The Desire to Touch

by Taylor, N

  “If you sit there you can play with your car,” I point to the seat diagonal from me, he slowly walks towards the seat but someone at the back of the restaurant drops some plates causing an almighty crash.

  The Man recoils in pain and holds his head shaking.

  “Ellie!” Lucas calls.

  I stand and speak slowly and calmly, “Its ok, it was just some plates breaking. Now I’m getting some chips and then I’m going to take them outside, walk down the road and sit in the park just down there.” I point to the park, the little piece of manmade tranquility amidst all the noise and over powering buildings of the area.

  A lady in a grey and white waitress uniform calls out my order whilst chewing a piece of gum, no doubt she’s been chewing all day. The waitress removes the pen from behind her ear and marks off the little ticket stuck to the packs, with a meaningless smile, she thrusts the cartons containing the fries at me.

  Lucas stops and looks at his watch, “Doll I got to run, I’ll take my food to go,” he calls to the waitress, “Are you going to be ok?” He eyes me suspiciously.

  “What more can happen? I’ll grab a bus back to the hotel that or a taxi whichever comes first.”

  “I’ll call you later,” he kisses my cheek and turns to wait for his food.

  I turn out of the restaurant and walk towards the little park, which has a few people dotted around eating their dinner and a few birds waiting for scraps to be thrown their way. I really am going to have to find out who he is or I will have to call the police, I look at my watch, its 6:00pm and I do not want to be out at dark.

  I find a bench and place one of the cartons on the end, then I move to the other end and sit, the man sits and begins devouring the fries.

  “I think someone might be looking for you, they must be worried don’t you think?”

  He turns his body away from me and continues to eat.

  Think Ellie, “what’s your name?”

  No answer.

  “Can I look in your bag?”

  He clutches his bag tighter into his chest and hunches his body over it, but still continues to eat down the chips – handfuls at a time. I open mine and bite into one and realise it’s too hot, dropping it to the floor.

  “Hey careful the fries are hot!”

  The man still does not respond.

  I blow on my next carefully picked chip, “I really need to know your name.”

  Again he does not answer me, shit, I am going to have to call the police and I don’t think that’s going to go down very well. Hang on numbers and cars he likes numbers too.

  “Do you have a telephone number I can call? Maybe to speak to a parent, anyone?”

  This man must be in his early thirties, he must have something on him but I know what will happen if I try to take his bag away from him, after giving the car back I don’t want to risk over exciting him anymore.

  “Please?”

  “718-555-4194,” he mutters.

  Shit, break through! Oh yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

  “Thank you, but what is your name?”

  As before the man has taken again to selective replies and I think I may have been lucky to get the information I have been given.

  Chapter Seven

  I stand up and walk over to the bin and throw my chips in, my hunger has gone now, I pull out my phone from my bag and dial in the number, I hope, I’ve committed to memory. Wait, what am I going to say, erm hi are you missing a man? I press call and wait for it to ring, its ringing, shit now I’m nervous.

  “Hello?” squeaks a panic-stricken high pitch voice.

  “Erm hi, I’m sorry to call but I…I’m with someone who gave me your number, he was just walking by the road and I-..”

  “Oh my, Julian, you’ve found Julian?”

  “I assume so, he won’t tell me his name.”

  “Oh my dear - thank you, thank you so much! Is he ok?”

  I look over at Julian to see him playing with his cars on the bench. “Yeah I think so, he’s had some chips and he’s currently playing with his cars.”

  “He’s ok,” I can hear the lady shouting to someone in the background, “Ok where are you my love? We’ll come and get him.”

  Damn, why don’t I know anywhere outside of the hotel very well? I scan around to see a landmark or street name, I spot a brightly lit sign pointing down to a diner – that’ll do.

  “Ok we’re in the Meat Packing District, do you know Mia’s Diner? We’ll sit in there and wait,” more food, great I may be able to eat this time!

