Leave it All Behind

by S. R. Watson

  “A lady never kisses and tell.”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t say anything about kissing. I said somebody got some dick last night.”

  We arrived at the five-bedroom beach house yesterday where we’ll be staying for the next two weeks. Everyone’s got their own room except for Lily and me. She moved her things in here with me, but I’ve already deduced that she’ll be spending most, if not all, of her nights in Xander’s bed. I’m not complaining. I get to sleep in this queen-size bed, and I don’t have to sleep below Diesel, so it’s a win-win. I actually stayed up until the wee hours of the morning working on my novel, hence why I’m so tired today. I got up long enough to snack on a couple of granola bars before dozing off on my pile of notes.

  “Why do you have to be so lewd?” Lily teases. “But if you must know … I got some about four times last night and twice this morning.”

  “Lalalalalalalala,” I attempt to drown out her admission. “TMI, Lil. I didn’t ask for the play by play.”

  She smiles smugly at me, satisfied she has grossed me out.

  “C’mon. Get dressed. Keyser and Gable are waiting for us. The others have already headed farther down the beach to meet up with Reckless Ambition.” Their rental is next to ours, but a bit of land separates the two for privacy. Useless, since I’m sure they’ll spend most of their time over here or vice versa.

  “Ugh, remind me why agreed to go. I need to get some of these notes converted over to the novel.”

  “Don’t be a Debbie Downer … bring your work with you. The guys combed the entire island to find a private place where we won’t be disturbed. They need this. Hell, we need this.”

  I know the guys need to rebuild the morale of the band, but sadly, this little kumbaya won’t do crap for the vibe between Diesel, Xander, and me. I’ll go only so my absence isn’t a distraction. They need to focus on having a good time and not worry about why I stayed behind. Well, I know two who wouldn’t care, but whatever.

  “I picked up a bottle of Jack from the little store Xander and I went to this morning,” Lily pushes.

  “Fine, but I’m not promising to stay the entire time.”

  “Deal. Now get dressed. I’ll go let the guys know to go ahead without us and that we’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  As she skips out of the room, I’m already regretting my decision to go.

  The minute we reach the part of the beach where the guys are, my heart fills with dread. My eyes lock with Ivy’s as she makes a show of peeling off her cover-up to reveal her micro bikini, which maybe has a few strings more than dental floss. After a quick scan, I don’t see Diesel, so my tension dissipates slightly. How will he react when he sees her? She already has the attention of every guy out here even though most are being discreet with their perusal. Even Xander gave her a twice over. I wonder if Lily noticed.

  I walk past the guys and lay my beach towel out a few feet from them, but more importantly, opposite of Ivy. They have chairs scattered around an unlit stack of wooden logs that I’m guessing is for a bonfire later.

  “Where’s Diesel?” Keyser asks.

  “He and Mitch left to get a grill so we can fire up some burgers,” Xander answers, surprisingly. He looks over at me, and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. It’s gone as quickly as it arrived, but I saw it.

  Gable fist pumps the air, and soon, raging metal blares from the speakers he’s set up near us. “We got music, motherfuckers,” he yells.

  Lily lays her beach towel next to mine and passes me a Coke and a Solo cup. “For your Jack,” she says.

  Keyser places the cooler on the picnic table next to me, so I don’t have to go far to retrieve my companion for today. I grab the Jack before settling on my towel. I watch as Lily undresses to reveal her more modest bikini. As predicted, Xander can’t take his eyes off her. The guys know better than to look.

  “Aren’t you going to get out of those pesky cut-off shorts and tank?” Lily quizzes.

  “Didn’t wear a swimsuit.”

  “What? Why not?”

  “A, I don’t plan on getting in the water, and B, I didn’t want to. Besides, I may not even stay. Maybe just long enough to make an appearance.”

  Horror etches her perfectly arched eyebrows. “You can’t leave me …” She bends over closer. “Alone with the guys and thirsty over there,” she whispers in regards to Ivy.

  I pour a heavy-handed first round of Jack. “I can’t make any promises. You’ll soon be cuddled up with Xander anyway, so I doubt you’ll miss me.”

