Love & Lies

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “I’ll have the shrimp cocktail,” I stated.

  “Very well. I’ll bring your drinks and appetizers, and then I’ll take your lunch orders.”

  “Thanks,” I said, and he left the table. Then I looked at Janine. “Do you know which entrée you’re going to have?”

  “Maybe grilled salmon.”

  “I was thinking the same thing. Either that or the stuffed flounder. I haven’t tried it here before, but I’ve heard it’s really good.”

  “You must think I’m the craziest and most naïve woman you’ve ever met,” Janine said, getting back to the subject we’d been discussing.

  “No. Absolutely not. I mean, I wish you had been able to see Antonio the same way I saw him, but hey, we all make mistakes, and somewhere along the way we all end up believing in someone we shouldn’t.”

  “Still. I feel so stupid. Especially at thirty-five years old.”

  “What you have to do now is throw that jerk out and move on with your life.”

  “I’m just hoping it’ll be that easy,” she said, and then told me how she’d heard that Antonio had beaten up the last woman who’d tried to get rid of him.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you definitely have to be careful. Because even though that fool has a degree, I’ve always thought he had thuglike tendencies. And the more I think about it, maybe you should just call the police and have them come wait for him to pack his things and leave.”

  “I don’t know. I told him thirty days, and if I change it, I’m betting it will only make things worse.”

  “Gosh, J, I hate to see you going through this.”

  “Makes you appreciate how good a man Curtis really is, doesn’t it?”

  At first I just stared at Janine, and then I decided that it was time I confided my suspicions to at least someone. I didn’t want to worry my parents, and outside of the two of them, Janine was the only other person I trusted completely.

  “Curtis is a good provider, but I don’t think I would go as far as saying he’s a good man.”

  “And why is that?” she asked, and I could tell she was stunned by my comment.

  “Because Curtis isn’t the person you think he is. You don’t know the whole story on the good reverend, and now I think he’s messing around with someone else.”

  “Why?”

  Because he’s cheated on every woman he’s ever been married to. That’s what I wanted to tell her, but for some reason I couldn’t. I guess there was a part of me that still wanted everyone to believe I had it all. Love, money, and a perfect marriage. Maybe at some point I would tell her how ruthless Curtis had been since the day I’d met him, but not today. I also didn’t want to have to tell her how he had in fact changed for the good when we’d first gotten married, but then I’d nearly destroyed our relationship forever.

  So instead I took a different approach. “Haven’t you ever noticed how much Curtis is on the road?”

  “Yeah, but you’ve always said it was because he’s out doing speaking engagements at churches as well as promoting his books.”

  “I know, but with three titles in print and all of them being national best sellers, Curtis doesn’t have to be gone as much as he is. He tries to claim that all of this traveling is still necessary, but I know it’s not. Curtis is gone simply because he doesn’t want to be here with me.”

  “Wow. I’m speechless.”

  “Only because Curtis and I both know how to put up this huge front when other people are around. Although lately he hasn’t really been doing that as much as I have. His attitude toward me has gotten a lot worse over the last six months, and that’s why I think someone else has his attention.”

  “Have you asked him?”

  “I’ve mentioned it during a number of arguments, but to be honest, he hasn’t confirmed or denied anything.”

  “Well, I think you should sit down and talk to him when he gets home.”

  “That’s the plan, but I will say this: I’m not going to fret over whatever Curtis is doing and I’ve already decided that life goes on and that I’m going to live mine even better than I have been.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning, I’m not giving up my home or anything else, and that I’m going to do whatever I please, the same as him.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I’m sure this all comes as a surprise to you, but like I said, you really don’t know Curtis. Most people don’t.”

  “Maybe you guys just need to get away for a while.”

  “Maybe. But I doubt it’ll happen because Curtis’s calendar is booked on and off throughout the rest of this year and well into next spring.”

  “Charlotte, I am so sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Because I’ll be fine no matter what.”

  “I believe that, but still.”

  “Really, I’m okay. And you just worry about kickin’ that bum Antonio to the curb as soon as possible.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  “I’m here if you need me. Day or night.”

  “I know that. And thanks. Your friendship means more to me right now than ever because I really don’t have anyone else. It’s at times like this that I wish my mom was still here with me. I miss her so, so much,” she said, referring to her mother passing just before she’d moved here to Mitchell.

  “I can only imagine.”

  When we finished our meals, we left the restaurant and I dropped Janine at her condo. I prayed that Antonio wasn’t going to be trouble and that he wouldn’t do anything to harm her physically. I could tell he was already upsetting her emotionally and that was enough in itself.

  As I drove away and onto the main highway, heading home, my cell phone rang and I saw that it was an unknown number.

  “Hello?” I answered. But no one said anything. “Hello?” I said again, and heard someone breathing, but still there was no response.

  So I flipped my phone shut and dropped it onto the seat.

  As soon as I did, it rang again.

  “Hello?” I said, but this time the other party hung up first.

