Save Me: A TAT Novella

by Melanie Walker

The strings of this old guitar guide me as I lose all thought. Everyone rises and the doors open.

  My heart stops!

  My voice betrays me when our eyes meet. I know I have successfully surprised her with my guitar. She surprised me too though- my bride. Instead of a bouquet, our precious baby girl Noelle in her arms, black and pink ribbons in her hair and a million and one ruffles on a bright pink dress.

  My cup runneth the fuck over.

  I am overjoyed, overwhelmed and so in love. I feel my tears break free. I am so honored by what those tears represent. I can’t take my eyes off of her. A small veil shields her watery eyes from me, a black orchid in her beautiful blonde hair. I take in all the yards of fabric hugging her every curve and see my daughter nestled in her arms; arms I know are the most loving.

  I come to the end of the song and play it perfectly and beautifully, though off key from the emotion racing through my body. I hand my gramps the guitar and reach for Noelle first, holding her close and swaying as I tell her how much I love her. I will never feel shame or humiliation for the tears I shed in this angel’s presence. This is a fierce and powerful love, one I had only ever read about and now experience every second I spend with this baby girl of mine.

  I kiss her chubby cheeks and smile as her little arms wrap around my neck. “Dada mine.” She giggles, and I laugh at the joke between me and my girls.

  “Noelley belly I am yours.” I say, lifting her above me and jiggle her just to hear her squeal in happiness. I hand her off to Gramps, after she kisses Carrie, myself and Noah- about ten times each.

  It was then I took the hand of my Carrie girl. I pull her close and kiss her hard and deep. I am and will always be a bad boy. I wasn’t waiting for anyone to tell me when I can kiss the love of my life.

  Fuck that! I’ll kiss her any damn time I feel like it.

  “Hi baby.” I say and hold her close, kissing her just below her ear in the spot I know she loves.

  “Hi babe.” She says with a sigh and wipes a tear from her eye. We stay holding each other close for a long handful of seconds before the ceremony actually begins.

  “Everyone be seated.” The judge says to our guests, but we only look at one another…she is all I see in this moment.

  “Who gives this woman to this man?” He asks and we both smile looking to Noah.

  “Fuck me…” Noah says under his breath. Nervous laughter erupts from the guests behind us and our family and friends. “I do.” Noah says and shakes my hand. He then looks to Carrie, and kisses her cheek and hugging her close. I know that this was hard for him. I’m so honored that he trusts me with her heart.

  He looks at me one last time and smiles. That smile confirms what I know, and what he knows… I will always love her.

  Cal Dorian

  I watch as Chad plays with Noelle and I can’t help but smile a little. She’s so damn cute; that girl of ours. She’s managed to wrap me and the guys around her finger. I pause at that thought. Images start to flash through my mind, and they alarm me.

  Tay with a swollen belly. Tay in a gown walking down the aisle. Tay being mine?

  I squash those thoughts as fast as they come. I cannot be swayed. I can’t be like Chad, Shame and Noah. I can’t put anything before the band and the success we have fought for.

  I know it has a little to do with me being me. I love women sure, and I have had the serious relationships before. My high school sweetheart, Megan broke my heart. She cheated on me the night of prom with the fucking bassist in another band. My last relationship with Kristen ended suddenly once we made it big. It was the lifestyle on the road, and the distance that created major turmoil between us.

  A relationship with Tayla would create major friction. Shit, it already does. Fucking in secret is hard enough, but ad the fact I know she is in love with me, imagine the shit storm a break up could cause. Hell, I can barely keep my hands off of her now. My refusal for making a commitment has already affected the band. Everyone knows that something is up…they just don’t know what.

  Tayla is the best in the business. That means we keep her, no matter what the demands are. There is my conundrum; band first. Always first.

  My mind is pulled from that one major problem in my life as I watch one of my best friends; my band mate and brother for all intents and purposes, marry the woman of his dreams.

  I see the way he looks at her, and I know that feeling he gets in his chest when he sees her smiling at him. I feel it too, when Tayla smiles at me. I know what it means, I know I’m fucked, but my denial is all I have left to give me balance.

