Texas Hold 'Em

by PATRICK KAMPMAN

  “Wasted, my ass! Do you have any idea how valuable this information is?” asked Jacob.

  “Nope.”

  “At least you’re honest about your ignorance.” We followed him back to the office area. It was the only part of the big expanse that was well lit, and Jacob let out a loud whistle when he got his first good look at me. “Put him down on the couch. I need to take a gander at that leg; we might have to get you to a hospital pronto, unless you don’t mind losing it.”

  “We can call him Stumpy,” offered Bryan. “My brother always needed a good nickname.”

  “And here I thought I was born with one,” I said, wincing as Bryan and Megan helped me down on the old battered couch. I hoped any vermin I was displacing wouldn’t hold a grudge.

  Jacob gave me a once-over, but I was covered in so much blood he had a difficult time finding all of the wounds. Eventually he found the tears in my chest and back, the chunk missing out of my neck, a good portion of the glass bits embedded all down one side, and the piece missing from my leg. The leg was clearly the worst, and once he made sure nothing else was life-threatening, he bent down to examine it.

  Jacob squinted to get a better look, Lacey peering over his shoulder. Bryan had gone to check out the computer equipment while Megan stood back, her head down and to the side. She was wringing her hands in either concern or restraint.

  “Well, Chance, your brother might have the right nickname for you. You need a hospital, and even so, I’m not sure what they can do with most of your calf gone.”

  “I can fix it,” said Lacey. A wave of relief rushed through me, which quickly dissipated when she added, “More or less.”

  Jacob looked skeptical. “If you say so, Miss, but if it were me, I’d be wanting a hospital. Even so, I keep a few medical supplies on hand just in case. You’re welcome to use what I have.” Jacob rose and went off to fetch two large cases, both filled with medical equipment.

  “A few supplies?” Megan commented as Jacob opened the bags.

  “When you’re in the biz, you have to be prepared,” Jacob responded.

  “The biz?” Megan asked.

  “Christ, Chance, I thought they helped you out. How did they miss all the vampires?”

  “So you’re a vampire hunter too, huh?” asked Lacey.

  “A heck of a good one. And you might be a heck of a good doctor, but I’m not sure what you can do with that leg that would be any better than an emergency room downtown. Come on, Chance, you ain’t got no gunshot wound; there won’t be a report. Just tell them you were mugged. Cops are too busy nowadays to go bothering you too much about it. They’ll patch you up better there than we can do here on my couch, and they’ll send you on your merry way.”

  Jacob followed his speech with a look that pleaded for me to ignore the crazy blonde girl and go to the damn hospital already.

  “I’m not a doctor, so I won’t be needing the first-aid kit. But if you give me some scissors, I’ll show you what I can do that’s better than any emergency room,” Lacey said, nudging Jacob out of the way so she could get a better view of my leg.

  Jacob was wearing a full-force frown as he handed her an orange-handled pair of scissors from his desk. Lacey bent over me and started cutting the pants away from what was left of my ruined leg.

  Before Jacob could ask the obvious question, Bryan interrupted. “Hey, dude, what’s up with your video on some of these cameras? Looks like some kind of freaky predator vision or something.”

  “What? Oh, those? You got it right, kid—it’s thermal, like the predator.” Jacob went to where my brother was examining the various camera outputs on the monitors. “I use ‘em so I can spot—”

  Jacob stopped mid-sentence, drawing everyone’s attention to him. When he grabbed a handgun that had been hidden under the desk and spun at a speed I didn’t think the old guy capable of, we all turned with him.

  I thought Christian had somehow found us, but no one was there. Only empty aisles of grey metal shelving stacked high with bits of information disappearing into the darkened expanse of the loft.

  “What the hell, dude?” asked Bryan, the first to realize who Jacob was aiming at.

  I looked back at a shaken Jacob. In his trembling hands he held a .45 automatic leveled at Megan. The monitors behind him told me what he’d seen. The thermal display on the far right showed this office space. We all lit up in a combination of dark reds and oranges, except for Megan. She was in blues.

