Leave it All Behind

by S. R. Watson

  “I said I was going to pee,” I murmur.

  “Yeah, and the house Reckless Ambition is renting was maybe ten yards from where you were sitting.”

  “Well, I didn’t fucking see it. You didn’t have to come searching for me.”

  He’s on me in seconds. “Yeah, ‘cause it’s not like you were lost or anything.”

  I inhale his scent, picking up on what must be a new cologne. My pussy clenches for the millionth time tonight … traitorous bitch. I tug at his shirt, desperate to have him closer.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Smelling you,” I admit. “Like you smelled me earlier.” I inhale once more, the effect just as dazzling as the first sniff.

  “I was smelling the sweet essence of your pussy. Made me unbelievably hard. I wanted to pull those tease you call shorts aside and bury my dick deep between your thighs.”

  “So why didn’t you?” I ask audaciously. I could bring up the fact that he said he wasn’t planning to ever fuck me again, but I keep that to myself.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “I’m horny.”

  “Obviously.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?” I palm his dick, and the hardness spurs me on. I feel powerful. “You know you want to fuck me.”

  “Not a chance, sweetheart. My cock doesn’t have a say in who I fuck. I meant it when I said I wasn’t fucking you again. Especially not this drunken version of you. The alcohol is fueling this assertiveness.” He leans closer so that his mouth is grazing my ear. “You’d regret it in the morning, and Melissa is waiting back at the campsite for me.”

  The mention of the pawn’s name is like splashing ice water on my libido. The verbal slap is sobering and hurtful. I push him off me, ashamed at my lapse in judgment.

  “Noted. We better get back then. Wouldn’t want to keep your girl waiting.”

  Something indiscernible passes over his stupid face, but it’s gone in a flash. He shakes his head before turning to head in the direction he came. I follow in silence, pieces of my heart disintegrating with each step. The power I felt just seconds ago has withered into oblivion. I’m desperate to have it back. How could he be so dismissive?

  I plot my revenge as we get closer to the group. I will make him feel the hurt that I feel—to know what that other shoe feels like. The guys are almost all packed up when we return. Lily runs over and gives me the biggest hug.

  “You scared the shit out of me. I was only a few minutes behind you so imagine my fear when I went to the house, and you weren’t there. Drunk and wandering off don’t mix. What if a serial killer had gotten to you?” Lily rambles when she’s nervous, but it’s part of her charm. It seems her imagination is just as creative as mine, too.

  “I’m fine, Lil.”

  She looks over at Diesel, and I follow her gaze. He has his arm wrapped around a pouting Melissa. I look away. Game on.

  “Psst.” Mitch summons me over as I wait for Keyser and Gable to pack the cooler and blankets. I assume he wants to hit on me although he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell with me. I’m not prepared for his advice.

  “You’ll never get what you want standing on the sidelines, love. You have to show up, make your presence known, and take what you want. If not, the one willing to do what you aren’t gets the fish.”

  He looks over at Diesel and Melissa before walking away. The fish reference is peculiar, but I get what he’s saying. Somehow, he was able to piece together my feelings for Diesel. In short, if I don’t put my bait on the line, Melissa will get the fish. Well, something along those lines. The question is … is he worth it? I’m not even sure what the hell I did wrong … Why should I put forth all the effort?

  My stomach picks this moment to purge Jack. I bend over and hurl into the sand until dry heaves wrack my body. Lil is there in seconds to hold my hair, leaving a disapproving Xander to shoot daggers at me. I’ve managed to ignore him all night—too preoccupied with Diesel. I wonder what he thought of his little lap dance. Xander walks over and hands me a paper towel he dipped in the ice water left over from the cooler.

  “You need to learn your limits,” he suggests coarsely.

