Because of Low

by Abbi Glines

  “Screwing faceless girls is getting old. I need a break from them too,” I said and turned down the beer a waitress offered me. I had a bottled water. It was going to take a lot of water to cleanse me of all the alcohol I’d forced on myself.

  “Break from pussy? Whatever man,” Dewayne replied with disbelief in his tone.

  “I thought you were going on that road trip with uh,” Rock paused and glanced at me.

  “You can say his name. I’m not an idiot and I don’t care. How many times do I have to tell you that it doesn’t matter to me.”

  “Okay, um, so that road trip you were talking about with Cage. You decided to pass it up?”

  Preston shrugged, “I don’t know. Cage seems to be backing out of it. He’s kind of changed lately.” He trailed off and I could feel the tension at the table. They were so worried that one mention of Willow would send me into a blind rage. I was past that. Sure I’d gone a little mental at the mention of her name or anything that reminded me of her for a while but I was over it. Completely numb where she was concerned.

  I leaned back in my chair and watched as the sea of people danced. No one caught my attention. No one stood out to me. I was numb to more than just Willow. I was numb to life. She’d completely messed me up. But I survived. I was better now. I wasn’t a brainless sap anymore and no female would ever have that much control over me again.

  “Uh, Marcus man you sure you’re all good with Willow and stuff now?” Dewayne asked.

  I glared at him. Why’d he have to keep saying her name and bringing it up?

  “Yes.”

  He nodded, “Good ‘cause she just walked in lookin’ like a damn goddess.”

  I hadn’t seen her since the night I’d left her standing in my father’s new home. I’d avoided her at all costs and she’d done the same. Not once had she stepped foot into this place. I tried not to look for her. I told myself I didn’t give a shit. But I was weak and I turned my head toward the door.

  She’d lost weight.

  Her hair was longer.

  She had on a new dress that clung to every curve.

  She was breathtaking.

  And she was wrapped up in Cage York’s arms.

  I’d heard he didn’t go out much anymore. I knew it was because of Willow. I’d told myself he was just being her friend. That he was still sleeping around just not as much. But the possessive gleam in his eyes as he kept her pulled up against his side told me something else. I wanted to look away. And damn I wanted not to care. She was a liar. Cut from the same cloth as her whore sister. That’s what I’d tried to convince myself over the past weeks. It never sounded believable. Even though I’d caught her there. There were so many things about her that screamed she was nothing like her sister. Watching her as she looked nervously up at Cage as he spoke to her. He was her safety net. Just like he’d predicted. I’d left her and she’d had Cage to run back to. But she hadn’t stood by and lied to Cage either. She hadn’t watched as her sister tore his family apart. NO. She’d done all that to me. She’d claimed to love me then let her sister almost destroy my mother. My sister. Me. Cage bent down and whispered in her ear and a small smile lifted the corners of her mouth. Then her head turned and her eyes locked with mine. The smile vanished and she froze. Her hand flew up to grab Cage’s arm as if she needed his protection and rage ignited in me. She wasn’t going to destroy me again. It was my turn. I stood up and grabbed the tipsy brunette in Preston’s lap.

  “Come on baby, dance with me,” I didn’t wait to see Low’s reaction. My dance partner scrambled out of Preston’s lap and clung to me, obviously happy with this turn of events. Closing off my feelings and shutting down my emotions, I pulled her against me and moved against her. I cupped her barely covered ass, and she purred and pressed closer to me. I’d show Willow. She wanted to show up here with Cage? Well baby, you can look your eyes full. The girl’s arms ran up my chest and clasped around my neck. I smiled down at her, focusing on her face and trying my damnedest to get Willow’s image out of my head.

  “Alright man, you accomplished what you set out to do. She turned and fled. Congrats. Now give me back my date,” Preston said, pulling the brunette off me. I didn’t even try to hold onto her. I looked back at the door. Willow was gone.

  Willow

  Cage walked into the living room holding a large bowl of popcorn and two sodas. I’d stopped drinking Jarritos. They reminded me of Marcus too much. I pulled back the blanket to let Cage under it with me. Once we had it covering us up he put the bowl in his lap and handed me a soda.