  “Vampire,” was all Jacob managed to get out, his throat going hoarse. I hoped he wasn’t having a cardiac arrest; I wasn’t sure if Lacey could fix those.

  “Yeah, but it’s okay. She’s my brother’s old lady. Get it? Old lady? ‘Cause she’s like a vampire, and all old and shit? Damn, I crack myself up!” said Bryan. “Seriously, though, dude, put the gun down.”

  “Not sure you’re helping there, Bry,” said Lacey, who was splitting her attention between the guy with the gun and my leg. I’m not sure which concerned me more: that she had a nickname for my brother, or the strange sensation I felt after she touched my leg. The blood that had been slowly oozing out of me had turned direction and was heading for her hand.

  A lot of it was leaking out of me then, and it could be used for more than blowing up vampires. I had a sneaking suspicion that it was being aimed at the guy with the gun.

  “Jacob, it’s all right. She’s cool. Put the gun down and we can talk about it.” I tried to sound as sincere as I was.

  “Put the piece away and chill so Lacey can do her magic stuff and I don’t have to watch my big brother hobble around in a circle for the rest of his life. It’s not like the gun’s going to do much to the vampire anyway. Trust me, dude, I accidentally emptied half a magazine into Megan an hour ago. It mostly just pissed her off.”

  “My God, are you telling me that girl is a witch? Chance, what have you done? Who are these people?” Jacob stared at Megan, finally realizing that some of the holes in her dress were indeed from bullets.

  “I’m going to have to go with Lacey on this one, Bryan—you’re not helping.” For her part, Megan waited calmly with her hands by her sides, purposefully non-threatening, though I had no doubt she was ready to move if required.

  Lacey now cupped a small puddle of my blood in her palm. I’m not normally squeamish, but it was unnerving to watch my blood steadily flow into her hand. Not to mention she was getting twitchy. When she started a barely audible chant, I figured this was going to go downhill unless I stopped it fast.

  Jacob focused on me. “Was it you, Chance? Did you kill Robert? Fred?”

  And the paranoia never stops.

  I sighed. “No, Jacob, I didn’t kill anyone. Well, at least not Robert or Fred. Like I said, these people are my friends.”

  “Chance, you don’t understand—she’s a vampire!” And by that, he implied she could never be my friend.

  “Dude, I think he knows that; I mean, they’ve been all up in each other’s business,” said Bryan, ignoring everyone’s pleas for him to shut up.

  “That can’t be.” Jacob, if possible, looked even more horrified at the idea, even if it was slightly exaggerated. Not that I hadn’t wanted to be all up in her business. The opportunities just kept getting foiled.

  “Nah, dude, it is. They might be dead, but vampires can totally have sex.” Bryan was nothing if not enthusiastic in his effort to push Jacob farther over the edge.

  “Jacob, I know it’s a lot to swallow, but it’s okay. And really, Megan’s harmless.” I did my best to sound reassuring, while ignoring both Megan’s raised eyebrows and Lacey’s snort at my calling her harmless, neither being particularly appreciated or helpful.

  “Now, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to put the gun down. Lacey is going to give back my blood.” Megan’s attention snapped to fixate on the contents of Lacey’s palm. The desire in her eyes was unsettling. Jacob also spared a glance that way, only now realizing that the witch was up to something. His gun moved halfway betwe
en the girls, unsure which was the greater threat.

  “Bryan is going to shut up. And I’m probably going to pass out. After which Lacey is going to patch me up and we’re going to get Megan something to eat before we do have an issue, because despite what Bryan said about his bullets, they did cause Megan to lose a lot of blood and she hasn’t eaten yet tonight.”

  “I’m only a little hungry; it’s not like I’m not going to go feral and eat everyone.” Megan went for a casual smile and was only partially successful. She was trying her best to appear calm and rational.

  Somehow Jacob managed to look even more horrified. “It hasn’t eaten tonight? Chance, it’s almost morning! You knowingly brought a wounded starving vampire into my house!”

  “I’m not starving, just a little hungry,” said Megan.

  “Technically, Jacob, you’re the one that invited her in. But I take full responsibility for her actions,” I said.

  “Like that will matter after we’re all dead!” Jacob was starting to sound a little manic.

