Begin Again

by Mulliner, Brittney

  I couldn’t watch this anymore. I pulled away from Bear and rushed out to Gage. I pulled him away before Mike could take another swing. Gage was surprisingly calm. He put his arm around my shoulder and led us out of the hall. I could hear Mike shouting at us but I didn’t turn around. When we finally got to the courtyard I stopped walking and turned to Gage.

  “What was that? Why does he have a problem with you?”

  He paused for a minute then shook his head and sighed. “We used to be friends, back in middle school. He came to high school already on the football team, and expected me to hang out in his shadow. He’s just mad that I stopped hanging out with him.”

  “That doesn’t seem like enough to make him want to fight you at school.”

  “Julia might have been his girlfriend right before we dated.”

  “Did she cheat on him with you?”

  “No, at least she told me they were broken up. Maybe he still had feelings for her. He calls me a killer every chance he gets. He blames me and so do all of his friends.”

  “So they’re the ones that started the rumors and basically ostracized you?”

  He shrugged and chuckled. “Yup, classic best friend to worst enemy situation.”

  “This isn’t a joke, Gage.”

  We were interrupted by Mckayla before I could get more information out of him.

  “What is going on, Aubrey? The whole school is talking about you starting a fight and now you’re out here with him? Mike is your friend!”

  “Gage is my friend too. Mike started the fight, Mckayla! He’s trying to control everything I do. He just freaked out when he found out Luke asked me to formal.”

  “He likes you! How blind can you be? You’ve been rubbing Luke in his face and now you’re friends with Gage? Of course he’s going to lose it! I’m freaking out!”

  I was so embarrassed Gage heard all of this. I didn’t care about his past but it seemed everyone else did. I didn’t want him to think their opinions about him mattered to me, but I could see they were just watching out for me in their own way.

  “Gage is my friend. What’s with you guys? I’m not going to let someone’s past affect my opinion of them. I hope you guys wouldn’t hold anything that happened in Chicago against me.”

  “Of course not! We’re just looking out for you. Mike has been there for all of us and has taken care of you too, so of course he’s mad you would betray him.”

  “How is being friends with someone a betrayal? I didn’t live here when the accident happened!”

  “The accident? Is that what he’s calling it? I was here Aubrey, my dad handled the case. It was no accident.”

  I turned to face Gage, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes. “What is she talking about?” He continued to look down. “Gage! I’ve been defending you to everyone I know and you won’t even look at me!”

  “Believe whoever you want, Aubrey. I told you the truth, but if you can’t trust me that’s your problem.” He walked away from us and I couldn’t find it in me to go after him.

  Chapter 20

  I walked through the front door barely registering that it was unlocked. Brandon rarely got home before me. I walked in slowly looking for anything out of place or worse, a robber. I heard the TV coming from the living room. Well at least the murderer made himself comfortable while he was waiting for me.

  “Hey Aubrey.” I jumped and looked at the open fridge a few feet away from me. Carter’s head popped out before looking back at the fridge.

  “Carter. What are you doing here?” He came to the island with an arm full of food.

  “I’m making a sandwich. What are you doing?” He continued ignoring my puzzled look like this was a normal occurrence and proceeded to create his masterpiece.

  “I mean, why are you here?” How he was planning on eating a triple layered sandwich was beyond me but I assumed it would be entertaining to watch so I followed him to the living room.

  “Brandon has meetings all day and through the night with some companies in Asia so he asked me to come over and hang out with you.” He picked up the monster eyeing it before bringing it to his mouth. I laughed as it split in half in front of his mouth covering his lips and chin in condiments. He turned to me with a smile then leaned toward me.

  “Oh you think that’s funny? Come here munchkin!” I tried to push away from him, but he was too fast and was rubbing his face along my cheek. I was caught under him laughing too hard to fight back.

  “That’s so gross! Get off me!”

  I made minimal effort to actually move him. His eyes met mine and I noticed how close we were. My little sister instincts quickly took over. I slowly moved my arm toward his face trying not to let him notice and shot out smearing the rest of the goop further up his face. I used his momentary shock to my advantage and rolled off the couch taking off toward the kitchen. He was already chasing me by the time I made it to the sink. I had planned on washing off my face and hands but when I saw him coming after me I grabbed the hose connected to the sink and held it in front of me.

  “Don’t come any closer!”

  His eyes darkened and a scowl appeared. “You’ve made some serious errors in judgment.” He took a few steps toward me and I turned on the water hitting him square in the chest. I gasped at my boldness but kept going.

  He lunged at me grabbing for the hose but I pulled away fast enough and aimed for his face. He turned and grabbed me in a tight bear hug with one arm and turned off the water with the other.

  “You will pay for this! I can’t believe you shot me!”

  “You were chasing me! It was a natural instinct.”

  “First the knife and now this. Do you feel threatened by me?”

  “No I’m just smart. Brandon taught me as a child to never be unarmed.”

  “You can’t blame Brandon for this. Plus you ruined my sandwich when you jumped up. So now you owe me a dry shirt and a new lunch.”