  “I’m agreeing to this chick flick shit because tonight sucked. But the next movie is going to have some blood and action. Got it?”

  I laughed and nodded. Cage was beyond wonderful.

  “Pinky promise,” I said holding out my pinky. Cage looked down at it and then back at me with a mischievous grin before pulling it into his mouth and sucking it.

  “Cage!” I squealed pulling it out of his mouth with a pop.

  “Don’t point your cute little body parts at me and I won’t suck on them,” he replied with a wink.

  I would have never made it over the past two months without Cage. My chest still ached and my anxiety attacks were back full force but I was actually doing better. Well until Cage had talked me into facing everyone at Live Bay tonight. I’d thought I was ready. But Marcus had been there. He’d looked at me and I’d thought for a moment I saw relief as our gazes locked. But I’d been way off base. He’d jumped up and taken a girl on the dance floor and began to grope her right there for my viewing pleasure. He was sending me a message and I got it loud and clear. Cage had spun me around and hauled me out of there so quick I didn’t have time to fall apart.

  “Eat. I’ve loaded this down with butter and salt. You’re doing better. Putting on a little more weight. I don’t want you to relapse after tonight.”

  I reached into the bowl and grabbed a large handful of popcorn and stuffed it into my mouth.

  Cage chuckled, “Awesome.”

  Chewing I settled in against Cage’s side and focused on the movie. If I didn’t concentrate I’d think about all the times I’d spent with Marcus on this couch. How many times I’d watched him sleep right here where we sat. It seemed like forever ago now. Almost like that part of my life was a dream. Tonight reminded me that it wasn’t. It was very real. And just like before the person I loved had left me. I reached over and grasped Cage’s shirt tightly in my hand. I needed the reminder that I loved Cage and he hadn’t left. Not when I’d lost it and completely shattered after Marcus had left me standing there at my sister’s. Not when the panic attacks started happening every night. He’d stayed. Given up his nights out so he could take care of me. He was my family. He was all I had. Facing my sister was impossible. I missed Larissa so much it hurt but I couldn’t go back there. The memories attached to that house were too painful. One day I’d be okay. Then I’d go see my niece. I’d learn to accept what my sister had done and accept Jefferson Hardy as Larissa’s father.

  “He still cares.”

  Cage’s words startled me.

  “What?” I asked looking back to the screen thinking he was commenting on what was happening.

  “Marcus. He cares Low. I saw it in his eyes. What he did tonight was shitty but it was his defense mechanism. He doesn’t want to care. But he does.”

  I shook my head and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to hear that. Not now.

  “No Cage. Don’t. I can’t let myself hope. He hates me. He always will.”

  Cage clicked his tongue, “There’s a thin line baby. A thin line between love and hate.”

  “No. There isn’t.”

  Cage tucked the hair that had gotten loose from my braid behind my ear.

  “Low, a guy doesn’t fall in love with you and have you love him back then just throw it away. You’re too special. After being loved by you, he can’t completely forget. He’s haunted by it. I’d bet my life on it.”

  Cage loved me. H
e thought I was perfect. He was the brother every girl deserves. I turned my head and kissed his chest.

  “Thank you. I know you really believe that. And I love you for it. But you’re wrong.”

  “Haven’t you figured out by now that I’m never wrong?”

  Laughing I reached for another handful of popcorn. I was safe here in this moment. I didn’t want to think about anything else.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Marcus

  “He’s our father, Marcus. That isn’t ever going to change,” Amanda said heatedly as she paced in front of the desk where I’d been trying to pick the summer courses I needed to take. “Besides, I keep seeing that little face and those blond curls and knowing she’s our sister. She’s a baby who did nothing wrong. She was born. It’s not her fault. I want to know her Marcus. I want to have my dad back in my life again. I hate this. Mom wants us to go see him. Them. She thinks it’ll be good for us. Especially you.”

