The Desire to Touch

by Taylor, N

  “Sorry Ellie that’s where my dress makers work and they do not like to be disturbed.”

  “Sorry,” I can feel myself flushing – damn it.

  Lorenzo leads me back to the sofas, “Have you and Lucas been together long? Lucas, you have done well, beautiful young thing she is and British too.” There’s an eerie unease behind his words.

  I cringe.

  “No, no,” I shake my hands at Lorenzo.

  “We’re just friends,” Lucas confirms.

  “Ah I see my mistake, so how did you two meet?”

  “Lucas is a friend of my cousin and she introduced us, needless to say he can’t cope without me.”

  I hear a laugh come from behind the curtain, “Excuse me, I think you’ll find you are the ball and chain around my leg!”

  The curtain opens and Lucas appears in just his boxers, “That’s right, feast your eyes on this, a real man.”

  I laugh, oh Lucas if only you knew! Looking to the side of the sofa I spot the pile of magazines and grab the first one off the top.

  Lorenzo is on his knees measuring Lucas’s inside leg.

  If I’m going to lose two more hours of my life, then I may as well catch up on more famous people I have never heard of.”

  I open the front cover and start thumbing through the endless pictures of clothes I’m never going to be able to afford, makeup that looks good on pre-teen girls and articles about ‘ Why I married my sister’s-uncle’s-brothers’-cousin that turned out to be my long lost brother’. Finally I stop flicking the pages and land on ‘10 ways to spice up your sex life’, oh wow now this is a read to pass the time.

  My Angel has appeared and I hadn’t even noticed. They had been MIA. She is filing her nails completely disinterested but devil girl has her binoculars out and is gawping at Lucas.

  I peer over the top of the magazine to see Lucas eyeing himself in the mirror as Lorenzo measures his inside arms.

  “Ok go try the blue suit on.”

  Lorenzo turns to me, “Like’s his reflection a little doesn’t he?”

  “Yes just a little bit, I always said he should have a mirror for a girlfriend.”

  Lorenzo chuckles and turns back to wait for Lucas, I look back at the magazine and continue to read.

  So now I am fully clued up on all manner of sex toys, food and foreplay – like that’ll come in handy, my heart skips a beat and I start grinning again at the thoughts of last night. Angel girl is tapping her foot warning me not to get overexcited, it’s never going to happen.

  I turn the page and there he is, Trey Thomas smiling at me and leaning against a bar, obviously posing for the five page spread that probably made this magazine spike in sales.

  Devil girl rears up and eggs me on to read it ‘get some tips’ she whispers, Angel girl warns me off. I know who is right but it can’t hurt to read it surely? Everyone knows most of the things in print are made up by PR to keep people interested.

  ‘Trey Thomas is a world famous actor adored by millions so how is he still single or is he?’

  We sent Renee Collins to find out what makes him tick.’

  I skip through the headings to the bits I want to know.

  Renee: ‘You had been in a long term relationship with fellow actress Kyla Brooks and the break up was a shock to millions, did you find it hard to act alongside her in the latest film?’

  Trey: ‘Not really, we broke up a year ago and it was an amicable parting. Kyla and I are still really close friends and will be for a long time.’

  Renee: ‘You are always in the public eye and with so many pictures of you with different women, do you worry about your public image?

  Trey: ‘No (he laughs) a lot of them are just friends.’

  Renee: ‘What do you look for in a woman?

  Trey: ‘A sense of adventure, pure and simple and up for a good time.’

  Well that rules me out for sure, I continue reading but I really should stop.

  Renee: ‘Have you ever come close to finding the one?’

  Trey: ‘I’m only 28 I think if you ask me again when I’m 35 I’ll be ready to settle down and I’ll be able to answer.’

  Renee: ‘There are many pictures of you and Delaney Green on nights out and more recent ones of you both on holiday in Hawaii, can we confirm the rumors that you two are an item?

  Trey: ‘All I am willing to confirm is that we have been seeing each other…’

  What the…? I close the magazine to check the date of publish, I close my eyes – please, please be from last year.

