Begin Again

by Mulliner, Brittney

  “I thought I saw Morgan in a store by the condo and I lost it. Carter just helped me through it and calmed me down.” He released me and stepped back, still looking between the two of us. “We ate dinner and I told him what happened in Chicago. I must have fallen asleep after that.” How lame am I? We had a moment last night and I fall asleep in his arms . . . nice strong arms.

  Brandon looked to Carter for confirmation and I watched Carter nod and couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked in crumbled pajamas and messy hair. “Well we have to hurry back you have to be at the dance studio in an hour.”

  “Crap! Let’s go! I completely forgot about that.” How did I forget my tryouts? I had attended classes through the week to get a feel for the different levels, but now Mrs. Simmons was holding tryouts for the competition team which would allow me to be in the same level classes with Cassie.

  “I figured. I came home expecting to find you stretching or dancing around the condo but imagine my surprise when I see that your room is empty and your bed wasn’t even slept in!”

  “I’m so sorry Brandon. I didn’t mean to scare you. Wait, you just got home and saw I was gone. Have you not slept?”

  “No, not yet. The meetings ran long, but we got some new clients so it was worth it.” Now I felt really bad. After the crazy night he had he came home and found me missing. I was so going to be grounded.

  He didn’t say anything to me on the drive home. I was waiting for him to start yelling at me like mom usually did, so the silence was even more painful.

  When we got back home he told me to go get dressed and hurry to the studio. Nothing about earlier or a mention of a punishment. I felt like I was walking on egg shells waiting for him to yell, say he was disappointed, anything! The silent treatment was too much coming from him. I felt tears well up as I found my tights and favorite leotard and got dressed. I put a pair of jazz pants, my pointe shoes, and jazz shoes in my duffel bag and headed back into the living room.

  “I’m sorry Brandon.” He didn’t even turn his head when I approached him so I turned and walked through the door.

  Chapter 21

  The only place I have ever felt completely comfortable is in a dance studio. The familiar hardwood and mirrors felt like home. It had been my escape since I started as a child. No matter what was happening at home or school I knew I could find peace at the studio. Today was the same. I found refuge from the fight with Brandon and the drama at school. Here the only thing I had to focus on was dance.

  Cassie told me earlier in the week that there would be a routine to learn for each style: ballet, contemporary, and jazz. I would have a half hour to learn each before having to perform in front of the coaches. It sounded easy enough as long as I was able to pick up on the routines quickly. Unfortunately Cassie wasn’t here today since only the new girls were required to be here, so I had no support through this.

  I began stretching as other girls arrived looking far more nervous than me. I couldn’t decide if that was a good sign or if I had seriously underestimated these tryouts.

  Three women walked in with clipboards. I assumed they were the coaches since I’m smart like that. They stood in the front of the room facing us. A short blond was the first to speak. “Welcome to tryouts for the company team. I’m Miss Tabitha and I am one of the three coaches that will be deciding who makes it onto the team this year. There will be three dances taught that we expect you all to master and perform today. We will each instruct one while the others observe. First, I will teach a jazz routine. Then, Miss Sandi will teach a contemporary routine and finally, Miss Amy will teach the ballet routine. We will start now.”

  Alright, these ladies were down to business! I rolled my shoulders a few times as I moved to the center of the room for a better spot to observe. I laughed to myself as the rest of the girls gravitated to the back corners of the room, as if that would hide them from the scrutiny.

  Miss Sandi and Miss Amy moved to the sides of the room as Miss Tabitha took the center. She started counting out steps and I followed along falling back into the rhythm of things. It seemed like only a few seconds passed before she announced we would be running through it with music twice then it was our turn to perform. I hopped on the balls of my feet trying to loosen up before the music started. The first time through was a little rough but after the second I was ready.

