In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1)

by Clare Stanley Midgley

  Running back towards the main lobby the same thought repeated over and over again

  What have I done?

  What have I done?

  Slamming the door shut she hurried to take off John’s clothes. Scurrying about she noticed John’s drink still lurking on the small coffee table. Gulping it down the left over brandy she pulled her face in distaste.

  As the voices moved closer to the door Jeanie tried to increase her dressing speed and as the lock switched John appeared. Jeanie still tussling with dressing looked distressed.

  “What’s wrong you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Jeanie still half dressed flustered and feeling guilty looked straight at John.

  “Ghost, a fucking ghost.” Still trying to find items of clothing Jeanie ran on the spot, “No John I haven’t seen a fucking ghost, just your wife!”

  John turned pale dropping the plate of food it and as it scattered on the bed it made the quilt look more like an extravagant picnic.

  “I can explain.”

  “How the fuck can you explain that your still married John. You said it was over. I have had sex with a married man and his wife is downstairs, how are you going to explain that.” Jeanie tided herself up and put her on her shoes as she grappled with the laces she heard a knock at the door. With no time to explain John jumped to attention not knowing and not wanting to know who was on the outside. As the door tapped again a muffled voice was heard from the outside, Jeanie wide eyed turned the door handle and tried to hide.

  Olivia Stanton stood at the door in all her perfect glory and as Jeanie picked herself up off the floor as Olivia spoke.

  “Oh right breakfast, I didn’t realise you’d ordered darling, oh sweetie can you bring me a cup of coffee and be a treasure thank you” John’s face angered as his wife pointed towards Jeanie who by this time was trying to inconspicuously slip around the door. Olivia stood in silence feeling the tension she spoke again.

  “Apologies have I interrupted something she is your maid isn’t she John?” Olivia had given Jeanie the perfect excuse to leave and she didn’t need any formal requests.

  “No but I will see where your coffee is madam.” As Jeanie replied she closed the door. Folding her arms around her body she spoke to the concierge at the front desk and ordered the coffee John’s wife had so desperately needed.

  Sitting on the steps of the bay she tried to figure out her next move.

  John had pursued her so consistently she didn’t ask about Olivia. She was as much to blame as he was.

  The guilt wrapped her body and Jeanie couldn’t comprehend how stupid she had been.

  The suns rays beamed through the white clouds beautiful and clear on the horizon. Jeanie felt there should have been so much clarity but jumping in last night made her feel disgusted and empty.

  The puddles sparkled in the light of day and the warmth and calm reflection of the weather was nothing towards the turmoil Jeanie felt inside. She promised herself he was never going to do this again and she had promised herself that John Stanton was out of the picture for good. Now she had just left his bed with his wife still clearly in the picture.

  Her long walk didn’t provide any comfort it had only given time for her to reflect on the bad decision she had made. No amount of self reasoning made her feel any better.

  As she passed the factory the gates beckoned her through like an old friend. Eric watched from the office as her sullen sunken expression passed through. These days every passing second seemed like a weight bearing down on her shoulders.

  Eric had seen the same look on her father when he had problems he couldn’t solve at home. The factory used to give Jeanie’s father a place to hide and a chance to contemplate what was needed to be done and in this respect Jeanie wasn’t any different.

  Her footsteps echoed around the factory and her presence was felt immediately. Eric diverted her sisters from the gantry and made his way to the office where a defeated Jeanie sat in silence.

  Watching her from the door he didn’t want to break her concentration she never looked up from the papers she was so desperately trying to organise. Seeing the intensity of Jeanie’s glare Eric decided to break the ice, “Hello stranger,” Jeanie didn’t move, or respond her head buzzed around the chaos her life had turned into. She needed order and routine that’s what she was used too but the guilt of last night and the disgust she felt was her own fault.

  Looking out if the office window she looked more lost than usual.

