Wanderlust

by Roni Loren

  She frowned but nodded. “I understand. But know that if there’s ever a spot open here, you’re welcome to come back.”

  Aubrey crossed the room and gave the diminutive woman a hug. “Thanks, I’m definitely going to miss seeing y’all.”

  Before Jordana could respond, Aubrey’s phone intercom buzzed loudly. “Aubrey, are you still here? There’s a guy from Wanderlust on the line for you.”

  Aubrey froze, and Jordana gave a slow, told-you-so smile.

  “Brittany, Aubrey will take the call.” Jordana grabbed Aubrey’s shoulders and spun her toward her desk. “Go.”

  ***

  Lex reclined with his feet propped on the hotel room’s desk while he stared out over the sun-drenched Vegas strip. He chewed his pen cap absently, trying to think of the next lyric for the song he had started on the quick plane ride over. “What rhymes with hollow?”

  Jared groaned. “Dude, seriously? We’ve got the tracks laid down for the album. We don’t need any more songs right now. Give it a rest. This is supposed to be your birthday trip.”

  Lex dropped his feet onto the floor and swiveled around in the chair to glare at Jared.

  Jared rolled his eyes and sank onto the bed. “Swallow?”

  “You would think of that one,” Lex said wryly. He tapped the pen against his teeth and then brightened. “Sorrow. That could work. Or wallow. That’s better.” He scribbled on the notepad in front of him.

  Jared grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels. “Man, you’ve got to break out of this. The album’s done. Sean’s alive and out of rehab. The tour’s planned. Why can’t you relax and celebrate? You’re like the definition of buzzkill.”

  Lex wanted to answer him, wanted to say that since he’d left Aubrey in that hospital room, he’d felt like shit. But he bit his tongue. Jared wouldn’t get it. Hell, he didn’t really get it himself. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. He’d picked up the phone to call her but knew he had nothing worth saying. Nothing had changed with his situation. He wasn’t the guy who could offer her what she wanted. For all he knew, she was wrapped up in that shithead Gray’s arms right now.

  His fist clenched and crushed the paper in his hand. Love songs weren’t going to do him any good. “You know, Jared, you’re right. It’s my birthday weekend. Screw it.”

  Jared turned away from the porn station he had landed on and gave him a wide grin. “Fuck, yeah. Now you’re talking.” He pointed at Lex. “I know exactly what you need.”

  “Oh, really?”

  Jared slapped his hands on his thighs and hopped off the bed. “Rest up, my friend. When the sun goes down, we’re doing Vegas. Wanderlust style.”

  Lex waited for the door to click shut behind Jared. Then he collapsed onto the bed. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of the ridiculous porn movie that Jared had most definitely charged to Lex’s room, and made a decision.

  Tonight, he would forget about Aubrey Bordelon for good. Somehow.

  Chapter 15

  Aubrey sipped her chocolate shake, hoping a good brain freeze would halt her racing thoughts. She uncrossed her legs, changed her mind, crossed them again. She fiddled with the strap of her yellow sundress. She glanced at her watch for the umpteenth time.

  He was ten minutes late. Maybe she should go.

  The waif of a waitress stopped at her table. “Are you ready to order yet, ma’am?”

  Her stomach grumbled in response. She hadn’t eaten anything before getting on the plane. “Um, not yet, I’m waiting for someone.”

  The girl lifted her eyes toward the packed restaurant and gave her a tight smile. “Okay, I’ll check back with you in a few minutes.”

  Aubrey bent her head and sipped her shake again, keeping her eyes focused on the entrance. Maybe she should bail. She’d gotten the call from him less than twenty-four hours before and had made the decision to come to Vegas without giving it enough thought. All she could think about during the phone call was the big fat opportunity. She’d known that it would be difficult to be near Lex again, but she trusted herself. She had moved on. She was heading forward.