  Miss Amy called out five names at a time to perform. I was in the second round and after watching the first I felt fairly confident. I stood in the opening pose waiting for the music to start. The first few beats rang out and I lost myself in the dance. I didn’t bother looking around to the other girls, I focused on my facial expressions which I know are just as crucial as mastering the moves. When the music cut I noticed the coaches smiling at me before I sat back down. Alright, one down and two more to go, I could do this.

  The contemporary dance went as smoothly as the first but I realized the order was done strategically. Ballet was hard enough when you were fresh and energized, but after a grueling hour of practice my muscles were sore and my energy level was way down. Staying up late last night and not practicing this morning were horrible ideas. I was so mad at myself for not only forgetting about the tryouts, but for being the biggest dork and falling asleep on Carter. Way to impress the older guy!

  I tried to push past my thoughts and the pain in my body and focus on my arms, feet, and positions as we worked through the routine. I knew I had done well with the first two but I had to give it my all to impress the coaches. Before the performances started I ran to my bag and gulped down my water wishing it was caffeinated.

  My group was called up and I walked to my position and prayed I would make it through. The dance was a blur. I couldn’t tell if I had done well or not and the coaches’ faces revealed nothing.

  Miss Amy came back to the front of the class with the other two. “Thank you all for your hard work. We could tell how hard each of you was trying, but unfortunately there are only a limited number of spots available. You can all go change and we will post the results in the window in a few minutes.”

  There was a collective sigh as girls stood to retrieve their bags. I tried to run through each of my performances looking for mistakes, but I was too fatigued. I grabbed my bag on the way out of the room to go change out of my leotard.

  True to their word the list was posted a few minutes after I changed. I pushed against the other girls to catch a glimpse of the paper, and moved forward as other girls squealed or burst into tears. Yikes, hopefully my reaction wouldn’t be that dramatic. I finally got close enough and saw my name! I breathed a huge sigh of relief and turned to walk out. I pulled my cell phone out of my bag as I reached my car and sent a text to Cassie. I couldn’t stop smiling, and I figured I would be even more excited after a nap so I headed back home.

  As I pulled into the parking garage I remembered Brandon was mad at me. I parked and considered my options. I could always go over to Mckayla’s but my bed was calling to me. I pulled myself together and grabbed my bag before heading up to my home.

  I opened the door and saw him sitting at the island in the kitchen waiting for me. He looked like he could be our father with the strict, concerned look on his face. Timidly, I walked in and set my bag down next to the door.

  “Hi Brandon . . .”

  “Sit down, Aubrey. We need to talk.” I thought for a moment about turning around and running through the door, as if I could be that brave . . . or dumb.

  “What do you want to talk about?” I was embarrassed at how small my voice sounded. I wasn’t used to him being mad at me.

  “I want to apologize about how I behaved before. I need to trust you. You’re more of an adult than I was at your age.” This was defiantly not what I was expecting and before I could react he continued. “I’m just very protective of you. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Carter is a brother to me and I trust him completely, but I was just freaked out last night. I probably would have realized that in the moment if I wasn’t so
exhausted and stressed. I’m sorry sis.”

  “I’m sorry too Brandon. I should have called or sent you a text. I don’t think either of us planned on me staying over. I’m actually embarrassed I fell asleep.”

  “Let’s just forget about it, deal?”

  “Deal.” Living with him was turning out to be so much easier than living with Mom and Neil.

  “So how were tryouts?”

  I tried to fake disappointment, but I couldn’t hide my smile.

  “You made it?” I nodded and he jumped up and hugged me. “Congrats! That’s awesome! I knew you would do great.”

  “Thanks, I’m really excited about it.”

  “Let’s go out and celebrate tonight.”

  “I actually already agreed to a sleepover over at Mckayla’s, if it’s alright with you.”

  “Yeah of course! I might even call Liv and see if she is free.” He winked as he walked to the fridge and got out a water bottle before turning and handing it to me.

  “You should! She definitely likes you.”

  “We’ll see. Now go shower, you stink!” I stuck my tongue out at his as I marched across the room.