  They kiss, and everyone is standing and applauding. There is no doubt it’s a rockstar wedding by the eruption of hoots and hollers. It’s how we like it.

  I step up to the line as Chad and Carrie walk back down the aisle as man and wife. I pull Tayla close, wishing I could kiss her and tell her how bad I want her, but instead- I tuck her in tight to my side and say nothing. I wonder if she knows though, how I feel? I see her looking thoughtful a lot, but she never says anything.

  We both know the rules of this cluster fuck disaster. We can never be, that’s that. I’ll use tonight for what it is. This has to be our last night together. This has to end before things go too far and we both get hurt.

  *

  I tip my hat to Carrie for pulling off such a badass party. A live band is inside of the venue, playing her favorite country music and outside is the rockers venue. A DJ play’s all of our best stuff and some of our favorite bands. I am inside with Tayla, dancing to a slow song. I don’t know who sings it originally, or the name of it, but the chorus was a man, telling his woman, he couldn’t love her back. I don’t know if Tay was catching the lyrics as I was, but the song was fitting to how tonight was going to play out.

  “You look fucking amazing tonight Tayla.” I say. I’m taller than Tayla by about six inches. I love the way, even in heels, she comes just to my neck line. I can feel her breath on my neck as she is breathing, and I can smell the coconut shampoo she uses on her hair. I talk close to her ear, with as close as we are dancing I can feel the goose bumps that form on her arm when my voice reverberates against her neck.

  I feel her giggle and I know I have started the process of getting in her panties tonight. Tay is an easy target for my libido. I know there is more there on her end, hell I know there is more on mine, I just won’t admit it. “You look mighty fine too Mr. Dorian.” She says and tilts her head just so. From that angle her lips are just right for the taking.

  I don’t steal the kiss though. We stare at one another for a handful of intense seconds, me wishing I could kiss those lips and not give a fuck at what anyone says or thinks. I know she is wishing I would.

  I am overwhelmed with emotion, I have no choice but to pull back and end the dance. My mind is telling me that I’m taking it too far, to stop crossing the damn line. My dick and my heart call me a fucking bitch for pulling back. They both want this woman for everything she is.

  I see the hurt slip across her eyes. That sadness is reserved for me and me alone, but it vanishes as her mask slips in place hiding her emotions and her love from me.

  Good.

  I need it to stay the fuck hidden. I’m not a hero. One day I won’t be able to pull back and then we are all fucked.

  “Later?” I ask and she knows exactly what I am asking her.

  She blushes and my heart hurts.

  Fuck, I’m so screwed.

  “Yeah, I’ll meet you at the hotel?”

  I nod and we both walk off in separate directions. It was good I was ending things tonight. I had yet to take Tay at my house, in my bed, so the lack of her scent on my sheets would be a good thing. Whenever we were home, we would go to her place, but we were all staying at the Silver Cloud Inn in Tacoma where Carrie and Chad held the wedding.

  This was it, the thought was kind of pissing me off. I wish like fuck I could find a way to make this work, but I knew the things that Tayla had witnessed of us on the road. She wasn’t
like Candey. Candey knew the shit that went down on tour and she turned a blind eye to Noah and his sexual antics. Their relationship consisted of monogamy, only when they were together in the same city.

  Out of sight and out of mind. Though lately, Noah had been keeping himself from the fangirls. Shame would be too these days, now that he and Sass were on the same page. I was the last soldier taking advantage of the perks life on the road had to offer.

  I wasn’t built like Chad either. He was so loyal to Carrie, even more so these days after the Trisha fiasco, that Chad partied with bottled water and a bedtime. That life; the after party life, it wasn’t something I was particularly pumped about. It got old real damn quick, but it was the way of life and I followed the handbook on Rock N’ Roll to a T.

  I hear the lead singer of the band call over the mic, that it’s time for the couple’s toasts. I start to make my way back to the front of the ballroom, taking my seat at the wedding parties table, right beside Tay.

