by Harms,C. A.
It had been three weeks since they had seen each other and they were taking the opportunity to catch up on the time they’d lost.
I allowed them that time as I grabbed my three smaller bags and walked off toward the dorm, hollering over my shoulder. “I’m going to find our room.”
Three floors up, and yes, I took the stairs. I needed the exercise to burn off some of the nervous energy I felt.
Ignoring the curious stares of those I passed in the stairway and again in the hall, I focused on finding room 305.
When a door and the little plate next to it with our number came into view, I finally felt a sense of relief.
The door was open, the room was empty, and a small manila envelope with only the room number on the front lay on the bed.
Stepping into the room, I lifted the envelope and tipped it to the side as two keys fell out into my hand. Also tucked safely inside was a form both Megan and I needed to sign and return, confirming we had received our keys.
I held the keys tightly in my hand as I took a moment to look around the room.
It was very small and basic. Two beds, two dresser-desk combo units and one big closet. The space was limited, yet there was just enough room to add the microwave and mini fridge Megan and I had picked up weeks ago.
The door flew open and I turned as Megan squealed loudly. “This is so exciting! I can’t believe we’re here and we live on our own, with the ability to come and go as we please.” She was like a kid in a candy store, completely and utterly awestruck.
Insane.
We took full advantage of Radley and his muscles and used him to haul in all our boxes and bags. But for Megan—he would do just about anything.
He brought up the party a few times and from the way he went on and on about us being there, I knew Megan had already assured him we’d come.
I should have been annoyed, but I wasn’t.
I knew she meant no harm and was only doing her best to keep me out of the deep hole I tended to bury myself in. She was a great friend and I was lucky to have her.
Which is why I chose to just suck it up and give in.
But I wasn’t going to lie to myself and pretend I didn’t already know this night would most likely end in disaster.
Chapter 3
Kole
I’d never intended to have the type of attitude I did now when it came to girls and college life. I was a guy that came from a great home, full of love and acceptance. I’d seen my parents share the love they have for each other daily, and if you’d asked me my freshman year if I wanted those same things for myself one day, I would have said “Hell, yes.”
But things change.
Opinions change.
By this point, college was just a time set aside to sow my oats, party, and sleep with whoever I wanted. No commitments made to one person, but an opening to explore all those women willing to offer a night of fun.
I was ready for this year; it was going to be the best one yet and I planned on enjoying every second of it. Freedom, no expectations, and certainly no girl holding me back.
Which was exactly what I could see happening right then.
I knew I was going to have to set Hope straight. We were not a couple; she knew that or at least I thought she did. It had always just been a hook up between two willing parties. But lately something had shifted; I could see it in her eyes and the way she watched me.
Hope Nelson was a party girl, a get down-and-dirty guarantee of a good time. Only she was getting clingy. She was beginning to ask those things only a girlfriend wanted to know, and Hope was not my girlfriend.
She wanted to know where I was and who I’d been with. She would call me constantly, leaving messages in a whiney ass tone, telling me she missed me and shit.
But she was easy.
She never put up a fight when I just needed to get laid, which was one of the reasons she ended up being my go-to girl at most parties.
Maybe it was wrong, but I wasn’t willing to put in the work it would take to line up another girl. I wasn’t a sweet talking charmer.
Not anymore.
Get bit once—it was an accident. But get bit twice—that just meant I was fucking stupid for letting that opportunity unfold.
So I remained distant.
Get in, get what I needed, and get out.
A philosophy I lived by when it came to girls and sex. Take it or leave it; I didn’t give a shit. Because if one girl wasn’t willing to accept my terms, there would be another who would.
Hope had been watching me all night. I knew she and I would most likely end up closing out our night together, but I had a point to make. She didn’t control me.
I continued to ignore the looks she threw my way or that pout she offered whenever she caught me checking out another girl.
I didn’t do jealousy and commitment. I didn’t give a fuck if she hooked up with someone else, and I needed her to understand I would do the same if the opportunity arose.
“Hey, Kole,” a whiney, drunken voice spoke from my left just as a soft hand ran over my arm. “Come and dance with me.”
It was Ashley Gilbert, a sophomore and a girl who had slept with just about every brother in the fraternity. I should know; I broke her in last year and she had been on a sprint since.
She quickly lost her appeal to me; that nasally voice of hers was like nails on a chalkboard. Sometime I couldn’t believe I ever thought this girl was hot. I guess when a guy was drunk and horny, any willing girl looked good.
I hadn’t really talked much to her since the morning after we had sex and she called me an asshole when I told her I wasn’t the dating kind. I had no idea why she chose that moment to flaunt herself.
But because Hope was staring at me from across the room with a look of hatred in her eyes, I chose to use Ashley to prove I was free to be with who I wanted. “I don’t dance, sweetheart. But if you’re interested in another night of meaningless mind blowing sex, then I’m your guy.”