  Then her mother had to go and screw everything up. Aubrey had called her simply to let her know that she was going out of town for a few days and to ask her to check her mail. Of course, even though her mother had made progress since their chat in the hospital room, she hadn’t had a lobotomy. She insisted on details—where was she going, why, with whom. When Aubrey told her the bare basics, Del insisted on meeting her for coffee under the pretense of having something for her. Over café au laits and pastry, her mother handed her a card with Aubrey’s name on the front.

  “Mom, I’m only going for a few days. I’ll be back before I head out for good. No need for going-away cards yet,” she’d told her.

  Her mother had shaken her head and frowned. “As if my handwriting would be that appalling. Really, Aubrey. It’s not from me. That musician dropped it in the trash at the hospital after he visited you. I figured you’d want to have it before going.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “He visited me?”

  Del shrugged. “Seems so.”

  Aubrey didn’t know how to feel about the information. She had spent every day since the accident trying to forget about Lex. Did she really want to read the card when there was no possibility for a relationship anyway? He clearly had changed his mind about giving her the note. Wouldn’t reading what he chose not to tell her just make it hurt all over again?

  “Why are you giving this to me now?”

  Her mother stared down at her coffee, stirring the sweetener into oblivion. “Because maybe he didn’t want to throw it away. And if you’re going to possibly see him, you should know what he was too afraid to tell you.”

  “What if it says to go to hell?”

  She lifted her gaze, the prim lines of her face softening. “What if it doesn’t?”

  Aubrey had held the card for the first two hours of the plane ride, tapping it on her knee, staring at the handwriting, shoving it in the magazine pocket on the seat in front of her only to yank it out again. The man next to her had given her a wary look then had shifted his weight more toward the aisle as if to signal the stewardess: crazy person, seat twenty-two B.

  Aubrey hadn’t wanted to open it. She was over Lex. Done. So moving on. Of course, right after the pep talk, she ripped it open. The Get Well Soon card slipped out of the envelope. Her fingers shook as she opened it.

  Aubrey,

  I was a complete asshole. You saved Sean’s life by saying something. His problem is his. You just got caught in the crossfire. It wasn’t your place to tell. I’m sorry for everything I said and that I hurt you. The days I’ve spent with you have been some of the greatest I’ve ever had. I have to go back to L.A., but this isn’t good-bye. You owe me one. And you know how I am about bets.

  Lex

  Tucked inside the card was her napkin cheat sheet from the strip club.

  A booming voice interrupted Aubrey’s reverie. “Hey there. Sorry I’m late.”

  Her head shot up. She’d been so lost in thought that she’d forgotten her stakeout on the door. She smiled and stood.

  He opened his arms and enveloped her in a tight hug.

  “Sean, you look great,” she said into his shoulder. His fair hair was slicked back instead of spiked to high heaven, and if not for the tattoos peeking out the cuffs of his button-down shirt, he almost looked business-like.

  He released her and grinned broadly. “Thanks to you.”

  She waved off the thanks as they took their seats in the high-backed booth across from each other. “I’m just glad to see you’re okay.”

  He motioned for a waitress. “Me, too.”

  The waif hurried over, looking suspiciously more pleasant than the last time Aubrey had seen her. The girl gave Sean a smile so bright it could’ve
tanned his skin. “What can I get for you?”

  Sean ordered a burger and vanilla shake. Aubrey scanned the brief menu of the high-end burger bar. “I’ll go with the Classic.”

  After the waitress left, Sean leaned back in the booth and eyed her. “So you left your job?”

  “Yeah, yesterday was my last day.” She dug in her purse to silence her vibrating phone.

  “Did they, uh, fire you because of . . .” He seemed to be searching for a non-offensive way of saying it. “Because of what happened between you and Lex?”

  She cringed inwardly but kept her face impassive. “No, I quit. I needed a change.”

  The waitress dropped off Sean’s shake. He nodded in thanks and turned back to Aubrey. “So you’re going to freelance? Live article to article?”

