Love Online

by Penelope Ward

  Ryder lay down, his hand still locked in. I curled into him. Lying in his arms—or arm—was heaven.

  We talked for a long while and laughed as he told me stories about some of the actors who’d starred in his father’s movies. He spoke a little about his quirky friend, Benny, who sometimes repeats whatever the person he’s talking to is saying before he answers.

  I told him more about my mom, how it was just the two of us for so many years until she met Javier, a young guy from Costa Rica who’d traveled here to study abroad. After he went back home, my mother found out she was pregnant. Ollie came along, and life was never the same.

  I also opened up to him about the day my mother was killed. Mom was hit head-on one night on the way home from work. Up until now, I’d never really divulged any of the specific details.

  The fact that we’d both lost our mothers was definitely something that bonded us. But Ryder had a father in the picture, whereas mine had never been around. My mother had been a super-talented musician, artistic and beautiful, but when it came to men, her judgment definitely left something to be desired.

  “There’s something I don’t think I ever mentioned about my mother,” Ryder said. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since I met Ollie.”

  “Ollie? Why?”

  “She died from ocular melanoma. It’s a tumor that forms in the pigment cells that give color to your eyes. It’s a very rare eye cancer. My mother actually went blind in one eye.”

  I covered my mouth. “Oh my God.”

  “Yeah. When I first met Ollie and found out he was blind, as you can imagine, I thought of my mother. And then I thought back to the song you were singing when we first met. That connection.”

  “That’s eerie, Ryder. But beautiful at the same time.”

  “I know. I’ve always felt like I was meant to meet you, Eden. But never more than now.” He stared into my eyes for a while. “Can I ask you to look for a bobby pin so I can free this hand? I really want to wrap both my arms around you.”

  I smacked my forehead. “Yes! Of course.” I’d totally forgotten he was stuck to the bed.

  After fifteen minutes of fiddling with the cuffs, I was finally able to get them off of him.

  As I released him, I thought about the irony of letting him go; I really had to learn how not to get attached to this man.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  * * *

  RYDER

  My last night in Utah came faster than I was ready for.

  I’d managed not to screw up and lose control with Eden thus far. But this was the last time we’d be together for a while. It would be a miracle if I could maintain my resistance.

  I knew she needed to see whether this could work before taking the next step with me. I couldn’t blame her, nor could I guarantee her anything at this point. I didn’t know exactly how we were going to make this work. I only knew I wanted to try.

  I’d ditched the hotel since the night I accidentally handcuffed myself to Eden’s bed. That next day, she decided to take the rest of the week off from camming until I left, which was a huge deal. I tried to convince her it was perfectly okay to continue working while I was here, but after we bonded in her bedroom that night, she vowed to focus on me until I had to go back to California. Even though I didn’t want her business to suffer, that meant a lot.

  We spent the entire Saturday, my last full day, with Ollie, taking him to this sound exhibit at the Science Museum and watching—or rather listening—to a movie. Then Eden made the most amazing lasagna, and she, Ollie, and I sat around at the table for a while after dinner.

  The mood had definitely been somber while we ate. The plan was for the three of us to hang out tomorrow at the house and have a lazy Sunday morning before I had to catch my flight back to California. The thought of leaving made my chest hurt.

  Eden and I had just tucked Ollie in and were settled into her room for the night. I’d poured two glasses of wine, and she put on some soft music. It might have been romantic, aside from the fact that all I could think about was sticking my head between her legs and giving her the best orgasm of her life. It was all I wanted to do. I’d been on my best behavior this entire trip, but man, in the eleventh hour when I knew I was leaving tomorrow, all I could think about was burying my face in her pussy. I really didn’t want to be good anymore.

  She sensed something as we were lying in bed. “What are you thinking?”

  “I don’t know if I should tell you. You might kick me out of here.”

  “Tell me.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes.”

  I rested my head in the crook of her neck and said, “Okay, then. I want to eat your pussy more than I want my next breath.” I looked up to gauge her reaction.

  Her entire face went flush, but I sensed it was in a good way as she bit her bottom lip and said, “Okay.”

  “Okay, as in, you’re down for it?”

  “Yes.” She scratched her fingers along my chest. “On one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I get to go down on you, too, while you’re doing it.”

  Eden’s face turned beet red. I knew she was no stranger to dirty talk because of her job, but man, I loved seeing her blush.

  “I’m pretty sure I almost just came in my pants, Eden. You can’t talk to me like that.”

  “Don’t come. Don’t waste it that way. I want you to come in my mouth.” Her face turned even redder.

  “Okay, that time I really almost lost it. You can’t say stuff like that to me.”

  I pulled her to me and let out an exasperated breath in her mouth.

  Fuck it.

  I needed this.

  We both needed this.

  She started to pull her shorts down as we kissed. I don’t think I’d ever unbuckled my pants so fast in my life. My inhibitions were dying with each second.

  Our kiss deepened as she fumbled with my jeans to pull them off. My balls ached. I was so ready for this.

