Lethal Cruise: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 9)

by A. R. Winters

  “Nuh-uh,” said Kelly shaking her head. “They’re just extensions. Cool, huh?” She held one out by the end so that we could inspect it.

  “You have awesome taste,” Cece said sincerely.

  “Very… unique.” I also meant what I said, though not quite so positively as my friend.

  “Looks like you’re getting your money’s worth out of the Beauty Forever Cruise,” Sam said. “Did you get Phytox too?”

  “No. The only stock that’s left is all booked up now. I tried and tried, but nope, no more this trip. She said we could get a ten percent discount if we visited her studio in New Orleans though!”

  Sam and Cece both looked excited by the prospect.

  “Guys, we don’t need that stuff. We’re beautiful as we are.”

  Cece shrugged. “You can always be beautifuller.”

  “Is that even a word?” Sam asked.

  “It might not be a college word, but it’s a real people word,” Cece said defensively.

  Just then we were interrupted by a waitress, and we placed our orders. It was steaks and red wine all around.

  “Speaking of educated people,” I said, once our server had left, “how’s the good doctor?”

  Cece leaned back in her seat, a look of smug satisfaction on her face.

  “Oh, he’s good. Good good.”

  “Are wedding bells in the air?” asked Kelly excitedly.

  When the cruise director spoke, I looked over at her and tried not to stare again. She really did look like… something.

  Cece snorted and held up a palm to stop her. “Wedding bells? Whoa now.”

  “Just asking,” Kelly said. “So you’re allowed to date co-workers?”

  “You are too,” I said, raising one eyebrow at her.

  Kelly gave a loud, shrill, nervous laugh. “Me? I was just asking about you guys!”

  Sam nudged me. “Is Kelly dating someone?”

  Cece looked at Kelly. “Are you? Who is it? What’s he like? Do I know him?”

  Kelly shook her head. “No, no, no, no. I’m far too busy for that. I was just asking.”

  “I know who it is she likes.” I smiled enigmatically, drawing demanding glares from Sam and Cece.

  “No, you don’t! There isn’t anyone! And he hasn’t even asked me out.”

  We all laughed as she incriminated herself. Kelly lifted up a glass of wine and took an angry sip.

  “She’s got a crush on the new captain,” I said. “He seems very nice, so I don’t blame her one bit.”

  But nowhere near as nice as Ethan. Or that new personal trainer…

  “The captain?” Cece said. “Imagine the perks you could get!”

  “It would be handy,” Sam said, nodding along with Cece.

  “Perks and handiness are irrelevant when it comes to love,” I told them.

  “Yeah, right,” Sam and Cece said together.

  “I’ve barely even spoken to him,” Kelly said. “I was just wondering. I’m sure he wouldn’t be interested in me, anyway.”

  “Of course he would,” Cece asked, rubbing Kelly’s arm. “You’re a catch.”

  “I suppose I am.”

  The food soon arrived and, as we sliced into the meat, the topic of course changed to death.

  “Any progress on your murder?” Kelly asked with a happy smile.

  “It’s not my murder. But maybe. We’ve got a few suspects now. It’s just a question of figuring out which one is actually the criminal.”

  “Maybe it’s all of them,” Cece said. “All working together as a team!”

  “A bunch of strangers on a ship, all getting together to kill another passenger? Seems unlikely.”

  “Tell us who they are, and I’ll tell you who did it,” Cece spoke matter-of-factly, as if of course she could solve the crime. Not that she’d solved any of the previous ones, even if she had helped.

  “You will? How are you going to do that?”

  “You’ve got book smarts; I’ve got street smarts. I’ll figure it out.”

  Amused, and after swearing them to secrecy, I told my three dinner companions how the investigation had proceeded so far.

  “You shouldn’t discount the captain’s theory yet,” Kelly said as soon as the topic came up.

  The rest of us laughed at her and, embarrassed, she put an extra big mouthful of baked potato into her mouth.

  “It was the kindergarten teacher!” Cece said with extreme confidence when I was done.

