The Heart's Ashes

by A. M. Hudson

  “Vampirie?”

  “Yes. Vampirie. I don’t make up the names, Amara, I’m just telling the story.”

  “Okay, fine. Ridiculous, but whatever.”

  “Anyway. He left a woman alive one day after he bit her, and she became like him—the first created vampire.”

  “Okay.” I nodded.

  “Then, she went on to bite a man, who fell in love with a human.” Eric smiled. “Are you with me so far?”

  “Uh, I think so. So, the second created vampire, the man, fell in love with a human woman?”

  “Right. And he had a child with her—a girl. The first half-blood-mortal.”

  “Like what David told me—about male vampires still being able to make babies?”

  “Exactly. So, this half-human-half-vampire grew up, and guess who she fell for.”

  “No clue.”

  “The original vampire.”

  “Vampirie?”

  “Yep. So, they then had a baby, Drake, a noble and powerful immortal. Then, Vampirie went on to have a child with a completely human girl as well. That baby was named Lilith—after Vampirie’s mother. But she was different. More human than vampire. She was the only female vampire ever to bear children.”

  “How?”

  “We don’t know. Might be something to do with her heartbeat.”

  “What? Heartbeat? In a vampire?”

  “Yeah, well, a sort-of vampire.” His tone carried an awful lot of insult. “So, Lilith’s heartbeat remained, even after immortality took place in her early twenties.”

  “But not Drake’s?”

  “No.”

  “Is that because she was part human—a bit like the half-bloods?”

  “Yeah, I mean, that’s the extent of my theorising. Jason Knight’s studied it in depth. Guess he’d know more than I. But, anyway, the Lilithians possess most vampire super-traits. Like speed and immortality—well, theirs is partial immortality.”

  “Partial?”

  “Yeah, immortal—to a degree.”

  “Elaborate?” I waved my hand around in a prompting circle.

  “Lilithians were a weak, faulted species. See, we have vulnerabilities, but, bone-deep, we’re indestructible. The Lilithians weren’t. If you cut off their heads, they’d die.” I covered my mouth; Eric laughed. “Also, they had a selective menu.”

  “Being?”

  “Vampires.”

  “Huh?”

  “They fed on vampires.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “Nope.” His easy smile lit his eyes. “And, like our bite to a human, theirs was also fatal.”

  “To a human?”

  “No. To a vampire.”

  “But—you can’t die.”

  “Anymore.” His word carried so much weight, making it seem like an explanation.

  “Why not anymore?”

  “There was a family feud—Drake was cast off the throne, Lilith was given power. So, Drake killed her, took back the throne and swore death to all her descendants.”

  “Because of a feud?”

  “Yep. And it took nearly another two centuries to wipe out her bloodline—leaving only those who were created by the Created.”

  I ran those two words over in my head. “Created by the Created?”

  “Yeah. If a pure blood bit a human, they’d still have the ability to kill a vampire, but whoever that Created vampire then created would only have the ability to paralyse us.”

  “Why would you leave them alive then?”

  “The entire Lilithian Order is under control of the World Council. We send vampires there who’ve been very bad.”

  “So, these remaining Lilithians, they can create vampires that drink vamp blood, but can’t kill you?” I confirmed.

  “Yup.”

  “And they’re immortal, too?”

  “And un-ageing.”

  “Does one have to have the right gene to become a Lilithian?”

  “Nope.” Eric’s eyes lit up.

  “Then.” My heart dropped into my stomach. “Why didn’t David just take me to them in the first place?”

  “Because you didn’t want immortality, and he didn’t know, before Jason bit you, that you couldn’t be changed into a vampire. He’d rather you a vampire than a Lilithian.” His lip curled up on the word. “Vampires hate Lilithians—and it takes an exceptionally rare situation to get approval to create one. The World Council keeps them under control. They’re dangerous.”

  “Why? Why do you hate them?”

  “Because they’re a different species. Not pure; devoid of true vampire nature. They can hurt vampires, Amara—really badly, and they don’t approve of our lifestyle.”