  “Eden!” I heard from outside the door.

  She jumped up. “Ollie?” She grabbed her shorts and put them on before running to the door.

  Shit.

  I quickly pulled up my pants and fastened my belt. Despite the interruption, my dick was painfully hard.

  She opened the door, and Ollie was standing there holding his stomach.

  “I don’t feel so good.”

  Eden knelt down and placed her arms around him. “What’s wrong?”

  “My tummy.”

  “Do you feel like you’re gonna throw up?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Crap. Okay.” She stepped right into action. “Let’s go to the toilet.”

  Eden took him to the bathroom, and soon after I could hear the sounds of him hurling.

  Poor little guy.

  I walked over to the bathroom. “You need anything?”

  “No. He’ll be fine.”

  His head was halfway in the toilet bowl when he mumbled, “Hi, Ryder.”

  “Hey, buddy. I’m sorry you’re sick.”

  He slowly got up, and Eden led him over to the sink to wash his hands.

  “I normally sleep in his room when he’s sick,” she said.

  “Of course. Do what you need to do.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “Don’t be silly, Eden.”

  “Is Ryder staying the night?” Ollie asked.

  “Yeah. I didn’t feel like going back to the hotel.”

  “Can you sleep in my room with me instead of Eden?”

  She tried to intervene. “We don’t want Ryder to get sick.”

  “I’m not worried about that,” I assured her. “I haven’t thrown up since I was a kid. I really think I’m immune. I’d love to bunk with Ollie, keep an eye on him tonight.”

  “You don’t have to,” Eden insisted.

  Trying my best to make eye contact with her in the dark, I said, “I want to.”

  She kept looking at me,
as if she expected me to change my mind. “Are you sure?”

  “Positive.”

  I stole one last kiss from her before I took Ollie’s hand and followed him into his room. Despite not being able to see, he knew his way around the house really well. Eden had mentioned that being one of the reasons she couldn’t move, because it would be so difficult for him to adjust to a new layout.

  Eden followed us into his room with a large basin. “Keep this by the bed in case he vomits again.”

  “Got it,” I said as Ollie and I both lay down on his mattress.

  I reached for Eden’s hand before she left and squeezed it. She bent down to where we were lying and kissed me. I would have much rather been doing what we started in her bedroom, but I knew I was needed in here more.

  Things were quiet for a long while before I heard Ollie’s voice. “I can’t sleep.”

  I turned to him. “That’s probably because you’re thinking about it too much. Whenever I focus on not being able to sleep, I never can.” I leaned my chin on my hand. “How are you feeling?”

  “Still a little sick, but better after I threw up.”

  “Good.”

  Ollie let out some heavy breaths. I wondered if there was something more bothering him besides the insomnia.

  “What’s wrong, Ollie?”

  After several seconds, he finally answered me. “Are you really coming back?”

  It took me a moment to respond. “Yes. That I can promise, so long as your sister wants me to.”

  “I’m gonna miss you.”

  “I’m gonna miss you, too.”

  “Ethan said he’d be back to see me, but he never came back. I’m afraid I’ll never see you again.”

  Shit. How could I argue with him when his personal experience backed up the theory of my never returning?

  I let out a long breath and thought about how to best explain it. “Adult relationships are complicated, Ollie. I’m sure Ethan didn’t mean to break his promise to you. But maybe it was hard for him to see you without having to see your sister. When adults break up, things can be weird between them. Sometimes, it might make them sad to see the other person again, so while he probably wants to see you, it’s just too difficult with having to see Eden, too.”

  Despite my words, I didn’t believe this Ethan guy had any excuse for blowing Ollie off. He could have come back to see Ollie if he wanted to. He could’ve grown a sack and sucked it up for the poor kid’s sake. He could have found another way to keep in touch.

  “Are you gonna break up with Eden?”

  I wanted to assure him that wouldn’t happen, but Eden and I were not even technically together, and things were most definitely complicated—fully up in the air at this point. Honesty was going to be the best policy.

  “I don’t know what the future holds for your sister and me. Everything is still kind of new. But I can tell you I really care about her—a lot. And I know I’ve only known you for a few days, but I care about you, too.”

  After the words exited my mouth, I wondered whether I should have said them. But they were the truth.

  “I care about you, too, Ryder.”

  I smiled. “Thank you, buddy. I can’t predict what’s gonna happen. But I can choose to be honest with you always. I promise never to lie to you or tell you one thing and do another. And I can promise you this: you and I can always be friends, no matter what. I’m gonna give you my email and my phone number. You call me or write me whenever you want, okay?”

  “Really?”

  Be careful, Ryder.

  “Yeah. Of course. No reason we can’t keep in touch.”

  “Cool.”

  He was quiet for a while, but he was still fidgety. I started to move my lips, making my famous cricket sound.

  Cricket.

  Cricket.

  Cricket.

  Ollie jumped. “What’s that?”

  Trying not to laugh, I stopped just long enough to say, “I don’t know,” then kept going.

  He sat up. “Sounds like there’s a cricket in my room.”