  I wasn’t the only one drinking, so for him to single me out is progress. Minimum but noteworthy. His brother instincts are hidden but still intact. The coolness from the paper towel is refreshing. I nod Xander’s way but don’t answer as I walk back slowly to the house with Lily by my side. The moonlight reflects off the ocean and is so serene to look at. The stars twinkle in the sky, and the breeze coming off the water feels nice. I wish I could just continue to take it all in and not have to think about the obvious. I have a lot to think about once I’m sober. I need to decide how to move forward with Diesel. I have to choose to fight for us or let him go for good. Either way, I have to be realistic about what each path will look like, and I need all the clarity in my favor. I only hope I don’t lose myself in the process—that I have the strength to follow through. I will not be the girl he first met back in Alabama. Mitch is right about one thing; I can’t stand on the sidelines and let life happen to me. I have to be an active participant in the outcome. Cliché as it may be, tomorrow is a new day.

  I watch as the shadows begin to fade as I walk through the living room. The sun peeking over the horizon reminds me to get going for my morning jog. The first immersion of sand between my toes fuels my desire to burn some of this restless energy. Lourdes has been holding my every waking thought hostage, and Melissa has been doing her damnedest to get me to open up. Surprisingly, she didn’t even give me too much of a hard time about the lap dance. Maybe because she didn’t get the reaction she was hoping for when she kissed Mitch. Sevyn is baffled as to why I let her back in my life in the first place—especially since she’s blackmailing us, but that is kind of the point. He went back to New York with Claude, but I have my reasons, and I need everyone to be in the dark if it has any chance of working. I tossed and turned the entire night until I finally decided to give up on getting any sleep. Melissa, who is sharing my bed, must have sensed that I needed this time to myself. She watched as I changed into some running shorts before turning over to go back to sleep.

  My slow jog speeds up until I’m almost sprinting. My calves burn as I work to keep my feet from sinking too far into the sand. I run until my lungs burn in equal measures. By the time I return to the house, the sun is blazing, and sweat is pouring from me. I nearly stop mid-stride when I see Lourdes sitting on the step. Her white sundress is transparent with the sunshine radiating through. Enough to see that she isn’t wearing a bra … her sizeable breasts straining against the cotton. Her nipples pert. Fuck me. I don’t need this kind of torture. She looks up at me with those ice gray eyes, and I fight to match her gaze. Sadness reflects in their depths, and I know I’m the cause—at least part of it. She flips her raven hair over her shoulder before looking down once more.

  “Morning,” she says, but it’s barely audible.

  “Yeah,” I all but grunt, and I immediately regret it.

  She hasn’t really done anything to deserve this treatment, but I have to find a way to distance myself from her. Letting anyone too close has proven to be caustic. She scoots over just enough to let me by, forgoing any additional attempts to speak to me. I walk past, my dick at half-mast. Apparently, it didn’t get the memo that she’s off limits. I’ll have to give him a tug in the shower because I’m not going there with her. The memory of her hot cunt will have to be enough.

  I don’t make it two feet into the room before Melissa is on me. She sheds her robe, revealing her nudity. My cock jumps, but I’m in control here. She’s not a contender either, but I’ll keep that fact to myself.

  “I’ve been waiting for you to come back, baby. I missed you. I’m horny.”

  “Don’t,” I warn. “I said we could talk things out. That talk is far from over. We are so far from me letting you near my cock, it’s laughable. You can’t just fuck your way back into my life, Melissa—especial
ly since you were attempting to blackmail me not even two weeks ago.”

  I finally took her call and met up with her right before going to the beach yesterday. She bawled her eyes out and insisted on pleading her case, but I had my own motives for even giving her a minute of my time.

  “I never said I was blackmailing you.”

  “You demanded to see me—to be let on this fucking tour, or you’d go to the press about what you knew. You leaked sensitive information about my father, for fuck’s sake.”

  “Yeah and I told you I just needed to get your attention. You were eager to let me go after I showed up at your concert and stayed a couple of days. Eager to get back to your secret fling with Lourdes. Yes, I knew about that too. The daggers she aimed at me anytime I got near you were a dead giveaway.”

  “So you thought giving me an ultimatum would win me over? You’re only here until I can decide how you’re going to make this right.”

  “I was desperate, Diesel. I didn’t know how else to make you give me a chance. I know I fucked up.”

