Because of Low

by Abbi Glines

  Cage’s bedroom door opened and he walked out, frowning.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I’d feel better about going if you’d come too.”

  I shook my head. I wasn’t going to be his shadow anymore. He needed to get back to his life. Tonight I wanted him to go out and have a good time with his friends. I was fine right here.

  “I have chocolate ice cream and two seasons worth of True Blood. So go. Me and vampire Eric will be just fine. I promise.”

  He sighed and reached over and hugged me, “Okay fine. I’m going. But you call me the minute you feel an anxiety attack or just if you get upset or---”

  “Cage, GO now,” I pointed toward the door.

  “I’m going. But I’ve got my phone with me.”

  “I heard you, Cage. Go.”

  Once the door closed behind him I got out my chocolate ice cream and headed for the couch. Tonight I would forget about everything except hot viking vampires.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Marcus

  “Don’t look now but Cage is headed this way,” Dewayne muttered, jerking me back to the present. I’d gotten lost in my thoughts. Since Dad had informed me how incredibly wrong I’d been about Willow, I’d done nothing but replay every awful word I’d said to her. I searched the crowd until I found Cage walking our way. He was alone.

  “Sorry man, I didn’t know he was going to be here tonight or I’d have given you a heads up,” Preston whispered from across the table.

  “Stop babying him. He’s gonna have to deal with it eventually,” Rock said with an unapologetic shrug. He was right of course.

  “Didn’t expect you out tonight,” Preston said as Cage came to a stop at the table.

  “I needed a night out. Low insisted I go do something.”

  “She didn’t come out with you?” I surprised everyone including myself by asking.

  Cage frowned at me then tilted his head as if he was studying me. I stared at him. Waiting on an answer while he decided if I deserved one or not.

  “No. She had a bad experience the last time I talked her into getting out of the apartment and coming here with me,” he replied slowly and evenly. The night I’d grabbed the girl and danced with her. Damn the list of marks against me were endless.

  “Uh, well, it’s good you got out tonight. You don’t do that much anymore,” Preston piped up in an attempt to break through the tension.

  Cage continued to glare at me, “I’ve had other priorities.”

  I wanted to hate him. Because he’d been there for her. Because he’d been what I hadn’t. But I couldn’t hate him. Instead, I was grateful someone had taken care of her.

  “Is she okay?” I needed to know. Anything. Just something. I needed something.

  Cage let out a hard laugh and shook his head like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “No, Marcus she isn’t. But one day she will be. It isn’t like she hasn’t been left before. She’ll survive.”

  If he’d intended to slice me open, he’d succeeded. I needed air. Standing up I grabbed my water and turned around to leave.

  “If it were me you’d fucked over, you’d be dead to me. But it wasn’t me. It was Low. And she isn’t like most people. If you’ve managed to put away enough of that sheltered little rich boy righteous fury and figured out what an enormous mistake you made then it isn’t too late. Yet.” Then Cage York turned and walked away. Through the crowd and out the front door. I stood there replaying his words in my head. Then I broke into a run.

  Cage’s Mustang wasn’t parked outside. I stood looking up at the window to the apartment and although the lights were off I could see the glow from the television. She was here. Just like Cage had said. I took the stairs two at a time and halted at the door. I no longer had a key. She’d have to come to the door. And she might slam it in my face. I rubbed my palms across the tops of my jeans and took a few deep breaths. Did I even deserve this? If there was any chance she’d forgive me was I even worthy of her forgiveness? No. I wasn’t. But I was selfish. I wanted Low. That’s all I cared about. Raising my hand I rapped on the door and waited while my heart tried to pound out of my chest. The dead bolt unlatched and the knob turned. Waiting, I stood praying she’d listen.

  Willow

  “Marcus?” Had I fallen asleep on the couch? Was this a dream? It wouldn’t be the first dream I’d had of Marcus over the past couple months. I blinked several times and stared. It sure felt real.

  “Low,” he whispered almost reverently. This had to be a dream. This was my dream Marcus. The one who didn’t hate me. The one who still loved me. I turned from the door not wanting to dream anymore. It hurt too much. I was tired of hurting.

  “Low please, just listen to me, please,” Marcus pleaded from behind me. Turning around, I saw that he had stepped inside the door.

  “Am I asleep?” I asked him, confused. Because this dream was way too real.

  “No,” came his simple reply. I watched as he closed the door behind him.

  “Why’re you here?”

  He took another step closer and I took one back. Sookie screamed on the television and I jumped, startled. Reaching for the remote I pressed mute and then looked back up at Marcus.

  “I wanted to talk to you. I don’t deserve for you to listen to me but I’m willing to beg if it’ll do any good.”

  Frowning I sat down on the couch and pulled my legs underneath me.

  “I’m listening,” I replied and he visibly relaxed.

  “I’m sorry,” he started and closed his eyes tightly taking a deep breath before opening them and gazing at me with so many emotions. “That day. You came here to tell me. You’d just found out. But I didn’t know that. I knew you were upset but then my sister called and my mother had taken a bottle full of prescription pain killers.”

