Love & Lies

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  The very least indeed.

  I’d just finished teaching my last class of the day and my students were walking out of the room, one by one. At the same time, I found myself reminiscing about Antonio and how wonderfully he’d made me feel just hours ago. Sex had always been excellent with him, but today had been the absolute best. It was as if he’d worked harder than usual at satisfying me, making sure I knew just what I’d be missing once he was gone. And I did know. I felt the pain of being alone and the fear that I would never find my soul mate.

  I sighed deeply, picked up a stack of quizzes that my students had just taken, and prepared to head up to my office. But when I looked up, Antonio was heading toward me. He was holding an enormous bundle of long-stemmed hot pink roses and was smiling from ear to ear. He was also holding a tiny box wrapped in silver paper and adorned with a shiny white ribbon.

  “What’s all of this?”

  “It’s my way of saying I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said, passing me the beautiful flowers—which were nice, but the little silver box was what worried me.

  “Open it,” he said.

  I didn’t want to, not here at the university, but I could see that I didn’t have much choice. So I did what he asked. I untied the ribbon, removed the wrapping, and pulled the lid off of the box. Then I pulled out a black felt case and eased it open. At first I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, but when I pulled out a white gold princess-cut diamond solitaire that was at least a carat and a half, I knew I wasn’t dreaming. It didn’t have the best clarity I’d ever seen, but it was pretty obvious that he’d paid good money for it. The question was…

  “How were you able to afford this?” I asked.

  “Oh, here we go. Is that all you care about?”

  “Well, no, but Antonio, you have to admit that my curiosity is definitely warranted.”

  “Well, for now let’s just enjoy the moment. Let’s enjoy the fact that I love you and that I want you to be my wife.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I said for lack of a better response.

  “Say yes.”

  “It’s not that simple,” I said, stalling. Now, all sorts of terrible thoughts were crossing my mind. I mean, had he stolen this from some jewelry store or purchased it from some pawnshop? Was he doing something illegal that I didn’t know about? Because there was no way he could afford this.

  “So are you saying no?” he said, and this time his tone wasn’t as cordial.

  “No, I’m not saying anything, but I really need you to tell me how you bought this.”

  “Fine. You’ll have to find out sooner or later, anyway, so I might as well tell you now. I used one of your credit cards.”

  “You what? How?”

  “I used one of your credit cards.”

  “But I haven’t given you any of them, Antonio.”

  “I know, but for a long time I’d been trying to figure out a way to buy you an engagement ring, and then about three months ago this preapproved letter came for you, I opened it, filled it out, and then requested a second card in my name as an authorized user.”

  I stood there, batting away tears, and I couldn’t say a word.

  “I know it wasn’t right for me to forge your name, but since we’re going to be married anyway, I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

  “But I do mind, Antonio.”

  “Oh, give me a break, Janine. Money, money, money. I’m so sick of you whining about money all the time,” he shouted.

  “Will you please keep your voice down? This is a university.”

  “Do I look like I care about any of that? Do I?” he said, invading my space. I stepped backward.

  “Let’s just discuss this at home,” I hurried to say before one of my colleagues suddenly walked by and witnessed our disagreement.

  “No, we’ll discuss it right here, and since we’re on the subject, you might as well know that I’ve already maxed out the ten-thousand-dollar credit line they gave you. That ring I went out of my way to get you was almost four thousand, I spent another couple thousand on some new clothes and shoes that I needed, and I spent the rest here and there through cash advances.”

  “And you just started using it this month?”

  “No, I’ve been using it ever since it came.”

  “Then why haven’t I seen any statements?”

  “Because I’ve been filing them away and trying to figure out how to pay the bill.”

  “Antonio, no. Please don’t tell me that my account is past due.”

  “Well, it is. And maybe if you hadn’t been harassing me all the time about money, I would have felt more comfortable telling you about this, and then at least you could have made the minimum payments. So if you want to blame someone, blame your damn self, because this is basically all your fault.”

  Was he kidding?

  “You know what, Antonio? I want you out of my house by this weekend. Today is Thursday and I want you gone by Sunday.”

  “What? You want me gone? Huh!”

  “Yes, because I can’t live like this anymore,” I said, gathering together the quizzes and placing them in my leather briefcase. I also picked up a textbook and a few other documents and attempted to walk around Antonio.

  But he snatched me tightly by my arm and I dropped the book and a few papers onto the floor. “I’ll leave when I’m good and ready to leave, and if you even think about trying to force me out any sooner, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Do you understand me? Because I’m not playing with you.”

