Harold Pinter Plays 2

by Harold Pinter

  Pause.

  Who do you bank with?

  The door opens. ASTON comes in. MICK turns and drops the trousers. DAVIES picks them up and puts them on. ASTON, after a glance at the other two, goes to his bed, places a bag which he is carrying on it, sits down and resumes fixing the toaster. DAVIES retreats to his corner. MICK sits in the chair.

  Silence.

  A drip sounds in the bucket. They all look up.

  Silence.

  You still got that leak.

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  It’s coming from the roof.

  MICK. From the roof, eh?

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  I’ll have to tar it over.

  MICK. You’re going to tar it over?

  ASTON. Yes.

  MICK. What?

  ASTON. The cracks.

  Pause.

  MICK. You’ll be tarring over the cracks on the roof.

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  MICK. Think that’ll do it?

  ASTON. It’ll do it, for the time being.

  MICK. Uh.

  Pause.

  DAVIES (abruptly). What do you do—?

  They both look at him.

  What do you do … when that bucket’s full?

  Pause.

  ASTON. Empty it.

  Pause.

  MICK. I was telling my friend you were about to start decorating the other rooms.

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  (To DAVIES.) I got your bag.

  DAVIES. Oh. (Crossing to him and taking it). Oh thanks, mister, thanks. Give it to you, did they?

  DAVIES crosses back with the bag.

  MICK rises and snatches it.

  MICK. What’s this?

  DAVIES. Give us it, that’s my bag!

  MICK (warding him off). I’ve seen this bag before.

  DAVIES. That’s my bag!

  MICK (eluding him). This bag’s very familiar.

  DAVIES. What do you mean?

  MICK. Where’d you get it?

  ASTON (rising, to them). Scrub it.

  DAVIES. That’s mine.

  MICK. Whose?

  DAVIES. It’s mine! Tell him it’s mine!

  MICK. This your bag?

  DAVIES. Give me it!

  ASTON. Give it to him.

  MICK. What? Give him what?

  DAVIES. That bloody bag!

  MICK (slipping it behind the gas stove). What bag? (To DAVIES.) What bag?

  DAVIES (moving). Look here!

  MICK (facing him). Where you going?

  DAVIES. I’m going to get … my old …

  MICK. Watch your step, sonny! You’re knocking at the door when no one’s at home. Don’t push it too hard. You come busting into a private house, laying your hands on anything you can lay your hands on. Don’t overstep the mark, son.

  ASTON picks up the bag.

  DAVIES. You thieving bastard … you thieving skate … let me get my—

  ASTON. Here you are. (ASTON offers the bag to DAVIES.)

  MICK grabs it. ASTON takes it.

  MICK grabs it. DAVIES reaches for it.

  ASTON takes it. MICK reaches for it.

  ASTON gives it to DAVIES. MICK grabs it.

  Pause.

  ASTON takes it. DAVIES takes it. MICK takes it. DAVIES reaches for it. ASTON takes it.

  Pause.

  ASTON gives it to MICK. MICK gives it to DAVIES.

  DAVIES grasps it to him.

  Pause.

  MICK looks at ASTON. DAVIES moves away with the bag.

  He drops it.

  Pause.

  They watch him. He picks it up. Goes to his bed, and sits.

  ASTON goes to his bed, sits, and begins to roll a cigarette.

  MICK stands still.

  Pause.

  A drip sounds in the bucket. They all look up.

  Pause.

  How did you get on at Wembley?

  DAVIES. Well, I didn’t get down there.

  Pause.

  No. I couldn’t make it.

  MICK goes to the door and exits.

  ASTON. I had a bit of bad luck with that jig saw. When I got there it had gone.

  Pause.

  DAVIES. Who was that feller?

  ASTON. He’s my brother.

  DAVIES. Is he? He’s a bit of a joker, en’he?

  ASTON. Uh.

  DAVIES. Yes … he’s a real joker.

  ASTON. He’s got a sense of humour.