  I looked over his shoulder and saw a giant pile of bread, meats, and oozing goop on the couch. Gross.

  “Okay here’s the plan. I’ll clean the couch, you go change into a clean shirt and wash your face. I’ll take you out for a real meal after, deal?”

  “I guess.” He signed and pouted as he walked past his disaster of a lunch and continued into Brandon’s room.

  Luckily most the mess that could stain landed on the plate so the cleanup was easy. The couch was leather so the rest of the mess could be wiped away. I just hoped there wouldn’t be any discoloring left behind. I cleaned up in my bathroom and changed into a cute native print skirt and modest, but tight tee before meeting Carter back in the kitchen.

  We agreed on a sandwich shop just a block away from my condo so we walked.

  I glanced into the windows of the shops and restaurants we passed. Couples sat together at the outdoor café, teens were hang out in a local surf shop, the coffee shop was packed even in the afternoon, and people were rushing in and out of a mail service store trying to get in before the deadline for the day.

  As we passed another apparel store I saw something that caused me to stop in my tracks. My body went numb and my stomach turned. My breathing grew shallow even as I told myself to calm down. Carter took notice and placed his hands on my shoulders forcing me to look at him.

  “Aubrey, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” I could see the panic in his eyes and wanted to tell him but my brain was not connecting to my mouth.

  I looked in the store again and the man was gone. Carter moved me to a bench along the storefronts and had me sit. I put my head between my knees trying to get my body to take deeper breaths. I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt Carter’s fingers slide across my cheek. His other hand was rubbing my back in attempt to comfort me but I felt nothing. My head was spinning.

  Morgan is locked up. My mom had confirmed this last time we spoke. There was no way he knew where I was, so even if he was out he couldn’t find me. I repeated these facts to myself until my breathing started slowing back to norm
al. I looked up to Carter through the tears in my eyes and saw the worry in his beautiful crystal blue eyes and felt guilty for putting it there. He didn’t push me for answers, but allowed me to calm down and gather myself before asking anything.

  “I’m so sorry Carter.”

  He looked shocked those were my first words after that episode.

  “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m worried about you though. Have you ever had a panic attack before?”

  So there was a name for it? It was comforting to know that I wasn’t dying or experiencing something like a heart attack.

  “No, that was the first time.”

  “There’s usually a trigger for those. What happened? If you don’t want to go to Joe’s Deli you could have just told me.” He gave me a small smirk as he kept rubbing my back. I was finally able to feel his heat through my shirt now that I was calming down and it was surprisingly comforting.

  I tried to laugh at his joke but barely managed a smile.

  “I thought I saw someone. I was mistaken but it freaked me out.”

  “Who was it? The only person that could get that reaction from me would be seeing my mother, but that’s mostly because she’s dead. You didn’t see a ghost did you?”

  I was confused at his humor now. His mother was dead?

  “Carter, I’m so sorry I didn’t know you’re mom passed. My dad died when I was six.”

  “Mine died when I was little so I don’t remember her. That was poor taste on my part sorry. I just can’t image who could cause you to react like that.”

  “I thought it was a guy from back home.”

  “An ex?”

  “No, a stalker.”

  “A stalker? Brandon said there was a long story behind you coming to live here and I’m starting to see that. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I actually just want to get far away from here. Do you mind if we go somewhere else?”

  “I have the perfect place in mind. Let’s go get my car.”

  He held my hand as we walked back to the parking garage. I was too shaken up to think what this meant. He opened my door and helped me in before shutting it and getting in on his side.

  “So where are you taking me?” I was surprised by how comfortable I was with him. I told myself it was because he’s Brandon’s friend, but it was more than that. He had taken care of me. He didn’t run away when I needed him or downplayed the situation like my family and Derek used to. It also helped that he was so overwhelmingly attractive.

  “We’re going to my place. I think I can throw a decent meal together.”

  We started driving south on the Pacific Coast Highway. The sun was starting to set casting the ocean and beach in a pink light. Carter let me enjoy the drive and collect my thoughts. We drove through a few cities before reaching his house. It was a small Spanish-style bungalow right off the highway. I got out and followed him through the garage door into the house falling in love with the cozy space. I was busy taking in the décor when Carter called to me from the kitchen.

  “How does spaghetti sound? It may not be gourmet, but I can make a mean sauce.” I nodded before turning and making my way through the house. The kitchen was in the back of the house closest to the garage and down the hall I found the living room. There was a comfy-looking grey couch and loveseat situated toward the TV so there wasn’t a bad angle. I moved around looking at the pictures in frames around the room and on the wall. I found one of him with an older version of himself standing next to him. They could have been twins if the age difference wasn’t so obvious. There were a few of him and Brandon from their college days. I started laughing at the picture of the two of them deep-sea fishing. Neither of them expected to catch anything but Carter was holding up a three foot long silver fish. Brandon had called me after that day and told me it had taken two hours of them switching off to reel it in.