  I wanted to tell him that he was hurting me, but somehow I knew it would be safer if I didn’t say anything.

  “I’m not one of those little students you teach, and I suggest you recognize that before you end up like the last two women who tried to put me out,” he said, turning me loose and shoving me at the same time against the desk. Then he picked up the roses and slammed them against the floor and placed the ring box inside his jacket. “I guess I’ll see you at home,” he said, and walked out.

  I breathed freely again but my nerves were shot. My worst nightmare was finally happening and I knew Antonio wasn’t joking. His threats were more like promises and I couldn’t help wondering what it would take to get rid of him. I wondered how I would rid myself of this monster I’d helped create, but deep down I was terribly afraid.

  I was sure I must have looked pretty stupid to Charlotte and anyone else who knew that I’d allowed a man to take such blatant advantage of me, but what they didn’t know was that I had a very good reason: my sister and only sibling had once found herself in the same situation three years ago and she’d lost her life because of it. She’d been living with a man who, like Antonio, didn’t see a reason to work and who had ultimately begun abusing her physically and mentally. She’d even gotten to the place where she didn’t call Mom, Dad, or me because her boyfriend forbade it. But finally, after everyone had kept demanding that she call the police and put him out, she did, and the next evening he’d waited outside her apartment and then stabbed her to death. She’d just arrived home from work and was preparing to step outside her car, but he’d killed her before she was able to.

  Still, I never talked to anyone about the way my sister died because I’d been one of the family members who’d been upset with her for not getting rid of him sooner, and talking about what happened only intensified my guilt. I remember thinking how kicking him out once and for all should have been the easiest thing for her to do. Yes, I’d allowed men to use me financially, but I just couldn’t see allowing a man to move in with you, take over everything, and then slap you around whenever he felt like it. I hadn’t been able to fathom it. Yet now, here I was in the same predicament, and it was the reason I knew I had to be very cautious in the way I handled Antonio.

  Chapter 5

  CHARLOTTE

  Thank God it was Friday. It was the end of another school week and this meant the children and I would be able to sleep in a few hours longer tomorrow morning. Trac
y, our full time housekeeper, always helped out with the children, but I still got up every morning at six like clockwork. I’d never been a morning person and was never going to be, but I felt an obligation toward seeing the children off to school and I also drove them when it was my week to carpool. Although there were times when Marissa refused to ride with one of the other parents or those “silly children,” but Matthew loved traveling to school with any of his friends and schoolmates. He’d been that way for as long as I could remember and he got along with everyone. For a twelve-year-old boy, he had a real heart and he cared about others. He had not a selfish bone in his body, and I was extremely proud of that.

  But that little Marissa was a completely different story. All she cared about was herself and she didn’t mind stepping on whomever she had to in order to get what she wanted. She was mean-spirited and manipulative and she didn’t have many friends. But the thing was, it didn’t seem to bother her. She didn’t care that none of the girls at her school invited her to their birthday parties or sleepovers or that no one ever asked her to go on any outings with them. It was almost as if she had no real emotions to express about anything. Sure, she loved her father, but that was pretty much where it ended. Of course, I wanted to believe that she loved me, too, a mother who would give her life for her, but Marissa honestly didn’t act like it. And her feelings and actions toward her brother were worse. She did terrible things to him whenever she felt like it, and the only time she pretended to love him was when she wanted something he had or she wanted him to take her to the movies.

  Needless to say, Matthew, being the child he was, would always do what she asked, I guess hoping she would eventually love him unconditionally, but I had to admit that there were days when I wished he would treat her the same as she treated him. Because maybe then she’d see how it felt to be misused by another human being. It was hard to believe that I had all this to say about a five-year-old.

  “Mommy, I need five dollars,” Marissa announced, and drank some of her orange juice.

  “Five dollars, for what?”

  “Because I don’t have any money in my purse.”

  “Little girls don’t need that kind of money. Especially to take to school.”

  “I’m telling Daddy you wouldn’t give it to me. He’s coming home this afternoon.”

  “I don’t care who you tell, and just for your little information, your father won’t be here until tomorrow.”

  “No he won’t. Because this morning when I got up, I called him and he told me he’ll be here when I get home from school,” she said with a smirk, and I wanted to slap her. She’d reported this major news flash and was practically taunting me with the fact that she knew more about my own husband than I did.