  DAVIES. Yes, I noticed.

  Pause.

  He’s a real joker, that lad, you can see that.

  Pause.

  ASTON. Yes, he tends … he tends to see the funny side of things.

  DAVIES. Well, he’s got a sense of humour, en’ he?

  ASTON. Yes.

  DAVIES. Yes, you could tell that.

  Pause.

  I could tell the first time I saw him he had his own way of looking at things.

  ASTON stands, goes to the sideboard drawer, right, picks up the statue of Buddha, and puts it on the gas stove.

  ASTON. I’m supposed to be doing up the upper part of the house for him.

  DAVIES. What … you mean … you mean it’s his house?

  ASTON. Yes. I’m supposed to be decorating this landing for him. Make a flat out of it.

  DAVIES. What does he do, then?

  ASTON. He’s in the building trade. He’s got his own van.

  DAVIES. He don’t live here, do he?

  ASTON. Once I get that shed up outside … I’ll be able to give a bit more thought to the flat, you see. Perhaps I can knock up one or two things for it. (He walks to the window.) I can work with my hands, you see. That’s one thing I can do. I never knew I could. But I can do all sorts of things now, with my hands. You know, manual things. When I get that shed up out there … I’ll have a workshop, you see. I … could do a bit of woodwork. Simple woodwork, to start Working with … good wood.

  Pause.

  Of course, there’s a lot to be done to this place. What I think, though, I think I’ll put in a partition … in one of the rooms along the landing. I think it’ll take it. You know … they’ve got these screens … you know … Oriental. They break up a room with them. Make it into two parts. I could either do that or I could have a partition. I could knock them up, you see, if I had a workshop.

  Pause.

  Anyway, I think I’ve decided on the partition.

  Pause.

  DAVIES. Eh, look here, I been thinking. This ain’t my bag.

  ASTON. Oh. No.

  DAVIES. No, this ain’t my bag. My bag, it was another kind of bag altogether, you see. I know what they’ve done. What they done, they kept my bag, and they given you another one altogether.

  ASTON. No … what happened was, someone had gone off with your bag.

  DAVIES (rising). That’s what I said!

  ASTON. Anyway, I picked that bag up somewhere else. It’s got a few … pieces of clothes in it too. He let me have the whole lot cheap.

  DAVIES (opening the bag). Any shoes?

  DAVIES takes two check shirts, bright red and bright green, from the bag. He holds them up.

  Check.

  ASTON. Yes.

  DAVIES. Yes … well, I know about these sort of shirts, you see. Shirts like these, they don’t go far in the wintertime. I mean, that’s one thing I know for a fact. No, what I need, is a kind of a shirt with stripes, a good solid shirt, with stripes going down. That’s what I want. (He takes from the bag a deep-red velvet smoking-jacket.) What’s this?

  ASTON. It’s a smoking-jacket.

  DAVIES. A smoking-jacket? (He feels it.) This ain’t a bad piece of cloth. I’ll see how it fits.

  He tries it on.

  You ain’t got a mirror here, have you?

  ASTON. I don’t think I have.

  DAVIES. Well, it don’t fit too bad. How do you think it looks?

  ASTON. Looks all right.

  DAVIES.
Well, I won’t say no to this, then.

  ASTON picks up the plug and examines it.

  No, I wouldn’t say no to this.

  Pause.

  ASTON. You could be … caretaker here, if you liked.

  DAVIES. What?

  ASTON. You could … look after the place, if you liked … you know, the stairs and the landing, the front steps, keep an eye on it Polish the bells.

  DAVIES. Bells?

  ASTON. I’ll be fixing a few, down by the front door. Brass.

  DAVIES. Caretaking, eh?

  ASTON. Yes.

  DAVIES. Well, I … I never done caretaking before, you know … I mean to say … I never … what I mean to say is … I never been a caretaker before.

  Pause.

  ASTON. How do you feel about being one, then?