  She bit her lip. The plan sounded so risky, hearing it from someone else. “In college, I wanted to be a journalist or a travel writer. See the world, you know? I kept putting it off for one reason or another. But after the accident, I realized that life is just too damn short. I’m single. My parents can take care of themselves. I need to live my life.”

  He attempted to sip some of the shake, frowned with effort, and then pulled out the straw to lick the thick cream off it. The corner of his mouth lifted in amusement. “So what you’re saying is you’ve developed a case of wanderlust?”

  She groaned as he laughed at his own terrible joke.

  “What?” He held out his hands, including his straw, which dripped vanilla shake onto the marble table.

  “Lame, Sean. Lame.”

  His shoulders bounced with his chuckle. “I thought that was pretty good.”

  “Don’t quit your day job for stand-up,” she advised.

  His goofy grin turned serious. “No worries. I’ve just gone through hell to keep my day job. I don’t plan on leaving it anytime soon.”

  “Rehab pretty rough?”

  “Rehab was a fucking cakewalk compared to detox and the cravings I fight every damn day.” He stabbed his straw into his shake again.

  Their burgers appeared in front of them. Sean seemed lost in thought, so Aubrey let his statement lie as she busied herself dressing her burger with condiments. They ate in silence for a few minutes.

  When it seemed as if he weren’t going to talk anymore, she broke the quiet. “Are you sure you’re ready to talk about everything publicly? If you’ve changed your mind, that’s okay.”

  He shook his head. “No, I’m ready. I didn’t drag you all the way out here to buy you a burger. After one of the dudes from my therapy group sold me out and leaked my secret, I knew I would have to talk about it eventually. I need to let the fans know what happened. Plus, I owe you my life. The least I can do is help the starving freelance writer get her first big paycheck. Everyone’s been after me to land this story, even Rolling Stone.”

  “Sean, please don’t do this because you think you owe me something. I did what any normal person would do. I should’ve done more, sooner . . .”

  He pointed his burger at her. “Shut up, eat, and accept thanks, Ms. Reporter,” he directed. “Then we’ll get this interview over with.”

  She saluted him and took an obedient bite.

  ***

  Aubrey kicked off her shoes and collapsed into her lush hotel bed, exhausted. The interview had gone well. No. Better than well. Sean had laid bare so many details of his descent into addiction that even the toughest person would’ve been moved. The information would make for an amazing story, one that would sell for more money than she’d expected to make in her first year as a freelancer.

  She grabbed a pillow, buried her face in it, and screamed, kicking her feet like an excited child. She really was going to able to do it now. Live her dream. Travel the country, maybe one day the world, eating the foods, meeting the people, checking out the little quirky things that made each city unique. She pictured herself strolling through unfamiliar streets, discovering all the best hole-in-the-wall places. Eating things she’s never tried.

  Eating alone.

  She removed the pillow from her face and blew out a breath, deflating. Why couldn’t she just enjoy the moment? She rolled over onto her side and pulled her knees up, staring out the window at the dusty mountains that stood guard over the strip.

  It was selfish to wish for perfect. She needed to be content with great.

  She closed her eyes, hoping it would be enough.

  ***

  A loud ringing blasted through the quiet whir of the hotel’s air conditioner, startling Aubrey from sleep. She groaned and swung a frantic arm around for an alarm clock, knocking over the phone in the process. The ringing stopped.

  “Dammit.”

  She rolled to the edge of the bed and searched for the phone through bleary eyes. She grabbed the handset finally and brought it to her ear. “Hello.”

  “Hey Aubrey, it’s Sean. Are you okay? Sounds like a wrestling match over there.”

  She flopped onto her back, cradling the phone. “I’m fine. I must’ve fallen asleep. I dropped the phone.”

  “Oh, sorry about that. But it’s time to get up anyway. You’re coming to dinner with us.”

  All dullness from sleep vanished instantly. She scooted into a sitting position against the headboard. “Oh, no, I’m not.”

  “Don’t worry, just with me and Pete. We’re not taking no for an answer. I’ll come by your room to get you in half an hour.”