  I looked out the tall windows to the ocean with the crest of the sun holding on above the horizon. His house was much more understated than Brandon’s but it was perfect. I could imagine myself living in a place like this one day: swimming every day, keeping the windows open to let in the salty breeze, and falling asleep to the sounds of the ocean all night. This was living the dream.

  Carter found me starring out at the ocean and told me everything was ready. I followed him back to the kitchen and saw two plates full of spaghetti waiting.

  “This smells amazing!” He smiled and handed me one of the plates.

  “Let’s sit outside. I’ll turn on some lights.” As if I would argue against that for any reason. People here didn’t realize how lucky they were to be around the ocean all of the time. I hoped I would never take it for granted.

  We sat at the patio table on the deck outside in the glow of the tiki torches he lit. I took a bite of the spaghetti and audibly moaned. We both started laughing, I was grateful he didn’t turn that into an awkward moment.

  “So it’s that good huh?” He was beaming back at me proud of himself.

  “It’s honestly the best I’ve ever had. At least in California.” I laughed as he pouted at me.

  “That’s not saying much, you’ve only been here for a few weeks! I’ll take it though.”

  We continued our meal with easy chit chat then cleaned up. When we were done he motioned for me to follow him back out to the patio again. He grabbed a blanket from the couch on the way out then sat on the rocking bench. I sat next to him and he draped the blanket across our legs. At first I sat next to him, but not too close to touch and we looked out at the dark beach. He scooted closer to me and put his arm around my shoulder warming me. I turned my head to smile up and saw his serious look.

  “What’s wrong?” He seemed so content just a few seconds earlier so I was confused by the sudden change.

  “I’m worried about you, Aubrey. Will you explain to me what happened earlier, I mean who’s the guy you thought you saw?”

  I now understood the look he was giving me was similar to the one Brandon gave me whenever we talked about this. Concern, he was worried about me as another brother figure. Disappointment swept over me. Of course he cared about me like a brother. Why would I be disappointed by that?

  “I started getting notes last year. They were left in my locker, on my car and then in my car, even in my room. They started out seeming like a prank but then pictures started showing up with them. Pictures of me at school, at my dance studio, in my car, then from inside my house. It got so creepy there was even pictures of my undressing or bathing. This person was in my house. He was in my room with me and I didn’t know.” He looked tense watching me as I spoke and seemed to be hanging on every word waiting for me to give him a reason to freak out.

  “I tried telling my mom multiple times but she didn’t believe it was a serious issue until things escalated to that point. As this was happening my mom hired me a SAT tutor. His name’s Morgan. He came highly recommended from my mom’s friends and at first he was just friendly but never made me uncomfortable. Then he started flirting with me and touching me or holding my hand while we studied. I had a boyfriend so I tried to make it clear I wasn’t interested but that seemed to set him off. He physically assaulted me twice before my mom finally fired him.”

  I felt Carter’s arm tighten around me as I started shaking from the memory. “We put a restraining order against him, but that didn’t keep him away. The night of my parent’s Christmas party he showed up and drugged me. He tried to kidnap me but was caught and taken away. That’s why Brandon asked me to move here. My mom barely did anything to help me when I asked her to, then shipped me off first chance she got. I guess she was embarrassed of me when the media got ahold of the story.”

  “Aubrey.” He whispered my name as he turned me into him and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry. You’re safe now; I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”

  He slipped an arm under my legs lifting them and setting them down over his. I wrapped myself around him feeling his warmth against me. H
e certainly wasn’t holding me like a brother would. I felt a few tears slip onto my cheeks and hoped he wouldn’t notice. I wasn’t upset about seeing Morgan’s doppelganger anymore, but feeling how much he cared about me was making me unexpectedly emotional.

  ☀☀☀

  I woke from the dream of running around in the darkness to the sound of banging coming from somewhere within the house. I sat up and took in my surroundings. I was in a bed I’ve never seen before in a room I’ve never been in before. I looked around for a hint as to where I was and saw pictures of Carter at various ages with an array of people. The banging continued as I got out of the bed and walked through the halls looking for Carter. I heard voices coming from the front door.

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s asleep. What is your problem? I texted you last night that I was bringing her down here.”

  “You never mentioned having a sleepover! She’s seventeen, dude!”

  I paused just out of sight of where my brother and Carter were arguing. Biting on my lip I was deciding the best course of action to reduce the risk of Carter dying. I chose ignorance.

  “Morning guys! Brandon, are you here for breakfast?”

  They both turned to stare at me. I guess this wasn’t the right idea. Before I could back away and retreat into the bedroom Brandon came at me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and examined me. What was he looking for?

  “Aubrey, are you okay? What happened? Why are you here? Did he touch you?” He looked so panicked and I could tell by the redness in his eyes he hadn’t slept.

  “I’m fine Brandon, everything is fine. I had a panic attack last night and wanted to get away. Carter brought me here to make dinner and I guess I fell asleep.”

  “A panic attack?” He looked between me and Carter like he had something to do with it.