Soft Sounds of Pleasure

by Eden Connor

  He toweled her hair and felt a tiny bit of hope when she asked if he'd loan her a shirt to wear.

  Like he hadn't waited ten fucking years to see her in his shirt instead of Pete's. He handed her a fresh one from a drawer beneath the bed. At least she wasn't putting on her clothes, ready to demand he take her home.

  They settled on the patio, in the wide hanging rattan swing he'd bought last week with this very activity in mind, because she said she wanted to hear the rain. He had to listen closely to hear her words as the heavy droplets pounded down on the metal roof.

  "I do have trust issues," she began. "When I was little, my parents divorced, and after a few years of hit-and-miss visitation and spotty child support, he remarried and adopted her little girl and forgot about me, I guess, because he disappeared from my life completely by the time I was Jonah's age. I had a hard time trusting men, since my mom kept dragging them home and they'd pretend to care about us and then just walk out one day, then she'd start over with another one. But I met Pete, and we got married. His family hated me because I wasn't exactly what the preacher's wife had in mind for her baby. I was older than Pete, so it had to have been me who poured that first beer down his throat. Then he left me and Charlie did too, so when I felt myself falling for you, I had to try to stop it. Does that make any sense?"

  He got it, but where she obviously saw despair, he saw hope. She might've been unhappy at times, but she hadn't dumped her kid and run. Pete had to be an idiot, though, if he hadn't put her first. "Because everyone you've ever loved has let you down?"

  "And because no matter what you say next, so will you."

  So much for "Lila, I love you and I'd never hurt you," he thought. She'd blown that one out of the water. Had she admitted something as well? "But you said in spite of your best efforts, you're falling in love with me, did I get that part right?"

  She nodded, looking about as miserable as anyone he'd ever seen. This was so not how he'd pictured this moment, but he'd take it.

  "So, that's why you had to pay for the repairs? So I'd get the message you could take care of yourself?"

  She frowned, and he corrected himself. "It was an attempt to keep me at arm's length? To protect yourself," he clarified. "If you never depend on me, I can't let you down?" She had more in common with Eric than she knew.

  "I guess so," she finally said. "Yes."

  In another one of those moments he'd had since being with her, Colton saw she needed to stand on her own a lot worse than he needed to stop her from trying. "Then I'll have Daniel deposit your check, if that's what it takes to make you happy. But can I ask something else?"

  She looked so damn off-balance now, it was hard not to laugh. He doubted she had many moments like this one, where she didn't get the fight she was expecting. "Okay," she agreed cautiously.

  "Am I about to pay for the sins of every person who ever hurt you?"

  * * * *

  He thought she was planning some sort of cosmic payback at his expense? Hardly; the big joke was on her. "No, I'm trying to say if one more person I love hurts me anytime soon, I'm going to shatter into a million pieces, and somehow I screwed up and gave you that power. And you will."

  "What makes you so certain?"

  "Because I won't be enough for you in the long run, Colton. You'll want somebody to have your own children with. I can't give you that. And even if I could, I wouldn't want to, not at my age. I just can't do the birth-to-kindergarten stage again, it's too hard. Even if you don't see that now, you will, when your brothers settle down and start having their own kids."

  All he could think was the way she'd said "long run," as in she'd thought about that with him. "I see. Is that your big fear? I'm going to want kids someday and then I'll kick you to the curb for someone that can give them to me?" He was too relieved to be insulted.

  * * * *

  Perhaps not her only fear, but that was the thing that kept running around in her brain, the problem she couldn't solve. Why had he been the one to take custody of Jonah, if not because he wanted kids? He'd made a few mistakes, but starting close to the end of any major project took a lot of retraining, she figured. On some instinctive level, he had to sense the child-rearing project was simplified in many ways if the parent grew along with the child. "Even if you don't want them now, you will, when your brothers settle down and start having them."

  "Lila, I may not be a doctor, but I figured out the little scar under your belly button probably meant kids were out. You might be interested to know that they're out for me anyway, thanks to a late, severe case of the mumps. That's why I insisted on being the one to get Jonah." His jaw worked. "He's the only kid I'll ever have."