  Lacey rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so melodramatic. She’s tiny; she doesn’t eat that much. She’d stop after one or two of us so we won’t all be dead. And really, Chance? All of her actions? ‘Cause if so, could you please tell her to stop putting all of my stuff away in the house where I can’t find it?” Lacey and Megan exchanged glares while I kept a wary eye on Jacob.

  “You live with her?” Jacob asked Lacey. The alien idea momentarily pushed aside his terror.

  “What, you’re surprised? Have you seen the rents in the Bay Area? If I could handle the smell, I’d share a place with a pack of werewolves,” said Lacey.

  “Come on, Jacob, put the gun down. If Megan wanted to do anything to you, she would have already. And they’ve both helped me. Not only here today, but back in California with that stupid urn of yours. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for them.” And that was the ironic truth.

  “Wait a second, that was his urn?” said Lacey, pointing at Jacob with the hand not full of my blood. “Mister, you have a lot of explaining to do. That thing almost killed a lot of people. Me being one of them.”

  Jacob was taken aback, accused of villainy by what he considered to be the bad guys. “It wasn’t mine! I was trying to get it destroyed!”

  Lacey snorted. “What, by having Chance here do it? That was an epic fail waiting to happen.”

  “Hey!” I said. “It worked out okay. Now please, can’t we all get along? At least long enough for Lacey to patch up my leg?”

  Jacob glanced at my ruined leg and reluctantly lowered his gun, though he still held it ready at his side. I suspect the only reason he acquiesced and didn’t simply open fire was that he knew it wouldn’t do him any good. Even so, the gesture was a start.

  With the immediate threat averted, Lacey extended her arm to Megan. With raised brows she offered the contents of her palm to her friend, who, after looking at it awkwardly, shook her head. Lapping one’s dinner out of someone’s hand wasn’t dignified.

  Lacey shrugged and then dribbled the contents over my open wound. Her face scrunched up as she began to concentrate. Words I didn’t understand flowed from her lips, and the blood began to dance.

  Even Jacob was transfixed, reluctantly taking his eyes off Megan to watch Lacey as she worked her magic. His expression was torn between revulsion and awe as my blood ran in unnatural directions.

  Chapter 8

  I must have passed out, because I don’t remember anything else before Lacey’s voice pushed through the cobwebs.

  “Am I good or what?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s you and me head behind those shelves and find out,” said Bryan.

  My hands were encompassed in a cool grasp that gave a squeeze when I opened my eyes. Megan sat next to me on one of the office chairs, holding my right hand in both of hers. Lacey stood over us, smugly surveying her work.

  I looked down at my leg. It was still a mess, but the wound had knitted itself closed, covered by an ugly scab. It was still horrific, and there was a still a slight indentation where the meat was simply gone, but it was nowhere as deep as before. I’d had no idea Lacey could re-grow muscle. The pain had also become more generalized, to the point where I could no longer tell what hurt. It had transformed into a throbbing ache that permeated my every pore.

  Jacob looked ill. He caught my eyes. “Chance, it was unnatural. Chance, she used a por—”

  Lacey cleared her throat loudly, covering up what Jacob was going to say.

  I looked at Lacey for an explanation, but she purposefully avoided my eyes, saying, “Now all we have to do is feed the vamp. Looks like you’re up, Bryan.”

  “What, me? Oh, hell, no.”

  “Look, your brother has lost too much blood already; he can’t do it. And he certainly isn’t going to volunteer.” She pointed a thumb to where a green-tinged Jacob stood, still holding the gun down by his side like a lethal security blanket. “So that leaves you.”

  “What about you?” asked Bryan.

  “I saved your brother; my good deed for the day is done.”

  “Why didn’t you bring any blood with you?” I asked. It seemed like a reasonable question, but then again, I was pretty woozy and tired.

  “We were kind of in a hurry. Besides, have you tried taking blood bags through airport security lately? It’s frowned upon.” Lacey seemed to glow as she talked to me. My savior. A soft cool light radiated around her. I frowned. It wasn’t possible. She was one of the last people I would have called angelic.

