Memories Are An Old Man's Toys

by Elayne Tulliani

  That simple statement created a wave of relaxation that washed over Billy; it told him she felt that whatever type of pain she was getting ready to face, the time with him was worth it. Billy shifted his body on the couch to face her and reached out to cup her hands in his.

  “Sherry, I know what I’m going to say is sad but I have never been one for sugar coating things, and I’m not certain I can start now. With that said, I’m just going to blurt this out and then you can ask me anything you want, and I’ll be truthful with you.”

  He took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds and as the air began to exit his body so did the words “I have cancer and its terminal.”

  Sherry felt every single muscle in her body go completely limp just as it had when she read Lisa’s letter. “My God Billy, what do you mean?”

  “I received my diagnosis months ago; I have Metastatic Prostate Cancer meaning that it spread from my prostate and in my case, it spread to my bones.”

  While the tears were streaming down Sherry’s face, she stayed composed enough to ask questions. “Well, what have they done to help you? We need to see a specialist. What are we doing sitting here?”

  Billy understood the sense of urgency in her voice, but he had no intention of jumping back on that hopeful train. He had found peace in the knowledge that he had already ridden it as far as it was going to take him. “Honey, listen to me, I hear what you are saying and believe me I started this battle full of the same sense of urgency that you have, but I’ve already depleted all my options. I’ve had Chemo, radiation and even Cryosurgery where they went in with liquid nitrogen and tried to freeze and kill the cancerous cells. It’s not working.

  You’ve asked me several times about the constantly recurring wound on my arm. That is a pain medication implant that I have changed every week. I am in the pain management stage of this battle; they are not going to cure me so they’re just trying to help me live as normal as I can for as long as I can.”

  She knew he wasn’t the type of man to simply take a doctor at their word, or anyone for that matter, she also knew he was anything but a quitter so for him to have made peace with his fate told her he had in fact exhausted every other option, but this brought her little peace.

  “Babe, I am so deeply sorry that I dragged you down this road with me. I know it was probably selfish but once I accepted that this was my reality all I could think about was that the only person I wanted to spend my time with was you. No decision has ever been clearer in my life. I wanted to take this time to express to you how much you had always meant to me, all the way back to when we were kids. Obviously, at the time, I had no idea what battles you had faced, but with the little, I did know I wanted to find a way to make your life a better place.”

  “Billy just knowing you were in my life always made it a better place.” She hesitated on the next question because she wasn’t certain she wanted to hear the answer. Through muffled tears, she asked, “Have they given you any indication as to how long they think you have?”

  Billy shrugged, “I’m not sure, a month, maybe a little longer if I’m lucky.”

  Sherry’s laid her head in his lap, “Billy this is so unfair, I don’t want to let you go.”

  “I know honey,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair, “I’ve never known life to be fair, but at least now we’ve both learned that life can be beautiful and it is meant to be shared.”

  Sherry shot up into a sitting position, and with urgency resonating in her voice she said, “I don’t want to leave you when my vacation is over; I want to spend every single minute with you.”

  Billy’s had a look that can only be described as the saddest smile ever seen. “Then stay with me honey, you don’t have to leave just because your vacation is coming to an end.”

  “Billy I need to work, rent is due in two weeks. Maybe I could put in for the rest of my sick days, which would buy me another week.”

  “No honey, you don’t understand, let me show you something,” he got up from the couch slowly, and she could see he was in pain. Billy disappeared into the office for a few minutes, and she could hear the printer turn on and what sounded like a dozen pages printing out.

  He returned to the living room with a manila file folder in his hands. “These are my estate papers,” he said as he held the file out for her to take.

  “No, I don’t want to deal with estate stuff, our time is limited as it is,” she said while failing in her efforts to fight back the tears.

  “Exactly Hun, our time is so limited, which is why we should deal with this now, like a bandage, let’s just rip it off and be done with it so we can spend every possible

  moment just enjoying life and each other” he pleaded.

  She knew Billy well enough to know that arguing with him, especially about something he felt so strongly about was futile. “Fine then, let’s have it,” she said with surrender in her voice.

  Billy sat close to her on the couch with the folder on his lap and one arm around her shoulder. “Before I open this I want to tell you that some of the stuff in here may make you uncomfortable. I want you to know that I have given all of this very serious thought and there isn’t a shred of doubt in my mind that this is what I want to do, now with that in mind why don’t you take a look.”

  Billy’s last statement left her feeling quite apprehensive but what could he possibly have in this folder that could be any more shocking than the news she just heard. She slowly took the folder off of his lap and placed it on her own. With the caution of a child on the first day of school, she began to lift the cover. The first paper she viewed was a power of attorney which read as follows:

  General Durable Power of Attorney

  Know All Men by These Presents

  That I, William F. Reynolds of Revere, County of Suffolk, State of Massachusetts, do hereby make, constitute and appoint Sherry Reynolds of Revere, County of Suffolk, State of Massachusetts, my true and lawful attorney for me and in my name, place, and stead, generally to act as my agent or attorney…

  Sherry stopped reading after the first paragraph and questioned, “What are you saying here?”