  "They inoculate for mumps," she protested.

  He nodded. "They do. And sometimes, they send out a bad batch, and neither you nor your doctor knows it was bad until you're fifteen and your throat and your balls swell up like cantaloupes."

  Lila knew about bad medicine. Relief and sympathy warred in her heart.

  "Then why the condoms?" was all she could think of to say as her final, self-protective objection to their relationship melted away.

  * * * *

  So tough, and yet so innocent. He guessed her innocence was a side effect of being loyal to one man. She'd never had to worry about catching something nasty. "Well, you may find this hard to believe, but not every woman out there has your integrity, Lila. And surely you know guys sleep around until they find a reason not to or just burn out on meaningless sex. I did, until I figured out I wanted a relationship like you and Pete had, but what I really wanted all along was you."

  He pulled her into his arms for a long, sweet kiss. She snuggled into him, but he could almost feel her still looking for objections. He didn't give her the opportunity to find them.

  "So, let's add this up, okay? I love you, and I think I hear you saying you love me too. I don't have a mother to put you through hell, and the only person in my world who ever had a problem with you is an idiot. But for the record, even though it looks to me like you have E eating out of the palm of your hand after tonight, I told Eric if I had to choose between you and him, it would be you. I have Daniel as a witness, if you need one. So, for somebody who appears to think her world just caved in, you have to admit, any problems ahead aren't the ones you've had before."

  * * * *

  He might be younger, Lila thought, as she slid her fingers into his hair and tugged him to her for a kiss, but he was wise enough to know they would face different problems. He wasn't a kid. He was a mature man, one needing to be needed.

  Because being needed meant you didn't get abandoned. He could say that to Eric, because he knew deep down Eric would never walk away from him, but wasn't sure about her. Yet. The insight pierced her as surely as his tongue.

  It would take a bit of work on her part, to accommodate his need and still maintain the independence she had come to cherish, but she'd done harder things, and as Delilah returned her lover's kiss, she knew she could live with that.

  She broke off the kiss. "Do you water my orchid?"

  His smile was tender. "It's alive, isn't it?"

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Lila woke to a majestic drum roll of thunder. It took her a minute to figure out where she was, her heart pounding as rapidly as the rain she heard beating the roof. A sharper sound joined the first; rain striking glass. Lightning lit the mountain framed in the uncovered window that was cut into the wall at the foot of the bed. A post split her view, and she realized she was still tucked protectively in Colton's arms.

  She slowly blew out her suspended breath, the act taking her tension along with it. This was definitely weather to snuggle and sleep to, and the metal roof seemed to magnify the majesty as she watched Mother Nature pitch a fine fit, thinking over the events of the day.

  It felt strange to be in love again, she thought, as strange as waking to the sensation of Colton's breath stirring her hair. She loved him; the feeling was as strong as his heartbeat against her ba
ck. His warm hand stroked her thigh as he woke. "Hungry?" he asked, flinging back the covers. "I'm thinking peach cobbler and milk."

  He flipped on the lamp, and she wasn't sure whether the chill bumps pricking her bare thighs were caused by the air conditioning or the sight of his naked form as he headed for the kitchen.

  She'd almost forgotten how being in love changed your perception of everything around you. Rain wasn't dreary, two hours of sleep was enough, and the most ordinary things were special, like the bowl of cobbler and glass of milk they shared as he regaled her with humorous stories about various wounds he and his brothers inflicted on each other while they watched the storm until heat replaced the humor in his eyes.

  Lila smiled as she drifted to sleep a second time with her heart in his hands even though one cradled her cheek and the other rested on her thigh, luxuriating in the whispering sensation inside her, telling her she was alive.

  * * * *

  Berry Field was deserted. The sprinklers had done their duty, leaving the grass glinting in the moonlight. Lila looked around, her bare toes testing the dirt scattered over home plate as she inspected the silent stadium. A movement to her left caught her attention, and she watched as a shadowy shape unfurled and stepped out of the third base dugout, the form darkened by the streetlight just beyond the left field wall.