  “You fucked my brother. You were his submissive. Why didn’t you just try to get back with him since it doesn’t matter which one of our cocks you ride?”

  Her head snaps back as if I’ve slapped her. “That’s unfair. I hooked up with Sevyn long after you had left. I was missing you terribly and thought I could get over you by submitting to him. It was a mistake. There has only ever been you for me. Can’t you see the truth right in front of you?”

  “What the hell is that?”

  She drops to her knees and bows her head. Any other time, my will would have been tested. Instead, her proposed submission angers me. It’s a joke. How can I take her seriously?

  “I’m desperate for you,” she admits, head still down. “I may have fucked up in every way imaginable, but you’re the common denominator. You’ve always been the goal. I don’t know how to live without you. I’m not proud of my actions, but please know it’s all been for love.”

  “That sounds like some psychotic psychobabble. How you’ve acted is not how you treat someone you love. Get up.”

  She doesn’t move. The sniffles begin slow and then get uncontrollably louder. A part of my heart aches simply because I can’t stand to see a woman cry, especially if I’m the cause. I believe that somewhere in her twisted mind, she believes the reason she’s giving me. It may even be partly true. But I’ve also discovered a piece to this fucked-up puzzle that I haven’t shared with anyone. A sizeable piece that indicates there is more than what she’s sharing. Another motive for the blackmail and I intend to keep her close until I unravel the rest.

  “Get up,” I instruct more sternly—a voice she recognizes. She responds to my dominance obediently. “Get the fuck dressed. As long as you’re here, we’ll do this on my terms. Whatever this is. Don’t make me regret my decision to have you on this tour.”

  She nods her understanding before pulling her suitcase to the furthest corner away from me. I head to the shower to finish my intended task. I run the shower, letting the water get numbingly hot—the way Lourdes has always liked it. Stepping in, I already have my dick in hand. Visuals of Lourdes in that tease of a sundress flood my mind. I fantasize about what I would have rather done instead of leaving her sitting on the porch. What it would have been like to lean her back on the steps and wrap her legs around my neck. I tighten my grip on my dick as I imagine my tongue lapping at her sweetness. I thrust hard into my hand as thoughts of spearing her tight pussy with my tongue gets her ready for me—ready to take the girth of my cock.

  I place a hand against the travertine as I race toward my orgasm. I mentally flip her over to doggy style against the steps as I enter her slickness from behind. Her tight cunt clenches my cock with each stroke. Her tits bounce as I slam into her. I come so damn hard with Lourdes’s name barely a whisper on my lips. I can only stand under the hot stream as aftershocks wrack my body. My tip weeps with need for her actual pussy. I don’t want to give in to Melissa, Lourdes being the lesser of the two mistakes. My heart is not invested in Melissa. For now, I will give all my nuts to my hand. I just hope I’m able to stave off my desire.

  After my jerk-off session, I find that everyone but Melissa and Ivy are in the living room. I forgot all about that cluster fuck. At least she appears to be into some other dude. Still having three women who I’ve fucked in the same house is a special kind of torture—awkward as fuck. Especially when two out of the three are still attached.

  Everyone appears off into their own world, and I’m just a blip on their radar. Xander is up Lily’s butt as usual. Lourdes is reading the local newspaper, and the guys are discussing where to rent some jet skis.

  “Why don’t we use the canoe and fishing gear provided with this place to go fishing?” I suggest.

  “You’re always trying to get sneak your healthy shit in,” Keyser points out.

  “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Mitch speaks up. Miles and Anderson nod in agreement. “We can build another fire pit and have fish fry this afternoon.”

  “And for bragging rights, we can see who catches the biggest fish.” I wink, knowing that adding a dash of competition to the mix will win them over. I just need something to occupy my time. More group time equals less alone time with Melissa.

  “Game on, muthafucka,” Gable sings in the voice of the Asian guy from Hangover.

  “Are you in, Xander?” Keyser asks.