  “I can’t rewind the clock, I have made a massive mess of things and everything is falling apart.” Jeanie’s response felt calculated there didn’t seem to be an emotion left for her to feel.

  “We all make mistakes it’s a part of life, we have to experience so much pain before we can appreciate the pleasure, whatever happens you will make the right decision you always do. I know you.” He kissed her head softly and walked towards the door.

  “I spent the night with John Stanton. I let him in again and now. Now I’ve given myself away so freely. Whatever you want to say I already feel. Olivia is still in his life and I foolishly believed him.”

  “Jea I love you as if you where my own bairn. I will tell this now I don’t care that you spent the night. You’re a grown woman and giving away love is what happens. Love can be the hardest and easiest thing to do. What I care about is you and you alone. An I will love you no matter what.” Tears ran down her cheeks falling on her hands as she gripped the window bottom.

  “I’m sorry Eric. I’m so sorry.”

  “Now lass you have nothing to be sorry about. That man, that man makes damage no matter what he does. Look what he did at your dad.

  We all make mistakes. You haven’t made as many as most so this is hard. It’s not easy being perfect.”

  Laughing through her tears Eric placed his finger under her chin.

  “Head up pride high kid. He’s lost something more precious than he realises. You are one hundred percent worth more than that man and you’ve always been my shining star. I love you and so does your family. Now pick up your chin and walk high.” As he pressed her chin together with his fingers Jeanie nodded in agreement and swallowed back her tears. No act of kindness could wash away the disappointment she held for herself.

  As the clouds drifted back across the horizon another storm brewed in the distance and as Jeanie watched the dark sky without her knowing the storm inside was not yet over.

  Chapter 11

  John stood at the opposite side of the glass begging to be let through. Her office door was locked shut and the wrappings of his fist echoed around the workshop.

  “Jeanie. Jeanie let me in. I really need to talk to you. You don’t understand….” Jeanie faced the window and looked outside trying to ignore his callings. Seeing Rose walk through a side door John ran to make his entrance.

  “Rose come on don’t do this.” With his foot now lodged into the door Jeanie calmly turned her head and nodded at her sister.

  “Jeanie I just didn’t think...” Stroking her sister’s arm she moved the cupboard. She was still almost tranquil in the chaos.

  “Rose can you give me a minute please I need to speak to John this can’t carry on...”

  “Jea it’s been two weeks don’t you understand this has all been a big misunderstanding. I love you we can make this work.” Jeanie seemed emotionless, callas in fact, her authoritative stance made her look like the owner and director of her business.

  “John I don’t doubt that there has been a misunderstanding but I have to say the fault is all mine I led you into something which I had no intention of finishing it was my mistake and I’m sorry.” John seemed perplexed at Jeanie’s demeanour.

  “What are you saying that the night at the hotel was a mistake it didn’t mean anything because the way it felt the way you felt. It didn’t come across that way. We made love for the first time and I don’t want to loose you doesn’t that mean something” Jeanie took a deep breath and turned to face the window

 
; “I wish it did. I wish I could stand here and tell you I love you John but I can’t. It was nothing more than a need to feel close to someone and I know that I made a mistake and just because I feel lonely doesn’t give me the right to jump into bed with any man including you. I’m sorry but I have nothing more to say.” John threw his jacket and gloves on the desk, his dissatisfaction at her answer only seemed to infuriate him more.

  Shaking in disbelief he stood in front of her desperately trying to understand. “Your lying and I now it. You can’t do this Jeanie your still upset and you don’t know what your saying. We can make this work,” John held her hands pleading for any sign that he was getting through. His gestures and touch only made the guilt feel worse and as she pushed him away Jeanie tried to find her own sanctity at the corner of her desk.

  John stood still his thoughts pushed around by the desperation to try to make her understand.