  I open my eyes and look at the date - 3rd September 2012. My heart sinks, in fact it plummets out of my body and onto the nice clean blue rug. I just about manage to hold my coffee in place and not throw it. The magazine is only 2 weeks old, ohh what the hell have I done? I would never have kissed him had I have known, I never ever wanted to be the other woman.

  Oh wow – I feel a lump rising in my throat, swallow it away, just swallow it away. Angel girl is shaking her head ‘I told you so’ and devil girl is parading backwards and forwards making a plan of attack ‘print a kiss and tell’. I shake them away neither are helping me and now I feel sick physically sick. My hands are starting to shake and I’m still trying to pick my stomach up, wow I really cannot believe he could do this, wait hang on, he is a movie star of course he could do it, who am I kidding.

  “You ok over there?”

  I look up to see Lorenzo looking at me worried.

  “Honey, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “I’m ok, sorry I’ve just read the article on sex toys and some were a little too explicit don’t mind me,” I pull out my best ‘I’m ok’ fake smile.

  “You sure?”

  “Yep honestly, thank you.”

  I instantly drop the magazine back on the pile and start playing with my bangle, I take a deep breath and close my eyes – Stop it now, just stop - it was nothing. Angel is soothing me to calm down and forget it, Devil is screaming ‘Lets harass the bastard’, I’m torn, I just want to curl up and hide away.

  “Hey Doll face you ok?”

  I look up again, “I’m ok, bad article that’s all.” Lucas is eyeing himself in the mirror again.

  “You sure? It’s just you’re playing with your wrist and I’m not stupid.”

  “No honest, bad article and an itch, how’s it going with the suits?”

  “Last one coming up, now for the closing number.”

  Lorenzo appears with a black suit and matching Fedora hat, “Ok last one Lucas. Wait has this one been done as a 34 or 36,” Lorenzo huffs, “Sorry going to have to measure you again I’ve confused myself.”

  Lucas steps further forward into the room and I have to double take because something’s not quite right, Lucas is obliviously chatting away to Lorenzo who I’m sure has noticed it.

  It can’t be surely? I sit further forward teetering on the edge of my seat, I squint my eyes just to double-check it is what I think it is.

  How the hell has he managed that?

  Standing there re-enacting some story, arms flailing around and legs moving while Lorenzo is trying to measure, Lucas is totally oblivious that one if his testicles has decided to protrude from the leg of his boxers to say hello.

  It’s just stuck there, squashed between his leg and boxer elastic, more to the point how can he not feel it? I’ll give Lorenzo his due he is just working around it, every time Lucas moves it just jiggles and I can feel the giggles working up from my stomach. I start laughing uncontrollably, oh, how do I tell him without embarrassing him in front of Lorenzo? Lucas looks at me suspiciously while Lorenzo gets up and disappears out the back again, Lucas crosses his arms and stiffens his appearance holding his legs together in turn making the poor little guy bulge out more, that just sets the laughter off again and I can’t control myself.

  “What is so funny?” Lucas looks offended.

  Tears are now streaming down my cheeks and I take a deep breath to try and tell him but it just starts a fre
sh eruption of laughter from deep within.

  “What the fuck are you laughing at?”

  I sob and wipe the tears away, “Your…your,” I breathe in through my nose and blow out my mouth trying to control myself.

  “Your bollock is hanging out,” I squeal in a ‘high pitch, mid-laugh, gasping for air’ type voice.

  Lucas looks down, “Fuck!”

  “I’m sorry, I only just noticed.” I’m still desperately trying to suppress the laughter, oh wow, I have not laughed like that in years.

  “Did Lorenzo see it?”

  “Well he worked around it when measuring your leg just now, it’s not been there long. Stop panicking its fine.”

  Lucas gasps and rushes back into the cubicle and closes the curtains, meanwhile Lorenzo comes rushing back into the room and Lucas reappears from the cubicle.

  “Lucas I need you to try on the final suit.”