  “What, killing humans for food?”

  “Yeah. They think we should be able to control it—leave the humans alive.” Eric laughed.

  “I agree. That was one of the reasons I didn’t want to be a vampire.” I breathed out, staring at the bedroom door—my gaze narrowing. “Why didn’t David tell me about this when I woke from the coma?”

  “Well, he didn’t have approval then. They’ll only allow it if true vampirism fails, and even then—not very often. Besides, you told him you were marrying Mike. Word has it, he came for you—on the day of your wedding—and you turned him away.”

  The world grew large and shrunk back in again. Sound came rushing through my ears like it was being filtered through a tiny pin. “Why didn’t he just tell me that? I would have gone with him.”

  “I don’t know,” Eric mused, “Guess we’ll never know. But, is that what you’d want? To be Lilithian? You’d be immortal, but you’d crave David’s blood, you’d want to drain him—hurt him?”

  “Hmm. Not when you put it like that.”

  “You wouldn’t be able to bite him, either; the venom would paralyse him in a world of agony. I’ve never experienced it, but I’ve heard it’s the most painful lockdown a vampire can suffer.”

  My lip quivered a little and my eyes filled with hot tears. “I just wanted a life with him, that was all.”

  Eric reached out and touched my shoulder. “He tried for that, too—the first time he came before the Council, and they denied it.”

  “Yes, but now he’s taken leave anyway, hasn’t he? Only he’s not here.”

  “He thinks you’re happily married.”

  My chin rolled to my chest. Oh.

  “Besides, if he does come back, he faces trial.” Eric sighed and ran his hand through the front of his hair, flicking it back. “Look, David’s all about the law. He’s majored in vampire law, and human law, in several categories, but this hurt him. When justice failed for him, he lost all faith—in everything. He may not even come back.”

  “Can’t you take me to the Lilithians? Get me changed? Then I can find him.”

  Eric laughed aloud. “Ha! No, they’d trap me and use me for their experiments before I even made it to the door. They have strict rules, Amara. Vampires who stroll onto their turf, unapproved, become their property—and they hate vampires.”

  “What, the Council would just let them have you?”

  “Yes. It’s an insurance policy—the Council’s way of keeping vampires from mingling with Lilithians.”

  “Why?”

  “Because they’re not like us, Amara,” he said, as if I were like him. “Vampires and Lilithians don’t mix. It’s the law, and our desire.”

  “Well, so you can’t take me to the Lilithians, but, can’t you take me to the Council so I can talk to them?”

  “Amara, I’m staying out of this. I’m sorry. I can be your friend, but everyone who spoke up or got involved in this somehow has become an outcast. This has caused a big divide in the vampire world. David was very, very loved. No one’s taking it well. If I simply waltz into the World Council and beg them to have you changed, they’ll probably kill you—just to save David the anguish of wanting you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, it’s not a joke, Amara. These are council leaders. Not rea
sonable vampires. The only reason they even saw David was because he’s been a member of the Council for more than fifty years.”

  “So that’s it, then? There was hope for me, but now that’s gone, too?”

  “I’m searching for him, Amara. I really am.” His eyes focused and he breathed out through his nose. “If I find him, I’ll tell him you’re still here in the U. S., and that you want to be changed.”

  “He thinks I’m in Perth, too?”

  “Of course. He left the day of your wedding.”

  “Right.” I slapped my forehead with my hand. Information overload. I need to process. “So, he left without approval. What will they do to him if they catch him?”

  Eric scratched his chin. “I’m not sure. By law, he should be in big trouble. But Arthur wants those laws changed. The way it stands, right now, if they catch him, he goes to the Lilithians—they’ll torture him and drain him—”

  “Stop.” I raised a hand, washing that image from my mind. “Eric. Please. I’ve had enough.”

  “Don’t like the thought of him in pain, huh?”

  “Have you ever been in love, Eric?” I turned to face him, a hint of challenge in my tone.