  I knew this already but I let him continue.

  “We almost lost her. But they pumped her stomach and I stood there with my sister waiting for her to come back to us. When she woke up she said Dad had brought her the divorce papers and he was moving in with another woman. She tried to kill herself. I went to the dealership and demanded someone give me his new address. I was going to beat him to a bloody pulp for what he’d done to my mother. What he drove her too. The fear that had gripped me all afternoon as I watched my mother’s life hang in the balance transferred to fury. Then when I walked in and saw you and your sister. I couldn’t think straight, Low. I felt betrayed. Not by my dad but by you. I didn’t see how there was any way you could not know. And then you being there at that house. I was positive you knew. I didn’t trust you. I didn’t listen to you. I just turned all that fear and fury and lashed out at you. And so help me God I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

  Tears clung to my eyelashes as I watched the turmoil and regret in Marcus’s face as he replayed the day he’d shattered me. My heart ached for him. I sniffed and reached up to wipe the tears away.

  “I forgive you.” I did. It didn’t change much but I did forgive him. I took a deep breath and realized it was easier to breathe. Knowing he didn’t believe I’d betrayed him took the heaviness away. Most of it at least.

  Marcus stared at me. I’d surprised him. He didn’t expect me to forgive him.

  “You forgive me?” He asked hoarsely.

  “Yes, I do. I understand what happened. The entire situation was a nightmare. But life sucks and you get over it and move on.”

  He swallowed so hard I could see his throat constrict.

  “I love you Low.”

  I wanted to believe that and maybe he did. But I couldn’t survive him again. I’d met my limit of heartbreak.

  “Marcus, what we had, it was, it was incredible. It was amazing. I’ve never had anything like that before. I’ll cherish it for the rest of my life”

  “Don’t, Low. Please,” Marcus choked out.

  I forced a smile through my tears. They were flowing freely now. This was our closure.

  “I can’t do that again. Once
was all I can handle. I never thought I’d open up like that to anyone. To be free and trusting. But I did. And I don’t regret it. I never will. But I’ve met my quota on abandonment in my life. I need to protect me.”

  Marcus let out a long rattled breath and stood up. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair. He was beautiful. And he had once been mine. I was thankful for that.

  “Low I will love you until the day I die,” he declared staring down at me with moisture glistening in his eyes. I’d love him too. But it wasn’t enough.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  We stared at each other as the heaviness of where we’d ended up settled on us. He took another deep breath then he nodded.

  “I can’t force you to trust me. I deserve this,” his voice was shaky.

  “You deserve to be happy,” I assured him. Because he did.

  “I’ll never be happy without you,” he replied. The anguish in his eyes was so hard to ignore.

  “Yes you will.”

  “Low, God, I’m so sorry. Please, just can I prove to you that I’m not going anywhere? I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you I’ll never hurt you again.”

  The conversation we had on the floor of his bathroom not too long ago came back to me. It was so similar. He’d been so sure he’d never hurt me again. He’d always be there. Marcus had been too sheltered. He didn’t handle bad things well. I needed someone who wouldn’t leave me when the bad things came.

  “I can’t. I tried. It didn’t work. I can’t keep expecting Cage to pick up the pieces when my life falls apart. It’s time I learned to fix my own problems. Deal with bad stuff on my own. And that means I can’t trust my heart with anyone. Because I’m weak there.”

  Marcus took two long strides and knelt down on the floor in front of me. I could smell him. So good. So clean. My Marcus.

  “Low, I swear you can trust me, please. I miss you. I ache for you. I need you Low. Please baby please.”

  A sob rattled my chest and I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  He dropped his head to my knees and we sat there while silent tears fell. I reached out and touched his hair. Remembering the feel of him. I relished in the smell of him as it surrounded me. Finally he raised his head slowly and looked at me one last time before standing and walking away. When the door closed behind him, I curled up on the couch and cried until I didn’t have any more tears to cry.

  Chapter Twenty- Four

  Marcus

  I’d seen glimpses of Willow at the bar. She never came in for long. Normally it was because she was at work and needed something from the supply room. She always smiled. It was friendly. That was it. Looking for her had become my only past time. I was beginning to wonder if I was becoming a stalker. The only thing that kept me sane was she wasn’t with another guy. She was rarely with Cage. She lived with him but he wasn’t there often, I’d heard. He was making up for lost time apparently.

  I glanced around the restaurant nervously, looking for Low. I needed to get a seat in her section before she came walking out into the dinning room. Otherwise there was a good chance she’d have the hostess seat me somewhere else. I followed the short brunette back to a booth she assured me was one of Willow’s tonight.

  “Low should be with you in just a moment,” the girl’s high pitched voice startled me.

  I nodded, “Thanks,” and quickly took a seat placing the small package I had brought in with me in the seat and out of view. I didn’t want her to have a chance to refuse it. I intended to leave it on the table when I left. That way if she was determined to reject my gift she’d have to come find me first.