  “No, it’ll be fine I have to go, set change sorry,” Lucas walks past Lorenzo tucking his shirt into his jeans and not making eye contact.

  Lorenzo looks at me and stifles a smile, “If you’re sure?”

  “Yep it’ll be fine,” Lucas grabs my arm and leads me to the door.

  “Ok,” Lorenzo shrugs his shoulders, “hope to see you again Ellie.”

  I wave and before I know it I’m being dragged out the door and down the steps that lead to the Tardis-like room.

  Lucas pushes the front door open and it slams off the wall to the neighbouring building, the sun hits me and its warmth is refreshing. I had forgotten how warm it was out here after being in that windowless, spotlight room, I can’t help it but I start giggling again.

  “Seriously not cool Ellie!”

  “What? Oh come on, it was nothing,” the laughter has dissipated and Lucas looks seriously pissed off. “I’m sure Lorenzo has seen it all before!”

  “Not the point, I told you there are stories about him, bad stories!”

  “Oh give over, he seems nice enough to me.” I actually thought he seemed ok.

  “Yeah well look where your judgment has got you before!” I can see the regret as soon as the words left his mouth.

  “Low blow Lucas.”

  “Shit, Ellie I’m so sorry.”

  “Forget it, nice to know what you think of me,” I look down and grab my bangle.

  “Seriously Ellie, I am sorry I didn’t think, you know I would never think that of you,” He throws his arms around me and hugs me tight. Devil girl is cocking her shotgun and Angel girl miming for me to turn the other cheek.

  “Like I said forget it, can we go eat now please.”

  “Yeah sure, not here though around the corner is a nice little restaurant,” Lucas holds out his arm for me to link, I put mine through and we walk slowly down the road.

  As we reach the crossing and wait for the green man to appear, I see something out of the corner of my eye and it catches my attention. I bend down and pick it up. It’s a shiny little red car in mint condition, I bet someone’s pissed they dropped this.

  “No way.”

  “What?”

  “That’s a 62 Corvair, a collector’s edition.”

  “Well I’ll give you the bloody thing if you cheer the hell up,” I toss the car to Lucas and he catches it.

  “Sweet,” he says putting it in his pocket.

  The lights change and we cross the road, it’s fairly busy but mainly because every two minutes a couple of restored classic cars go by, making people look. They must be on the way to some show somewhere.

  “Watch out, drunk alert.”

  “Huh?” I look at Lucas who nods his head in the direction and I follow. I look over to a man walking erratically back and forth along the sidewalk too near the road, he is holding himself hunched over and muttering to himself.

  “I don’t think he’s drunk.” I whisper.

  The man paces back and forth over and over, every time a car goes by he raises his hands to cover his ears as if he’s scared.

  We walk into the restaurant and find a seat near the window, I can see the man and he is still pacing back and forth. People approach him and he recoils from them, turns away and then returns when they are no longer in his space, the whole time his head is low.

  A car honks its horn as it goes past him and he jumps and runs, childlike, towards the shop window next to the restaurant. The man holds his head and shaking in fear he grabs the edges of his green jacket and holds them close to his chest.

  “He is a drunk!”

  “Lucas I think he’s scared, he might hurt himself,” I stand to go and see if there is anything I can do.

  “Don’t get involved Ellie, let the cops pick him up,” Lucas says grabbing my arm.

  “Look, if he’s acting, then there are people all around; I’m sure I’ll be safe!”

  “Famous last words!”

  “Look at him Lucas, he’s scared, he might hurt himself.”

  He lets go of my arm and I head out to the door of the diner, the traffic has calmed more now and the small crowd of onlookers that surrounded him has dispersed. Lucas is with me by my side as I slowly walk towards the man. He is clutching a small backpack in his arms, he is holding it so tightly his hands are pale from lack of blood flow.

  “Lucas stay here by the window, too many people obviously scare him.”

  A lorry zooms past honking at a cyclist, creating a loud ear deafening noise, the man runs back from the pavement towards the shop again. The man cries as if in pain and starts to shake, he then curls up on the floor and starts rocking back and forth.