  DAVIES. Well, I reckon … Well, I’d have to know … you know.…

  ASTON. What sort of.…

  DAVIES. Yes, what sort of … you know.…

  Pause.

  ASTON. Well, I mean.…

  DAVIES. I mean, I’d have to … I’d have to.…

  ASTON. Well, I could tell you.…

  DAVIES. That’s … that’s it … you see … you get my meaning?

  ASTON. When the time comes.…

  DAVIES. I mean, that’s what I’m getting at, you see.…

  ASTON. More or less exactly what you.…

  DAVIES. You see, what I mean to say … what I’m getting at is … I mean, what sort of jobs.…

  Pause.

  ASTON. Well, there’s things like the stairs … and the … the bells.…

  DAVIES. But it’d be a matter … wouldn’t it … it’d be a matter of a broom … isn’t it?

  ASTON. Yes, and of course, you’d need a few brushes.

  DAVIES. You’d need implements … you see … you’d need a good few implements.…

  ASTON takes a white overall from a nail over his bed, and shows it to DAVIES.

  ASTON. You could wear this, if you liked.

  DAVIES. Well … that’s nice, en’t?

  ASTON. It’d keep the dust off.

  DAVIES (putting it on). Yes, this’d keep the dust off, all right.

  Well off. Thanks very much, mister.

  ASTON. You see, what we could do, we could … I could fit a bell at the bottom, outside the front door, with “Caretaker” on it. And you could answer any queries.

  DAVIES. Oh, I don’t know about that.

  ASTON. Why not?

  DAVIES. Well, I mean, you don’t know who might come up them front steps, do you? I got to be a bit careful.

  ASTON. Why, someone after you?

  DAVIES. After me? Well, I could have that Scotch git coming looking after me, couldn’t I? All I’d do, I’d hear the bell, I’d go down there, open the door, who might be there, any Harry might be there. I could be buggered as easy as that, man. They might be there after my card, I mean look at it, here I am, I only got four stamps, on this card, here it is, look, four stamps, that’s all I got, I ain’t got any more, that’s all I got, they ring the bell called Caretaker, they’d have me in, that’s what they’d do, I wouldn’t stand a chance. Of course I got plenty of other cards lying about, but they don’t know that, and I can’t tell them, can I, because then they’d find out I was going about under an assumed name. You see, the name I call myself now, that’s not my real name. My real name’s not the one I’m using, you see. It’s different. You see, the name I go under now ain’t my real one. It’s assumed.

  Silence.

  THE LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT.

  THEN UP TO DIM LIGHT THROUGH THE WINDOW.

  A door bangs.

  Sound of a key in the door of the room.

  DAVIES enters, closes the door, and tries the light switch, on, off, on, off.

  DAVIES (muttering). What’s this? (He switches on and off.) What’s the matter with this damn light? (He switches on and off.) Aaah. Don’t tell me the damn light’s gone now.

  Pause.

  What’ll I do? Damn light’s gone now. Can’t see a thing.

  Pause.

  What’ll I do now? (He moves, stumbles.) Ah God, what’s that? Give me a light. Wait a minute.

  He feels for matches in his pocket, takes out a box and lights one. The match goes out. The box falls.

  Aah! Where is it? (Stooping.) Where’s the bloody box?

  The box is kicked.

  What’s that? What? Who’s that? What’s that?

  Pause. He moves.

  Where’s my box? It was down here. Who’s this? Who’s moving it?

  Silence.

  Come on. Who’s this? Who’s this got my box?

  Pause.

  Who’s in here!

  Pause.

  I got a knife here. I’m ready. Come on then, who are you?

  He moves, stumbles, falls and cries out.

  Silence.

  A faint whimper from DAVIES. He gets up.

  All right!

  He stands. Heavy breathing.

  Suddenly the electrolux starts to hum. A figure moves with it, guiding it. The nozzle moves along the floor after DAVIES, who skips, dives away from it and falls, breathlessly.

  Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Get away-y-y-y-y!

  The electrolux stops. The figure jumps on ASTON’S bed.

  I’m ready for you! I’m … I’m … I’m here!

  The figure takes out the electrolux plug from the light socket and fits the bulb. The light goes on. DAVIES flattens himself against right wall, knife in hand. MICK stands on the bed, holding the plug.

  MICK. I was just doing some spring cleaning. (He gets down.) There used to be a wall plug for this electrolux. But it doesn’t work. I had to fit it in the light socket. (He puts the electrolux under ASTON’S bed.) How do you think the place is looking? I gave it a good going over.

  Pause.

  We take it in turns, once a fortnight, my brother and me, to give the place a thorough going over. I was working late tonight, I only just got here. But I thought I better get on with it, as it’s my turn.

  Pause.

  It’s not that I actually live here. I don’t. As a matter of fact I live somewhere else. But after all, I’m responsible for the upkeep of the premises, en’ I? Can’t help being houseproud.

  He moves towards DAVIES and indicates the knife.

  What are you waving that about for?

  DAVIES. You come near me.…

  MICK. I’m sorry if I gave you a start. But I had you in mind too, you know. I mean, my brother’s guest. We got to think of your comfort, en’t we? Don’t want the dust to get up your nose. How long you thinking of staying here, by the way? As a matter of fact, I was going to suggest that we’d lower your rent, make it just a nominal sum, I mean until you get fixed up. Just nominal, that’s all.

  Pause.

  Still, if you’re going to be spiky, I’ll have to reconsider the whole proposition.

  Pause.

  Eh, you’re not thinking of doing any violence on me, are you? You’re not the violent sort, are you?

  DAVIES (vehemently). I keep myself to myself, mate. But if anyone starts with me though, they know what they got coming.

  MICK. I can believe that.

  DAVIES. You do. I been all over, see? You understand my meaning? I don’t mind a bit of a joke now and then, but anyone’ll tell you … that no one starts anything with me.

  MICK. I get what you mean, yes.

  DAVIES. I can be pushed so far … but.…

  MICK. No further.

  DAVIES. That’s it.

  MICK sits an junk dawn right.

  What you doing?

  MICK. No, I just want to say that … I’m very impressed by that.

  DAVIES. Eh?

  MICK. I’m very impressed by what you’ve just said.

  Pause.

  Yes, that’s impressive, that is.

  Pause.

  I’m impressed, anyway.

  DAVIES. You know what I’m talking about then?


  MICK. Yes, I know. I think we understand one another.

  DAVIES. Uh? Well … I’ll tell you … I’d … I’d like to think that. You been playing me about, you know. I don’t know why. I never done you no harm.

  MICK. No, you know what it was? We just got off on the wrong foot That’s all it was.

  DAVIES. Ay, we did.

  DAVIES joins MICK in junk.

  MICK. Like a sandwich?

  DAVIES. What?

  MICK (taking a sandwich from his pocket). Have one of these.

  DAVIES. Don’t you pull anything.

  MICK. No, you’re still not understanding me. I can’t help being interested in any friend of my brother’s. I mean, you’re my brother’s friend, aren’t you?

  DAVIES. Well, I … I wouldn’t put it as far as that.

  MICK. Don’t you find him friendly, then?

  DAVIES. Well, I wouldn’t say we was all that friends. I mean, he done me no harm, but I wouldn’t say he was any particular friend of mine. What’s in that sandwich, then?

  MICK. Cheese.

  DAVIES. That’ll do me.

  MICK. Take one.

  DAVIES. Thank you, mister.

  MICK. I’m sorry to hear my brother’s not very friendly.

  DAVIES. He’s friendly, he’s friendly, I didn’t say he wasn’t.…

  MICK (taking a salt-cellar from his pocket). Salt?

  DAVIES. No thanks. (He munches the sandwich.) I just can’t exactly … make him out.

  MICK (feeling in his pocket). I forgot the pepper.