  “Wait, Sean—” But she was talking to a dial tone. “Ugh.”

  Not only had he hung up on her, but he’d left her with only a half hour to shower and get ready. The restaurants in the hotel were far from jeans and T-shirt kinds of places. She would have to dress up. Within thirty minutes. Men.

  Sean, true to his word, showed up promptly at eight. He stood outside her door with a full grin, wearing black jeans and a dress shirt with a few buttons undone at the top—the rock-star version of dressy, she guessed.

  “Wow, you clean up good, Aubrey,” he said, taking in her pale green halter dress.

  She rolled her eyes. “No thanks to you and your ridiculous time limits. Whenever you get a girlfriend, you better make sure you give her more time to get ready.”

  He laughed. “Lucky for me, I don’t do the girlfriend thing, so no worries.”

  “Where’s Pete?” she asked, grabbing her purse and stepping into the hallway.

  “We need to go up a floor and meet him at his room,” he said, indicating the direction of the elevator. She led the way to the elevator and punched the number for the correct floor once she stepped inside. Sean slipped in and leaned against the wall. He crossed his arms over his broad chest and gave her a pointed look. “So why haven’t you asked me about Lex yet?

  She choked and tried to cover it up with a cough. Very smooth. “Why would I?”

  “Because that’s the question you’ve wanted to ask me all day?”

  He was right. “It is not.”

  He snorted. “Sure.”

  She crossed her arms, mirroring his pose. “We didn’t exactly leave things on a good note. I think it’s best the two of us let things lie.”

  “He was an ass to you because of me. Jared told me. Seems like all that should be water under the bridge at this point. Maybe you two should talk.”

  “What? You go to Betty Ford and now you’re a relationship counselor?”

  He smiled and the elevator dinged open. “After you. Second door on the right.”

  She blew past him, giving him a glare as she passed. She reached the door he had indicated and raised her hand to knock.

  Sean quickly caught up with her and grabbed her hand. “One sec. Before you do that. Just know that this isn’t Pete’s room. It’s Lex’s.”

  She yanked her fist from his grip and stared at him. “What the hell are you doing, Sean? I said I didn’t want to talk
to him.”

  “I know,” he said, frowning. “But I think you need to.” Before she realized what he was doing, he lifted his hand and banged on the solid wood. “Lex, man, open up. It’s me.”

  Aubrey tried to turn on her three-inch heels and march right back to the elevator, but her body froze. The thought of seeing Lex again glued her to the spot. Nervous energy rippled across her skin. This was it.

  The door cracked open and a dark-haired head peered out. The girl blinked at her. “Are you room service?”

  Aubrey could see past her into the room. The curtains were drawn but there was a lump of movement on the bed, along with the unmistakable sounds of pleasure. The girl pursed her lips together. “Where’s the champagne? Greta ordered it twenty minutes ago. Right?” she called out to the other girl, who was clearly busy.

  “Shit.” Sean grabbed the door handle and told the chick to get back in the room. He turned to Aubrey, but she was already propelling herself toward the elevator. “Aubrey, wait.”

  She didn’t stop, couldn’t.

  “Leave me alone, Sean. I’ll be eating dinner alone.” She jabbed the close door button repeatedly, shutting him out.

  Once safely entombed, Aubrey rested her forehead against the elevator wall and let the little hope that had remained for her and Lex’s relationship shatter into oblivion. He hadn’t just moved on, he’d doubled down and brought two girls back to his room.

  She felt sick.

  She felt dumb.

  She felt . . . lost.

  Chapter 16

  “Hit me,” Lex said, tapping his finger against the felt tabletop.

  The dealer placed another card in front of him, making his hand twenty-three.

  “Too many,” the woman said and swept away his cards.

  The guy on his left gave him a sympathetic smile. “Doesn’t seem to be your night, my friend.”

  “No shit.” Lex sipped his whiskey and then glanced at his watch. He had left his room an hour ago. He wondered if that had been enough time for Gunner to enjoy the birthday present from Jared.