The Baby Beneath the Mistletoe

by Marie Ferrarella

  She was getting a headache. Dottie held up her hand, stopping the flood of words. “Okay, so we know the baby’s parents—”

  “Mother,” Mikky corrected. “According to Pete, Lita never knew who the father was, and nobody ever stepped forward.”

  “Pete?” Dottie repeated.

  “Reynolds,” Tony supplied before Mikky could. Justin was playing on the floor between them, oblivious to the discussion going on around him that would play such a large hand in his fate.

  Dottie looked from Tony to Mikky, trying to see if she had this right. “So this Pete Reynolds is now the baby’s legal guardian.”

  Mikky drew Justin away from Tony’s shoe before he could start chewing. He was beginning to teethe again, she thought. She knew the signs. “He has the papers,” she told Dottie.

  Dottie looked at Tony as he picked Justin up and placed him on his lap. “And he’s giving custody up to you.”

  “Right.” And he meant to do whatever he had to in order to keep that custody.

  Dottie had the pieces she needed for now. As a child psychologist, she was sometimes called in by social services to help evaluate family situations and the people who were involved in them. There were a few key people in the department she could turn to in this matter.

  “Shouldn’t be a problem.” She smiled, watching Tony. The little boy had brought about a drastic change in her cousin. She had no doubts that the woman sitting next to him had had a hand in the alterations as well, but if she knew Tony, it was going to take a major act of Congress to get him to admit it. “You’ve got a good, solid background. But they’ll still have to look into it.”

  Tony shrugged. He didn’t see that as a problem. “I’ve got no skeletons.”

  “You also don’t have a wife,” Dottie pointed out. “Things aren’t as strict as they once were, but it would still go smoother if you were married.”

  But he wasn’t. Not anymore. “What about the grandfather’s wishes?” he reminded her.

  “They definitely help, but they don’t cinch it.” She saw her cousin’s face cloud over. It wasn’t hopeless, just tricky. “Let me see what I can do.” She came to the part she knew he didn’t want to hear. “In the meantime, I can tell you that they’re going to want to place Justin with another family until this is all decided.”

  That didn’t make any sense to him. “Why can’t he stay with me?”

  “Rules, Tony.” Valiantly ignoring the upsurge in her stomach, Dottie leaned over and placed a comforting hand over his. “I’ll see if I can get them to place Justin with Shea and me.” She was pretty certain she could. “I’ll need the practice changing diapers.”

  Tony thought it looked as if there was light at the end of the tunnel, and for once it wasn’t from an oncoming train rushing at him.

  “So, I guess that’s that,” Mikky murmured as they walked away from Dottie and Shea’s house.

  She’d insisted on coming with him for this last part of his odyssey. They had brought Justin over and left him behind with the social worker who had come to advise Dottie and Shea on their responsibilities. True to her word, Dottie had pulled every string within her reach and gotten Justin placed with her. Papers were being pushed through, and it appeared as if Justin could stop playing musical houses soon and be with Tony for good.

  But for now, following the letter of the court order, the little boy had to remain with Dottie and her husband.

  As he walked to his car, Tony’s arms felt strangely empty. Funny how accustomed he’d gotten to the weight he’d been carrying around for such a short time. He knew he’d be seeing the boy again soon, but even a short separation was difficult to bear.

  Mikky unlocked her door. They had driven in separate cars. Running late, she’d come straight from an impromptu meeting with a new developer, refusing to allow Tony to face this step alone.

  Alone. As if her presence mattered, she mocked herself. He had his family to turn to. She was what she’d always been to him, an intrusive outsider. With the question of Justin’s future all but resolved, there was no further need of her.

  Tony had no further need of her. The thought repeated in her brain.

  And what of her? What of her needs? Didn’t matter, she told herself. She’d known that at the outset. If she’d fallen in love with a man who had no place in his heart for her, that was her problem, nobody else’s.

  She bit back a sigh. “So, I’ll see you around,” she said

  He’d been prepared to ask her to come over. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, only that he wanted to venture forward a little further. Explore these feelings inside him a little more. Her almost-flippant remark made him reexamine the wisdom of asking her to stay the night.

  If she could back away so easily, so glibly, that meant she obviously didn’t have the same feelings he had. He’d almost made a colossal mistake—as well as a fool of himself.

  Faced with that, Tony retreated. “Yeah, maybe we’ll run into each other on another project.”

  And then again, maybe not. The thought hurt Mikky. “I’ll remember to sharpen my protractor,” she murmured.

  He didn’t hear her. “What?”

  But she shook her head. “Never mind, poor joke. Tell your aunt Merry Christmas for me.” Mikky slid into the car.

  Tony thought of asking her not to leave and told himself he was an idiot. She apparently couldn’t wait to get away.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  But she was already gone.

  Chapter Twelve

  What the hell was he doing?

  Annoyed, Tony stopped shaving the five-o’clock shadow from his face and turned off the tap water. He took a good, long look at himself in the mirror. Sighing, he leaned both hands against the sides of the sink.

  He was running, that was what he was doing. Running from something that had no substance, no form. Running like a coward. He stared into his eyes, searching for answers that he was keeping from himself.