  “It does.”

  “It stops every time you talk, though.”

  “It must not like my voice.”

  Cricket.

  Cricket.

  Cricket.

  “How are you doing that, Ryder?”

  It seemed I couldn’t pull one over on him. Eden had been able to see my lips when I tried it on her, and it still took her longer to figure it out than Ollie.

  “Who says I’m doing it?”

  “Duh. It’s obvious. But it’s really good.”

  I laughed. “Thanks, man.”

  “You should try it on Eden. I bet she’ll believe it.”

  “Already got her, dude.”

  He giggled. “Good.”

  We lay in silence for a bit. Then Ollie placed his hand on my chest, over my heart. It might have been a small gesture, but it felt significant. He was putting his trust in me.

  I hoped I deserved it.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  * * *

  RYDER

  Utah seemed like a dream now.

  I’d hopped the latest possible flight back to L.A. on Sunday evening so I could spend as much time with them as possible.

  Saying goodbye to Eden was hard as all hell, but I kept telling myself I’d return to St. George the next opportunity I had.

  That Sunday night, it felt strange being back in my big, empty house—in my big, empty bed.

  I longed for her even more now that I’d been in her presence. Eden and I never got a chance to explore anything sexually, and a part of me knew we were better off having waited, but I was dying inside, feeling like we had unfinished business I could hardly wait to get to.

  But then that voice inside my head told me to hold my horses, reminding me that Eden had made her concerns clear. She didn’t want to get involved with someone who would bail on her later. I still had a lot of thinking to do, so in many ways, it was a good thing I was back in L.A. for a while to clear my head.

  Still, the six days I’d spent with them had changed me. Anytime I looked at something interesting, I’d think about the fact that Ollie couldn’t see it. What once seemed like a necessity—sight—was actually a luxury. All of the superficial things we judge by looking at them were null and void in Ollie’s world. I found myself closing my eyes just to listen to the sounds around me, appreciating them so much more.

  ***

  Early Monday morning, I braced myself to face Lorena. I’d texted her from Utah to let her know everything was okay, that I’d found Eden alive and well. Since she was the only person who knew the true nature of my trip, I felt like I at least owed her that. I hadn’t given her any details, though. It was just too much to get into, so I’d decided to tell her in person when I got back.

  But how was I going to begin to explain everything to her? I was sure she had all kinds of crazy ideas floating around in her head about how my trip had gone. She’d probably envisioned me swinging from the ceiling, having salacious sex all damn week with my “nudie model.”

  Little did she know how far from the truth that was.

  Lorena had just put some coffee on when I walked into the kitchen.

  “Mijo, I’ve been dying to see you. This is all better than the telenovelas I watch. What happened with the girl?”

  I took a deep breath.

  Her eyes flitted back and forth over my face. “Wow.”

  “What?”

  “You’re, like, glowing or something.”

  “Glowing? I’m not a fucking pregnant woman. What do you mean glowing?”

  “I mean glowing. I don’t know how else to describe it. You seem like your face is lit up, like it’s a different color than I’ve ever seen before. What did she do to you?”

  I brushed my hand over my face in an attempt to wipe off this alleged glow. “Get your head out of the gutter. She did nothing. That’s the thing. We did nothing.”

  “No monkey business after all that?�
�

  “No. None. We just kissed.”

  “That’s kind of a shame. What happened?”

  Raking my fingers through my hair, I couldn’t help but laugh when I answered her question. “I got my ass fed to me by life. That’s what happened.”

  “What?”

  Lorena listened intently as I told her the entire story of my trip—from Ethan to Ollie.

  She shook her head. “This is the last thing I ever expected you to be telling me. Wow…a little boy.”

  “He’s such a great kid, but he’s seriously fearful of abandonment. That’s why I gotta be careful. You can’t play around with that shit. Eden’s last boyfriend stuck around for two years and then took a job in New York. Never came back. Ollie had gotten attached to him. I think he takes it personally that the douche doesn’t contact him anymore. That really sucks.”

  She gave me a warning look. “You don’t want that to happen again.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “It sounds like Eden’s got her plate full.”

  “Yeah. There’s not a lot of room for anything else.”

  “I bet she’d make room for you.” Lorena snickered.

  “She doesn’t think it could work, and I’m not sure I fully disagree.”

  “She doesn’t think you would want to make it work. If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

  I let that sink in for a bit. “Look, I know how she makes me feel, but that’s about all that makes sense in this scenario. My job is here. Her life is there. And then there’s Ollie.” I paused to reflect on the past week. “He’s…so clever. I told him we could keep in touch no matter what happens.”

  “Sounds like you’re already preparing him for the worst, as if you’ve already made up your mind.”

  “I don’t know what to do. All I know is I’m not ready to let her go.”

  “So you’ve made a decision to have some fun with her and let her go later?”

  The way she put that sounded so sucky. But was she right? Was I looking to have sex with Eden, have my fun, and then gently part ways when I finally got it through my thick skull that we couldn’t last?