  “Ok my darling, we’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

  I hang up and walk over to Julian, “I just spoke to your mum and she was very worried. She’s coming to get you now, so we have to go to the diner over there.” I point to the diner but he ignores me again, I take a deep breath, “Julian, come on let’s go get a drink.”

  I walk forward and I can hear him zipping up his bag, I glance around to check he hasn’t left any more cars behind. I carry on walking and I know my adoptive shadow is back and following my every move.

  Walking into the diner it’s pretty busy, there are people at every table and waitresses running around bussing tables like they are on roller skates. The noise is a few decibels above bearable for me and I look at Julian, the whole experience looks excruciating for him and he’s desperately hugging his bag trying to edge back out of this place. I run to the counter and throw my money on the side and order the two quickest drinks to go, the waitress passes me two bottles of drink, which I grab and run outside with Julian following.

  “Well, it was a bit busy in there, maybe we should go sit over here,” I point over at a bus stop where there doesn’t seem to be too many people for the time being. I lead the way and sit down, I place a drinks bottle next to me on the bench for Julian to take and he sits by me but doesn’t pick it up. There is a breeze in the air as the sun is disappearing quickly, feeling a little chilly I put my cardigan on.

  “Getting a bit cold now, are you warm enough?”

  I’m not expecting a reply but there’s always that little bit of hope that something will be said. I turn and look at Julian and slowly push the drink towards him but he turns away from it. There are people starting to gather around the bench now waiting for the next bus and the lull in the traffic has gone and it’s starting to get busier.

  Suddenly there are screeching brakes as a car pulls into the bus stop, I look up in shock and see this beautiful midnight blue Bentley, Julian stands as the driver side door opens and a man jumps out and runs around to confront him.

  “Julian what the fuck? You ran away from me again you…you…”

  I glare at the man and I realise its Trey, he looks really pissed, he takes a step towards Julian and grabs his arm making Julian yell out in pain.

  He can’t have seen me.

  “Get in the god damn car!”

  Julian recoils once more, oh I can’t listen to this it’s painful; so I stand and take a step towards Julian.

  “Julian you have to get in the car to go see your Mum, she was worried remember?”

  I spy Trey out of the corner of my eye and all I can see is his jaw on the floor.

  “Maybe one day we will go see some more cars and get fries but until then you must get in the car.” I feel so condescending talking to this grown man, who I suspect is older than me, like a child.

  Trey opens the passenger door of the blue beast, Julian gives Trey a wide birth and slides into the car, the whole time clutching his bag.

  Trey steps in towards me and reaches out to touch me but I step back, I can’t help it, all the things I read are crashing through my mind and the Newton’s Cradle that is Delaney Green just swings back and forth in my head. I step back again to warn him not to touch, I look down and grab my bracelet. Devil girl appears and whispers ‘Act aloof do not show weakness’ Angel girl is glaring at Devil girl so much so she’s not offering anything up to the table.

  I take a steadying breath,
“Don’t be angry at him, he lost his car but he has it back now.”

  “Ellie I’m so gl..” Trey stops mid-sentence as a bus is rapidly approaching and signaling to come in, Trey is glancing between the oncoming bus and me as if he’s watching a tennis match.

  “Ellie, I’m…he…” Trey gestures towards the car. The other people waiting for the bus are starting to grow restless and start to grumble. “I…” he starts again running his hands through his hair.

  The bus driver sounds his horn and is leaning out of his window waving arm gestures around. “Alright!” Trey shouts at the driver running over to the car door, he gets in and drives off.

  Wow, a simple thank you would suffice but maybe as he is a star, he is too big to thank the little people? I guess the article was right. Trey and Delaney are an item. Bloody hell, I never wanted to be the other woman – how humiliating. I let myself get caught up in the moment with him. Devil girl is jumping around with her favourite boxing gloves on ‘Let’s give him hell – come on!’ Angel girl is urging me to simply walk away.