  Seth and Lilly go first in Carrie’s honor, but I tune them out. Like always, I am one track minded in the presence of Tayla. I pull out my phone and pull up my text message screen.

  Me:

  What you thinking about right this second?

  I hit send and keep my eyes on Uncle Seth, who is recanting a tale of Carrie in her teens, but my focus is on my phone and the bombshell beside me’s reply.

  Tayla:

  Your hotel room

  I smile to myself and continue to fake attention on the toast.

  Me:

  My hotel room can’t be that entertaining?

  Tayla:

  It’s what I know will take place in it that has me captured.

  I feel my dick twitch a little at the thought.

  I raise my glass in celebration of all things to come, and smile.

  *

  I step from the elevator and catch my breath. Tayla is waiting at my door. The dress that she is wearing is killing me. Her shoulders are bare and it’s tight fitting around her breasts and goes to the floor with a slit up the side. The tattoo of the pin up on her thigh is visible, and it’s making me sweat.

  If I described her in one word, it would be flawless.

  I waste no time in pulling her to me the minute I reach my door. I had Tay curled into me on one side, my hand on her ass and my mouth on her neck while my free hand worked the key card to the lock on the door.

  The minute I had her inside, she was against the wall and off the floor before the door shut all the way. “Fuck, I can’t get enough Tay.” I say, as I slip my hand up the slit of her dress and hook my finger into the crotch of her barely there thong and tug, snapping it like it was nothing more than a string.

  I nibble her neck, balancing between sweet and sinister, just how she likes it. Her moan is the most erotic sound I had ever heard to date. I was rock hard and desperate to get inside. There was no way I was going soft tonight. I knew it was the last time, but like a desperate dying man searching for God- I needed her.

  “You ready for me baby?” I ask and slip my fingers through the bare lips of her pussy and was met with slippery wet heaven. “Fuck yes you are. You want me don’t you Tay?” I know the answer, but I love hearing her whimper and pant just seconds before she begs.

  “Yes!” She cries and bites my neck between her teeth and hisses. I pummel two fingers inside her, and press my thumb against her clit. “More Cal, please.” I know how to make her cum within forty-five seconds if I want to, but tonight I want to feel her pussy clench around me and feel it to my bones. So in this instance I oblige her. I’m ready to shoot off in one hell of an expensive tux if I don’t.

  Her hands are on the button to my pants, working me free as I scoop her into my arms and make my way to the bed. I toss her on the bed and watch as she pulls the dress right up over her head. I stop dead, she takes my mind and scrambles it, pulls the breath from my lungs and leaves me gasping in desperation.

  She is that hot.

  I take in the sight of her in a black demi bra that mounds her luscious tits like a fucking banquet for me alone. Her skin is tanned; a beautiful bronze and glows like she is in the sun. Her skin is more colorful than even Chads. Both her arms are sleeved in the Garden of Eden and it’s sinful the way I stare. The cap of her shoulder bares the apple that biblically changed mankind, and the way it sits on her skin tempting every man in her presence makes perfect fucking sense. The opposite shoulder shows an array of roses, and though it’s not straight from the bible, it’s all Tayla. How she wears it all with pride, makes her irresistible.

  I follow the art down to the juncture of her thighs and watch, amazed as she exposes that beautiful bare pussy to me. I can’t help but moan at the sight of her, knowing that I will regret not taking the time to savor her this final time, but I know now, more than before, that if I savor tonight, I won’t let her go. I took the appropriate steps before coming up here; to ensure she would stay gone forever.

  But for now, she was mine and I couldn’t wait anymore.

  “Like what you see?” She asks and slowly crosses her knee over the other, but does so in a way I see everything she is offering me. I rip at my tie and pull it free before I get my shirt and jacket off next.

  “You know I do.”

  “Stop fucking around then.” She says and props herself back on her elbows licking her lips.

  I pounce.

  The mouth on her tonight… I know she wants me as much, I felt the need on my fingers a few minutes ago. I crawl up her body, stopping every few inches to taste her skin as I make my way to her cunt. I take a few quick swipes at her pussy, I can’t not. Her hand is on top of my head immediately and I want to stay and play a while, but I know I’m running out of time.

