Memories Are An Old Man's Toys

by Elayne Tulliani

  Billy was rather mesmerized by the young woman. She was a fighter in life, and she did it with a degree of class that you don’t often see in young women these days. Billy asked her, “What if money wasn’t an issue in your life, what would you like to do for a career?”

  Amanda didn’t hesitate for a moment; it was clear she had given this a great deal of thought. “Oh if money weren’t an issue, I would go back to school to get my hairdressers license, I made it halfway through just before my husband left and I had to drop out. Then I would open a little salon at my house so I could work and still be around for the boys.”

  Billy was a little taken back at how quickly she was able to answer. Generally, when he asked someone what they wanted to do with their lives, they couldn’t answer. They sure could bitch and complain about not being happy doing whatever they were doing, but they made no attempt to make any changes. He was impressed that Amanda had not given up her goal; she simply had to set it on the back burner for the time being.

  “Well dear, I’m certain without a shadow of a doubt with your determination and attitude it won’t be long before you make that dream a reality, just keep the faith.” That was the first time in years that anyone had taken an interest in what she wanted to do with her life and she felt as though the conversation re-sparked her determination to make her dream a reality. With that Billy pointed out to her the items that could be hauled away by the staff that cleaned out the lockers and the items that he thought might be of use to her.

  The only thing he was taking was the box of photographs that contained his mother journal and a small box of old toys that he thought Joey might get a kick out of. He had a small two-wheeled errand cart, and he carefully placed both of the boxes he was taking on top of it and tied them on as securely as he could. Neither box fit inside the cart, but he was sure he could get them home this way if he were careful. He and Amanda walked back up to the office, and he signed the papers to close his account. He also wrote a little note on the bottom of the contract stating that Amanda could take whatever she wanted from the locker. He did this in case anyone saw her loading stuff into her car; they couldn’t accuse her of stealing. They said their goodbyes and Billy started on his way back home.

  “All in all a pretty amazing day,” he thought. As he reached Beachmont corner and was waiting for the walk signal, a car went flying right through the light on Winthrop Avenue. The speeding vehicle t-boned a small SUV and sent it careening over the sidewalk and into the building which housed a bakery. Billy immediately ran to the passenger side of the SUV and tried his hardest to get the door open but the driver’s side was pinned against the building, and the passenger side was jammed shut from the impact. He glanced into the back seat, and to his horror, there was an infant in a car seat.

  He began barking orders to people, “Put down your Goddamn phones and help me, there is a baby in here, and this woman needs our help!” He pointed to a young man standing nearby, “You call 911 and tell them people are trapped!” Then he yelled, “Does anyone have a crowbar, these doors aren’t opening, and we need to break the window?” One of the bystanders pulled a pry bar from his trunk and handed it to Billy. As Billy began to swing the bar at the rear window repeatedly, he noticed from the corner of his eye that the driver of the other vehicle had exited his car. “Hey, don’t let that son of a bitch go anywhere.” With that, a few of the men walked over to make sure the kid didn’t try to run away.

  Billy was able to gain entry through the window on the tailgate, and he climbed in and unhooked the infant’s car seat from the seat belt. He carefully lifted the entire seat out and handed it to a woman who was near the rear of the SUV while instructing her, “Don’t remove her from the car seat, she may be injured.”

  He could hear the sirens approaching, but he didn’t exit the vehicle. He reached his hand over the headrest and tried to see if he could detect a pulse on the woman driving. He wasn’t able to get a pulse, and when he pulled

  his hand back, it was completely covered in blood.

  As the firemen arrived at the car, Billy began to make his way out through the rear window. A fireman was standing there, and he offered his hand to help him out. Billy whispered in his ear as he climbed past him, “I think she’s gone.”

  While the firemen worked to free up the doors of the vehicle, Billy spoke to the police about what he had witnessed. He was the only one who could give a clear account of what happened because he was the only one not staring at his phone when the crash occurred. He explained, “The kid who ran the red light wasn’t even looking at the road.” It didn’t take long for the police to confirm that he was in the middle of posting a comment online about how much his day at work sucked.

  The police referred to him as a distracted driver. Billy looked directly at the officer and said, “Bull Shit, he isn’t a distracted driver. Don’t pretty it up; he’s a murderer, this was no accident. He may not have intentionally crashed into her, but he’s sure as hell old enough to understand the risk he was taking, and he chose to take it, so let’s just call a spade a spade,” Billy spoke loud and firm. “It’s just the modern-day version of a drunk driver. They all stand in court and cry ‘I didn’t mean to kill anyone,’ but they sure as shit knew they drove themselves to the bar and had every intention of driving themselves home so how is that not pre-meditated and how is this any different?”

  The officer shook his head and said, “Sir you have no idea how tired I am of seeing somebody’s dead body being pulled from a car wreck and then finding out that it was because somebody was playing with their phone.” The officer continued, “As if we haven’t lost enough lives to drunk drivers, now we have to try an combat people who think there is no problem playing with their phones while they drive.”

  Billy provided the officer with his contact information and then walked over to the paramedics who were still checking over the baby for any injuries. Billy leaned down and kissed the baby on the forehead and whispered, “I’m so sorry you lost your mama honey.”

