Uncertain Destiny

by Carole Mortimer

  As soon as the kitchen door closed behind them Sonia and Caroline were in each other’s arms.

  ‘I never realised— I thought I was very ungrateful— Do Mummy and Daddy know?’ Caroline groaned at what a fool she had been all her life.

  ‘I’m sure they know how you felt, yes,’ Sonia nodded emotionally. ‘But they knew you would feel worse if they spoke to you about it. Do you know that when we were younger Simon and I always envied you? Yes, we did,’ she insisted at Caroline’s sceptical look. ‘We never thought it was fair that you had been especially chosen by Mummy and Daddy and we had just been born to them!’ her sister told her ruefully. ‘It was only when we got older that we realised perhaps you didn’t see it that way.’

  She shook her head. ‘I suppose children always want what isn’t theirs; I wanted to be Mum and Dad’s, and you and Simon wished you could be adopted so that you could be “special”, too!’ She sighed ruefully. ‘I think it’s mainly due to Mum and Dad’s sensible loving that we’ve turned out as level-headed as we have.’

  Sonia hugged her again before stepping back. ‘You’re going to be just as sensible with your baby, you’ll see.’ She began to tidy up. ‘And Justin is such a nice man, he deserves to be happy this time.’ She ran the steaming hot water into the sink, putting in the plates to soak.

  It took a few seconds for what she had said to sink in, but once it did Caroline stared at her back with puzzled eyes. This time?

  She swallowed hard. ‘I’m glad you and Tony like him so much,’ she answered dazedly. This time?

  Sonia turned to give her a brief smile. ‘Once you get past the surface coldness you can’t help but like him. And I suppose it’s only natural that he should have built up defences after what happened,’ she chattered on.

  ‘Yes,’ she agreed hollowly. After what happened? She had completely lost her grip on this conversation, had no idea what Sonia was talking about.

  ‘I know how unhappy I would be if anything happened to Tony and me.’ Sonia shook her head. ‘And she could only have been young,’ she added sadly. ‘It seems such a waste.’

  The evening had been too long, been too fraught with tension already; Caroline swayed tiredly as she tried to make sense of the conversation. It had something to do with Justin’s past, of that she was certain, but the little he had told her himself, about his childhood, his parents’ death, didn’t include any ‘she’. Except the Penny he spoke of in his dreams. Could this puzzling conversation have anything to do with her?

  ‘It must have been a terrible time for Justin,’ Sonia continued, completely unaware that Caroline had no idea what she was talking about as she did the dishes without looking round.

  ‘Yes,’ Caroline agreed again, desperate to know what she had so far been afraid to ask Justin, fearing the end of their marriage if she did.

  ‘But now he has you.’ Sonia turned to smile at her. ‘He has a whole new life with you and the baby you’re expecting. He already seems so much more—relaxed than he did when the two of you were first married.’ She resumed washing the dishes. ‘I hope you didn’t mind Tony telling me about the death of Justin’s first wife.’ She frowned. ‘It’s such a private thing, really, but Paula told Tony, and so Tony told me…I just—’

  Caroline was no longer listening to her sister’s chatter. Justin had been married before!

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CAROLINE hadn’t wanted to look at it, hadn’t wanted to see the indisputable proof which told her that not only had Justin lied to her about believing in love, he had also not told her of his first wife, a woman he had loved.

  She hadn’t seen their marriage certificate since Justin had slipped it into his pocket after their wedding, but there under the marital status column for Justin was the word ‘widower’!

  Caroline didn’t know how long she had been staring at it, feeling completely numb. Widowers were elderly gentlemen, men who had lived a lifetime with the woman they loved, not men of Justin’s age who hadn’t had a life at all! She couldn’t think how she had missed this tangible evidence on their wedding day, except that she had been so ecstatically happy that day she hadn’t really seen anything at all except Justin.

  She had somehow managed to get through the last of the previous evening, agreeing eagerly when Justin suggested they leave shortly after she and Sonia returned from the kitchen. And if Justin had noticed that she was a little quieter than usual he had obviously put it down to a reaction to Paula’s bitchiness, also seeming to understand when she had been the one to suggest she was too tired for lovemaking.

