If Wishes Were Curses

by Janeen Ippolito

  “Even I have limits, flea-catcher.”

  Matthias set another tray of coffees at a larger table. “Well, I open the shop in two hours, so yinz need to leave before that happens. Everyone over here.” Everyone gathered around the table. He gestured to the tray. “Coffees, tea for Theiya, and some O-negative mocha for Cendric to give him a boost.”

  “Only this time,” Cendric said.

  “No judgement from me. The blood was ethically sourced, and I have your usual corn-blood still in stock. Also,” he grabbed another tray, “a variety of sandwiches, including chipped ham, gyros, and for heathens like Jack, fried baloney.”

  “Ahhh, yes!” She snatched the sandwiches off the tray.

  I grabbed some wedges of chipped ham with melted provolone on freshly baked bread. Thank heavens I was allowed back in Uncommon Grounds again.

  “All right,” Jack said, once everyone was situated around the table with food. “I say we find out where Neil is and storm the castle.”

  Theiya rolled her eyes. “Storm the castle? That’s your strategy?”

  “It worked in The Princess Bride!”

  “Believe it or not, that movie does not contain appropriate actions applicable to every part of life.”

  Gideon’s head snapped up from his fish sandwich. “Oh yes, it does!” He and Jack high-fived, and Jack shouted, “Shifter alliance!”

  Theiya coughed. “You mean the same alliance that wants Allis dead for killing a vampire who invaded the body of a grizzly?”

  “Man. Forgot that.” Gideon turned back to his sandwich.

  “On that topic,” Cendric cut in, with a look of remonstrance at everyone in general, “I contacted a few people while I was cleaning the kitchen. An inner circle, so to speak.”

  Theiya tilted her head. “Wasn’t Halverson in your inner circle?”

  A flash of pain showed in his eyes. “Yes. But these are individuals I have known far longer than Neil, and I trust them. They’ve dealt with treacherous vampires far more than I have. Halverson was a friend, but he was also unstable. I’m not blind to the hazards of running a vampire law firm and what that means for trust. It’s less humorous in actuality.”

  I grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed it, offering him what comfort I could. He held my fingers firmly as he kept speaking. “My friend, Yamamoto, informed me that certain plant blood supplies have been disappearing from the laboratory in small amounts over the last year, including a particular sample that was deemed unfit because it weakened the natural magic of Fae. The blood was supposed to be locked up in a vault.”

  Weaken magic. Memories of Neil’s sarcastic comments in the nyctophage surfaced in my mind. He’d wanted me weakened. Contrariness rose inside me. I’d show him weakness.

  “So you think Halverson is using it to weaken Fae so they can be used to house vampires. Keep their souls from dying when their bodies decay.” I stared at the remains of my coffee, remembering the grizzly and how I had used my Jinn magic to consume it from the inside out. “We have to stop this. I stopped the grizzly before, somehow.”

  Matthias studied me. “Could you do that to a whole room of Fae vampires?”

  “Maybe, if I can remember what I did.” I nudged my magic. Jinn, with enough human to make me dangerous. And vulnerable.

  Which was greater? Did it matter?

  Cendric shook his head. “You might not be able to. Much of Jinn magic revolves around acting on the moment, using intuition and environmental cues. It seems to resist more orderly methods of magic use.”

  “Oh, that’s great. How do you know that?”

  “I spoke to a wise individual I know. Although they couldn’t tell me much. Wish granters hold that knowledge close.”

  “And why would you do that?”

  “You’re important,” he said matter-of-factly, his tone filling me with warmth and giving me confidence and focus. At the same time, it disabled the snarky part of my brain. He should have a warning label on that sincerity.

  Cendric turned his attention to everyone else at the table. “Allis and I are familiar with the situation at Chartlan. I recommend we infiltrate the club first.”

  Theiya nodded. “Yes, that would be a good place to start. I can collect enough incriminating evidence to justify the Fae court’s involvement.”