  “Don’t you know how I feel don’t you know how in all these years I’ve never been able to prove myself worthy of you. I’m standing here Jeanie wanting…waiting to love you. I know my past and I know how bad I was. I’ve changed Jeanie more than you realise and if you could just understand and let me in I could make you happy I really could cause I know now I never want to you let you go. Please Jeanie…” Jeanie stood equalling his stillness the contemplation of words spun around like a tornado.

  “I can’t turn back time John and you keep telling me how you’ve changed but I can’t see it. I need to forgive myself, the guilt I have for even staying with you that night is eating me alive and I can’t carry on. Whatever you think we’ve had is over and I think it is time for you to leave. ” Taking his coat John adjusted his tie choking on his words.

  “Olivia was here because I filed for divorce make your decision based on that…..”

  John slammed the door kicking the adjoining door his animation emulated defeat and as he jumped into his car. Jeanie heard the scream, knowing he wasn’t going to give up.

  Chapter 12

  As days turned into weeks before she knew it two month’s had passed and Jeanie had circulated her life between the factory, the garage and home.

  Without knowing she had crept silently back into her old life without a hitch. Ivy on the other hand had grown increasingly worried about Jeanie’s reclusive behaviour.

  Jeanie had stopped all contact with the outside world and other than work she didn’t want to know or even care about anything else. Ivy wanted to ask her a thousand times what went on between her and James, but she couldn’t. She had become so withdrawn that even fun had become second nature.

  Jayne on the other hand had blossomed and was the picture of her mother. Her golden hair and bright blue eyes were enchanting and Jeanie adored being around her.

  Jeanie lay on the couch engulfed in her engineering manual and as Ivy sat playing with her daughter she couldn’t help but look at the intensity of Jeanie’s concentration.

  “Why don’t we go out Jea? You look lost in that book and I really think it would do both of us some good to get out?” Jeanie raised an eyebrow and commented never lifting her gaze.

  “No thanks got too much on and I’ve got a problem on number two line so I’m heading back to work soon.”

  “Right I’m sick of this melancholy we are going out.” storming across the room she grabbed Jeanie’s coat from the stand parading it until Jeanie took notice.

  “Mum I’m taking Jeanie out we won’t be long will you be ok with Jayne, “Irene’s voice echoed from the kitchen, “Ok love yep no problem be careful.”

  Jeanie shook her head and picked up her book continuing to read Ivy stood impatiently waiting for another response.

  “Jeanie get your arse off that settee and come on.” Sighing heavily Jeanie wearily and easily defeated placed the book on the couch taking her coat she waded towards the door.

  “See you in a bit.” And with that Ivy closed the door.

  Walking along the garden path Ivy linked her arm with Jeanie’s, “So what now pictures, pub?” Jeanie was silent her, knowing her sister had spoke to Rose weeks earlier she knew it wouldn’t be long until the Spanish inquisition started.

  “Can we walk for a bit first?” Ivy held onto her sister tight, questioning Jeanie only seemed to clam her up more and as they walked the silence grew and Ivy became uncomfortable.

  Ivy clambered the steps to the Old Cock pub with a sprint. “Come on you can buy me a drink and tell me all your worries.” Jeanie’s reluctance even on the walk grew as she dragged herself from step to step. On entering together Jeanie headed for a quiet spot in the corner to hide.

  As Ivy sat down with the drinks before being given a chance to use her interrogation techniques Jeanie looked as if she had something to say. “What’s wrong, come on you can tell me you always used to tell me everything, don’t bottle it up come on.” Jeanie looked at the ceiling and sighed again knowing she wasn’t going to able to get on with her melancholic existence.

  As the hours passed Jeanie relayed her troubles in detail and laid her heart on the table for Ivy to help mend, nothing else she had tried had made any difference.

  Ivy listened with intent occasionally comforting her sister.

  “Well I don’t know what you did to that doctor he’s been in here twice looking for you. Last time I saw him he was as anxious as a cat having kittens. I believe he’s been sat outside the parish rooms for an hour.”

  Ivy turned towards Jeanie still holding her hand from the heart to heart “Listen lets go home. Thanks Jim.”