  "Hello, honey. I figured I'd find you here. I see you found your way back to the game."

  Lila stared, her mouth rounding in disbelief as the shadow walked toward her. The voice was one she knew by heart, yet the sound wasn't congruent with the sure strides of the charcoal-colored wraith. She dropped her gaze to the scuffed chalk line separating fair territory from foul, focused on the feet moving with inexorable ease toward her, just outside the white line.

  The humid wind dancing with the many discarded bubble gum wrappers bumped aside a cloud. Her heart jumped up to meet the moon as her husband's face came into view. "Pete?"

  He grinned, tilting his head, his dimple playing peek-a-boo with her in the dark. "Were you expecting someone else, Lila?"

  His pointed look reminded her she wore only her shame. Lila tried to cover herself with her hands; her heart crashing to the damp infield dirt. "Oh, Pete, I'm so sorry, I—" No words could explain away a betrayal so large, so she settled for covering her face.

  He laughed the sort of laugh they had shared over many a midnight, and she had a moment's wonder as she pressed her scalded face to her palms. How long since she'd heard the laughter of the man she'd loved first? "Ah, Lila," Pete said, "I told you so. I always knew that youngest De Marco kid had a thing for you."

  She jerked her hands away from her face, clenching them into fists. "You left me," she cried, stung he'd come back merely to throw her lover in her face.

  Pete only nodded, turning his face away, looking out at the field. Lila guessed he was disgusted by her betrayal.

  "Lila, you never shamed me a single time in seventeen years. You kept your vow. No one knows that better than me."

  It was crazy, but she didn't have to move to feel Pete's arms wrap around her, turning her so his lips pressed hers. His hands moved down her back as Lila inhaled his scent and tightened her arms around a neck no longer damaged, the long, strong squeeze he returned making up for all the years she'd had to go without the simple, profound comfort.

  His breath was cool against her ear. "I can't hang out here any longer, Lila. Time for me to take a longer walk in the desert."

  Charlie. Charlie was in the desert.

  "Look after our son, Pete," she begged. She read the regret in his blue eyes and knew he was going to leave her again. "Don't let anything happen to Charlie."

  He wiped her cheeks with both thumbs as his hands cradled her face. "Don't cry any more tears over me. Let me see that smile, Lila."

  She shook her head, clutching his arms. "Promise me, first. Promise me I won't have to bury my son too."

  He raked a tangle from her hair, the tug from the familiar caress one she felt in her soul. "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. You never set a foot in church after the day we got married, yet you're the woman who showed me what those words meant, Lila. Death is not the next challenge you're going to overcome."

  The stroke of his thumb across her cheek seemed to wipe away the weight of her heart-pounding dread for their son. His expression became that of the youthful, tender lover who'd eaten her scorched spaghetti noodles and found a kind word to say about the sauce. "Your heart is so big, and your spirit so strong, you'll handle whatever comes your way. Now, show me that smile, so I can treasure it in my heart. It's been awhile since you turned it on me, woman."

  She didn't think of the dark days before his death when there was nothing to smile about as her lips irresistibly curved upward in response to his dimple; she'd never been able to resist that. Instead, she was reminded of the smiles they exchanged as they took two separate flames and lit the single unity candle on their wedding day, and she knew with every cell in her body Pete was thinking of the same moment. "I love you, Lila. I always counted on your love. It got me through some tough times. But now you need to let me go and love again."

  "I love you, Pete," Lila vowed as he dropped his hands from her face. She blinked and saw him still in the same spot, outside the chalk line that marked the area where the game was to be played.

  His dimpled deepened. "I love you too, honey." He blew her another kiss before he turned and walked into the darkened dugout. She watched as he bent to take something from a canvas bag she hadn't noticed hanging from the fence.