She squinted at me and then I knew just how drunk she was. “Maybe,” she cooed, stepping in a little closer, her body now positioned between my parted knees. “Will you do that thing again,” she whispered. “You know, with your tongue?”
I knew exactly what she was talking about as she looked at me, hopeful.
“Not wearing the ring, baby,” I stated and she pouted.
“But it felt so good,” she ran her hands up my jean clad thighs, inching closer to my cock. “I haven’t been able to find a guy yet that made me feel that good.”
I chuckled.
Chicks loved the tongue piercing, which was the main reason I got it in the first place. It was a spur of the moment decision when I stopped in to see my favorite tattoo artist, and I overheard some guy talking about how much his wife loved his tongue being pierced.
He went on and on without shame about her willingness to do just about anything if he went down on her.
So in that moment I chose to get one too.
And as he said, it got me a lot of things, including control.
“Not tonight, Ashley,” I said as I stood from the chair and forced her to step back. “Besides, as many guys who have been there by now, I don’t trust it.”
She narrowed her eyes at me and I chuckled.
I may not be a commitment type of guy, but I did have some standards. And since my night with Ashley, I’d seen her do the walk of shame out of this fraternity one too many times to count.
Once I sleep with a girl, I generally don’t go back for more. But with Hope it was easier. I told her from the beginning we wouldn’t be a couple, and at that time she agreed. Maybe she just needed to be reminded that between us it was only sex, simple and fulfilling.
I walked away from Ashley, ignoring the daggers she was shooting my way.
I needed a fucking drink; after all it was a fucking party.
Chapter 4
Lexi
The music was thumping as we approached the house. People were everywhere laug
hing and talking, all appearing to have a great time. So I put on a fake smile and tried my best to come off as happy to be there too.
But on the inside I was screaming at myself, wondering why I let Megan convince me to do this. I regretted it the moment we left the dorm.
“Come on, Lex, I told you I’m not leaving your side. It’ll be fine, I promise.” Megan continued to assure me as she gripped my hand tightly and led me inside the front door.
I could feel the blood rushing to my head as my heart rate picked up. The sound of my heart beating loudly in my ears made me feel lightheaded.
Girls were dancing around the room provocatively, as the guys stood off to the sides ogling them. Everyone was tightly pushed together grinding and moving with the music.
The four walls of the room felt as if they were closing in around me and I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead.
“I need a drink, Meg.” I had to get something in me to ease this anxiety before I made a fool of myself.
As promised, Megan kept me close as she weaved through the wall to wall bodies and found the keg. I chugged the first drink so quickly I felt sick but ignored it as I refilled my cup.
I needed a buzz; even a small one would help ease the tension.
Radley found us a short time later and by then I was starting on my fourth drink. I finally felt the hazy feeling I was so desperately seeking.
Without warning, Radley hooked his arm over Megan’s shoulders and in turn she grabbed my hand. We were led toward a large game room in the back of the house. It held a pool table and other assorted games as well as a mechanical dart board in the back left corner of the room.
There were fewer people in here than out in the other room, but it was still a little crowded. I looked around as we stood near the pool table and realized there were a few girls who were only wearing their bras. None of them seemed fazed by their attire as if being half naked at some college party was just a way of life. I heard someone yell out loudly and it startled me, causing me to pull my hand from Megan’s and put it on my chest in surprise.
My eyes immediately shifted toward the direction it came and settled on one guy who, in my opinion, outshined any other in the room.
He was tall, not towering over those around him but it just enough to make him stick out among the crowd. His shoulders were broad, causing the material of his shirt to stretch over him like a second skin.
And his arms were muscular, not overly bulky but enough to notice the cut angles, making it obvious he worked out.
I was entranced by him as he began to lift his shirt over his head, exposing a magnificent display of ink etched out over his upper back, which extended onto his shoulder blades and down onto each arm. It was gorgeous, that tattoo of his. It only added to the beauty of the man who stood with his back to me.
The girls were swarming him and flipping their hair in an annoying attempt to get his attention. I wasn’t sure exactly what had triggered him to remove his shirt, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled he had.
But then he turned and I noticed the wetness that made his chest glisten. And it continued to run over him as it gathered at the waist of his jeans.
I realized the wetness was from chugging a beer in what appeared to be some kind of competition with another guy.
That tattoo I had just been admiring extended just slightly around onto his upper shoulders and down onto his collarbone. His chest was just as impressive as his back, a great addition to ab muscles that made me want to step forward and feel the ripples beneath my fingertips.
There was evidence of a second tattoo peeking out just above the waistband of his jeans that hung low on his waist. He screamed dangerous, but it didn’t stop my heart from beating rapidly in my chest.
“Rad, you’re up, man.”
I was pulled from my lust fest by a deep voice as they hollered out for Radley.
I allowed myself to continue my perusal of the gorgeous guy without giving anyone else much attention. He was so wrapped up in the group around him that he had no idea I was practically molesting him in my mind.
