had a sheet and pill
ow ready in here. (He opens the case.) Nothing. (He shuts the case.) Still, I had a sleep though. I don’t make no noises. (He looks at the window.) What’s this?

  He picks up another case and tries to open it. MICK moves up stage, silently.

  Locked. (He puts it down and moves downstage.) Must be something in it. (He picks up a sideboard drawer, rummages in the contents, then puts it down.)

  MICK slides across the room.

  DAVIES half turns, MICK seizes his arm and forces it up his back. DAVIES screams.

  Uuuuuuuhhh! Uuuuuuuhhh! What! What! What! Uuuuuuuhhh!

  MICK swiftly forces him to the floor, with DAVIES struggling, grimacing, whimpering and staring.

  MICK holds his arm, puts his other hand to his lips, then puts his hand to DAVIES’ lips, DAVIES quietens. MICK lets him go. DAVIES writhes. MICK holds out a warning finger. He then squats down to regard DAVIES. He regards him, then stands looking down on him. DAVIES massages his arm, watching MICK. MICK turns slowly to look at the room. He goes to DAVIES’ bed and uncovers it. He turns, goes to the clothes horse and picks up DAVIES’ trousers, DAVIES starts to rise. MICK presses him down with his foot and stands over him. Finally he removes his foot. He examines the trousers and throws them back, DAVIES remains on the floor, crouched. MICK slowly goes to the chair, sits, and watches DAVIES, expressionless. Silence.

  MICK. What’s the game?

  Curtain.

  Act Two

  A few seconds later.

  MICK is seated, DAVIES on the floor, half seated, crouched. Silence.

  MICK. Well?

  DAVIES. Nothing, nothing. Nothing.

  A drip sounds in the bucket overhead. They look up. MICK looks back to DAVIES.

  MICK. What’s your name?

  DAVIES. I don’t know you. I don’t know who you are.

  Pause.

  MICK. Eh?

  DAVIES. Jenkins.

  MICK. Jenkins?

  DAVIES. Yes.

  MICK. Jen … kins.

  Pause.

  You sleep here last night?

  DAVIES. Yes.

  MICK. Sleep well?

  DAVIES. Yes.

  MICK. I’m awfully glad. It’s awfully nice to meet you.

  Pause.

  What did you say your name was?

  DAVIES. Jenkins.

  MICK. I beg your pardon?

  DAVIES. Jenkins!

  Pause.

  MICK. Jen … kins.

  A drip sounds in the bucket. DAVIES looks up.

  You remind me of my uncle’s brother. He was always on the move, that man. Never without his passport. Had an eye for the girls. Very much your build. Bit of an athlete. Long-jump specialist. He had a habit of demonstrating different run-ups in the drawing-room round about Christmas time. Had a penchant for nuts. That’s what it was. Nothing else but a penchant. Couldn’t eat enough of them. Peanuts, walnuts, brazil nuts, monkey nuts, wouldn’t touch a piece of fruit cake. Had a marvellous stop-watch. Picked it up in Hong Kong. The day after they chucked him out of the Salvation Army. Used to go in number four for Beckenham Reserves. That was before he got his Gold Medal. Had a funny habit of carrying his fiddle on his back. Like a papoose. I think there was a bit of the Red Indian in him. To be honest, I’ve never made out how he came to be my uncle’s brother. I’ve often thought that maybe it was the other way round. I mean that my uncle was his brother and he was my uncle. But I never called him uncle. As a matter of fact I called him Sid. My mother called him Sid too. It was a funny business. Your spitting image he was. Married a Chinaman and went to Jamaica.

  Pause.

  I hope you slept well last night.

  DAVIES. Listen! I don’t know who you are!

  MICK. What bed you sleep in?

  DAVIES. Now look here—

  MICK. Eh?

  DAVIES. That one.

  MICK. Not the other one?

  DAVIES. No.

  MICK. Choosy.

  Pause.

  How do you like my room?

  DAVIES. Your room?

  MICK. Yes.

  DAVIES. This ain’t your room. I don’t know who you are. I ain’t never seen you before.

  MICK. You know, believe it or not, you’ve got a funny kind of resemblance to a bloke I once knew in Shoreditch. Actually he lived in Aldgate. I was staying with a cousin in Camden Town. This chap, he used to have a pitch in Finsbury Park, just by the bus depot. When I got to know him I found out he was brought up in Putney. That didn’t make any difference to me. I know quite a few people who were born in Putney. Even if they weren’t born in Putney they were born in Fulham. The only trouble was, he wasn’t born in Putney, he was only brought up in Putney. It turned out he was born in the Caledonian Road, just before you get to the Nag’s Head. His old mum was still living at the Angel. All the buses passed right by the door. She could get a 38, 581, 30 or 38A, take her down the Essex Road to Dalston Junction in next to no time. Well, of course, if she got the 30 he’d take her up Upper Street way, round by High-bury Corner and down to St. Paul’s Church, but she’d get to Dalston Junction just the same in the end. I used to leave my bike in her garden on my way to work. Yes, it was a curious affair. Dead spit of you he was. Bit bigger round the nose but there was nothing in it.

  Pause.

  Did you sleep here last night?

  DAVIES. Yes.

  MICK. Sleep well?

  DAVIES. Yes!

  MICK. Did you have to get up in the night?

  DAVIES. No!

  Pause.

  MICK. What’s your name?

  DAVIES (shifting, about to rise). Now look here!

  MICK. What?