  “Sherry, you are the only person on this planet that I truly trust and by far the only one I have ever loved. Now I know that these are not complete yet, and they will need to get notarized, but I don’t want you to think that I’m doing this only because of my situation. Truthfully, I would want this anyway; it’s just that the situation warrants me acting a little faster than I normally would. Honey I’m asking you to marry me.”

  Sherry sat lost in emotion, what should have been one of the happiest days of her life was buried under this looming cloud of one of her most devastating days. “Are you sure this is what you want Billy?”

  “Hun, I have never been more certain of anything in my life.”

  “I’m so confused Billy, this is a lot to take in all at once. I don’t know how to deal with these feelings. I mean, how am I supposed to celebrate this knowing in as

  little as a month I may need to say goodbye to you?”

  “As I said, I’ve given this a lot of thought, and the truth is we are going to have to say goodbye regardless of

  our marital status. I’ve worked hard my whole life, maybe too damn hard but if there is anyone in this world that I want to see benefit from that, it’s you. With my pension and social security along with a few other trinkets I have up my sleeve, you can live a comfortable life, and I don’t want you feeling uneasy about that, I want you to relish in it. I want to know in my heart that I have made your life a more comfortable place for you.”

  He snickered and said, “This is the longest proposal in history, for the love of God are you going to marry me or not?”

  Sherry gave an ever so gentle nod of her head, “Of course I am Billy, and I love you with all my heart.”

  With that, Billy reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black velvet satchel. After fumbling with the little string for a moment, he reac
hed in and retrieved a beautiful silver ring. The setting was an intricate web design and centered was a small polished pearl flanked by diamonds on either side.

  Sherry’s eyes grew wider, “Oh Billy, I can’t, it’s just

  too beautiful.”

  Billy lowered his head, “I don’t know if this is proper etiquette or not but this was my mother’s wedding ring, and I can’t imagine she could be any happier than seeing it end up on your finger.” He slipped the ring onto the finger of her trembling hand and then held it for a moment just staring at it. “It’s as breathtaking as I had imagined it would be on your hand” he exclaimed.

  She reached out and hugged him in a way that he had never been hugged before; he could feel the love in the embrace.

  “I would love to live in this moment forever, but there are a few things I want you to know so we can put this all behind us and enjoy our time together.” Sherry held on for another moment then reluctantly let her arms slide off of him and back onto her lap. “Okay then, I obviously was hopeful that you would accept my proposal which is why I took the liberty to enter your married name on all of these documents. To sum it all up, I granted you power of attorney as well as health care proxy and Life Directive. Those are all pretty standard documents but feel free to read through anything you like. The one that is a little more detailed is my Last Will and Testament.

  Those words caused Sherry to shrink back on the couch, “Dear God, I can’t even believe we’re talking about these things Billy.”

  “Don’t worry babe; we don’t have to go over that right now. My lawyer's name is Attorney Wells, and she’ll walk you through everything when the time comes. All of my final arrangements have already been made but remember you have the power of attorney so if there is anything that you want to change you have the power and my blessing to do so. The only thing that I ask is that the music not be changed, I would like Moonlight Sonata played at my service.”

  As much as it pained her to accept all of this, she shook her head in agreement.

  “I’m sure you will want and need a little time to talk with Lisa about all of this, but in light of the urgency, I think we should plan on getting married sooner rather than later. I have no one that I want in attendance, but I am completely fine if you would like Lisa and her family to attend.”

  She responded without hesitation, “Oh my goodness, yes, I need Lisa and her family there with us; I’ll call her in the morning and see if she can meet me at the beach to talk. It’s going to be a bittersweet conversation; this is going to both thrill her and break her heart at the same time.”

  “I know sweetheart, and I’m so painfully sorry to bring this sort of pain into your life. I can only hold onto the hope that the joy and heartbreak will someday balance out and you will feel that our time, although altogether too short, was worth the pain.”

  “Billy, the absolute only thing I would change if I could is the knowledge that I’ll have to say goodbye to you so soon.”

  “I know baby” he whispered, “I know. Well, this is what I was thinking and feel free to tell me if you want to do anything different. I thought if Lisa is free tomorrow maybe the two of you could talk and then perhaps go and pick out a pretty dress for you and her as well as for the girls, she can grab a suit for Jimmy too if he needs one. We could meet up at some point during the day and run into city hall to get the license, and then the two of you can continue with any errands you might want to run.

  “I have an acquaintance who owns a function hall on Lucia Avenue. They have an intimate room downstairs, and since it is just the seven of us, we could have a nice little ceremony right there, and they can prepare a special

  dinner for us.”

  “Billy this is so painful, it should be the happiest day for us, but at the same time it is ripping my heart apart.”

