Mended-Hearts

by Gordon, M. E.

  I’d never had to lie to Spencer before, not about something as serious as another man. I had lied about wanting to be with him, but he and I both knew the reasons I did that--Simon. How am I going to look at his face and not have it written all over mine? I only had two hours left before my day was over. This specific internship lasted from eight to three, so that I would be able to take the three classes that remained in order for me to graduate. I had two hours to get my act together before Spencer would be parked outside the library, waiting for me.

  I thought about calling him and telling him not to come pick me up today. But that would only raise red flags. I wanted to call Gia, ask her opinion, but that was out of the question. This morning, when I was getting ready, she came out of her room, got some coffee, and went right back in. I figured I’d give her a few days to cool off, and then I’d try to mend things.

  “You did a great job today, Elizabeth. Usually, the interns we get beg us for something more important to do, but I was pleasantly surprised with you. You seem to have your head on right. I like that.”

  “Thanks, Carmen. I know how lucky I am to have received this internship. My classes don’t start until mid-January. If you need me to, I can stay longer and help out wherever I’m needed.” Please let me stay. I don’t want to face my hot ass, hot tempered boyfriend right now.

  “I’ll keep that in mind, but it’s your first week. Don’t want to wear you out just yet. Have a good evening, and I’ll see you tomorrow at eight.”

  I walked out the front door, and there he was, leaning against his SUV. Shit, why does he have to look so good? He had his dress jacket on and a scarf wrapped around his neck, his dark hair blowing in the wind. He stood up from the car when he saw me walk out. It was then that I noticed the shift of people standing around him. The sea of cameras turned from him to me as I walked down the front stairs. Tomorrow, if he picks me up, it will be around back.

  I held on tightly to the bag over my shoulder as I walked closer.

  Spencer acted like the dozen people around him weren’t there. I loved his confidence. I, on the other hand, still wasn’t use to it. So I covered my face as the cameras went off around us. I was a few steps from the SUV when Spencer opened the door. I didn’t say anything to him, only smiled as I got in the car. He slid in beside me, closing the door.

  It was toasty warm inside as the driver drove off and away from the people clambering around.

  “So how was your first day?” he asked from beside me.

  I found myself fiddling with the bag on my lap to keep from looking over at him. “It was good.”

  “Tell me about it, what did they have you doing?”

  “Oh, nothing interesting, just boring intern stuff, that’s all.” I glanced up quickly to see him watching me intensely. His eyes were piercing me as I shifted in the seat.

  “Are you okay? You’re acting a little weird.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit overwhelmed. You know, first-day jitters.” I made sure to look at him this time. His beautiful eyes looked down at me, questioning. “How was your day?” I asked, trying to take the heat off of me.

  Spencer sat back in his seat, looking out the window. Suddenly, it seemed that I wasn’t the only one who was having an uncomfortable ride home.

  “Spencer, are you okay?”

  He turned back to me, a hint of anger etched in his brow. “I have to leave town for a few days. Something came up at home that I have to deal with.”

  “How long are you going to be gone?” The desperation in my voice was something that I couldn’t even begin to hide. I knew what his leaving was going to do to us, and I didn’t want to lose what we had, even if it had only been one weekend. It was my turn to be selfish and demand for him to stay.

  He reached over for my hand. “I don’t know. Hopefully, only a couple days.”

  I took my hand from the seat so he couldn’t touch me. “Well, you can’t go. Not now. I just got you--you can’t leave me.”

  “Trust me, I don’t want to, but I have no choice. I’m leaving tonight.”

  With as much money and as many people as has working for him, why couldn’t he just have someone else do this? Dammit! He can make me so angry. “You know who you sound like, right now? Simon. That’s the same shitty line he used to pull on me every time he had to ‘leave.’”

  “Don’t compare me to him. I am nothing like that asshole. What I am leaving for is going to protect you.”

  “Protect me? I don’t believe you. You’re lying again. If you really want to protect me like you say, then don’t keep secrets from me, Salvatore. Tell me the real reason why you’re going.”

  The atmosphere intensified. Neither one of us seemed to be willing to compromise, and the longer we were confined in that back seat, the more I wanted to smack him--and then kiss him. Ugh, he’s so frustrating. I never thought that arguing with someone could be such a turn on.

  “I told you, why I have to leave. I don’t think I need to repeat myself. If you’re that worried about my intentions, then come with me.”

  Go with him? To his home? Like to meet his family?

  “You know I can’t leave.”

  “Really, you can’t leave? Is something physically keeping you here? You plan on meeting up with Simon or something?”

  I was sure he meant for the comment to be passive but the minute he said it, I could feel the color drain from my face. My heart began to race in overtime. I tried to make a recovery but it was too late. He’d see my reaction.

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Elizabeth.” He ran his fingers through his hair and stomped his foot on the back of the seat in front of him hard enough I could feel the vibration.

  “Spencer, no. I’m not meeting him. I wouldn’t do that, not now.”

  “Oh, but maybe later on. Jesus, you talked to him today, didn’t you? That’s why you couldn’t look at me.”

  I sat silently as he stewed next to me.