And then I lifted my gaze and took in the contour of his strong jaw as he lowered the empty mug and wiped the dripping beer from his chin, hollering out in victory.
My heart sank as I finally took in his face.
It couldn’t be him. It had been years since I’d last seen him and now there he stood. But what were the chances of him being here, only a few feet away?
I reached out and grabbed Megan’s arm to get her attention. “Meg, do you know who that is? Do you know that guy’s name?”
She looked at me and then discreetly back toward the direction I was pointing.
“Yeah, his name’s Kole,” she said without even a pause. “Why, do you know him?”
I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I needed space. And a lot of it.
I ignored her hollering after me as I rushed from the room in search of some distance. What I think I really was in need of was something a bit stronger than beer.
The remaining part of my night quickly became a blur as I moved from one shot to the next.
The shots were going down smooth and when that happened it was just too hard to stop. I was already beginning to feel that much needed haze, making things fuzzy and numb.
Seeing Kole only made the memories of what Matt did to me harder to drown out. I had to forget. I had to make it just go away.
But no matter how hard I tried, it felt as if I could still feel Matt’s hand pressing my head into the pillow beneath me. I could feel the weight of his body pressed against mine as he continued to violate me.
I was losing myself; I could feel it happening as if in slow motion.
I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to feel carefree. I wanted for once to be able to tolerate the touch of a man while I was sober, without being thrown into a full on panic attack.
I wanted my God damn life back.
But I knew that wouldn’t happen, so I just kept drinking.
Chapter 5
I closed my eyes and imagined the comfort of Kole’s embrace, like when we were kids and he treated me as if I was a precious angel. He was protective and sweet like he’d always been.
But the way he was touching me now suggested we were no longer just two kids getting candy from Mr. Thomas’s convenience store down the street from my house. This was more than that.
So much more.
It was dreamlike, the way his hand gripped my hip just before it slid over my stomach, pulling my body back against his. The hardness of his chest pressed firmly against my back.
I could tolerate this.
I could almost feel normal in my dreams.
Nothing about the way he held me made me want to move away.
I was so lost in his comfort.
Until his fingertips slipped beneath the hem of my shirt and he whispered against my ear. “Let’s go up to my room.”
My body tensed when it dawned on me that this was real. The moment I had escaped to was anything but a dream. And the man I had allowed myself to find comfort in wasn’t that man at all.
My head began to spin as the stranger held me close.
Bile rose in my throat as those memories of the loss of control came rushing back. Even when I attempted to move away, this guy thought I was playing hard to get.
“My room’s this way, babe.” His lips were a little too close to my ear as they brushed against the lobe. “Let me lead the way.”
He turned my body toward the steps on the other side of the room and the quick movements only made the room spin.
All the alcohol I had consumed left me powerless to stop it as he began pushing me forward.
“No,” I whispered hoarsely but even that one word was hard to get out.
As the stairs grew closer I did all I could to keep my legs from moving and was just on the verge of screaming when I heard the words spoken by my take-charge best friend and I suddenly felt a rush of relief.
“Yeah, I don’t think so, Romeo. Go find another girl to fill your fantasy with.” Megan grabbed my elbow and the guy smirked. He allowed her to pull me from his grip but never once took his eyes off us.
“Well, you don’t have to grow all possessive on me now; you’re more than welcome to join us. I was just taking your girl here upstairs for a little more one on one, but I’ve got enough of me to share.”
Zack reached out and gripped Megan’s ass pulling her to him and I could see the hate instantly flaring in her eyes.
Only she didn’t get the chance to defend herself. It all happened too fast. Zack’s head jerked to the side as a fist connected with his jaw.
He immediately released his hold on me and Megan moved me to the side.
“What the fuck, Rad?” Zack yelled as he shook his head, trying to ease the pain I was sure he was now feeling.
“Keep your hands off my girl.” Radley seethed and I had never seen him angrier than he was in that moment.
Zack backed away still cupping his jaw with one hand while holding the other up in surrender. “I didn’t even know she was your girl. We were dancing and she acted like she was interested in going upstairs with me. I had no idea, man. She didn’t say she was your girl.”
Radley pulled both Megan and me toward him protectively. “Now you fucking know.” It was the only explanation Radley offered.
I was just about to explain that I had not agreed to go anywhere with him when I saw Kole approach just over Megan’s shoulder.
I wanted to leave so I could avoid him, but my head was spinning from the alcohol and I knew if I attempted to flee now I would end up flat on my ass. So instead I leaned into Radley and ignored the fact that he was struggling with both Megan and I so closely tucked together in his arms.
And yes I may have been leaning my body weight onto him, but I honestly needed the support because my legs were a little wobbly. A mixture of adrenaline and alcohol left me slightly unstable.
Kole must have picked up on Radley’s struggle because he instantly took my shoulders and shifted me to his hold. One arm gripped me around the waist while the other stretched out before us, clearing a path from the crowd that had accumulated to watch the fight between Zack and Radley.