  "Loving Lila is a lot like riding with her." Pete's voice rang out in the quiet park as his arm flashed above his head. "Sometimes, all you're gonna be able to do is hold on tight and pray. Being her man is a lot like being the kite tail of a tornado." A pearly arc etched itself on the onyx-tinted outfield wall. Lila's eye involuntarily followed the blur, amazement filling her as the baseball settled silently into a familiar pair of bare, open hands.

  "Understood," Colton replied, looking tall and sure as he stood on the mound. He cupped the ball, twisting his hands around the sphere briskly, giving Lila the crazy notion he was warming it as she shivered in the frisky pre-dawn breeze. "I figure I've already loved her about half as long as you."

  Pete turned his empty hands over, shrugging as he showed Lila his palms. "See, Lila? I told you so." His dimple flashed again as he smiled at her with the affectionate look she'd missed so much after the drug had changed him. "It's about time you let me be right about something."

  A chuckle from the mound drew their attention back to Colton. "Ah, Colton, the real adventure begins when Lila loves you back. She'll fill your life with beautiful things, but never stop telling her she's more valuable to you than rubies or diamonds or pearls. If I have any regret, it's that I didn't tell her that often enough." Pete turned his head back to her, and his smile slowly faded, but he blew her a kiss.

  He disappeared into the shadows of the dugout again, and she had no idea how long she stared after him, hoping he'd come back into the light. When the wide, warped boards that formed the dugout benches became visible, Pete wasn't there, but she knew where he was going, and the knowledge made his absence seem acceptable.

  The tall form that had been waiting so patiently on the mound moved toward her, and she smiled back at him as he stepped to the plate by her side.

  From the branches hanging over the outfield wall down the first base line, a lark trilled her sterling notes, welcoming the sooty pink and gold Carolina dawn as she slipped her hand into his.

  * * * *

  "Do you always wake up smiling?"

  "Almost never," she admitted, hugging her dream to her heart as she pressed her hand atop Colton's, warm and strong as he squeezed her hip. "Usually I bite, snap, and growl until I've had that first cup of coffee."

  She turned her head to see his pretty hazel eyes opening. "Down, Cujo, I'll get you a cup. Be right back." He nipped at her chin and nu
zzled her cheek before bounding out of bed.

  Oh, shit.

  Her new love was a morning person.

  He was almost to the door when she jokingly called after him, just to see him turn around. "How long till the coffee-in-bed service stops?"

  He didn't answer her until he returned, holding two steaming mugs. The Sunday newspaper was clenched under his arm, and he was wide awake and smiling as she drowsed on his pillow. "No expiration date, Delilah. I'll bring you coffee in bed every morning if you'll stay."

  His eyes were hazel, partly blue, partly green, decorated with amber flecks, and the look in them was serious she saw as she studied them over her steaming mug. Lila let Pete step aside as Amy's quarter flipped inside her head, giving her an even shot at being all the woman this man would ever need. "Maybe when the house sells, okay?"

  "Okay. You want the sports section or the front page?"

  Later, after a breakfast they enjoyed on the patio, he read one of his books while she did the Sunday crossword before opening her own novel. The rain stopped, and the sun broke through the clouds as they quietly cuddled. Every time she glanced up, a hummingbird darted out of sight, their whirring wings seeming to stir the rich perfume from the pergola lying just below the hill. She could get used to this, Lila thought contentedly, nuzzling his neck, as she stroked her fingers over the lightly raised edges of his tattoo. The day was peaceful and intimate, at least until Jonah showed up late in the afternoon.

  She tracked the boy's movements through the house by the noises he made. The front door banged open, hitting the brass doorstop screwed to the baseboard, then slammed back into the frame. Lila began laughing silently as she felt Colton's growl of annoyance vibrating in his chest. Cabinet doors slammed open and closed, a hiss indicated he'd opened the refrigerator, then the tinkling sound of jars knocking together revealed he'd slammed it closed. The television came on, and Jonah flipped thorough a few channels, settling on a Braves game. A few moments later, the pounding bass of a rap song Charlie had once played until Lila had wanted to drive her head through a wall battled the voice of the game announcer, but from a different room.