  She had barely slept, still too numb from what Sonia had unwittingly revealed to her, too stunned to confront Justin for the truth just then. But this morning, after he had left for work, she had found their marriage certificate locked away in Justin’s desk along with his other private papers—although a heartbreaking search had revealed no previous marriage certificate for Justin. To Penny.

  Penny had to have been Justin’s first wife; it was too obvious not to be the truth. And if, as Caroline suspected, Penny was also the reason Justin had had a vasectomy, preferring not to have any children at all if they couldn’t be the children of the woman he had loved, then it would mean the end of their marriage. While she had still held out hope that Justin would eventually come to love their child, she had been willing to try anything to keep their marriage intact, but she wouldn’t—couldn’t—subject her child to a lifetime of rejection by its father because it wasn’t the child of the woman he had loved. That would be a cruelty to them all.

  She felt for Justin, knew he must have suffered terribly after his first wife’s death, even sympathised with his decision not to allow love into his life again. But there had been so many things he had never told her about himself that she was beginning to wonder if they had ever really had a marriage. Marriage had to be more than pleasing each other in bed! Where was the sharing, the confiding, the trusting?

  She felt betrayed, deeply let down, was hurting so badly she wanted to cry and never stop. But the tears wouldn’t come, and neither would the release from the numbing pain. Only Justin could help her now, and she doubted that he would want to, not in the way she needed to be helped. For that he would have to tell her he no longer loved Penny; and she knew that wasn’t true. He would have to tell her he wanted the child she carried; and she knew that wasn’t true either.

  The dream that had begun so fragilely now seemed set to shatter into irretrievable pieces.

  It wasn’t the ideal time for Don Lindford to pay his return call, but when Mrs Avery came into the living-room later that day to tell her he was outside in the hallway she knew she would have to see him, if only to tell him how sorry Justin was to have missed him the last time he called.

  ‘Mr Lindford.’ She rose smilingly to greet him, doing her best to put aside her despair at least for the duration of his visit.

  ‘Don,’ he gently reproved, taking the hand she held out to him.

  He was just as charmingly handsome as ever, slightly more tanned than he had been the last time she had seen him, but then Justin had said he had been out of the country. After the typically British summer they had just had he would have had to have been to have acquired a tan at all.

  ‘Don,’ she returned. ‘Won’t you sit down?’ she invited politely, sitting in the chair opposite his as he did so. ‘I’m afraid Justin isn’t here again,’ she explained apologetically.

  ‘So I understand.’ He nodded slowly.

  ‘He will be in his office all of this afternoon though, if you would like to—’

  ‘I can’t, I’m afraid,’ he said regretfully, his brown eyes warm, his sandy-coloured hair slightly ruffled from the breeze outside. ‘I just called in on the off-chance on my way to the airport.’

  ‘You’re going away again?’ Her eyes widened. She didn’t know why she had, but she had presumed Don Lindford was a lawyer like Justin; if he were he had some very strange clients to need to go out of the country so much. ‘Justin tr
ied to contact you after your last visit,’ she explained at his questioning look, ‘but apparently you were out of the country then, too.’

  He smiled. ‘Didn’t Justin tell you I’m in the import/export business?’

  ‘No.’ That explained so much!

  ‘It can sometimes make me—elusive,’ he added enigmatically.

  ‘That’s what Justin said,’ she acknowledged ruefully.

  ‘Did he?’ Don chuckled. ‘He knows me so well.’

  ‘It would seem so.’ She returned his smile ruefully. ‘I gather the two of you have been friends for a long time.’

  ‘And I gather,’ he said teasingly, ‘that the “pack” is about to increase by one. It is just one, isn’t it?’ he prompted mischievously.

  Because she was so naturally slender her pregnancy had begun to show almost immediately, and now at four months she had a definite ‘bump’ to clearly reveal her condition.

  ‘As far as we know,’ she said drily.

  ‘Your brother and sister are twins, aren’t they?’

  Her eyes widened. ‘How did you know that?’ she asked curiously.

  He frowned, shrugging. ‘Someone must have mentioned it,’ he dismissed. ‘Justin’s unexpected marriage to you caused quite a lot of gossip at the time, you know,’ he added teasingly.