  Groaning, I leaned back in my chair and stared up at my very determined sister. What happened to mad Amanda? The one who hated our father and never wanted to see him again. I liked that Amanda. I wanted her back. We felt the same way. Except of course the part about Larissa. Every time I thought about her my chest ached. All that time I’d been so fascinated with her little blond curls and happy little claps and squeals and she’d been my sister. Had that been Willow’s plan? She’d thought by bringing Larissa into my life under false pretenses that I’d love her and accept what my father had done? God, how had I been so blind! Those damn dimples. I was lost the moment she flashed them at me. She appeared so wounded and innocent and the whole freaking time she’d known exactly what her sister was doing to my mama. What she’d done was unforgivable. She lied to me. To my family. And dammit I was still in love with her.

  “They’re going to be at the condo this week. He’s invited us and I’m going. I want you there with me. I need you there Marcus. Please,” Amanda begged.

  Dinner with Dad, the other woman and the other kid. Not my idea of a good time. An image of Larissa smiling up at me and demanding I play with her tugged at me.

  “Okay, I’ll go. But only because you want me to so badly. Not because I want to make amends with him. If you want to then fine. But it’ll never happen for me.”

  Amanda frowned then nodded and walked around the table and kissed me on the head.

  “Thank you. I really wish you’d get past all this anger and let it go. Then maybe you can see the big picture that everyone else sees. You’re living in a tunnel and if you stay blind for too long you’ll miss it.”

  What the crap did that mean? I stared up at her and she smirked then walked out of the room. I guess she thought that was supposed to be deep and meaningful. It was probably the lyrics from some God awful boy band song.

  “Amanda,” my dad said warmly and pulled Amanda into his arms. He patted her head and kissed her temple and whispered something to her. She nodded and his eyes raised to meet mine. “Marcus. I’m glad you came.” I wasn’t. But obviously Amanda needed this. I nodded and followed her inside.

  “MARTUS,” A loud squeal startled me and I looked down to see Larissa running toward me with her arms up in the air, grinning. Two little teeth flashed at me. I picked her up and she smelled just like I remembered.

  “How’s my princess? I see you got two teeth.”

  She pointed at her new teeth, “Two teef,” she agreed and placed a wet kiss on my mouth.

  “Martus come pay,” she’d added a few new words to her vocabulary. I sat her down and held her hand.

  “You lead the way,” I told her and she pulled me along behind her toward the living room where toys of all kinds were scattered around the floor. I quickly scanned the room and Tawny was nowhere to be found. Letting out a sigh of relief I sat down where Larissa demanded and she pulled a bucket of bright pink blocks toward me.

  “Pinses bocks,” she explained pointing to the picture of Cinderella on one of the blocks.

  “My favorite kind,” I assured her and she giggled happily waiting for me to build her a tower of blocks to knock down.

  “She’s mentioned you several times,” my father said as he walked into the room. I didn’t look up at him. Nor did I respond. I came here for two reasons. My sisters, both of them.

  Amanda sank down on the ground on the other side of Larissa.

  “Larissa, this is Manda,” I said as she studied Amanda.

  “Mana,” she repeated. Amanda beamed at her and nodded.

  “Yes, and it’s very nice to meet you Larissa. Can I play too?”

  Larissa grinned brightly. Amanda had said her favorite word.

  “Mana pay too,” she pushed some blocks toward Amanda.

  Amanda eagerly started stacking them. Larissa had that effect on people. She was hard to resist. Much like her Aunt. Aw, damn.

  Larissa was studying me and I watched as her small smile faded and she looked back at dad then at me.

  “I ‘ont my Lowlow,” she whispered as tears filled her eyes. Dad immediately walked over and picked her up.

  “Hey, don’t cry sweetheart. You have Marcus here to play with you and Amanda. Remember I told you Lowlow would be coming tomorrow to see you. Okay,” his voice was so gentle. Had he talked to us like that once? It was hard to see my dad as being soft hearted and loving. Larissa sniffed and nodded her head.

  “Down,” Larissa demanded and Dad put her back where she’d been sitting.

  Larissa smiled tearily up at me. “Lowlow come too.”

  My chest hurt so bad I was having trouble breathing. Would it ever get easier seeing Larissa? Would memories of Willow always haunt me and rip me apart all over again?