  ☀☀☀

  By the time I showered and got my things together to leave for Mckayla’s I was a half hour late. I parked behind Talia’s Jeep and grabbed my overnight bag. I let myself in and saw Matt sitting on the sofa. At first glance I thought he was playing a video game. It would be a miracle for him to allow himself to ‘waste time’ on something other kids his age loved. I sat next to him and tried to get his attention.

  “Hey Matt, what are you playing?”

  “I’m not playing, I’m studying.” I looked at the screen and saw he was in fact studying. The game seemed to break down the body and quizzed him on the medical names of bones and muscles.

  “Alright, I will let you get back to that. Are the girls in Mac’s room?” He refused to take his eyes off the screen but nodded as I stood up.

  Mckayla’s room is the only bedroom on the first floor. It has French doors that open out to the patio and pool, but most importantly the beach. She claimed it as a little girl so she could check the conditions and run straight out to surf. It was probably designed to be a guest suite since it has a private bathroom and a decent closet.

  When I walked in the girls looked up at me.

  “It’s about time chica. We picked out a movie already.”

  “Sorry, Mckayla. Tryouts lasted longer than I expected.” I looked at her TV and laughed at the cheerleading movie. “Who would ever argue against a classic? I haven’t seen this in forever.”

  I sat down next to Talia who was painting Alexis’ toes. Alexis was laying back on the bed with her knees bent over the edge, clever.

  “How did tryouts go? You made the team, right?” Talia didn’t look up from what she was doing when she asked.

  “Yeah I did. How did you know?”

  “You’re not crying.” I laughed and turned my back against the bed to watch the movie.

  After a few moments Mckayla decided it was food time. Jumping up from the floor she skipped out of her room. She came back in with bags of chips in one hand, a tube of cookie dough in the other, and bottles of water tucked under each elbow. When she got to the center of the floor in front of her bed she stopped and dropped everything at once.

  “Graceful. You would make a great waitress.” She gave me a dirty look and plopped to the ground.

  “It all survived.” She grabbed the tube of cookie dough and opened it up offering it to each of us. “I couldn’t decide between raw or baked, so I put in a tray of cookies, too.”

  “Smart woman.” I almost forgot Alexis was there until she spoke. It was beyond weird for her to be so quiet.

  “What’s going on with you dear?” I got on my knees and put my elbows on the bed to prop myself off.

  “We just had a long practice today. I’m exhausted.”

  Talia chuckled softly. I glanced over at her and she shook her head. I took that as a hint. “So there’s nothing else going on?”

  “Well I went on a date last night with Justin. We stayed out way too late.”

  “Uh huh . . . doing what exactly?” I caught Talia’s eye again and she smirked trying to hold in her laugh.

  “Nothing! We were just talking.”

  “Until four in the morning!” Apparently Talia couldn’t keep it in anymore.

  I mock gasped and put my hand over my chest. “You dirty girl! You must tell us everything.”

  She threw her head back on the bed and sighed. “What’s the point? You guys won’t believe me.”

  Mckayla gave each of us a look to keep quiet. “Alexis, darling. We love you no matter what and promise to listen to you without comment or judgment.” She gave us a look again so Talia and I each agreed.

  “Fine. He picked me up and took me out for a nice dinner at the seafood place by the harbor. It was really nice. I didn’t know guys our age could be so romantic.” She sighed and smiled to herself before continuing.

  “He took me to the marina after and we went out in his dad’s Duffy and cruised the harbor looking at the houses and just talking. It was easily the best date I’ve ever been on.”

  If it was the best date ever so why is she slumped on the bed? “So . . . what’s the problem?”

  “At practice today he didn’t talk to me. He didn’t even look at me. It was like he was trying to avoid me. Right Talia? You saw it too.”

  Talia shook her head. “It was a crazy practice today. The guys were being pushed way hard since they lost their last match. He was probably just in the zone. You get like that too sometimes.”