  No, he amended, maybe it did have substance. An entire mountain of substance. He was running from love.

  Running from love because he was afraid of doing without it. That made no sense. Wasn’t he doing without it right now? And how did it feel? he mocked himself.

  Like he’d suddenly found himself sinking into the fiery pits of hell, that’s how it felt. Deep and burning and bare.

  Tony scrubbed his hands over his face. Justin was almost his. He’d thought...he’d thought that having the boy in his life would be enough. Adopting Justin meant he was getting a second chance to be a father. A chance to heal for a reason, instead of just gravitating toward numbness.

  But Justin, wonderful though the little boy was, wasn’t enough.

  He wanted more.

  He knew what love was all about, knew what loving was all about, and he wanted more.

  And he was going to get it.

  Still wearing only the towel he’d draped over himself when he came out of the shower, Tony walked into his bedroom and marched over to the telephone on the nightstand. He hit the number that dialed his aunt automatically. Tony spoke as soon as he heard her say hello.

  “Aunt Bridgette, I’m going to be late.”

  There were no words of admonishment, no mention that this was Christmas Eve and he shouldn’t keep them waiting. Instead he heard her laugh.

  “It’s about time, Tony.”

  The house was filled with music. Nonstop music. At last count Mikky owned thirty Christmas CDs. She was playing all of them, one after another, thanks to the multistorage CD player she had in her living room. It’s

  A Wonderful Life was playing on both of her television sets. Happiness, good will and cheer resounded on the airwaves, wedging itself into every nook and every corner.

  She was trying to block out the hurt.

  It didn’t help.

  Her insides still felt like the floor of a warehouse after an out-of-control fire had been set by an arsonist. There was nothing left but ashes.

  She was easy, no dou
bt about it. Selling out her heart so easily to a man whose only use for it was to make it into a coaster.

  Her own fault, she admonished herself. All her own fault. Nobody asked her to fall for the big jerk. Least of all him. But she’d fallen, anyway. Hard, fast and completely.

  She sat on the floor, staring up at the Christmas tree she’d put up several days ago, the lights glistening because she was looking at them through the tears in her eyes. She knew she was feeling sorry for herself, but she couldn’t help it. Christmas somehow found her very vulnerable this year.

  You didn’t get to choose who you loved, she thought, hugging her knees. But you could choose who you made yourself a fool in front of, and she’d at least stopped short of that at the last minute. It wasn’t much of a consolation, but at least it was something. After they’d left Justin at his cousin’s house, she’d almost given in to temptation and asked Tony to come over here.

  At least she’d saved herself the embarrassment of having him turn her down.

  Or worse, take her up on it, make love to her and then tip his hat in the morning, leaving as if nothing had happened.

  Because for him, nothing had.

  If it had, if he’d felt for her what she was feeling right now, he would have called her. Would have tried to see her.

  Mikky rested her head against her knees. Three days and not a word from him. The site was shut down because the rainy season had decided to hit with a vengeance. But the construction crew was far ahead of schedule, so the rain was a welcome respite to everyone.

  Everyone but her. She’d been hoping for an excuse to see Tony one more time before she left for Reno. The developer funding her next project wanted her on the site right after New Year’s. Asking if she was free, he had even invited her to be a guest at his vacation home over the holidays.

  Well, she was free all right. Christmas Day, she’d visit with her family, hand out gifts to all her brothers and sisters and their families, and then, she was free.

  Free, damn it.

  Rubbing away a stray tear with the heel of her hand, Mikky got up. Enough was enough. She’d wallowed and indulged herself and now it was time to act like an adult instead of some maudlin heroine in a silent movie.

  “So, you’ve been hurt. Big deal. Get over it,” she ordered, gritting her teeth together.

  Mikky straightened her shoulders. Taking in a deep lungful of air, she began to sing along with the Christmas medley that was currently playing. She got half the words wrong.

  She didn’t hear the doorbell when it rang. It registered belatedly as a sound on the peripheral edges of Bing Crosby’s rendition of “White Christmas,” melded with the song and the banging she heard on her door.

  Now what?

  She crossed to the door, forcing herself to feel sociable. With effort, she pasted a smile on her face. She wasn’t expecting anyone. She’d made the rounds, though it had been hard for her, bringing her usual plates of baked goods to her neighbors and collecting their offerings in return. The plates, all gaily wrapped, were stacked up on her coffee table, untouched. She didn’t much feel like eating tonight.

  Maybe it was the carolers. Some of the neighborhood kids liked to go from door to door, singing. Heaven knew she had plenty of food to give them in exchange for an off-key rendition of “Silent Night.”

  Mentally psyching herself up, Mikky flipped the lock and pulled open the door. “I didn’t think you were coming around.” And then her mouth dropped open.

  “You were expecting me?” That put her one up on him, Tony thought. He hadn’t known he was coming until half an hour ago.

  It took her a second to realize that she wasn’t just imagining him there. He was real.

  She still stood staring at him. “No, um...I thought it was the Christmas carolers.”