  Jack raised her hand. “I’ll go as well. I can testify that they’re screwing around with shifters. That will clear Allis’s name with the shifter community. The more physical, scent-oriented proof I can get, the better. Plus, if a fight breaks out, I gotta be there. Allis still can’t throw a decent left hook.”

  I shoved her. “I’m right-handed!”

  “Excuses, excuses.”

  “I’m not without my own magic,” Theiya put in, snapping her fingers and flashing a bolt of light over the table. “And I’ll be able to call in reinforcements through my earvine. Depending on how quickly they believe me, they may take time to arrive.”

  Gideon finished the last of his coffee and gyro. “I can drive the car.”

  “No.” The words came out before I could think better of them. There was no way my little brother was getting involved in this. Otters had very little fight instinct, except when cornered or in a group. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

  He glared at me. “Allis, a shifter was killed!”

  “And Jack is going to be there to represent shifter interests. You stay here and make potions or distract any Fae cops sniffing around.”

  “I’ll drive the car! Besides, you don’t know how many people will be there. You could use backup.”

  “Fine. You babysit the twins and Matthias comes along. He’s a trained killer.”

  Matthias shook his head. “I can’t. They’re in a touchy place right now. They need someone who smells familiar.”

  “Also, I want Matthias to be here in case anyone tries anything against my kits,” Jack put in. She glanced at Gideon. “Do you know how to drive a stick?”

  A grin lighted his face. “You mean your Corvette? Yes!”

  “How is a sports car supposed to hold all of us?” I gave Jack my best scowl.

  “It holds four people, Allis. Theiya will take a police car. Besides, if you’re conked out and unable to teleport us, we’ll need a quick getaway.”

  Gideon’s dark eyes gleamed. “This is a fantastic idea.”

  It was a terrible idea, but I was outnumbered. I had no defense for his thrilled expression. I closed my eyes and sent up a silent prayer. Please don’t let him get killed. “Okay. But you stay in the car when we get there.” I gave him my best concerned sister expression. “No getting hurt.”

  “You always say that.”

  “Yet, sometimes you get hurt. So much respect for your elders.”

  “Hey, I’m not the one disappeared for two days without notice, and then brought home a new vampire boyfriend.” His mouth curled, the same way as it would have for an otter. Somehow, it still looked cute.

  “That wasn’t my fault. I didn’t remember.” I sighed. “And he’s not my boyfriend. We’re…”

  I glanced at Cendric, finding something strong and intense in the vampire’s expression. Desire, mixed with caution. I shook my head slightly. The caution annoyed me, but it was wise. We couldn’t think about a relationship at this moment.

  “Let’s turn all this irritation to someone who deserves it,” Cendric said. “Neil.”

  Gideon sniffed. “Sure.”

  “All right,” I muttered, sneaking in a kick at Gideon under the table. “So it’s Gideon, Jack, Theiya, Cendric, and me. Gideon stays in the car—”

  “Unless there’s an emergency.”

  “There won’t be.”

  “Liar.” He kicked me back.

  I forced myself to ignore him. “We show up, infiltrate. Gideon, can you make a potion to hide our scents?”

  “You got it. Just make sure to add your special sauce.”

  Cendric glanced at me. “Special sauce?”

  “For some reaso
n, my magic makes improbable chemical processes work better.”

  “At least now we know why,” Gideon said. “Jinn weirdness.”

  “There we go.” I pushed back from the table. “Okay, so we get in. Theiya gets her information and Jack confirms it. Theiya calls the Fae cops to break things up. Then Cendric and I hang around to stop whatever Halverson is planning on doing, because my magic works best in the moment and without too much guidance. Is that the gist?”

  A silence, then everyone nodded.

  I drank the last of my coffee. At this point, the flavor was wasted on me, but the espresso definitely wasn’t. If I needed to make random acts of chaos, I needed all the caffeine I could get.

  Especially since I had no idea what I was doing.