  “How do you figure that?” Sam asked. “Didn’t you say she was really nice, Addy?”

  “She is really nice. Not that that exculpates her—”

  “Use normal people words, Addy,” Cece said with a warning look.

  “I mean, being nice doesn’t mean she’s innocent. But I don’t see any reason for her to want to kill him, after all. Finding out someone’s workplace isn’t exactly a murderable offense.”

  “Maybe it is,” Cece said. “Think about it. He’s a blackmailer, right?”

  “So…”

  “So if he had something really juicy on her, maybe she wouldn’t tell you what it was. If it’s worth blackmailing her over, she’s not going to confess it to the ship’s Twitter girl.”

  “She was a little bit evasive when I was speaking to her, now that you mention it.” Come to think of it, Ethan had said something similar too. But she seemed so nice.

  Cece nodded as if that was that. Case closed.

  “If you can find a motive, then I’ll move her up my list of suspects.”

  “Deal.”

  Sam and I exchanged amused glances. Was Cece really going to manage it?

  Our young friend went to work finishing off her meal, shoveling the rest of her steak, potato, and mixed vegetables into her mouth in record time. With her mouth still full as she chewed, she pushed her plate aside and set her phone down in front of her.

  “What’s… her… name… again…?” she said around her mouthful.

  “Tessa Washington.”

  Cece tapped at her phone, and in a few moments she showed us a Facebook profile. “This her?”

  “Yes…”

  “Okay.”

  Cece went back to tapping away at her screen while the rest of us continued to enjoy our dinner. Sam, very innocently, began a new line of questioning.

  “Kelly, what do you know about the new fitness instructor? Do you know his name?”

  Kelly’s face scrunched in a frown, then suddenly she was on her feet.

  “Oh! Five, six, seven, eight, put your hands—”

  Sam and I both stood up, each of us pushing down one of her shoulders.

  “That’s the one,” Sam said to her when we were all seated again.

  “I didn’t meet him. I knew we had a new guy, but I’ve only seen him from a distance. I guess you could find his name from the list of staff aboard.”

  “Or, you could ask him,” I offered.

  Sam nodded to herself as if coming up with a plan.

  “Yes, ask him,” she echoed. “Maybe I’ll try that.”

  “Ha!” Cece said, leaping to her feet. “Told you. She’s the killer. Look!”

  Dubious, but excited, I, along with Sam and Kelly, peered at Cece’s phone. It was not what I was expecting to see.

  “Cece! Put that away!” I glanced around to see if anyone else was looking our way.

  “Is that her?” Sam asked.

  “I thought there was blocking software to stop us looking at stuff like that,” Kelly said as she leaned forward for a closer look.

  “See, that’s,” Cece pointed at the screen which was filled with a revealing image of a younger Tessa, “why she killed Bruno. She’s a kindergarten teacher. If the parents found out she had that in her history, she’d be fired in an instant. She killed him!”

  So Tessa hadn’t told me everything. I remembered now how she’d paused to think before telling me what Bruno had said to her. She’d obviously told me just a partial truth—that Bruno had mentioned where she worked—
but not why it upset her so much.

  “See, she used to sell these pictures and videos online. She tried to delete it all, but I found her old site. There. Case closed, right?”

  “How about you close the screen?” I urged her. She was holding up her phone like it was a red-light beacon for everyone to look at.

  Cece put her phone back down on the table and turned the screen off, a triumphant smile on her face.

  “Thanks,” I told her. “That’s some really good information. She definitely has a motive to want to kill him. But—”

  “Here we go,” said Cece frowning at me in annoyance.

  “But, she’s not the only one he was trying to blackmail. I’ll need to find out what Tessa and her husband were up to that night. Doctor Ryan told us he was killed before the body was found, probably between ten o’clock and midnight.”

  “You’ll see I’m right,” Cece said.

  “I hope you are. That’ll make everything a lot easier for me at least.”

  “I know! Let’s get dessert!” Kelly said brightly, clapping her hands together with excitement. “They’ve got death by chocolate in here!”