  “Pretty please, Lourdes. I’m going to do my best not to hog all of Xander’s time. The guys need bro time to mend things, and they can’t do that if he’s stuck under me. We can have our time too while they bond. You know, take advantage of being off that stuffy bus.”

  “I’ll try.” I glance over at Ivy who’s fully immersed in a convo with one of her band members.

  “Thank you.” Lily squeezes my hand, and I know that I’ll end up staying for her. Ugh.

  I manage to get comfortable on my stomach; the blaring music acts as a prelude to my chapter four. I’m hand writing about the day that Desiree first visited the guys at the lake house to offer them a record deal. I’m deep in thought when Lily stiffens next to me, breaking my concentration. I look up, and it’s a good thing I’m lying down. The wind escapes my sails like a freed balloon. Diesel has arrived, and he’s not alone. He’s brought Melissa with him, and to add salt to the injury, she’s latched onto his fucking arm. My eyes burn with anger, my heated cheeks flush. What the hell is he doing? Is he purposely trying to hurt me? I find a seashell to fixate on to avoid staring at the mind fuck in front of me. I can feel Lily’s silent stare, but I can’t turn to meet her gaze. If I see the pity I’m sure to find in their depths, I will lose my shit right here in front of everyone.

  “Hello. Melissa, is it?” Xander is the first to ask.

  His malevolent tone pierces my barely attached armor, and the pieces begin to slowly come together. The smile. His fucking vindictive smile was for this moment. He knew Diesel was bringing her back here.

  “Yes,” the pawn confirms.

  Without coordinating their effort, both Diesel and Xander have managed to use Melissa to deliver yet another blow. How poetic that they could come together on something. My hand trembles around my Solo cup as I refill my source of reprieve. I can’t let them win. I can’t run with my tail tucked between my legs and cry. My whole life, I’ve been shuffling the shitty cards, looking for that one trump card that would make all the other cards pale in comparison. If I know how to do anything, it’s how to fake it. After one swig of my drink, I realize I forgot the Coke. Chin the hell up, I will finish it anyway, and then I will slow down. I just need that rush of zero fucks that straight liquor can deliver.

  “Are you okay?” Lily whispers.

  “I will be. Does that count?”

  I take another swig, this one bigger than the last, and the burn just as prevalent. I welcome the warm, tingly feeling that begins to flow through me. I’m headed straight to don’t give a fuckville and letting Jack press the pedal to the metal. Two more swigs and I finally have the courage to look at the source of my misery once more. He’s firing up the grill with little miss clueless up his ass. I look around, watching as Keyser and Gable try to busy themselves with preparing the meat. I know they’re all waiting for me to react. Even Ivy, sprawled out on one of the chaise chairs, chatting away on her phone. They don’t know how deep this betrayal runs because they only know the gist of the story from the fight.

  “I understand if you need to go. I don’t know what I would do if I was in your shoes right now. I can’t believe he’s parading that chick in front of you. She’s not even cute,” Lily huffs.

  “No, because she’s gorgeous,” I point out. “Thanks anyway, Lil. I’ll be fine. I’m definitely not leaving now. They don’t get to win.” Honestly, I can see the attraction. Her curves rival mine, but unlike me, she has her assets on display with a transp
arent dress covering her tiny red bikini. His favorite color.

  “Yeah. Screw her and him.”

  I actually meant Xander and Diesel don’t get to win, but I almost forgot I was supposed to be pretending he and I made amends.

  I slide my shades on in case my stupid tears decide to make a reappearance, then grab a paranormal book from my bag after putting away my notes for the novel. No way can I concentrate on their journey now. Fiction sounds like a nice alternative to my effed-up reality.

  Another hour passes, and I have yet to get past the first chapter. I swear I’ve read the same scene more than a dozen times. It so hard to ignore the pawn when she keeps giggling at everything Diesel says. My stomach knots every time. I haven’t had another drink, but my buzz is the only thing dulling the ache. Still, I want to slap the silly grin off her face and knee him in the balls.

  I eat part of a burger and down some water after Lily threatens to force-feed me. She’s actually doing a decent job of distracting me with all her plans for school and what she wants to do after graduation. We discuss her crocheting hobby, and she promises to teach me.