  The bus pulls up right in front of me and without thinking I jump on, I don’t even know where this one goes but I guess it won’t stop too far from home. I swipe my travel card over the machine and spot a space at the front next to an old lady. She looks like the kind old person you’d want to hold tight and take home but for now I’ll just sit next to her as Brendan may not appreciate the extra house guest. I sit next to her and smile politely, I pop my earphones in and set my iPhone to play songs at random. The last of the people get on the bus and we slowly pull away. Looking out of the window, I see Trey has pulled up further down the road and he’s emerging from the driver side - too little too late Mr. Thomas.

  Its 8pm and the TV is boring me, I have eaten all the crisps and chocolate in the cupboard and I have drunk a whole bottle of Coke – I am fit to burst.

  Nothing like sitting in your pyjamas feeling sorry for yourself, I glance at the door and recall the unbelievable events of last night again. Oh why didn’t I just stick around and talk to him? My Devil rouses with a chocolate covered face and flaps her hand at me to shoo me away, Angel girl is sitting reading a diet book and not removing her eyes from it she mutters ‘Would’ve done no good’. Argh I could kick myself. Well if I hadn’t eaten the entire contents of our cupboards I could probably reach to kick myself but right now I will struggle to bend, let alone move!

  The TV sound fades into the background as I lay my head back and stare out at the New York Skyline. In the dark all the twinkling lights of apartment blocks and businesses are like looking out onto a sea of stars.

  Oh I have to admit I am one messed up puppy.

  My phone rings interrupting my self-loathing state, I grab my phone and its Lucas.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey Doll, I just wanted to check you got home ok and to apologise again for my low blows earlier.”

  “It’s ok, like I said don’t worry about it and yes I got home fine, about an hour and a bit ago.”

  “So what happened?”

  Oh damn it, I’ll have to tell him about last night after today’s fiasco; it’s just he’s going to feel some compelling need to go all ‘Big Brother’ on me. Regardless of the end result, I go through last night and then today after he left as quickly as possible.

  “What the fuck Ellie? Why didn’t you tell me any of this earlier?”

  “Well shopping distracted me and I was going to tell you over food but Julian happened.”

  “Oh `Doll face you really should’ve told me, if I ever see that ass I’ll let rip at him.”

  “No Lucas he probably won’t even know my name in a week’s time. Anyway you had issues of your own going on earlier.”

  “PLEASE! Do not remind me, I’d rather not talk about it.”

  “Ok, ok I won’t push you.”

  “Listen doll we don’t all wear our scars on the outside.”

  “Enough said. So, any skirt you’ve earmarked for tonight’s after party?”

  Lucas laughs, “There’s always skirt,” he moves away from the phone to say something, “Listen babe, I got to go there’s some kind of issue with the mic and feedback. But listen - I want to see you tomorrow so we can chat, I know you and I don’t want you second-guessing yourself.”

  “Yes Dad.”

  “Ok lunchtime, I’ll meet you at work, bye love you!”

  “Ok bye love you,” I laugh and hang up.

  ‘Right, Eleanor Jones, time to do something with yourself.’ I drag myself off the sofa and walk into my bedroom with the plan of arranging my outfit for work in the morning. It’s not that I have to go far; Mr. Valentine was very keen on having the events management being run within the hotel, outsourcing was just an extra cost and he can pay me an eighth of what they charged. The job isn’t too hard, it’s actually really enjoyable and I love working with Mr. Valentines executive assistant Aubrey, she helps make the days more fun when she’s working from our office. Work is 9am – 5pm and I rarely take stress home with me but at the moment, for the past 6 months, we have been organising the hotel’s anniversary party. It’s going to be a big red carpet event, there has been lots to sort and it’s left to me – it still shocks me.

  I open my wardrobe door to start looking through my near, non-existent, fashion sense. I pull out a pair of black ankle grazers and lay them on the bed.

  “Hey you.”

  I jump and turn around to see Meagan standing in the doorway.