  My phone buzzed, and I checked the message. It was an urgent one from someone unexpected.

  “Enjoy your dessert guys. I’ve got to go. Something’s come up.”

  “If it’s Tessa, don’t go to a private Phytox party with her,” Cece warned.

  “Thanks, Cece,” I said sarcastically. “I’ll bear that in mind. Good night guys!”

  I left to see precisely what was so urgent at ten o’clock at night it couldn’t wait until the morning.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I was headed to the pool deck to meet Keith and Greg, but the message hadn’t really explained why. All it had said was:

  Hey! Midnight snack meeting!! Pool deck, now! (If you’re free!) -Keith (Greg gave me your number.)

  I hurried through the Grand Atrium, past the International Buffet, and eventually outside, heading in the direction of the pool deck. While I was rushing along, I thought about the message. It had come from Keith, but I assumed it included Greg as well. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it hadn’t actually mentioned he’d be there.

  But I was pretty certain Keith had nothing to do with whoever was messing with me.

  Wasn’t I?

  I kept going, but my gait slowed. I was headed to the pool deck. At night. Alone. I knew the area had finally been unsealed and would be open again to the public the following day. But it was still the night before.

  My mind turned to the customer service implications, because that’s what I do. The re-opening would certainly take some of the pressure off of the Lagoon Pool area at least, which had been getting rather crowded. Or maybe that was just people wanting to gawk at Sam’s new crush.

  I kept going, slowing to a walk as I followed the rail of the ship, almost up against the steel bulk of the side. Every now and then, there was a utilitarian bench fixed to the deck, or a planter with low shrubs or an ornamental tree, but otherwise it was steel, steel, steel and the smell of the ocean at night.

  In-between two steps, I paused. I thought I heard some kind of scuffling behind me. I looked back, but there was no one there. When I returned my gaze forward though, something fluttered in my face.

  “Agh! Get away!”

  I jumped back startled, and waved my hands in front of my face. Almost immediately, I figured out what it was. It was a bat that had just avoided crashing into my face.

  Its sonar must be off. I stopped a moment to make sure it wasn’t about to flutter back into my faith and cause another scream. It was perfectly still and silent on deck. At night, there was no breeze.

  I kept going.

  As usual, at that time of night, it was quiet outside, and when I passed by the spot where we’d seen Bruno and Nurse Jessica I stopped to look again, as if I might see his ghost. Of course, there was nothing.

  “Shh!”

  I whirled around. No one. Nothing. Had I imagined it? Had I mistaken the fluttering sounds of a bat for human noise? Or was I being followed? I didn’t like this at all.

  I pushed my shoulders back and held my head up to boost my confidence. It was a simple trick, but it always worked. I kept going, stepping loudly and confidently.

  Come on. I dare you!

  It wasn’t far now. As I continued, I realized that what had probably happened was that I had nearly disturbed a couple in a hidden nook. Or maybe even just kids hiding from their parents.

  Picking up my pace again, I approached the pool deck. It was only a short distance farther. When I got close, I realized there was still a line of tape blocking off the area. I frowned at it and pulled it off, screwing it up into a ball and holding it tightly until I could find a trash can.

  When I got closer, I saw something even more curious. There, ahead of me, was a table and two chairs. Even stranger was the candle in a wine bottle that was burning atop the table, the flame sputtering and fluttering despite the lack of breeze.

  What was going on?

  Was someone having a date out here? At this time of night? Maybe it had finished and they’d left their candle behind, still burning, so in love that they didn’t even realize that—

  “Yargh!” The voice was loud, right in my ear, and it came simultaneously with an iron-gripped someone grabbing onto my right arm hard. My heart near-exploded out of my chest, flooding my body with adrenaline.

  “Help!” I shouted instinctively. Almost on autopilot, I flew into action. This wasn’t my first rodeo. I spun around and ducked, letting myself collapse and fall, using my body weight and gravity in tandem to pull my arm free of my assailant’s grasp.