  The last thing he would have said she was waiting for was carolers. “You need more music?” Still standing on her doorstep, he peered in. “Sounds as if you’ve got the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in here already.”

  Mikky flushed. She reached over to the control panel beside the door and turned everything off. As an afterthought, she stepped back to let him in.

  The house was filled with silence. And the beating of her heart. She regretted not having turned up the television set louder. What was he doing here? She could only think of one thing. “Is something wrong with Justin?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I just decided you could tell her yourself.”

  He’d completely lost her. “Tell who what?”

  “Aunt Bridgette. I decided you could tell her Merry Christmas yourself. It’s the last thing you said to me before you left.” He turned to look at her squarely, praying he wasn’t making a fool of himself. That he hadn’t misread everything that had been developing on the sidelines while he’d been busy denying it. Praying that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. “Damn it, woman, work with me here.”

  No, she wasn’t going to be an idiot. She wasn’t going to put words into his mouth. Or think he was saying something he wasn’t. She was through taking deathdefying leaps to conclusions that weren’t. “I would, if I knew what you were saying.”

  “What am I, talking a foreign language here?”

  Mikky pressed her lips together. Tell me, Tony. Make me understand Tell me you want me. I can’t come to you if you don’t tell me. “Right now, yes. At least another dialect I’m not familiar with.”

  He took her hand, afraid that she might vanish for one reason or another if he didn’t hold on to her. “I want you to come over and spend Christmas Eve at Aunt Bridgette’s house.”

  “All right,” Mikky said slowly. Was that it, or was there more? Oh please God, let there he more. “Let me just get my coat—”

  As she passed him to go to the closet, he pulled her around and into his arms. She looked at him, bewildered, a silent question in her eyes.

  “If I don’t say this quickly,” he told her, hating the fact that he was fumbling inside, “I’m going to lose my nerve.”

  “Then say it quickly.” Mikky barely breathed out the words.

  But it didn’t come out quickly. It came out slowly, haltingly, just the way his love had unfurled. “I got the feeling...these last few weeks, I kind of got the feeling...”

  She began to feel her heart accelerating. “Yes? What kind of feeling?”

  “That we were a unit. You, Justin and me. That we formed a family.” Why wasn’t this coming out right? Frustrated with his own inability to articulate his feelings, he bit off a curse. “Damn it, Mikky, you’re not making it easy for me.”

  The look in her eyes was innocent. But her mouth was beginning to curve. “What? What am I doing?”

  “You’re looking at me in that way of yours.”

  “What way?”

  He combed his fingers through her hair, moving a strand away from her face. Caressing her. “The way that makes me forget my name. The way that makes my knees weak and makes me want to crush you against me.”

  Thank you, God. Her smile widened. “I could shut my eyes.”

  He shook his head, gathering her closer in his arms. It was going to be all right, he thought Finally all right. “That’s worse. Then I’d be tempted to kiss you, and I wouldn’t get any of it out.”

  Mikky started to relax, even though her heart was hammering faster than a riveter’s drill. She threaded her arms around his neck, leaning into him.

  “Then by all means, get it out so we can get it over with. You haven’t kissed me in five days, seven hours and twenty-seven minutes.”

  So she’d been as aware of the time they’d wasted as he was. “Five days, seven hours—”

  She pretended to glance at her wristwatch. “And twenty-eight minutes now.”

  As difficult as she’d made it before, she made it easier now. A lot easier. “Mikky, I never thought that I could feel anything again, but you found a way to prove me wrong.”

  She grinned, catching her lower lip between her teeth. “You’re wrong a
lot.”

  “No, I’m not,” he contradicted. “And certainly not about this. I’m in love with you, Mikky. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but it happened. One minute I wasn’t, the next, I was. And now that I am, I don’t want to lose it again. I don’t want to lose you.” He framed her face, loving her with his fingertips, with his eyes, with every fiber of his being. “I don’t want you walking out of my life.”

  As if she would, now. “What are you going to do to make me stay?”

  It took every effort for Tony to keep his face straight. “I was thinking that, since your designs are so innovative, you might think about joining the firm.” He’d already talked about this with the others, and had their enthusiastic backing. “We could be a double threat in the building industry if we had not only the construction company, but a top-notch architect as well.”

  “Business? This is about business?”

  He gave up the joke. While it was true that his cousins wanted her to join the firm, that wasn’t why he was here.

  Tony laughed, hugging her. “Oh, lady, I mean business. I never meant business so much in my life. You might not realize this, but you saved me, Mikky. Saved me from becoming a petrified piece of wood inside. Until you came along, I didn’t feel as though I had any emotions left at all.”

  “You certainly breathed fire convincingly enough.”

  “The first step to thawing out,” he allowed with a wink. Could she tell how much she meant to him? How much he loved her? It didn’t matter, he meant to spend the rest of his life showing her. “I want to make this permanent.”

  “You want me to be a partner in the firm?”

  “I want you to be my partner. You can make your decision about the firm later.”

  It was Mikky’s turn to deadpan. She did remarkably well, seeing as she wanted to shout her answer loud enough for her entire neighborhood to hear her.

  “How long do I have to make up my mind and give you my answer?”