  I slowly step towards him just two steps at a time then stop.

  “Ellie no!” Lucas calls to me.

  The man starts to repeat Lucas’s cry but as a mutter, he gets to his feet and stalks back to the edge of the pavement where he continues pacing forward five steps, turns then forward five steps again. The whole time he has one hand on his bag clutching it tightly and the other on his head. I slowly walk up to him but stop about a meter away from him – ‘He won’t hurt you Ellie come on just breathe,’ I say to myself.

  “Are you ok?” I talk quietly to him.

  He paces faster muttering, “Ellie no,” over and over.

  ‘Think Ellie come on, keep your voice light and friendly.’

  “Are you lost or looking for someone?”

  Again he mutters, then a few more old cars drive past on the way to the collectors fair. The nicest one at the back looks like a Rolls Royce but is going past at a fair speed.

  The man stops and calls out a mixture of letters and numbers, he repeats it three times and with each letter or number called he taps his head with some force, he then continues pacing.

  “Nice car,” whistles Lucas.

  “Nice car – of course, Lucas what was the number plate of the car?”

  “Erm, 255 something.”

  “255 YYY,” the man mutters louder as he continues pacing.

  “He likes cars!” I say to Lucas.

  “I like cars,” I turn away from him as I speak, “I really like cars, in fact two minutes ago I found a beautiful red car near the road.” I glance at Lucas and hold out my palm.

  “You what?”

  I glare at Lucas and he reluctantly retrieves the toy from his pocket and places it in my hand, I turn to the man.

  “Do you like this car?”

  The man stops pacing and turns his head ever so slightly in my direction, before I know it he’s charging at me snatching the car from my hand and sending me flying in to Lucas’s arms.

  “What the fuck is his problem?” Lucas shouts.

  “It’s ok,” I pat Lucas on the chest and release his grip from around me.

  I turn around to see the man who is now sitting on the floor in front of the shop, open his bag and place the car inside; then he zips the bag up and holds it closer to his chest closer than before.

  I walk towards him again and sit about two meters away.

  “Was that your car?”

 
; The man turns away from me.

  “It’s a lovely car, I’m glad I could give it back to you. Were you with someone? I can call them for you.”

  The man still ignores me and I can hear Lucas growing restless.

  “Ellie come on, he’s ok now, let’s just go.”

  I glare up at him, “Lucas, if you want then go, I can’t leave him. I don’t think he was out on his own, he’s obviously been separated from someone but do you really want him on your conscience?”

  “Fine,” he looks to the restaurant window, “I’m going to go order, I won’t be long, but I have to leave soon.”

  “1962,” The man mutters.

  I look at him, “Sorry?”

  He continues to ignore me, this is not going to be easy, why have I gone and thrown myself into a scenario that again is not self-resolving?

  “Wow I am really hungry, are you hungry?” I am actually starving and I need to eat, if I can get him into the diner maybe he will talk to me, because right now I am running out of ideas.

  The man slides towards me, not by much but just a little bit, could this be a sign?

  Lucas appears from the doorway, “Do you want me to order for you?”

  “I’m just going to order some chips, sorry fries, to go; you order, its fine I’m coming in soon.”

  I stand up and step towards Lucas.

  “He’s following you.”

  I turn around and the man is there right behind me, looking down at the floor, clutching his little bag. I step forward again and I feel him mirroring my every move.

  “Ok I will come in and order now then.”

  Yes! break through - I can only assume I have his trust, now I just have to find out where he’s from or who’s looking for him, hell, a name alone will suffice. I step into the restaurant and I can feel the man’s presence behind me.

  Lucas leans in and asks, “What’s up with him?”

  “I’m not certain but I think I know, we used to have patients come in the clinic back home. Just don’t stare at him, because I think it makes him feel uncomfortable and don’t touch him.”

  “Creepy shit!”

  I walk up to the counter and order two portions of fries to go, I get out my purse and hand over the money. Lucas and I walk to the front of the restaurant and sit at a table near the window so we can see the cars. I turn to look at the man.