  Despite trying his hardest to contain himself Billy confronted the driver of the other car, “And you, was it worth it? Don’t look away from me; accept responsibility for what you’ve done. You were man enough to get behind the wheel and completely disregard everyone else’s safety now be man enough to look me in the eye and answer me. Was it worth it? I want to know! Not only did you destroy the lives of this woman and her family but you destroyed your life and the lives of everyone who loves you. Did you think you were special, that the same rules that apply to the rest of us don’t apply to you? Was telling somebody that your day sucked worth killing this woman and destroying her family? Whose day do you think sucks more now?”

  While Billy was yelling at the driver, the police were in the process of arresting the young man. Billy couldn’t help but notice that the young man had tears running down his face and ordinarily Billy would have been the first to show compassion but under these circumstances, the kid’s tears just anger Billy even more. “Your tears aren’t going to fix this, save them for your trial.”

  By this point he wasn’t even trying to keep his anger in check, He then turned his rage to the onlookers. “Except the few of you who stepped in to help, shame on the rest of you, shame on you all. A woman died here today, a child lost her mother, and ninety percent of you just stood there and clicked pictures and took videos, no doubt to post on your self-destructive accounts and share with your fake ass friends, shame on you all. Don’t any of you realize that your actions have a real and direct reaction to everyone around you? We are not just responsible for ourselves; we’re responsible for the people around us too. If you’re in the car with someone and they pick up their phone, slap that damn phone right out of their hand. I pray that if you ever find yourselves in the same kind of situation that the people around you will have enough common sense and compassion to put down their God damn phones and help you.”

  At that point, a fireman began walking towards him, and Billy recognized h
im from the neighborhood. Firefighter Christopher Kelley patted him on the shoulder and echoed his thoughts, “You tell ‘em, buddy, because clearly, they aren’t getting the message any other way. I can’t tell you how tired I am of people snapping pictures of someone else’s tragedy as if it were a spectator sport.”

  Billy nodded back at Christopher and simply asked, “What is it going to take for them to get it?” Firefighter Kelley responded, “I wish I knew Billy, I wish I knew.”

  Billy just shook his head and with a flip of his hand back at the bystanders, implying they weren’t listening anyway. He grabbed his cart and headed home.

  11

  A SERIES OF CONFESSIONS

  On the walk home, he found himself struggling, between the severe pain in his side and hip and what he had just experienced, his mind felt numb. He had been experiencing the pain for quite awhile and usually he could push through it, but today it was intense. The pain was undoubtedly intensified by climbing into and out of the SUV and trying to lift the car seat at an awkward angle. He stopped a few times to allow it to subside but it would start again after only a few minutes of walking. He found himself becoming frustrated with himself, and he became even more determined to push through the pain. He had a very difficult time climbing the hill and the public stairs that led to his apartment. He was so focused on just getting home that he didn’t notice that Sherry was sitting on his front steps. He may not have noticed her, but she certainly noticed him, and she was quite concerned about how much pain he appeared to be experiencing.

  Her original plan was just to sit there and wait for him to reach the house but after seeing him struggle she couldn’t just sit there, she had to go and help him with the boxes.

  “Billy, what’s wrong? You look like you’re in terrible pain. Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Why is there blood all over your hands? Get in my car, and I’ll take you to the hospital.”

  He was pleasantly surprised to see her but a little embarrassed that she had seen him struggle. “No, no I’m fine I think I just overdid it a little bit today cleaning out the storage locker, I’ll be fine. Don’t fret; the blood isn’t mine.” He explained what had just happened down near the station. “I’m just so pissed, what is it going to take for people to realize that sending text messages or playing on social media is not something you do when you are operating a two-ton piece of machinery?”

  He tried to contain his rage by redirecting the conversation to Sherry, “What brings you down to my neck of the woods today, this is a pleasant surprise?”

  “We can talk about that once we get these boxes into the house.”

  Sherry helped carry the boxes into Billy’s apartment and then went back to help him on the stairs. “Billy I’m sorry but this doesn’t look like you just overdid it, it looks more serious than that. Are you sure you don’t want to go to the doctors?”

  ”Naw, I’m fine I just need to sit down. I’m more pissed than anything else. People were videotaping this woman who lost her life. What happens if her family sees that? I swear Sherry I’m so pissed I could spit blood right now.”

  Sherry did her best to calm him down; she had never seen him this angered before. She shared his rage towards people who didn’t seem to have any more sense that Jesus gave a Bluejay. Sherry said, “Let me put on a pot of tea, and we can sit in the living room, you go sit down, and I’ll be right back.”

  Much out of character for Billy he didn’t argue. He went and sat on the living room couch and waited for her to return. He was never one to have people wait on him and ordinarily he would have fought her tooth and nail, but he was in too much pain to argue.

  Sherry returned and placed the tray on the coffee table. Despite the level of discomfort, he was experiencing he couldn’t help but notice that Sherry had placed a napkin over the tray and neatly arranged two teacups, a sugar bowl, a little pitcher that held the cream, and a few cookies on a saucer. She even brought a damp washcloth for him to clean his hand and some pain relievers.