  “Not when there’s a guy I like and had a great time with just across the gym.”

  “You’re being dramatic. Why don’t you just try talking to him?”

  “After he ignored me? No way!”

  “Fine. Just lay here and sulk all night.”

  “Whatever. Stop worrying about me. Let’s talk about Aubrey instead.”

  I looked up and saw all three of them staring at me. “What? What’s there to talk about?”

  Talia laughed, “Hmm where to start? We could talk about you and Mike, you and Gage, or you and Luke. Take your pick.”

  “Mike and I are just friends, well we were. Things are kind of tense between us right now. Gage is just a friend, too. I’ve only talked to him a few times. He’s really nice and easy to talk to but I don’t know what he thinks of me. And Luke is . . . Luke. He’s so sweet and so cute, but I’ve only been here for a few weeks. I can’t expect anything to happen yet.”

  “We still don’t understand the whole Gage situation, but that’s your business.”

  Mckayla interrupted Talia, “That’s right, it’s your business, but be careful. Mike is worried about you. Not just with the Gage thing, but he knows Luke better than you do. Luke is pretty flaky. None of us want to see you get hurt.”

  “I appreciate that you guys, I do. But I’m not invested in any of them. I’m still recovering from everything that happened before I got here. I just want friends right now, and Gage has been nothing but nice to me.”

  The girls all seemed to turn to me at the same time. Alexis was the first to speak though.

  “We have been wondering about that. You’ve never told us what happened in Chicago. We all love you being here, but it feels like there’s a big mystery behind it.”

  I thought I had been doing a decent job of acting normal, but I guess not. I was deciding how much to tell them but Talia put her hand on my knee and smiled.

  “You can trust us, Aubrey. We’re your friends.” I never thought I was missing out by not having close friends before, but now I saw the importance of having people you could trust and rely on.

  “It’s a long story, but it’s time you guys knew I guess. I’ve only told Brandon and Carter about everything. Mike only knows about how much of a jerk my ex was.”

  “Mike knows more about this than we do?” Mckayla looked genuinely hurt.
I felt awful now that I haven’t been more open with them, especially with how quickly they accepted me.

  “It came up one day.” I looked down at my toes trying to avoid their gazes. “This isn’t a happy story. Are you sure you guys want to know?”

  They seemed to be communicating silently but eventually they all agreed they wanted to know what happened. I took me over twenty minutes to tell them everything from the beginning starting with my relationship with Derek, then the events with Morgan, and finally the Christmas party. When I finished I looked up and saw tears in Mckayla’s eyes. Alexis looked shaken and it seemed like things were still sinking in for her. Talia looked furious shaking her head and clutching a pillow.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all of that.”

  “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Your ex is an idiot and I can’t believe how your parents handled things!” Talia was getting even more worked up. “Things should have never gotten that far with Morgan. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that alone! I can’t even imagine.”

  “It was rough. I was so unbelievably happy when my mom told me that Brandon asked for me to move in with him. He didn’t know all of what was happening until the night of the party. I should have told him sooner.”

  Mckayla scooted over to my side and wrapped her arms around me. “I wish you would have called me. I would have gotten you out of there.”

  I looked into her sad eyes and hugged her back. “I was so messed up. I tried telling my mom so many times, but she never believed me. I told myself that if she wouldn’t there was no way anyone else would.”

  By that time Talia was sitting at my other side hugging me and Alexis slid off the bed and completed the group hug. I relished the moment realizing for the first time this is what I always needed but never had before.

  “Thanks for being so supportive you guys. I can’t even tell you how much I needed this.”

  We all had one of those cheesy movie moments where we sat on the ground smiling and hugging each other. It was perfect.

  Another movie and about two bowls of popcorn later we were laying around the room talking about the movies and laughing at nothing. I was enjoying listen to my friends until I heard the dreaded words ‘Truth or Dare.’ I think it was Talia that brought it up and soon we were seated in a circle ready to start.