  “Sheesh you made me jump, I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “Yeah came to pick up my stuff, I have class tomorrow and I left my glasses in the bag.”

  There’s a knock at the door and Meagan runs to open it, I carry on pondering what the hell to wear tomorrow.

  “Ellie, can you come here.”

  “What?” I shout because I cannot be bothered to move.

  “No Ellie you need to come here.”

  I huff and pulling my robe tightly around me walk to the door and slip my right hand up the sleeve to hide my scar, on the very rare occasion anyone has accidentally seen it I see the look of pity cross their face like a flash.

  “What’s up?”

  “Well one of the bell boy’s is here asking for you personally.” She looks at me puzzled.

  I open the door wide so both Meagan and I are in the doorway, I look to see one of the younger weekend staff standing with a note in his hand.

  “You all right?” I can’t help but notice the poor sod is bright red and puffing.

  “Hi Ellie, a message for you.” He puffs handing me the envelope.

  “Couldn’t you have phoned this up?” I look at Meagan equally puzzled.

  “No,” he swallows, “It was specifically requested that it was hand delivered with the utmost urgency.”

  “Oh,” I’m intrigued. I look at Meagan and she is trying to muster up some sort of super power and burn her eyes through the envelope. The poor thing is waiting for a tip and I have nothing on me, I look at Meagan and with a tut she digs deep in her pocket, then hands him a couple of dollars.

  I walk back into the room and Meagan closes the door.

  “Come on open it, open it!” The squealer is back.

  “Alright, give me a chance.”

  I look down at the envelope in perfect hand writing is written:

  Miss E Jones

  “Definitely for me then.”

  “Ellie stop messing please just open it, it just has to be from him!”

  I roll my eyes and slowly open the edges of the glued seal, every centimeter I move, I can see the excitement growing on her face and to be honest I’m finding the torture quite fun.

  “Just hurry up!”

  I laugh and pull out the piece of paper noting that it is hotel headed. I look at Meagan who is about fit to burst, I look down and read:

  Dinner tonight 1 hour,

  Car will be waiting outside

  Trey x

  Well, isn’t he one little demanding git? The tight-
arse sending me notes, using hotel issue paper and envelopes - he really doesn’t impress me at the moment.

  Devil girl has her thigh-high boots on and whip in hand at the ready, Angel girl is trying to weigh up the consequences of going or not. Hang on a minute. She was the one talking me out of it earlier and now she’s changing her mind? People wonder why I’m always second-guessing myself. I look at the clock on the wall, its 8:15pm I can assume the car will be downstairs at 9pm. I look at Meagan mortified.

  “Well? What is it? Don’t keep me in suspense, woman!”

  I pass her the note and she reads it eyes wide and mouth aghast, without a word being said she grabs my arm and drags me into the bedroom.

  I am dropped in front of my wardrobe but I really don’t feel comfortable about any of this. I won’t be anywhere I know and I will have no one to run too, plus how will Brendan feel about me going out?

  “Stop over-thinking things!” Meagan shouts as she pulls the contents of my wardrobe out onto my bed.

  “But I don’t know where I’ll be going and…”

  “Just stop! Listen, you live in this hotel, you work in this hotel and God knows you play here too. You are over 3000 miles away from him and you are safe.” She orders, grabbing me by the shoulders and gently trying to shake sense into me.

  She’s right, I need to let go and have fun. Just as I start to relax Devil girl throws the name Delaney Green into the air and that brings me back down to earth with a hammering pain in my gut.

  “He’s dating someone.”

  “Is he? I didn’t know that.” Meagan’s head is still in my wardrobe she pulls out a black dress that I don’t think I’ve worn yet, “Perfect!”

  “Delaney Green?”

  Meagan stops and ponders for a second, “Ah wait, I think I do remember reading or seeing something but hey who cares.”

  “I do!”

  “Seriously if he was in a full-on relationship with someone, do you think he would’ve so openly sat with you in a restaurant?”