  Chapter 19

  Jack’s sports car could theoretically fit four people, but for it to be comfortable, two of them had be at least two feet shorter than Cendric and me. His legs were majorly invading my seat, and in turn I’d leaned in closer on his side of the car. Not that I was complaining about being crammed in the backseat next to a hot vampire with a badass side and a helper complex. Totally fine with me.

  Plus, it kept my mind off the fact that Gideon definitely wasn’t familiar with a stick shift. The trip from the Hollows to the Chartlan in the West Side was an exercise in trust. I kept my shields up, because Jack’s and Gideon’s fears and desires were a mix of major imposter syndrome from Gideon and a desire to rip Gideon’s head off from Jack.

  It didn’t help that the state road authority was blocking off roads to repair them at night. The last thing we needed was to have our mission derailed by my brother ripping through a construction site. Or a construction worker.

  “Ah, this is nice,” I murmured, rubbing my fingers along the leather seat. Trying to settle my nerves. “First time in a while I’ve been able to relax without all the noise.”

  Cendric glanced at me. “Noise?”

  “From people. Things. Between reading desires and fears, and now being aware of everything … it’s gotten much worse since my magic was freed. Molecules pinging against each other, demanding attention, wanting to be changed. Taunting my magical curiosity. Resisting it is exhausting. I feel like my mind is working harder, just to take in my surroundings.” I made a face. “That probably sounds crazy.”

  “Not at all.”

  “Oh, really?”

  He smiled slightly. “You forget who you’re talking to.”

  “Yes, that’s part of the idea, Cid. We’ve kept forgetting each other.”

  “True.” Cendric paused for a moment. I could feel his eyes on me in the darkness, broken up sporadically by the eerie light of the tunnel we’d just entered. “I have a stronger understanding of processing difficulties than most. I have what is now called dyslexia.”

  I frowned. “Where you have difficulty reading words? Visual processing? But the words you wrote on my brainstorming wall looked fine.”

  “I’ve had a lot of practice.”

  “Oh. Right. Over two hundred years.”

  “When I was younger, I struggled to read, but I wanted to impress my father. Raven shifter culture prides intellect and quickness of thought. So I worked out my own ways of understanding things, taking additional time and developing ways of covering for my issues. I didn’t want to be seen as inadequate.” His face became distant. Fond. “My mate was the first to perceive what I endured and asked me about it. She helped me develop more ways of understanding. She would often read books or documents aloud so I could move through them more quickly. I still remember the sound of her voice.”

  “She sounds amazing.”

  “She was. Quiet, sweet, devoted, and entirely stubborn when she chose to be.” He glanced at me. “You would have liked her. Dhampirs aren’t given a grayling choice, since vampirism is a sickness, not a race. She grew up distrusted by many and became a warrior by necessity. Ironic that it was only after her death that I understood what she endured on a daily basis. She rarely spoke of it, but I could see it as soon as I met her.”

  I nodded, letting his words flow over me, trying to accept them. Recalling to mind what I had learned—and what I often told others— about dating someone who had lost a spouse. Understanding. Compassion.

  Definitely not jealousy over the description of a perfect person that time and years of companionship and nostalgia created. Someone who put everything aside to support Cendric. Someone who he apparently had no issues claiming right away as his. Maybe that was another reason he hadn’t really spoken with me about our bond. He knew it was different, and even if he desired me, he didn’t want to.

  I swallowed hard as the thought settled within me like a stone. Whatever. Cendric probably needed a little space right about now. It was the decent thing to do. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

  I shifted away from him a little.

  “Allis, are you all right?”

  “Oh yeah.” I settled back into my seat, searching for the right words to say. Something good and psychological. “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share.”

  “I’ve spoken about my wife with a number of people.” He was still studying me. “You are aware that, as a lawyer, I’ve learned how to read others as well?”

  Great. I guess I needed to up my lying game. “I’m fine, Cid. I’m glad she was there for you. I’m sorry you went through losing her.”