  “Once.”

  “Then you know what it’s like to think of them in pain.”

  “Yes, but, a human’s love has no measure against a vampire’s. You don’t feel things the way we do—so I don’t really get your whole depression thing over David being gone.”

  “I’m not depressed!” I stood up. “I’m just miserable and want to die.”

  Eric laughed, wiping his thumb across his chin as he stood beside me. “Well, misery seems to be presenting itself on your skin, girl. Even I’ve noticed how thin you are, and I’m not really one for caring, but—” he pinched my bony elbow in his fingertips, “I think you ought to start eating.”

  “I eat.”

  “Not enough.”

  “It’s not your business, so stay out of it.”

  He grabbed my elbow a little firmer until I looked into his soft smile. “If you want to be blood-sharing buddies, it is my business, because I don’t want sour-tasting blood.”

  I snatched my arm back and felt my wafer-thin shoulders rise. “Really? I’d taste awful if I don’t eat.”

  “Ever had an overcooked steak?” he said. “You’d taste waterless and salty. Not very appealing.”

  “Good, then I don’t have to worry about Jason coming back for seconds.”

  “Jason?” Eric’s brow pulled. “You’re not seriously worried about him, are you?”

  “Maybe. A little.”

  “Aw, kiddo, he’s had his fun with you. Vampires don’t usually come back to finish off their victims if they survive. It’s just not in our nature.”

  “And civility is?”

  “Yeah, like ridicule is in yours.”

  A smile tugged the corner of my lip.

  “Look, Amara, I don’t have a lot of time—I have to check in at nine, and blood drinking can take time. Are we gonna do this, or what?”

  “I—” I shouldn’t. “Feeding this addiction’s only gonna make it worse.”

  Eric gently wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “There’s nothing bad to come from a blood addiction, Amara. You won’t rob your family and friends to get cash to buy it; you won’t sit in the corner shaking when you can’t get it.”

  “No, but I get moody and—”

  “Well, I’ll make sure I’m always around to feed you.”

  “Like a pet?” I remarked sourly, knowing full well I would actually agree to that—even if it was degrading.

  “How ‘bout like a friend?”

  “But, what if you bite me—by accident?”

  “That’s a risk I think we’re both willing to take.”

  He was right; I wanted him like that block of Mike’s chocolate he tried to hide in the fridge drawer—the block that he’ll discover later is no longer there. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Why is it you can’t leave my kind alive when you feed from them, but you can share blood? Isn’t it the same thing?”

  “Ha! No. Not even close.” He wiped the spit that came out with his laugh on the edge of his sleeve. “Blood sharing is intimate, like giving a massage. Feeding is an entirely different kettle of fish. We have no control over the kill. It just happens.”

  “But, won’t drinking my blood force that instinct within you?”

  “Maybe,” he said. “I’ve never done it before, Amara, so I can’t say. But I’ve never tried to kill a vampire when I’ve shared blood in the past.”

  “But you sleep with them after?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say there’s an awful lot of sleeping going on.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Look, Ara—” I looked up to the strange sound of Eric using my proper name. “I’ll be careful with you, okay. I got a lot to lose if I’m not. So stop worrying and just sit down on the bed so I can have my naughty way with you.”

  I glanced at the bed, then back at Eric, whose fingers tapered around the cuff of my sleeve, rolling it up my forearm.

  “We’ll start with the wrist, all right? It’s less intimate.”

  With shaky breath, feeling the tingle of tension—excited tension—all over my body, I said, “As opposed to where?”

  His lips stopped on my flesh, his icy cool warning me of the hunger deep within him. “Use your imagination.”

  A wave of heat rushed through my veins, gathering at the pressure of his fingernail on my skin, and all the images of David flashed into my head at once; what would he think to know I was sharing this with another vampire—another man, to be exact? Would he care? Would he want me to stop, would he want me to do it—to be with Eric in the way we both knew we would after I drank his blood?