  She stepped around the corner looking down at the small pad in her hand. A pencil was stuck behind her ear and her hair was pulled up into a messy bun on the back of her head. I missed her so much. I watched as she lifted her head. Those large expressive green eyes that haunted my dreams locked on me and she stumbled. The urge to jump up and go touch her was unbearable. I forced myself to remain in my seat but my eyes ate her up as she composed herself and continued over to my booth.

  “Marcus,” she said smiling nervously.

  “Hello Low,” I replied. The sweet honey suckle scent that clung to her filled the small booth.

  “Are you, uh, waiting on someone?”

  I shook my head and grinned, “Nope. Just me.”

  The relief on her face gave me hope.

  “Oh, okay. In that case, what can I get you to drink?”

  “I’d like some sweet tea please.”

  Willow reached for the pencil tucked behind her ear and quickly jotted it down. I’d never seen her write down drink orders before. Could my presence have her that rattled that she needed to write down sweet tea? God I hoped so.

  “Okay, I’ll be right back,” she flashed me a smile that didn’t meet her eyes and quickly spun around and headed directly for the kitchen. She didn’t stop at any of her other tables to check on them. Willow needed a moment. Because of me. For the first time in weeks I was able to take a deep breath. Just maybe, I could reach her again. Those damn thick walls she’d erected around her heart terrified me.

  Willow

  I can do this. I can do this. I CAN do this.

  “You okay Low?” Seth asked stopping beside me with a tray of drinks.

  “Um, yeah, I’m good. Just needed a breather,” I forced yet another smile and reached for the sweet tea I’d fixed for Marcus.

  Seth nodded and headed back out the door into the dinning room. I needed to do the same. I ran my hand over my hair and smoothed my apron down then rolled my eyes at my ridiculous behavior. This was Marcus. He’d shattered my heart. I did not care what he thought of me. My appearance was of no consequence.

  I headed back out into the dinning room and stopped at my other tables to check on them. I needed to get another bottle of tartar sauce, a glass of water, and some lemons. And I still had Marcus’s drink in my hands. I had to get this over with.

  He was leaning back in the booth watching me as I approached. I’d felt his gaze on me while I’d check on the other customers. It was a miracle I hadn’t tripped and fell from my nervous reaction to his attention.

  “Here ya go,” I placed the tea on the table in front of him. “You ready to order?”

  “The blackened grouper sounds good,” he replied. I wanted to curl up in his lap. How ridiculous was that? Just hearing him talk had me needing to touch him and feel his arms around me again. Ugh!

  “Do you not recommend that?”

  I snapped out of my internal obsessing and looked at him, “Huh?”

  Marcus grinned at me and my insides went all crazy. “You’re frowning. I was wondering if I’d ordered the wrong thing?”

  My face instantly warmed and I shook my head staring down at my order pad in an attempt to hide my blushing. “Oh, no. That’s really good. The grouper is nice and fresh.”

  “Do you suggest I try those sweet potato fries?”

  “Well, they’re different, um, maybe you should stick with the regular fries.”

  Marcus nodded and handed me the menu, “Regular fries it is then.”

  I reached to take his menu and fought the urge to look at him. I knew he was watching me. If I lifted my head our eyes would meet. I wasn’t that strong yet. Maybe one day I would be. But I needed time. Slipping the menu under my arm, I hurried back to the kitchen. I needed another breather.

  After handing Marcus his check I’d once again scurried back to the safety of the kitchen. I slumped against the back wall behind the industrial sized dishwasher and let out a frustrated groan. This had been torture. Marcus had been friendly and talkative. He’d watched my every move as if I were the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. I was a ball of nerves. Twice girls, I didn’t know who obviously knew him, had come up to him and done everything they could to coax him to go out dancing with them. He’d brushed them off. Harshly. I’d loved it. Each time I’d lost the battle and glanced over at his booth, his eyes had been locked on m
e. Even when he’d had uninvited guest his gaze never seemed to waiver.

  “Low, your friend left a tip and a box with your name written rather impressively for a guy on the table.”

  Unable to mask my curiosity, I rushed back to the booth where Marcus had been seated. He’d left a fifty dollar bill to pay for his twenty dollar meal. Frowning, I pocketed the money and picked up the package he’d left. I ran my finger over my name. I recognized his neat handwriting.

  “Hey, Seth. I’ll be right back,” I called out as I headed for the back door. I needed privacy. Once I was outside safely hidden out of the way, I opened it.

  It was a 2006 Guns & Roses Chinese Democracy t-shirt, signed by all the members of the band. A small note was tucked inside of it and I caught it just before it fell onto the muddy gravel.

  Willow,

  There’s a story behind this shirt. I actually went to this concert opening night in Miami. It has been one of my prized possessions ever since. It’s special because it was the only thing my dad ever took me to. He knew how bad I wanted to go. I’d just turned fifteen and he came to my room one night with two tickets. They weren’t just any tickets. They were backstage passes. He’d used every connection he could to get his hands on those tickets. It’s the only fond memory I have of my dad. Maybe that’s why it was so special.

  Anyway, I want you to have it. I’d like to see it on you instead of stuck back in a drawer in my dresser. It’s one of the good parts of me and I’d like to know it’s in your hands.

  I love you. I always will.