  ‘I can imagine,’ she acknowledged disgustedly; how much more speculation it would cause if their marriage came to an abrupt end! ‘I can’t bear gossip,’ she snapped impatiently.

  ‘Most of it was from jealous women who would have given anything to be in your place,’ Don pointed out.

  Like Paula. ‘I can understand that,’ she accepted heavily. ‘Can I offer you a drink this time, Don?’ She gave a wan smile.

  ‘Afraid not,’ he answered ruefully. ‘I really am, literally, on my way to the airport. But I’ll take a raincheck, though, for the next time I come to see Justin.’

  ‘Perhaps he’ll even be here next time.’ She sighed. ‘The weekend is really the best time to find him at home,’ she advised.

  ‘Right.’ He stood up. ‘It’s been nice meeting you again, Caroline.’

  ‘And you.’ She walked out to the door with him. ‘You must come to dinner when you return from your trip abroad.’

  His grin widened. ‘As soon as Justin feels up to sharing the company of his wife!’

  Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. ‘He’s looking forward to seeing you again, I can assure you.’

  ‘We’ll see,’ Don said non-committally.

  ‘Where are you off to?’ Caroline enquired politely.

  ‘A few days here, a few days there.’ He shrugged dismissively. ‘In my business you’re never quite sure where you’re going to be tomorrow.’

  ‘Obviously.’ She gave a rueful smile. ‘Well, I wish you success on this latest business trip.’

  ‘Thanks.’ His gaze was warm. ‘And you take care of your wolf and cub, OK?’

  ‘OK.’ She laughed softly.

  His fist lightly grazed her jaw. ‘Justin is a very lucky man,’ he murmured admiringly.

  Her eyes were suddenly shadowed. ‘I’ll tell him you said that.’

  Don straightened, looking at his narrow gold wrist-watch. ‘You do that,’ he nodded absently. ‘I have to dash if I don’t want to miss my plane,’ he said regretfully.

  Caroline turned slowly away from the closed door once he had left; she would make sure she didn’t forget to tell Justin about his visit this time! It was unfortunate that they kept missing each other.

  She couldn’t help wondering if part of Don’s initial surprise at finding Justin had married her was because he had known Penny, known how much Justin loved the other woman.

  ‘Has Mr Lindford gone?’

  She drew in a deep breath before raising her head to look at Mrs Avery, frowning deeply as she saw how worried the other woman looked. ‘What is it, Mrs Avery?’ she asked, voicing her own concern at how pale the elderly woman looked. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘I’m not really sure.’ The housekeeper shook her head. ‘Mr de Wolfe told me that if ever Mr Lindford called again I was to telephone him straight away and let him know. But—’

  ‘What on earth for?’ Caroline was puzzled now: did Justin want to see the other man so much, and was he afraid she would once again forget to tell him of his visit?

  ‘I don’t know,’ the older woman returned, ‘but I did just as he asked, and now Mr Lindford’s left before Mr de Wolfe returned, and—’

  ‘Justin is coming home?’ Caroline was even more puzzled.

  ‘Yes. But I—’ The housekeeper broke off as she heard a key put in the lock.

  Caroline stared at Justin in some surprise, although she had known it had to be him; she had never seen him quite so distraught before, his hair looking as if he had run his fingers through it many times, his face pale beneath naturally dark skin.

  She also knew he must have driven as if the devil were at his heels to get home in the short time since Mrs Avery must have called him. What on earth had made him so upset about Don Lindford’s visit that he had risked having an accident in this way?

  ‘Where is he?’ His voice was grim.

  ‘Justin—’

  ‘Where is he, Caroline?’ He prompted in a fiercely hushed voice.

  ‘He’s gone. But—’

  ‘Damn!’ Justin slammed his clenched fist against his thigh. ‘Damn him!’ He closed his eyes in frustrated anger.

  ‘Justin.’ She shot a pointed glance in Mrs Avery’s direction, the poor woman looking more bewildered than ever. As she was. But she wasn’t about to satisfy her curiosity out here in the hallway; she and Justin had too much to discuss for that.

  He relaxed only slightly, attempting to give the housekeeper a reassuring smile. ‘Thank you for calling me so promptly,’ he told her gently. ‘Could Mrs de Wolfe and I have some tea in the lounge now, please?’