  “Honey, we can’t dwell on that, think of all the amazing days we would have missed out on if I had focused on the end. We have weeks, maybe a month, maybe more, we simply don’t know. Let’s make this the most spectacular marriage.

  “There are thousands of families out there that without warning are losing loved ones as we speak. They never imagined that their last day together would be today. Just think of all the unspoken words and apologizes that will never be given or heard. So many people will never have the opportunity to speak or hear, “I love you.”

  Dear, we need to take this gift we’ve been given, the gift of each other and enjoy it to its fullest. We are no different than any of those other families, with one exception; we realize how precious time is.”

  “You are an amazing man,” she said with the deepest sincerity she could muster, “You are in and of yourself, a gift to me.”

  “Then we agree? Tomorrow we plan a beautiful wedding ceremony and share it with the most important

  people in our lives.”

  No words were necessary; she simply nodded and snuggled up to him on the couch.

  16

  SYSTEM DOWN

  Almost as an afterthought, Sherry asked, “Billy remember earlier you said I could ask you anything I wanted and you would be truthful with me?”

  “Yes,” he said with curiosity in his tone.

  “Well, forgive me if I’m prying, but there is one thing that I have wondered about for quite some time now. I understand that putting any stock in rumors is just about as useful as trying to catch water in a colander, but I can’t help but wonder.”

  “Out with it woman,” he laughed.

  “Okay, okay, did anyone ever tell you that you’re bossy,” she said with a ring of humor. “Well, I guess I’m just curious what it is you do when you lock yourself away in the office. I mean I don’t want to invade your privacy, I just find it hard to believe that you‘re still working on neighbors computers since no one ever comes by and you don’t deliver anything. Please just tell me to butt out if you don’t want to tell me.”

  Billy hadn’t planned on having this conversation this evening or anytime soon for that matter, but with the current state of his health he figured now was as good a time as any.

  “I promised you I would be truthful and I’m a man of my word, so that is what I’ll do. You’re right; I am no longer working on computers for my regular clients. I also didn’t financially secure my future by fixing simple computer glitches for local businesses. I have worked straight out of college for the government.”

  Sherry leaned back with a look of shock and disbelief, “The government” she repeated.

  “Yes, the government and before I say anything else I need to tell you that this was not kept a secret for any other reason than to assure the safety of the people I love.”

  Sherry looked concerned.

  Billy continued, “Let me clarify that, the programs I

  have designed for the government are not dangerous to anyone. I have however had my dirty little paws in the creation of almost every major program that monitors all forms of social media. I know they tell the public that their sites are secure, but that couldn’t be any more deceptive.”

  “Is that why you have tape over the camera lenses on all your computers?” she asked with a tone of curiosity.

  “Yes Sherry, I know it seems a bit paranoid but I have seen what information gets collected and I have no intention of being one of the little specimens under the watchful eye of the government or some low life hacker for that matter. I do believe that the majority of information collected is used for legitimate purposes however I don’t believe that that information is necessarily seen only by the intended eyes. I’m just not comfortable with the potential for personal privacy invasion.

  “Now despite being involved in the collection of this information, or I should say, in the software that makes it possible for this information to be collected, I have been working on a little side project of my own. As you know, I despise the way the general public, as well as big business; have become so mindlessly dependant on social media. I mean you type one question into your search engine
and bam your emails, and social media accounts get bombarded with marketing material that caters to your search. That’s not a coincidence Sherry. It happens because every single keystroke on your keyboard is directed to collect and target specific search content.

  “Now it would be bad enough if you searched for a car or washing machine and started to receive marketing for these items but what happens when someone searches for specific medical information? Who is getting that information? I don’t want to type something personal in a search engine, and then someone can connect that search with any of my other searches and be able to get an overall picture of my health, that’s my business.

  “Furthermore, I loathe the fact that society has lost its ability to communicate with one another. I mean the more social networks that pop up, the less social we become as a society. No one mails out invitations anymore or picks up the phone to invite friends and family to events. No, they jump on their computers or phones and send out a group invite which is so painfully impersonal.

  “Parents are so detached from the parenting role that it breaks my heart. Children not even old enough to walk are competing with these damn little gadgets for their parent’s attention. I have seen so many children tugging on their parents desperate to get a moment of their attention. However, the parents are so ridiculously distracted by updating their profile pictures or posting pictures of what they ate for lunch that these children get completely dismissed.

  “It just infuriates me. Well, I decided that I was in the unique position to put a hurdle in the path of this downward slide that humanity is riding. Now I realize there are people out there that are a lot smarter than I’ll ever be and it wouldn’t take them long to create a new means to the same end. I also appreciate all of the great things that we have accomplished with the use of technology.

  So I made a decision. “I created a program that is buried deep within every program I have worked on for the government as well as the private sector. I log in every week and update the launch date for this program. If I fail to log in and update that date for three weeks in a row the program will automatically launch on its own.”