  Eric, obviously sensing my tension, watched me, his nail hesitating over my skin. “I just realised...I can’t cut your vein. Humans die if they bleed out, don’t they?”

  “David only ever cut my skin.”

  “Would you rather I cut through the scar—or make a new one?”

  The idea of another scar on my body made me cringe.

  But if he recut one already owned, which one would it be? The one that was made out of love—the sacred discolouring of skin that belonged to David’s lips—or the painful memory etched in pink on my wrist, neck, rib and upper thigh from the tortures of vengeance?

  Without a second more thought, I untucked my top from my jeans and revealed the milky skin on the curve of my waist. “Here.”

  “I get my own special spot, huh?”

  “Yes, and you better hurry before I change my mind.” I could feel it slipping—the need, the craving, the want for his blood—the desire to give him mine. It was like that scarf you wanted to buy on impulse, but never regretted leaving on the sale rack.

  My eyelids fluttered closed and I held onto the resolve to satiate my addiction. “Eric!” I said as his lips touched my skin.

  “What?”

  “Just—just wai—”

  “You want one, Ar?” Mike burst in my room, holding up a Mars bar, and stopped dead when I whipped my top down, searching the room for the evaporating vampire. What—?” He stepped in fully. “What’re you doing?”

  “Uh.” My cheeks flushed hot. I folded forward slightly, catching my breath. “Just checking a mole.”

  “A mole? Ara, you don’t have any moles.”

  “I know.” I smiled. “I was just making sure.”

  Rolling his head into his sigh, he took a step forward and kept his eyes down as he said, “Baby, I know he was here. I’m not stupid.”

  “What do you want me to say, Mike?” I cast my arms outward in a defensive gesture.

  After careful consideration, he thrust the Mars at me; I barely caught it. “Just—don’t let him bite you, okay?”

  “He won’t.”

  “Bull shit, Ara—he’s a vampire.”

  “Okay. I won’t let him
bite me.” Not that I can do much if he decides to.

  “Promise.” He held out his pinkie-finger.

  I linked mine over his and smiled. “Promise.”

  “Okay.”

  Before he walked away, my hand shot and held his sleeve. “Hey, Mike?”

  “Yeah?” When I refused to speak, leaving my thoughts on the silence between us, hoping he’d read my mind in the human kind of way he used to, he frowned. “Ar, what is it?”

  I couldn’t say it; I don’t want to follow my desires and give myself to a vampire who cares nothing for me. I don’t want Eric to be my first—despite how badly I want his blood.

  Mike looked over at my open window, his arms sitting loosely out from his body, his shoulders broad and strong, then nodded and reached for me, tucking me into his chest. I could feel the ripples of his muscled stomach through his black, long sleeve sweater; it fit to his body tightly, hugging the curves of his chest like a Batman suit.

  After a deep, hot breath that touched my hair, he looked down at me. “I love you, baby. I’m here for you, okay? I’ll stay with you all night if you want me to.”

  I hugged closer and nodded against him.

  Chapter 6

  Mike sat beside me at the piano, while the bright summer filtering through the window made our skin glow. He looked beautiful in this light; warm and sunny. It was hard to sit beside him, trying not to think of how we fell asleep on my bed the other night, while he guarded me from satiating my addictive desires.

  Everything felt like it was back to where it was before we tried to get married. Even the humoured glint in his eye—the way he looked at me like he had something funny to say—had returned. He seemed lighter, in a figurative sense.

  And it made my resolve to be alone slip a little further from the edge of reason; I didn’t know how much longer I could lie to myself about how I felt, or how long it would be before I did something stupid—driven by human impulses based on lust and longing. I knew it’d be better to get that kind of thing out of the way with Eric, rather than Mike. I could let Eric go. He meant nothing to me, really, but if I slept with Mike, I might not be able to release him from my heart completely—not even if David one day returned.

  While my thoughts wandered outside, beyond the glass window in front of me, Mike reached across and ran a gentle finger over my neck. “Does it still hurt?”