  All of that was true, and I meant it. Yet the stupidly attractive vampire kept looking at me. “You’re insecure. Why? You understand loss of those close to you as well as I do. Your mother?”

  “Yeah.” I sighed. “Mom was amazing. She’s the reason I do matchmaking and some romantic crime investigation with Jack’s firm.”

  Interest sparked in his face. At least, as much as I could tell in the dark car. “Why would you want to do that?”

  “My parents never had a chance. Everyone was against them, and then my dad abandoned her. Later on, Gideon’s dad abandoned her. And then she died of an infection. She never got to experience real, secure love.”

  Cendric nodded. “Some people don’t. There is no guarantee.”

  “I know, but it matters to me! Especially because there are so few regulations. The Fae don’t see relationships as important. Especially Fae-human relationships, but…” I paused, thinking back to Jack’s words. “I think it goes beyond that. And I want to make it stop. I want to protect relationships and families. And I think … I want to give the Fae a chance.”

  “I understand, although personally I didn’t experience any troubles with my choice of mate.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “You said she was mistrusted.”

  “Not by other ravens. She proved her worth to them, and they accepted our bond, even if they never understood it.”

  “Wow.” I shook my head. “A magical woman, indeed.”

  I must have done a terrible job keeping my bitterness from my voice, because I felt the vampire’s eyes on me. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not. What are you feeling?”

  “You know, some guys have major problems with discussing feelings.”

  He leveled a stare at me. “And other men don’t, because they have natural aptitude and training. In addition, I’m concerned that you’re opening a romantic consulting business, and yet you’re uncomfortable with your own emotions.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m special like that.”

  “You’re avoiding the question.”

  Frustration filled me. “I’m opening the business because I want other people to have a chance at happiness, people who have gotten seriously screwed over in order to get the justice that Fae cops don’t care about because no Fae seems to give a damn about hurting others if they can hide it or blame it on someone else! No one holds them accountable for how they ruin lives.”

  Cendric nodded. “And why does that matter to you?”

  “It just does, all right?”

  He leaned forward, right in my face. “Yo
u forgave someone in an impossibly short period of time for betraying your trust, but talk of my devoted wife made you bitter. Why?”

  Anger flamed within me. Fine, he wanted the truth? “Because you’re acting like we’re supposed to mean something. And we won’t.” He recoiled a little, as if I’d hurt him. Well, there was more where that came from. My words were a harsh whisper. “And maybe right now you don’t think that, but it won’t be long before you’ve abandoned me too, because you’re an incredible person, and you had this incredible person, and I’m so far away from that it isn’t funny. You can break blood bonds. You can break whatever this is between us, and you will.”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “People leave me. My dad left me, Gideon’s dad and his family never wanted me. Gideon has stuck with me, but that’s probably a shifter thing. The only reason my latest ex didn’t leave me was because I left first, because I knew it wouldn’t work out.” I exhaled sharply. “You know how I can forgive Jack? Because I’m not surprised about what she did, and because I was taught that you forgive others no matter what. And you know what? Jack has a point. I’m dangerous and unpredictable, sometimes I just want to kill everything, and no one wants me!”

  Crap. That was definitely not a whisper at the end. The car was silent. I winced. Nice job, Allis. Way to lose it just before the big mission.

  Cendric’s face grew very serious.

  “You’re wrong,” he declared. He grabbed my hands. I didn’t realize until that moment that they flamed with deep blue Jinn magic, but it only seemed to absorb skin. His shadows surrounded me, calming and cooling the flames. “You can’t let yourself be defined by those who have abandoned you. You are worth far more than that, and your brother saw that worth.”

  I met his gray eyes skeptically. “You can’t know that. We’ve only just met.”

  “We’ve been meeting, over and over again.”

  “Yes, but each time, only the first time!”

  “Never mind. We’ve been drawn to each other, no matter what the curse-mark has done.” He reached up and lightly stroked my hair. “I’m here for you. I told you I wasn’t leaving. Why can’t you believe that?”