  The expression on my face obviously concerned her, because she looked down at herself, trying to figure out what was wrong. Bryan was the one who noticed the light coming in through the window behind her.

  “Shit, sun’s almost up.”

  “Jacob, do you have a place without any windows?” I knew the answer before I asked the question. A guy like Jacob was bound to have some sort of panic room. The question was, would he let us use it?

  “Why?” The answer came to him right after he asked the question. “Oh no. No, no, no. No. I can’t be housing no vampire! You’re fixed. Y’all need to get out of here right now.”

  “We can’t, Jacob, it’s almost daylight. It’s only for one day. Come nightfall, we’ll be gone.”

  “Chance, I sleep here. Man, this is my home. It’s bad enough having one of those things visit, but to have it stay? In my house?”

  We both turned at the sound of a squeaking door. Lacey had opened the small refrigerator and was helping herself to a bottle of Mexican Coke, the kind with real sugar, and a slice of leftover pizza. Jacob opened his mouth to say something, then promptly shut it, deciding not to piss off the otherworldly terror plundering his fridge.

  Lacey took a bite and frowned. “This is awful.”

  “We don’t do good pizza in Texas. But our Tex-Mex and barbeque rock. Speaking of food, Bryan, can you please feed Megan?” It felt strange asking him to do that, not only because it made it sound like Megan was a dog, but I felt a weird sense of jealousy asking someone else to take care of her for me.

  “And, Jacob, if you could put us up for the day, I would owe you one. I promise we’ll leave as soon as it’s dark.”

  “One? You owe me more than one, boy. Bringing people back to my home— wait, no, not people—monsters back to my home, then borrowing my car, then—” He stopped abruptly.

  “It’s fine, you can call us monsters. Chance does it all the time, and it hasn’t stopped him from sleeping with one,” said Lacey, her voice trailing off as she stared at Bryan, who had begun shuffling up to Megan with his neck crooked.

  Megan scowled, but I noted that she didn’t correct Lacey about us sleeping together. I wondered if Megan had told her we hadn’t, or if it was some kind of chick game going on.

  “Your car is fine,” I said, guessing the real reason for Jacob’s sudden stop in verbiage.

  “It had better be fine! I am the original owner of one mint-condition 1971 Cadillac, and that purple minivan sitting o
ut in front—”

  “Burgundy,” Lacey corrected.

  “Burgundy minivan,” Jacob continued, his voice rising, “out in front of my store is certainly no 1971 mint-condition Cadillac. If that car is not somewhere being detailed, vampires will be the least of your problems.”

  “Your car’s okay,” I insisted.

  “Where is it?”

  “At Fred’s.”

  Jacob’s eyebrows drew together. “Didn’t you say the vampires burned down his house?”

  “Yeah, but I mean, your car was at least twenty yards away.”

  Jacob’s spluttering was interrupted by my brother. “Hey, if it was big and gold, I saw someone leaving the theater with it when we got there. Some dude tore out after it in an Explorer.” Bryan stopped in front of Megan, his neck bent. “Well, what are you waiting for? Mack down.”

  Megan finally noticed my brother. She looked even more uncomfortable than when Lacey had offered her a handful of my blood earlier. “I’m not sure I can do this.”

  Lacey was exasperated. “It’s not like you haven’t done it with an audience before. Or is it this particular audience? We can all turn around if you like, though you’ve never been bashful before….” I made a mental note to follow up with Lacey about that comment.

  “It’s not that; I’m worried the stupid might be contagious.” Megan was doing a stellar impression of a five-year-old being accosted by a plate full of Brussels sprouts.

  “Hey! That’s cold!” said Bryan.

  Megan turned to Jacob. “Do you think I could borrow a glass?”

  Jacob was a little shocked at being directly addressed by the vampire, but he managed to open a desk drawer and used two fingers and a fully extended arm to hand Megan a “vacuum cleaner repairmen do it with suction” mug.

  Megan read the cup with upturned brows, then cast a wary eye into it, using a finger to remove something objectionable from its interior. She flicked the offender away and walked up to Bryan. Ignoring his tilted head, she took hold of his wrist and, with a quick slice, cut it with her nail.