  The sun begins to set, so Gable lights the logs stacked in the center of us, making a bonfire.

  “Truth or dare time,” Mitch sings excitedly. Half of the group groans.

  “That is so juvenile,” Ivy whines.

  “Hush. You’re just afraid your skeletons will be revealed,” Mitch shoots back.

  “I think it’s a great way to really get to know you guys.” Keyser grins. “I’m in.”

  “Fuck it, I’m in,” Diesel agrees. I watch as one by one, they all surround the fire. Some more excited than others, yet all still willing to participate.

  “C’mon,” Lily encourages. “We may even get the dirt on little miss thirsty.”

  A belly laugh escapes me at Lily’s nickname for her. Especially since it’s just one of the many I’ve given her since she arrived. The guys turn to look at us because I’m still laughing. Jack has joined the party. I pour myself another drink, careful to add Coke this time.

  “Are you joining the fun, or are you two just going to giggle like hyenas over there?” Mitch asks.

  Neither of us answer. She just gathers our towels and moves closer as we try to tamper down our snickering. Melissa makes a show of sitting on Diesel’s lap, so it’s almost comical when he gives her the chair and takes a seat on the sand. He’s sitting directly across from us, but I look away. Instead, I watch as the blue and orange flames dance.

  “Who wants to start?” Mitch asks. “How about you? You’ve been quiet all day.” I look around and realize he’s talking to me.

  “Nah. I’ll play, but I need to be reminded how’s it’s played,” I lie. “Why don’t you start since you suggested this game.”

  “Fine. Truth or dare?”

  “What? I thought we were coming back to me?”

  “You said you need reminding, so here is your reminder.” He winks.

  Maybe I could use his obvious flirtation to my advantage later.

  “Truth,” I finally say. I don’t know if I’ll take any dares tonight.

  “I’ll keep it simple for your first truth. Why have you been so quiet today? What’s on your pretty little mind?”

  Hmm. Second overt flirtation of the night. Then it dawns on me that the Reckless Ambition crew may not be privy to the reason for Xander and Diesel’s fallout, after all. He clearly doesn’t know that Diesel and I were lovers.

  “That’s two questions, so I’m only answering one. I was up late last night and almost didn’t come. I skipped my nap for this outing.”

  “Boring.” He fakes a snore. I didn’t really skip a nap, seeing as though I slept almost to noon, but apparently, my answer was enough to quell his curiosity. “Okay, your turn. Pick someone.”

  All eyes are on me, but the deepest intensity bores through me from across the fire. Diesel’s ice-cold stare penetrates me to the core. I don’t know what’s more troublesome … when he’s ignoring me or when I have his undivided attention.

  “Lil. Truth or dare?” Of course, I turn to my only ally.

  “Dare.” She grins devilishly.

  I could dare her to do something out of character, but like I said, she’s my only ally. Although it would be fun to see her let her hair down, so to speak, I don’t want to set the tone for what she retaliates with.

  “I dare you to straddle Xander’s lap …” I watch her mouth drop open in anticipation for what I may have up my sleeve. “And kiss him for ten seconds.”

  She lets out a relieved breath. She quickly fulfills her easy task. The game is pretty tame with mostly truths until it’s Keyser’s turn.

  “Truth or dare, Diesel?”

  “Dare! Time I show you pussies how this game is played.”

  My stomach trips on itself. Who in the hell in their right mind taunts the person issuing the dare? Keyser’s nefarious smirk is telltale of what the hell he is about to unleash.

  “Okay. Just remember you asked for it, pretty boy.” His grin widens with satisfaction. “I dare you to give Lourdes a lap dance for an entire song. A real one too. No half-assing. I’ll pick the music.”

  I suck in a strangled breath. His eyes meet mine, and for a second, I wonder if he’ll go through with it. Keyser cues up the song “So Far Away” by Martin Garrix, and Diesel rises from his spot next to Melissa. Her face distorts in obvious disapproval, but this only gives me a small sense of satisfaction.