  I despised hang-ups and prank calls, and if this kept up, I was going to have my number changed. Something I wasn’t going to be happy about because I’d had this same number ever since we’d moved to Mitchell and everyone who meant anything to me had it.

  I drove a few more miles before my phone rang yet a third time.

  I snatched it up, opened it, and yelled, “Hello?”

  “Hi baby, how are you?” the voice said.

  “What? Who is this?” I said, and a wave of nervousness penetrated my soul.

  “Come on now, baby, you know who this is.”

  “Oh my God, no,” was all I could manage, and even that was in a whisper.

  “Oh my God, yes,” Aaron mocked me. “So how are you? Or better yet, how’s our little girl?”

  “Aaron, why are you calling me?” I said, pulling to the side of the road and placing my gear in park.

  “Because I needed to hear your voice and I needed to check on my daughter.”

  “You don’t have a daughter.”

  “Of course I do. I saw my boy Curtis on television doing an interview and he said he had a five-year-old daughter. Which of course we both know that the daughter he’s talking about is actually mine. Plus I did the math. And back then, you and I were definitely sexing each other up every chance we got.”

  “Just stop it. You’re not her father. Curtis and I had a paternity test done before she was even born, and it proved beyond a doubt that he was the father.”

  “Like I said, Charlotte…how’s our little girl?”

  “Aaron, I’m calling the police as soon as I hang up.”

  “And you think that’s going to stop me from coming to get my child?”

  “Donovan,” I heard someone call to him in the background. “Who are you talking to?”

  “No one,” he lied.

  “Hello?” a mal
e voice said to me.

  “Yes.”

  “Who am I speaking with?”

  “Who’s this?” I asked.

  “Dr. Goldstein.”

  “Are you Aaron’s doctor?”

  “I’m Donovan’s doctor.”

  “Well, I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but your patient went by the name of Aaron when he moved here to Mitchell, Illinois, and he tried to burn my home down with me in it. My name is Charlotte Black.”

  “Oh dear God, Mrs. Black. Yes, I know the whole story and I’m so sorry that Donovan has bothered you. I left him alone in my office for only a few minutes, and I guess he took advantage of the situation. He knows that he’s only allowed supervised phone calls, and I can assure you that this won’t happen again.”

  “Is he still in Michigan?”

  “Yes, and you don’t have a thing to worry about. I would, however, get my phone number changed. Just to make sure he’s not able to contact you again.”

  “I will.”

  “Again, I apologize for the inconvenience.”

  “Take care, Doctor.”

  When I dropped the phone back down on the seat, I hung my head back against the headrest, held my chest, and tried to breathe again.

  I tried to breathe and at the same time believe that Aaron truly wasn’t going to be a problem. All I could hope was that I’d never hear from him ever again.

  I hoped and prayed like my life depended on it.

  Chapter 4

  JANINE

  Why couldn’t Antonio just leave on his own? was all I could think as I climbed out of bed and dragged myself into the bathroom. I was terribly exhausted and it was all because I’d tossed and turned the entire night and hadn’t gotten more than a couple hours of sleep. Antonio had never come to bed and we still hadn’t said more than two words to each other since two days ago when I’d given him that ultimatum. Although his demeanor and facial expressions had spoken a thousand words, and I was now sure that he was waiting for me to say or do the wrong thing. It was as if he was hoping for some sort of confrontation, and I couldn’t deny that I was doing everything I could to avoid him. It was the reason I’d spent most of my time in my bedroom yesterday afternoon, right after Charlotte had dropped me off from lunch.

  I turned on the faucet, wet my face, and then cleansed it with this product I’d purchased over the phone. I’d seen it on an infomercial, and interestingly enough, it was actually working. My adult acne was finally gone for the first time in almost five years, and I couldn’t have been happier.

  After drying my face and moisturizing it, I went back into my bedroom, over to my closet, and slipped on a pair of black workout pants and a sweatshirt. I chose a sweatshirt over a T-shirt because the warmer I was initially, the more sweating I would do, meaning I would eliminate any excess water I had retained from the day before. I loved working out because it kept my body in such great shape and it gave me so much energy, but today I was more interested in the release of endorphins. I needed a pick-me-up, so to speak, and whenever my endorphins were released, I felt amazingly better. It was almost as if I rose to this natural high and couldn’t get enough of it.

  Next, I pulled on my socks and gym shoes and went down to the lower level where I’d transformed most of the space into an exercise area. I’d been adding piece by piece over a short period of time, and now I owned a high-end treadmill, not much different from the one I used at the health club whenever I went there, a Bowflex machine, a set of free weights, and a bicycle. Exercise equipment was the one thing I didn’t mind investing in since staying fit had definitely become one of my top priorities.

  Once there, I picked up the remote to the television, flipped it on, and searched for the Today show, and then I straddled the center of the treadmill and chose a manual program. But as soon as I stepped onto the belt, Antonio came down the stairs.

  “So how long are we going to keep doing this?” he said, dressed in the same sweater and jeans I’d seen him in yesterday.

  “Doing what?”