  He’s the fixer of the group. It was his suggestion to ditch the bus for this house on the beach. He’s trying to help mend things between Xander and me. We’re not exactly talking, but at least, we’re not trying to beat each other to a pulp. That’s a start.

  “Sure. But just remember when I not only catch the biggest fish, but also the most fish, that you fuckers invited me along.” He smirks. He gives Lily a quick kiss on the lips, and she giggles.

  “Game on then,” I say, echoing Gable’s sentiments.

  “Game on.” He smiles at me, and it’s the first one since our fight.

  Maybe Keyser knows what he’s doing after all. The fact that I have Melissa here with me and staying away from Lourdes may have a part to play, but either way, it’s another start.

  “Hell yes!” Mitch fist pumps the air.

  “Are you guys going to take your dicks out and measure those too?” Ivy asks, coming in from the beach on the tail end of our conversation. She runs a hand through her red, pixie cut hair. Droplets of water fall and hit her perky little breast; her bikini so small my dick is reawakening. He may be onto something. Her green eyes meet mine in question, but I force myself to look away. My dick may want to play, but that was a moment of weakness. I can’t bring that number up to three attached pussies in the same house. Let her move on with whoever the hell has managed to snag her attention.

  “Oh, I bet you’d love to be the judge of that,” Miles teases Ivy.

  “Well, I’ve already seen what Diesel’s working with, so you guys would have some big shoes to fill.” She winks at me, and again, I look away. I can’t give her any encouragement even though she’s telling the truth.

  “Oh, shut it.” Anderson rolls his eyes. “Nobody wants to hear about the size of Diesel’s package. You’re not tricking us into showing you our anacondas.”

  “Yeah, let’s go get the booze and the bait for this fish fry. We can decide what’s at stake on the way.” Gable grabs the car keys.

  I didn’t notice until now that Lourdes was staring at me with the same sadness in her eyes from this morning. She is the first to break eye contact by bringing the newspaper back up to her face. She’s replaced the sundress with joggers and a T-shirt. Thank fuck. I don’t want the other guys seeing what I saw. I’m not going to fuck her, but that doesn’t mean I want them to have visuals for their own spank bank.

  Melissa comes through the door panting—successfully interrupting my thoughts of Lourdes. Her ass is hanging from her barely there bike shorts, and her sports bra fights to contain her tits within her t
ank top. It’s obvious she went out for a jog. Oddly, the same feeling of possessiveness I just had for Lourdes is absent. I don’t care that the guys can see her plentiful assets, but I guess I need to play the role of giving a fuck for now. She needs to think she has a chance … that I still care.

  The guys look everywhere but at her, but I know they didn’t miss all that she has on display.

  I narrow my eyes at her. My familiar Dom voice low enough for only her to hear, I whisper, “I see someone wants to play with fire. So be it, sweetheart. You just claimed your first punishment.”

  I watch as she works to suppress the smile forming on her lips. She thinks she’s topping from the bottom—that she’s enlisting me to play in her submissive game. In reality, though, she just gave me a legitimate reason to keep her at arm’s length. My own smile forms as she heads back to our room to change.

  Lourdes folds the paper hurriedly before pushing past us to get outside. Xander looks at me once before kissing Lily on the forehead. I guess he’d rather me break her heart than the two of us be anything to each other. Luckily for him, I agree.

  This morning, I wake up with even less clarity than I had last night, even minus the booze. My head is at war with my heart. The fact Melissa is even here should be enough for me to walk away—so why doesn’t it feel that simple. Everyone has already left for the fish fry about fifty yards from the house. I can see Diesel and the bane of my existence from my bedroom window. I know Lily will come for me any minute because she’s not a fan of either of the girls. I back away from the window and place an overdue call to Brooke.

  “How’s it going, hooker? I thought you forgot about me,” she answers.

  “Never,” I promise. “How’s class?”

  “It’s class. The more important question is how are you? How’s Diesel? I saw the news.”

  Just like her to get to the point.

  “I guess he’s okay. He has a new sidekick, so I haven’t really had a chance to ask.”