  DAVIES. Jenkins!

  MICK. Jen … kins.

  DAVIES makes a sudden move to rise. A violent bellow from MICK sends him back.

  (A shout.) Sleep here last night?

  DAVIES. Yes.…

  MICK (continuing at great pace). How’d you sleep?

  DAVIES. I slept—

  MICK. Sleep well?

  DAVIES. Now look—

  MICK. What bed?

  DAVIES. That—

  MICK. Not the other?

  DAVIES. No!

  MICK. Choosy.

  Pause.

  (Quietly.) Choosy.

  Pause.

  (Again amiable.) What sort of sleep did you have in that bed?

  DAVIES (banging on floor). All right!

  MICK. You weren’t uncomfortable?

  DAVIES (groaning). All right!

  MICK stands, and moves to him.

  MICK. You a foreigner?

  DAVIES. No.

  MICK. Born and bred in the British Isles?

  DAVIES. I was!

  MICK. What did they teach you?

  Pause.

  How did you like my bed?

  Pause.

  That’s my bed. You want to mind you don’t catch a draught.

  DAVIES. From the bed?

  MICK. No, now, up your arse.

  DAVIES stares warily at MICK, who turns. DAVIES scrambles to the clothes horse and seizes his trousers. MICK turns swiftly and grabs them. DAVIES lunges for them. MICK holds out a hand warningty.

  You intending to settle down here?

  DAVIES. Give me my trousers then.

  MICK. You settling down for a long stay?

  DAVIES. Give me my bloody trousers!

  MICK. Why, where you going?

  DAVIES. Give me and I’m going, I’m going to Sidcup!

  MICK flicks the trousers in DAVIES’ face several times.

  DAVIES retreats.

  Pause.

  MICK. You know, you remind me of a bloke I bumped into once, just the other side of the Guildford by-pass—

  DAVIES. I was brought here!

  Pause.

  MICK. Pardon?

  DAVIES. I was brought here! I was brought here!

  MICK. Brought here? Who brought you here?

  DAVIES. Man who lives here … he.…

  Pause.

  M
ICK. Fibber.

  DAVIES. I was brought here, last night … met him in a caff … I was working … I got the bullet … I was working there … bloke saved me from a punch up, brought me here, brought me right here.

  Pause.

  MICK. I’m afraid you’re a born fibber, en’t you? You’re speaking to the owner. This is my room. You’re standing in my house.

  DAVIES. It’s his … he seen me all right … he.…

  MICK (pointing to DAVIES’ bed). That’s my bed.

  DAVIES. What about that, then?

  MICK. That’s my mother’s bed.

  DAVIES. Well she wasn’t in it last night!

  MICK (moving to him). Now don’t get perky, son, don’t get perky. Keep your hands off my old mum.

  DAVIES. I ain’t … I haven’t.…

  MICK. Don’t get out of your depth, friend, don’t start taking liberties with my old mother, let’s have a bit of respect.

  DAVIES. I got respect, you won’t find anyone with more respect.

  MICK. Well, stop telling me all these fibs.

  DAVIES. Now listen to me, I never seen you before, have I?

  MICK. Never seen my mother before either, I suppose?

  Pause.

  I think I’m coming to the conclusion that you’re an old rogue. You’re nothing but an old scoundrel.

  DAVIES. Now Wait—

  MICK. Listen, son. Listen, sonny. You stink.

  DAVIES. You ain’t got no right to—

  MICK. You’re stinking the place out. You’re an old robber, there’s no getting away from it. You’re an old skate. You don’t belong in a nice place like this. You’re an old barbarian. Honest. You got no business wandering about in an unfurnished flat. I could charge seven quid a week for this if I wanted to. Get a taker tomorrow. Three hundred and fifty a year exclusive. No argument. I mean, if that sort of money’s in your range don’t be afraid to say so. Here you are. Furniture and fittings, I’ll take four hundred or the nearest offer. Rateable value ninety quid for the annum. You can reckon water, heating and lighting at close on fifty. That’ll cost you eight hundred and ninety if you’re all that keen. Say the word and I’ll have my solicitors draft you out a contract. Otherwise I’ve got the van outside, I can run you to the police station in five minutes, have you in for tres passing, loitering with intent, daylight robbery, filching, thieving and stinking the place out. What do you say? Unless you’re really keen on a straightforward purchase. Of course, I’ll get my brother to decorate it up for you first. I’ve got a brother who’s a number one decorator. He’ll decorate it up for you. If you want more space, there’s four more rooms along the landing ready to go. Bathroom, living-room, bedroom and nursery. You can have this as your study. This brother I mentioned, he’s just about to start on the other rooms. Yes, just about to start. So what do you say? Eight hundred odd for this room or three thousand down for the whole upper storey. On the other hand, if you prefer to approach it in the long-term way I know an insurance firm in West Ham’ll be pleased to handle the deal for you. No strings attached, open and above board, untarnished record; twenty per cent interest, fifty per cent deposit; down payments, back payments, family allowances, bonus schemes, remission of term for good behaviour, six months lease, yearly examination of the relevant archives, tea laid on, disposal of shares, benefit extension, compensation on cessation, comprehensive indemnity against Riot, Civil Commotion, Labour Disturbances, Storm, Tempest, Thunderbolt, Larceny or Cattle all subject to a daily check and double check. Of course we’d need a signed declaration from your personal medical attendant as assurance that you possess the requisite fitness to carry the can, won’t we? Who do you bank with?