  “You know that whole not lying and keeping secrets works both ways, Elizabeth.”

  He was right. I was just as bad as he was. I should have just told him. He would have understood.

  No. No, he wouldn’t. What am I saying? He would have freaked out, just like he’s doing right now.

  “I wanted to tell you, but I knew you would get angry, just like you are now. Sorry if I didn’t want to upset you.”

  I crossed my arms and turned to look out the window. I stared out the window wondering where in the hell were we going anyway, it certainly wasn’t to my place.

  The mound of tension beside me spoke up. “What did he want?”

  I turned back to see Spencer watching my every move. “You really want to know? I guess you can’t get any angrier than you already are. He was wishing me good luck on my first day. He apologized, told me he was blackmailed. Oh, and he told me he still loved me.” I glanced up at the roof of the car and thought hard before glaring back at him. “Yup, I think that was all.”

  Spencer waited a beat, before asking, “Do you?”

  “What, Spencer? Do I what? Accept his apology? Do I believe him? What do you want to know?”

  His elbows were on his knees as he bent over to rub his temples. “Do you love him?” he asked from the same crumpled position.

  “Spencer, I want to tell you no so badly. But I said I wouldn’t lie to you. I did love him, and as much as I want to make myself stop, I still care about him. Not like I care about you. It took me months and months to realize I was in love with him. It took me one weekend to realize that it was different with you. Shit, I was probably falling in love with you long before this past weekend. Spencer, I don’t think I can live without you. I don’t think I would be able to function without you. But I was able to function when Simon was gone. I should have known then that he wasn’t what I wanted, because the whole time I was with him, I was thinking about you. And when I’m with you, I don’t want anyone else.”

  I prayed that what I had just told him made sen
se. It sounded good in my head, and it was all true, every word of it. I felt freed telling him, I felt like a weight had been lifted.

  “I did something terrible when I was seventeen.” Spencer rose from his bent position and rested his back against the seat before going on. “Someone is poking around, trying to figure out what it is that I did. My father made sure to make it look like nothing happened, but whoever is digging around is getting close to figuring it out. If it does come out, there’s a chance I could lose everything, and that includes you. That’s why I have to leave.”

  Although it wasn’t a detailed explanation, I couldn’t deny that Spencer was trying.

  His cool blue eyes were asking me to trust him. “I was a different person back then. I don’t want you to know that part of me, not if you don’t have to.”

  “Spencer, you can’t keep trying to protect me from everything. Trust me, I can handle it. My past wasn’t daisies and happy-ever-afters, either. Everyone has a past. It makes us who we are. It took me a long time to understand that, but I wouldn’t be who or where I am today if it wasn’t for who I was back then.”

  I placed my hand on the middle of the seat between us, a peace offering of sorts. He accepted it and laced his fingers between mine. We sat in silence, letting all that had been said sink in. He began removing his fingers from between mine. Then his long thick fingers wrapped around my wrist. He squeezed it tightly then moved them to my elbow. Pulling me across the seat and closer to him, he grasped the back of my neck, urging me toward his face.

  “The truth is, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” he confessed. “Please, let me handle this my way. Maybe one day, I will find the courage to tell you but right now, I can’t do that to you.”

  “Truth?” I asked.

  He smiled, shaking his head at me.

  “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, too.”

  I smiled up at him as he too smiled back. “Did we just make this ‘love’ official?” I giggled at the thought of an equal exchange of feelings between the two of us. For the first time, there was no guilt in the word love like there had been in the past with Simon. I was falling hard--no, I had fallen and I was in love with Spencer.

  Spencer nodded. “I didn’t know we had to, but if you must put a label on it, yes, we are officially in love.”

  The ‘want-a-be’ detective in me wanted to keep prying but, I didn’t have the strength. I just wanted to be held after a long day of card cataloging. I think my paper cuts have paper cuts.

  Another hour in the car, and we finally made it to our final destination--the airport.

  I hadn’t expected him to be leaving now. I sat up to look at him. “You’re really leaving, this isn’t a joke?”

  Kissing the top of my head, he held my hand tightly. “You can still come with me. I may, or may not, have your underwear packed.”

  I gasped as I let go of his hand to punch his shoulder. “I can’t call out the second day of my internship, and you actually brought my underwear with you?”

  Spencer’s deep laugh filled the vehicle. “I could call for you, say you’re sick.”

  Yeah, love sick and stupid. I sat, back crossing my arms. “Okay, and then what do I say to them when they see me on the news looking healthy and glowing in the Las Vegas sun.”

  He winked. “Librarians really keep tabs on celebrities? I think you’d be safe.”

  “Ha-ha, very funny. Not all librarians are old and grouchy. I’m sure as hell not.”

  At least he was smiling, even if it was at my expense. “No, you are certainly not old--maybe sarcastic, stubborn, and only a little grouchy.”

  “That’s not true. I’m not grouchy! You’re the grouch. Are you sure you’re not the old grouchy librarian, because you have both mastered.”

  “Old, huh? I’ll show you old.” Lunging over, he grabbed me around the waist and, pinning me down on the seat, kissed up and down my neck. The next thing I knew, I was ripping his jacket off and the divider in the SUV was going up. I grabbed his tie and yanked him down for a kiss.