  A very slight smile came on his face, and she asked, “What in the world are you smiling about?”

  “Nothing, it’s just that you always pay such close attention to detail and I’m not used to that. But even something as simple as making tea, you go out of your way to make it nice, I love that about you.”

  Sherry was a bit uncomfortable for a moment because she knew that everyone always made mention of her attention to detail but most people called it obsessive and she hoped that wasn’t what he was implying.

  Billy sensed her body language and reassured her, “Sherry, it’s one of the things that make you who you are, it’s a good thing.” With that, her shoulders began to relax

  a little bit.

  Billy’s face became rather serious, and he made it a point to lock eye contact with her.

  “Sherry, not that I am not thrilled that you’re here but, why are you here?

  He immediately saw the tears begin to well up in her eyes. Billy moved closer to her on the couch and took her hand in his.

  “What’s wrong Sherry? You know you can tell me anything.”

  Sherry tried the best she could to compose herself, but she was falling apart on the inside. She knew that in order to talk to him about what Lisa had told her she would have to also tell him about what had happened to her.

  “Billy,” she began “I don’t even know how to find the words, let alone speak them.”

  “Okay well then let’s just start at the beginning. Are you sick?”

  “Not the way most people describe sick but yes Billy I guess I am, I’m sick in my heart.”

  Now he was concerned, “Sherry take a breath, and please tell me what’s wrong, is it something I have done?”

  “Oh no Billy it has nothing to do with you,” she reassured him. She took a deep breath and decided she obviously came to him for a reason because she trusted him, so she needed just to muster up the strength to say what was on her mind.

  “When I got home from Boston I found a letter from my sister Lisa. Billy, I just feel so horrible.”

  “Go on honey, its okay,” he prompted.

  “Well as you know Lisa and I are and always have been very close, and it has always bothered me that she seems to make such lousy choices in her life. After reading her letter I went to her place first thing in the morning, I had too.”

  “Sherry, what was in the letter that was so upsetting, is Lisa or one of the girls sick?”

  “Billy I need to tell you what I talked to Lisa about but to do that I also need to tell you something I have been keeping from you, actually something I have been keeping from everyone.”

  Billy did the best he could to show her that she was safe to say whatever she had to say.

  “Billy this is so painful to talk about. I’m sure you remember my parents and you know that I never had any

  use for my mother’s husband.”

  Billy felt a pressure on his chest, he was certain that he knew what she was about to say, but he maintained his composure because he could tell that it was important for her to get the words out.

  “There were a lot of reasons I hated him but,” there was a long pause, “Billy he did things to me and made me do things.”

  Billy’s immediate reaction was, “Oh honey I’m so sorry,” he reached out to her and held her, reassuring her the whole time that he was there for her and it would be ok. He had a million questions.

  “Did your mother know? Did you ever confront him? Why didn’t you tell someone?” But he kept all the questions in his head. He knew this wasn’t the time to burden her with his rage.

  “Billy I did everything I could to protect Lisa, and I thought that I had until I got her letter and she opened up to me to tell me what had happened to her.”

  This was like a double punch to Billy’s gut. “Sherry, honey you do realize that’s not your fault …don’t you? You were a kid yourself; it wasn’t your responsibility to protect and take care of Lisa. You did everything you could,
and if memory serves me, you did a hell of a job caring for her and your mother. That was your mother’s job, and when she fell short, you stepped up to the plate and filled her shoes. As for that bastard, I hope he burns in hell.”

  “Actually I heard he died a few years ago,” she said with a tone of relief.

  Billy couldn’t hold his tongue any longer, “Good, God forgive me, but good, I hope it was a slow painful death.”

  Sherry found comfort in Billy’s anger. It was oddly satisfying to have someone share her rage.

  “Billy I also found out that my perception of Jimmy was way off base. All these years I thought he was a bum living off my sister and I was aggravated with her that she let him. The truth is he has been home caring for the girls all these years because my sister’s depression has prevented her from doing it.

  “She says she copes better when she is out in the workforce so Jimmy has allowed all of us to treat him like some low life that was sponging off of her so that he wouldn’t have to betray the promise never to reveal her secret.”

  Billy was genuinely surprised, “Wow that is sad, he sounds like a pretty amazing guy.”

  “Yes he is, and I have treated him so poorly all these years, and he just stood and took it, all to protect her.”

  Billy leaned back on the couch and pulled Sherry closer. He sat there holding her with her head on his shoulder and his arm around her.

  “Sherry, can I tell you something? I want you to know that you are an amazing woman and a wonderful sister. I have always known this about you, but each day you endear yourself to me even more.

  “I’m so very sorry for what you and your sister have gone through but as crazy as it sounds, try to remember that it’s played a role in making you both the strong women you are. I know Lisa may not be feeling very strong right now and I don’t doubt that there are times when you don’t either. But please, believe me, you are. There is no way you could be the person you are today after having gone through that and not be strong. Lisa is no different, she may feel weak right now but just look at the three beautiful girls she’s raised and shocking as it may have been to learn, apparently Jimmy is a pretty good man, and you don’t land a good man unless you’re a good woman.”