  I fell to the deck, and up above me I could see the dark shadow of my attacker. It was a guy, clearly, but he had a mask over his face and a hat pulled down tightly over his head so I couldn’t make out any features beyond the fact he had both a nose, two eyes, and two ears. Though if any one of them would have been fake, I wouldn’t have known.

  The man reached down, lunging for me, and I rolled to the side. “Help!” I shouted again as I dodged his grasping mitt. “Someone! Anybody! Help!”

  The man lunged for me again, and this time he managed to grab a handful of my blouse. I balled my hands into fists and punched at the hand repeatedly, smacking the top of it with my knuckles.

  “Ow!” my assailant said, whipping his hand up to his mouth and blowing on it.

  “Hey! What’s going on?” The voice was followed by the sounds of loud footsteps, thumping down the deck toward us.

  My attacker looked over my head in the direction of the footsteps, sucked in a sudden breath of surprise, and then turned around. To my pleased astonishment, he fled.

  Slowly, awkwardly, and groaning with complaint, I got to my feet. Just as I was almost upright, a helpful hand took me by the elbow.

  “Adrienne? Are you all right?”

  It was then that I saw who my savior was. Keith McDonald.

  “That guy just attacked me!” I said indignantly. I checked my body. I didn’t seem to be harmed, just a little shaken up. Luckily it wasn’t the first time I’d been attacked on board the ship, and while I wouldn’t say I was exactly used to it, I could shake it off a lot quicker than an amateur victim of violent crime.

  “Did ye see who it was?”

  “Couldn’t.” I took a moment to pant. “Too dark, and they had on a mask.” Another sharp shallow breath. “Thank goodness you were here, though.”

  “Aye, well, I guess you got my message.” He looked in the direction the man had fled, slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s not why I asked you here.”

  “Yeah, somehow I didn’t think so.” I brushed my clothes off with my hands. “So, what’s up?”

  Keith smiled at me nervously, took in a deep breath, and then began speaking at a rapid clip.

  “Greg and I got thinking about those midnight snacks, and, well, I’ve made you one.” He pointed in the dire
ction of the candlelit table. “Over there.”

  Oh, no.

  Attacked, and this? In quick succession?

  The table, set up with the candle in the wine bottle, that looked remarkably like a romantic date spot…

  Cornstalks!

  We walked over while I thought about how best to put what I needed to say. We arrived at the table before I could summon up the courage.

  Keith pointed at the table, where there were a pair of glass bowls with rather decadent looking desserts in them.

  “I’ve got wine, too, if ye want. Though maybe we should be calling the polis or something?”

  Polis. I guessed that was Scots for police.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s a polvita.”

  My heart was still pounding, my shoulder was beginning to ache just a little, an attacker had just fled, and now I was… what was I doing? Analyzing desserts?

  “What’s a polvita?”

  “All the best stuff. Meringue, dulce de leche, cream and biscuit. Have a seat.” He pulled out a chair for me.

  I had to explain right away.

  But sitting sounded good too.

  I sat down.

  “Keith, umm, you know, I’m… I’m seeing someone.”

  “You’re what?”

  “I have a boyfriend.”

  He stared at me with such intensity that for a moment I thought he might explode in anger.

  Thank goodness he didn’t.

  “You’ve got a boyfriend? I thought…” He smacked his leg with a fist. “Idiot, Keith, idiot!”

  Now I had to go into damage control mode? After what had just happened? Ugh.

  “You’re not an idiot! The dessert looks delicious, and you just saved me! You’re great, but…” I put my hands out in a ‘what can you do’ pose.

  Keith clumsily pulled out the other chair and sat down glumly.

  “Didn’t Greg tell you?” I asked him, annoyed at my chef friend for leading Keith on.

  “No, I didn’t tell him I was planning this. You know what he’s like, aye? Ye can’t tell him anything. He wouldn’t shut up teasing me if I had.”

  “Yeah, you’re not wrong there. I’m sorry, Keith. This is a lovely gesture, and I hope you get to do it again for another girl someday.”