  I had never felt such passion as I did when I was with Spencer. I wrapped my legs tightly around him dragging our hips together. His pants bulged with anticipation as he rocked between my legs. I ran my hands down his muscular back, un-tucking his shirt. My restless hands clawed at his stomach and chest.

  “Sit up.” His voice was stern as he whispered in my ear.

  I sat up as he backed off me, but only for a minute. He had pulled my jacket and blouse off before I was even in a full sitting position. Thank god for tinted windows.

  Spencer’s hands went straight for my skirt and hiked it up. I quickly scooted back and pulled it down again. This--what’s happening right now--is typical, Beth. I flattened my hand over my more-than-natural stomach. Damn you, spanks! How sexy--not! Oh, shit. I can see the bulge in his pants. I needed him so badly. No! I yelled at myself. He cannot see me in spanks. It’s not going to happen, not as long as I’m breathing.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked, curiously.

  “I’m...I...umm...don’t have the proper attire on right now.”

  “I know, you don’t. Why is that a problem? I’m trying to help you out of the rest of this very inappropriate outfit. You clearly have too much on.”

  His hand slid up between my skirt and thigh. I instantly ripped his hand out.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked.

  “Yes!” I covered my lap protectively with my hands and cringed as Spencer stared at me in amusement. “I mean no!” I pointed at him but quickly covered my lap again when his eyes went to my goodies. “You’re the one who’s--”

  “Elizabeth,” he sighed. “I don’t care what I have to do to get you out of that skirt, but I can promise you I will have it off you in the next minute, so get over whatever it is that’s bothering you. My flight leaves in thirty minutes, and I’m not leaving this car till I fuck you.”

  Okay, maybe I can let that whole, never seeing me in spanks thing go--thought about it and--nope, not letting it go. “Fine, just turn your head and close your eyes.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “As a heart attack, now turn around.”

  Sighing Spencer reluctantly turned to face the window and closed his eyes. “What are you doing anyway?”

  I tried to pull the tight spanks off as quickly as I could.

  “Why is the SUV rocking?”

  Shit! These things are glued on. “Everything’s fine, just keep your eyes closed!” Leaning back and thrusting my ass in the air, I finally managed to pull them down and off. I shoved them deep into my purse. Mental note: clean out your purse--again.

  I fixed my skirt and fluffed my hair. “Okay, you can turn back around.”

  He did so and glanced around to see what could have changed in the confines of the once-rocking vehicle. Luckily, he got over it quick and went right back to pulling my skirt up and moving me so I could straddle him.

  “You never cease to amaze me,” he quipped.

  He leaned forward, and I would have almost fallen off his lap if his hand wasn’t firmly on my lower back. He held me there for a second as he ravished my neck and collar, his lips finally placing soft kissing along the top of my cleavage. When he pulled me back toward him, I smiled down at him. Those beautiful blue eyes seemed to see into my very soul. He took a second to look down and away from me, and, when I followed his gaze, I saw my flesh-colored spanks in his hand.

  I ripped them from his hand and hid them behind my back. “Spencer!”

  I wanted to die. Right now, I want to run as fast as I can and hide under my covers. I lowered my head, as a single tear escaped without permission, and landed on Spencer’s pants. I can’t believe he--no, I can. He’s a control freak.

  “Elizabeth, look at me.”

  “No. I can’t,” I said, refusing to let him see the shame I knew was written all over my face. “Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”

  I went to move off him, but his hands held
me tightly against him. Unfortunately, I wasn’t going anywhere. Oh god, another stupid tear.

  Typical. Only my fantasy of having sex in the back of a chauffeured car would end this way. I felt his hands on either cheek as he wiped away the next untamed tear. He tilted my head up but I kept my eyes, looking down.

  “Look at me. Please.”

  I let my eyes drift up to his face.

  “I’m sorry. You had me intrigued, as usual, Ms. Monroe.”

  “Well, you should have just kept your grubby hands out of my bag. I was only trying to protect you.” I threw his line back at him, but only caught a smile on his face.

  “From what? A deadly pair of underwear? I hardly think they would have hurt me.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him again. “No, maybe not, but it would have hurt me. It does hurt me. I’m not--Spencer, I’m not a super model. Not everything’s perfect.”

  Oh, God, are we actually having this conversation?

  “Wait, you’re not a model?” he asked, sitting back in his seat, looking all cute and confused.

  “This isn’t funny, Spencer, not to me.” I hit his shoulder in frustration. “I might seem like I have my shit together, but I’m a mess inside, especially with you. Look at you--you’re beautiful, and I’m just some silly girl who actually thinks her size-twelve ass deserves to be with you. I’m crazy. I really think I’m going crazy.”

  He held my chin between his finger and thumb and made me look at him. His lips gently found mine. The heat that had been radiating off of us was enough to steam up the windows. His velvet tongue slid over my lips as he pulled me tightly against his hard body.

  “Don’t ever talk like that again. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. You are beautiful, and I don’t give a fuck what you wear. It’s what you don’t wear that I love.”