  “This. Not speaking to each other. Acting like we don’t care one way or the other.”

  “You seemed upset when you left out of here the other day, so I thought it was better not to say anything,” I said, choosing my words very carefully.

  “I left because you were basically saying that you want me out of your life.”

  And I do. “It’s not that, Antonio, but at the same time, I can’t keep paying for everything. I can’t keep taking care of you and me with one income.”

  “Oh, so is that how you see it? That you’re taking care of me?”

  Now I wished I’d kept my mouth shut altogether, because just that quickly his tone was beginning to shift and it wasn’t for the better.

  “What I mean is that I need your help,” I said, trying to fix my comment. “There are so many other things I want to do, and if I had help, I could save a lot more money. We could save so much more together.”

  “And we will. But at the same time, you can’t expect me to take just any job. You can’t expect me to stoop to such menial levels.”

  I wanted to tell him that menial paid a lot more than what he was earning, and that as far as I was concerned, there was no such thing when it came to employment. More than anything, I wanted to tell him to get over himself, to grow up, and to start acting like a real man.

  But I wasn’t crazy. So instead I said, “You’re right, and I’m sorry I even suggested those university positions to you the other day.”

  “You know, I was thinking. Maybe it’s time we got married. Because it’s not like it’s right for us to be living in sin the way we are anyhow.”

  He was ridiculously unbelievable. I’d been foolish enough to think he had potential and even more naïve for letting him freeload off of me, but the temperature in Maui would drop well below zero before I took his hand in holy matrimony. This, I promised, would never happen.

  Still, I went along for the sake of peace, but answered him very cautiously. “Maybe, but I still think it would be better if we took some time to plan our lives out and work toward getting you a job. I know you don’t want to keep hearing that, but there has to be something out there for you.”

  “Yeah, but in the meantime, why do we have to wait? Why don’t we just go down to the courthouse and do it there.”

  “Because that’s not the kind of memory I want for us,” I said, glancing at the readout on the treadmill. The incline was moving higher and I was already feeling the effects of it.

  “What do you mean, ‘that kind of memory’?”

  “I’ve always wanted a huge church wedding, and that takes money.”

  “Exactly. It’ll take the kind of money we don’t have, so I say we go before a judge and maybe take a honeymoon somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.”

  I bumped the speed up another mile per hour, breathed in and out, and wondered how I was going to discreetly change the subject.

  Then I finally said, “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you think about it,” he said, winking at me.

  I, of course, didn’t like the route this whole fiasco was taking, because once Antonio learned that I had no intention of becoming his wife, there was no telling what he might do. Although I was sure he’d claim it was that I didn’t think he was good enough to marry and that I wanted a man who could offer me a lot more than he could. If he did, he’d be right on both accounts.

  When he left, I pumped the incline up a bit higher than what the program currently called for, watched Al standing outside Studio 1A chatting with a few people in the crowd after reporting the national weather forecast, and then I listened to Ann report the news. I tuned in for at least another twenty minutes, and now sweat was pouring from my face and I could feel how drenched my chest, back, and stomach were as well. I worked another five minutes and then switched the machine into cool-down mode, and as expected, I felt better already. My adrenaline was cranking and it was definitely what I had needed. />
  Next, I spent twenty minutes on the Bowflex machine, then went up to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and drank all 16.9 ounces at once. Then I looked at the clock and headed toward my bedroom. This was my late day and I still had about two hours before my first class would begin, but I decided to go ahead and take my shower and get dressed. I hated rushing, and if I left in time, I’d be able to stop at Star-bucks for a caffè mocha.

  But when I walked into the bedroom, Antonio was lying across the bed without one stitch of clothing on. He lay there smiling and motioning with his hand for me to join him.

  “I can’t,” I said, and quickly looked away from him, because while I hated to admit it, I wanted him. I wanted him to make love to me the same as he always had, and at this very moment, I didn’t care about how irresponsible and lazy he was. What I cared about was the exceptional pleasure he was capable of giving me and how satisfied I would still feel a number of hours from now if I gave into him.

  “Baby, come here,” he said, and my body weakened. I knew this wasn’t going to help matters in the least, but I simply didn’t have the strength to fight him off. Sadly, I didn’t want to. I knew having sex with him was wrong, sinful even, but the man had incredible skills. He had an ability I was sure most men would envy if they ever saw him in action, wishing they could learn his expertise.

  Still, I tried to walk away, but the next thing I knew, I was standing in front of the bed and Antonio was undressing me. I guess he didn’t care about the fact that I was perspiring all over the place because he pulled me across the bed and was now having his way with me. So much so that all I could do was close my eyes, moan, and enjoy all that he was doing. I moaned and decided that for now, I wouldn’t concern myself with the negative aspects of our relationship. I wouldn’t worry about the ultimatum I’d given him or that our time together was limited. Instead, I would selfishly take from him what I could get while I could get it and I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Especially since he had taken a whole lot more from me than I cared to think about. More than he would ever be able to repay me for, so this was the least he could do for me.