  Apart from Xander, the guys hoot and holler, egging him on. Diesel walks stealthily toward me, and I have to look away. That damn swagger of his gets me every time. With a single unspoken nod, Gable gets up from the chair next to me. Diesel reaches down and pulls me up to him in one tug. I stumble, courtesy of Jack, but his other hand wraps around my waist to steady me.

  He lowers me to the chair like he’s lowered me to the bed so many times. I suck in a nervous breath, willing my heart to remain strong. More memories of our off-the-charts sex flood my mind. My skin heats under his touch, and I hate my body’s betrayal. God, how much time do we have left with this song? My will is holding on by a thread. The minute he straddles my thighs, my pussy aches with recognition. His thick pink cock is mere inches from where I need him. He shamelessly places my hands on each of his hard thighs. I can feel his muscles flex beneath my palms.

  “Relax, princess,” he whispers before he begins to roll his hips above me.

  “Don’t be so full of yourself,” I retort. “I’m fine.”

  “Fine, eh?” He rolls his hips more slowly this time, causing my breath to become even more labored. “Is that why your pussy is soaking wet for me?”

  My cheeks heat as I look around to see if the others can hear him. Before I can assess further, he stands. I foolishly think it’s over, but then he drops to his knees and spreads my legs. He makes exaggerated movements with his head, pretending he’s going to go down on me without committing to the actual act. His face remains a foot away, but his inhalation is unmistakable. He just sniffed me, and now he knows. He winks, and my throb becomes more pronounced. He crawls up my body, and I try to squeeze my legs close.

  He shakes a lone finger at me as he pries them back open. He rises to stand between my legs while lifting his shirt ever so slightly. He pretends to stroke himself through his jeans, and the guys make barfing noises in the background. The song is ending, and I’m desperate for the reprieve. Then I see it. The view that’s meant just for me. The tip of his dick protrudes from the top of his jeans. He was rearranging his package to give me a sneak peek.

  “Okay, perv. The song is over.”

  He moves the game along to Gable, but his eyes hold mine for a beat as he mouths, “I smell you.” I reach down to retrieve my Jack. I’m flustered and need something to do with my hands so I don’t pull him back on my lap. Maybe if I’m intoxicated enough, I won’t feel the guilt when I come to the thought of him tonight. This time, I’ll finish.

  He dares Mitch to make out with Melissa
. I’m guessing to even the score for her or to show how little she means to him. Either way, Mitch doesn’t hesitate and neither does Melissa. She gives quite a performance at sucking his face. It’s just too bad Diesel looks unfazed. If she was hoping to get back at him, I’d say it was an epic fail.

  This whole ordeal is pretty juvenile with no point. Several sex-related questions are tossed around, but none are shocking or eye-openers. The guys seem to respect Xander enough not to delve into his sexual history, so Lily is spared. The dares are somewhat tame—no nudity or overly sexual acts. To err on the side of caution, I’ve chosen truth and then opted to take a drink instead of answering the question on the rest of my turns. It’s quite a clever concept until Jack knocks me on my ass.

  I stumble away from the group, informing them that I’m going to take a piss. Sure that I’m not being followed, I walk farther down the beach and then onto a vacant property with unkempt trees and tall grass. I’m sure in the light of day, it’s an eyesore, but the abandoned property is away from the main roads. The path blurs before me as the liquor takes me further into drunkville. I manage to squat against a tree to do my business, but my attempt to drip-dry by shaking proves to be a step too far for my equilibrium.

  I fall on my ass with my shorts around my ankles—not my finest moment. The ground around me swirls as I work to slide my shorts back up. Shit. I’m cutting myself off. When I get back, I’ll tell them I’m out.

  I head back in what I think is the right direction until I realize I can no longer hear the music blaring. Did someone turn it off? How long have I been gone? Surely, they wouldn’t leave me. I scan the trees around me, but I’m bathed in complete darkness. I pat my jeans pocket, but my phone is back where I was sitting.

  Twigs breaking in the distance give me pause. I want to alert to my location so I can be found, but what if it’s a wild animal. Okay, maybe not at the beach, but you never know. Should I run? A flashing light causes me to hold up my arms to shield my eyes.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing, wandering off like that?” It’s Diesel, and he doesn’t sound amused.