  Mrs Avery seemed glad of something to do and hurried off to her kitchen, where her pots and pans didn’t cause her half so much worry as the two humans she worked for.

  Caroline turned back to Justin. ‘Perhaps now you wouldn’t mind telling me what all that was about?’ she said irritably, disturbed by the way Justin had burst in here asking for the other man.

  He sighed. ‘Let’s go through to the lounge,’ he suggested firmly.

  She preceded him into the room in tight-lipped frustration, even though she realised they couldn’t carry out their conversation in the hallway.

  ‘Really, Justin,’ she turned to him impatiently as soon as they were in the privacy of the lounge, ‘why on earth did you rush home in that way just to see Don Lindford? Or was it just to see him? She frowned suddenly. ‘You didn’t think I was attracted to him, did you?’ She was horrified at the thought.

  ‘Of course not,’ Justin grated abruptly. ‘Damn it, Caroline, I—what did he want?’ he demanded, his gaze narrowed.

  ‘To see you again, of course.’ She moved restlessly about the room.

  ‘Caroline.’ He spoke slowly, worriedly. ‘Hasn’t it ever occurred to you that Lindford calls at very strange times if he expects to find me at home?’

  She ceased her pacing, looking at him questioningly. ‘Well, yes, of course it has,’ she confirmed hesitantly. ‘But last time he just called on the off-chance, and this time he said he was on his way to the airport and thought he would just drop in—’

  ‘The airport?’ Justin echoed sharply. ‘He’s going out of the country again?’

  She nodded. ‘So he said. He said he’s in the import/export business, so I—’

  ‘Did he indeed?’ Justin snorted derisively. ‘I doubt very much—’ He had come to an abrupt halt next to the tiny table that stood beside the chair Caroline had been sitting in earlier, and slowly picked up the folded piece of paper there. He shot Caroline a puzzled look as he held their marriage certificate in his artistically slender hands.

  Caroline stiffened. She had left the certificate out, intending to talk to Ju
stin about his previous marriage, only they had become side-tracked by the subject of Don Lindford. Now she felt like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Which was ridiculous. It was their marriage certificate, for goodness’ sake! And she wasn’t the one who had been keeping secrets…

  ‘There’s no need to look at me like that,’ she snapped defensively, her nerves strung out to breaking point. ‘It’s our marriage certificate.’

  ‘Yes?’ he prompted calmly—too calmly!

  ‘I wanted to see it!’

  ‘Obviously.’ Justin nodded, his gaze narrowed on her in slow speculation.

  Caroline sighed. ‘I think you can guess why,’ she bit out impatiently, hating being made to feel on the defensive like this, feeling very much as she had at their first meeting when she had felt at such a disadvantage by his blunt honesty.

  ‘Guess why you went into my desk, looked through the papers there?’ he queried pleasantly. ‘Actually, no,’ he said harshly. ‘I can’t imagine why you would feel this sudden urge to see our marriage certificate. Perhaps you doubted its legality?’ he derided harshly. ‘Or maybe you were just hoping there had been some sort of mistake?’

  ‘Why on earth would I hope a thing like that?’ she gasped in a pained voice.

  He shrugged broad shoulders. ‘Things have always been strained between us,’ he grated. ‘Maybe you realise this marriage wasn’t such a good idea after all.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Is that the way you feel about it?’

  ‘We weren’t discussing me,’ Justin said abruptly.

  She gave a ragged sigh. ‘Of course I don’t want to end our marriage,’ she dismissed impatiently. ‘I just—I wanted to see our marriage certificate. I—something Sonia said last night made it—necessary,’ she finished awkwardly.

  He stiffened warily, suddenly tense. ‘Something Sonia said?’ he repeated softly.

  Caroline swallowed hard, her heart fluttering nervously now that she could no longer put off discussing the fact that he had been married before. ‘She mentioned your first marriage,’ she told Justin in a rush, colour burning her cheeks at the same time that his seemed to pale. ‘Quite—casually, innocently.’ She shrugged awkwardly. ‘She thought I already knew, you see,’ she added emotionally, wishing she could remain calmly in control, but the subject was still too new to her for her to cope with it in the way she had all the other surprises her marriage had revealed.