  I cleared my throat and nodded.

  “Can you show me your other toys?” Amanda asked. She knew I was having a hard time and she was trying to distract Larissa from anymore comments about her beloved aunt. Larissa stood up nodding and held out her hand to Amanda. “Come see.”

  Amanda happily followed the little chubby blond out of the room. It was like Amanda finally had a real baby doll to play with. She’d always wanted a little sister. Guess she finally got one.

  I was alone with my father. Shit.

  “You have any plans for the summer?” he asked picking a very neutral topic.

  “Online courses,” I replied, standing up and walking over to the large windows overlooking the gulf.

  “You trying to hurry up and finish?”

  “No. I’m making up for lost time.” He didn’t deserve anymore of an explanation. He’d opted out of my life. Turning around before he could say anymore I asked, “Where’s the wife?”

  “I asked her to let me do this alone.”

  “Why? Afraid I’ll hurt her feelings?”

  My father shook his head, “No, I just didn’t want her here while I visited with my kids.”

  “I’m only here for Amanda.”

  “And Larissa. I’m not a fool son. I see the way you look at her. You may not want to care about her but you do.”

  No reason to lie. “I cared about Larissa before I knew. She’s a baby. None of this is her fault.”

  “And she’s your sister.”

  “And she’s my sister,” I agreed. No point in arguing. It was the truth.

  “Have you spoken to Willow since...” he didn’t finish. He didn’t need to.

  “No.”

  He didn’t have a response for that. I started to go find the girls when his voice stopped me. “She didn’t know.”

  I froze.

  “She was devastated. She’d just figured it out. She was there, at the house, having a complete emotional breakdown when you walked in.”

  I swallowed hard. Did I want to hear this?

  “She stripped me bare by listing every person I’d hurt with my actions. She pointed out every sin I’d committed and she praised the one person who’d been left to pick up the pieces. She praised him rather passionately. How he’d been the one to hold the family I’d betrayed
together. She also told me how much she loved him and how my actions and her sister’s actions were going to be the reason she lost him.”

  I grabbed hold of the chair beside me. My knees went weak. The ache from hearing Larissa ask for Willow was nothing compared to the pain searing through my chest. The things I’d said. Oh, God no.

  “She’s been left her whole life. She’s a good girl. Larissa adores her. Where her sister lacks in many honorable traits Willow seems to have them in abundance.”

  I’d left her.

  Just like she feared.

  The memory of her face when she’d walked into the bedroom that day before my sister had called. She’d looked completely broken, devastated, lost. She’d just found out. She’d come to tell me. And I’d had to leave.

  She hadn’t known.

  “What’s wrong?” Amanda ask as she walked into the room.

  I lifted my head and looked at her. “She didn’t know,” I whispered horrified as the words echoed in my head that I’d yelled at her that night as she pleaded with me to stop.

  “I never thought she did,” Amanda replied. The sadness in her voice was unmistakable. “I tried to tell you that I was pretty sure she was innocent but you wouldn’t listen to me. I wasn’t allowed to even speak her name. Every time I tried to talk to you about Willow you ended up so stupid drunk you couldn’t walk.”

  She knew as well as I did that I’d lost Low, and it was all my fault.

  Willow

  Dinner with Tawny and Jefferson hadn’t been too bad. Larissa had latched onto me and hadn’t let go. I’d even tucked her in and read to her until she fell asleep. I knew there was no way I could handle hearing her cry for me when I left. The way she’d clung to me reminded me of how I felt. Afraid I’d lose someone I loved. I wasn’t going to stay away any longer. I’d discussed with Tawny meeting her half way and getting Larissa one night a week. That way I could spend time with just her and not have to face that house again. Surprisingly Jefferson was behind the idea one hundred percent. He apparently didn’t like Larissa crying for me either. I wanted to hate him but when I watched him with Larissa it made it hard. Things happen in life and you can’t control them. It sucks and you have to move on. Holding a grudge against Tawny and Jefferson was pointless. It only hurt Larissa and she was innocent.