  Rising from there seats Jeanie began to feel quite sick everything spun around so quickly that the nausea rose and sank with every step.

  Ivy held her tight knowing how much tonight had meant and knowing how hard it was for Jeanie to relay her mistakes for judgement. Even though the silence was still evident Ivy couldn’t help but notice how pretty Jeanie looked in the moonlight. Her hair glistened and sparkled as the rays hit from above and as much of the turmoil she had inside on the outside she glowed.

  Ivy held her as they turned the corner close to home and noticing a car at the front of the house Jeanie’s stomach turned again. She squeezed Ivy’s hand so tight that finger marks had started to appear on her skin.

  Two gentlemen stood inside the cottage porch and intrigued as to why an army car was visiting so late Ivy walked through the door first “What’s happening here?”

  Jeanie realised immediately and as she stepped into the hallway the atmosphere shifted heavily.

  “Ivy go and sit down in the living room I will be in shortly.

  Gentlemen just give me the telegram and go away.” Irene stood firm behind Jeanie for support, “I can’t madam I’ve got to give it to Mrs I Stanton.” Jeanie stood toe to toe with the private and stated her case again. “Again, I will deliver the message just leave.”

  Ivy opened the door on hearing the commotion and inquisitively stepped back out towards the porch, “What message, Jeanie what message.” Ivy paused as tears began to well, “its George isn’t it, “Ivy screamed at Jeanie, “its George isn’t it.”

  The telegram passed into Ivy’s hand and Jeanie in anger pushed both of the men back through the door. Irene took the message and read it back, “Dear Mrs Stanton, I regret to announce that your husband George Stanton has been killed in action.”

  Her sisters couldn’t help but acknowledge the chaos and one by one they started to appear as the news spread through the household like a plague.

  Jeanie felt powerless and she knew nothing would take the pain away and now her niece would never meet her father. Taking Jayne out of her crib she placed her in Ivy’s arms and as she lay there Jeanie’s heart sank all her problems seemed futile. Her self loathing and pity had made her loose sight of the importance of her family.

  Kissing the infant she brushed her hair away from her eyes and started towards the kitchen. Standing at the door Jeanie watched the rain roll down the glass and as she closed her eyes as the sickness returned.

/>   Watching the moon disappear behind the thick dark cloud she knew nothing else mattered except the need to look after her family.

  Taking deep breathes and waiting for the nausea to subside she rejoined the group. Jeanie whispered softly to the infant and the waves of disbelief crossed each siblings face. Holding onto Irene’s hand Jeanie bonded them solidly together.

  “As long as we’ve got each other we can do anything and I promise no matter what I will love and support you until the end.”

  Chapter 13

  Jeanie moved Ivy and the baby back into her bedroom knowing they needed more security now George wasn’t coming home.

  Ivy put on a brave face on for her family and the incessant “are you ok?” questions had become more of an annoyance as she started the grieving process.

  The comfort of having Jayne gave her purpose and Jeanie saw the reliance Ivy felt towards her.

  The house had been turned upside down by the news and Jayne had not slept in days. When Jeanie left for the base both infant and mother were sleeping soundly and in all of it’s turmoil at least peace and quiet had reigned for a few small hours.

  Reaching the garage Jeanie called Mike into the office trying to get to grips where they now stood.

  “How many left.”

  “We’ve got 260 out of the 500 done, but hey you’ve still got me boss lady.” He smiled cheekily and sat on Jeanie’s desk waiting for a response. Jeanie laid her head on the desk and put her hands over the back of her neck adjusting the hours worked and units fixed trying to surmise an end date.

  “OK another ten done tonight and we need to get that new lathe bit to create that secondary bearing. Other than that let’s push on and hopefully we can get these completed some time this century”

  “No prob’s boss. Just warning you as well your Lieutenant on the prowl wants figures. It’s bee non stop here with visitors just looking for you.”