  I catch the protest in her moan when I continue to move up. “Later Tay. I can’t wait.” I place my hand under her knee to lift her leg so she is fully open to me and I’ll get as deep as I can. I spank my hand on her opposite thigh. “Up on my shoulder.” I say and she obeys making my dick weep.

  I have her wrapped around me now and I waste no time slamming inside of her. I can’t breathe at the feel of her. I look down and do the one thing I have never, ever done with the exception of the first night we were together. My mouth falls to hers and I taste her lips and realize I didn’t honor the memory of our last kiss. Tayla tasted so fucking amazing. Her tongue tangles with mine and she nibbles at my bottom lip and I know there is no turning back now.

  Like a thief in the night, I steal her kiss and she in turn steals my heart and soul. Suddenly, the moment changes. I am no longer a greedy man in search of flesh, but a man in love.

  I’m terrified…and can’t stop.

  Kissing her while inside of her, our tongues mimicking our bodies, has me melting above her. I can’t get close enough; every move I make inside of her is in an attempt to fuse us as one. I know it isn’t possible, but fuck, I want to be inside her skin. I let my body press fully against her, her thigh falling from my shoulder and her legs are now secured around my waist as her hands pull me closer. “Tayla.” I whisper on a plea and press my lips back against hers cupping her face in the palm of my hands. I nurture that kiss; touch her like she is fragile glass. I am besieged, and so fucking confused. In this moment; I know I can’t walk away from her, but that I will force myself to do just that.

  My emotions are suddenly at the surface. It is something I avoid at all costs. I feel tears in my eyes and a heavy pressure in my chest. Tay see’s the tears swimming in red rimmed eyes and I watch as her love flashes like mad across her face… and she gives me all of herself in that look.

  I am back at her mouth, slamming my eyes shut and I can’t hide the wetness that spills from them and collides with her cheek. I feel her thumbs beneath my closed eyes, wiping away all the evidence, all the proof, that I fucking love her.

  “Cal.” She says my name, but I just keep pressing into her and dropping sweet kisses to her lips. “Cal…?” This time it’s like a question. The pain in her
voice has me opening my eyes, tears be damned, and looking at the most beautiful woman in the world.

  “Yeah baby?” I say, my voice is so quiet I’m not sure she heard me, but she had her eyes on mine. I know without a doubt she did.

  She just looks at me, her hands on my back, my ass, my neck as I press, and press, and press. “Don’t stop Cal.” She says and I get the feeling she is asking me to not stop loving her.

  Panic fuels through my body, and I snap to the moment at hand and what needs to be done. I close my eyes again and shake my head no. I’m trying to clear my thoughts, but at the same time, I’m begging her to set me free. I don’t know if I can walk away undamaged.

  I pull back from her kiss, and single mindedly thrust against her body, slamming into her with the purpose of a hopeless man in search of redemption for what he knows he will do next.

  Her moaning picks up and I catch her breathless chant of ‘yes, yes, yes,’ just seconds before her pussy clamps down on me and I freeze, too late to stop it- and too fucking insanely good to care. I didn’t put a rubber on and I shoot every drop of my come into her without thought or pause.

  I wasn’t terrified of fear that she’d get pregnant. I knew Tay was on birth control… it was fear because something inside of me got off on the fact that I had marked her. I claimed her as my territory. Like a fucking dog or some shit.

  I fall on top of her, panting and seriously too beat to move. I don’t know if it was the emotions, the fucking, or the combination of both, but I couldn’t move. When I felt Tayla rubbing her nails up and down my back, and the fact I didn’t want her to stop, I finally lifted my head from the crevice of her neck and looked at her. Seeing those violet eyes on me full of love and promise, I jerked out of her body and flew from the bed, utterly haunted by what just happened. I make my way to the bathroom without a word or a look to her.

  Once I’m behind closed doors, I lean back and I can finally take a deep breath. I was seconds from confessing my undying love to her.

  I walk to the sink and splash my face with water; slapping myself a few times, hoping to gain some fucking sanity.