  Matthew looked at her and then me, but didn’t say anything.

  “Honey, do you need me to drive you to your dance at school tonight?” I asked, ignoring Ms. Thing altogether.

  “Yes, and we need to pick up Jonathan and Elijah on the way,” he said after swallowing more of his oatmeal.

  “No problem. Just let me know what time you want to leave.”

  “Dances are stupid,” Marissa complained, and I could tell she envied her brother and the time he spent with his two best friends.

  “No they’re not,” he disagreed. “Dances are the bomb.”

  “You make me sick, Matthew,” she said, shoving her bowl of cereal away from her and pouting. “I hate that I even have a brother.”

  Again Matthew looked at her, then at me, and didn’t say anything.

  And it was at that very moment that I realized Matthew thought his sister was crazy. I hadn’t paid attention to it before, but now I could see it in his eyes.

  “Marissa, that’s enough,” I told her. “And I don’t ever want to hear you say anything like that again. Your brother loves you, and I want you to stop being so mean to him.”

  “He’s mean to me, too.”

  “When?” Matthew said. “When am I ever mean to you?”

  Marissa just rolled her eyes at him and then played with her food. I suppose because she knew her accusation was false. She knew her brother was kind to her and had been since she was born. Even then he would go into her nursery, admiring her and talking to her when he was only seven years old.

  “Matthew,” the housekeeper, Tracy, sang, and patted him on the back. “It’s almost time for you to get going. Your ride’s going to be out there in a few minutes.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, smiling and finishing the rest of his food.

  “You, too, Miss Marissa.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Interestingly enough, Tracy was the only other person besides Curtis and my parents that Marissa seemed to love and respect. Although since we all loved Tracy, that wasn’t so surprising. The woman was a sweetheart and she was the best cook in the world. She was only forty-five but she cooked as well as my grandmother and she made almost everything from scratch. She kept the house spick-and-span, too. And while she and Curtis were the same age, I was glad she was a little country, sheltered, and homely, because that way I never had to worry about Curtis coming on to her. Unattractive women weren’t his thing. This I knew for sure.

  “Miss Tracy, can you drive me to school today? Pleeease.”

  “I thought you were riding with Mrs. Rhinehart.”

  “I don’t want to anymore. So, pleeease, can you?”

  “Well, I am heading to the store, so if it’s okay with your mom, I will.”

  “Mommy, can she?”

  It was amazing how friendly and smiley Marissa was right now. All because she wanted me to say yes to what she was asking. What a scheming little thing she could be.

  “Don’t you think it would be better if you rode to school with the rest of the children?”

  “No, Mommy. I don’t want to.”

  “Fine, Marissa.” I gave up because arguing with a kindergartner just wasn’t worth the headache.

  “See you later, Mom,” Matthew said, kissing me on the cheek and then rushing out of the house.

  But Marissa grabbed her book bag and the miniature purse Curtis had bought her during one of his trips to Miami, and sashayed out to Tracy’s car like she was an adult. She was too grown for her own good, and I didn’t know what we were going to do with her. I’d tried my best to teach her good manners, so all I could hope was that at some point she would somehow change for the better.

  As soon as the children and Tracy had left, I grabbed the phone book and thumbed through the yellow pages. I’d been debating whether or not this was the route I should take, but this morning I’d finally decided that it was time I hired a private detective. I hadn’t wanted to go to such extremes, but I didn’t see where there was any other choice. Not with Curtis traveling all over the country the way he was. If he spent most of his time right here in the city, it would be a lot easier for me to follow him, but since he didn’t, I had to do what I had to do. I desperately wanted to know who the tramp was, the one he was sleeping with, and whether she was only one of many.

  After searching through the “P” section, I saw a few agencies listed, but when I came to an ad that said, “If your husband is cheating, we’ll catch him—guaranteed or your money back,” I reached for the phone and dialed the number.

  “KP Investigations,” a female voice answered.

  “Hi, I’d like to make an appointment to speak with an investigator.”

  “Sure. When would you like to come in? Mr. Perry is going to be out of town on a job all day Sunday and won’t be back until late Monday night, but he’s pretty open for the rest of today.”

  “Let’s see,” I said, realizing it was only after 7 a.m. and that the receptionist was in the office rather early. “What about, say, around ten?”

  “Ten is fine, and just so you’re prepared, if you decide to hire Mr. Perry to handle your case, you’ll need to pay an up-front retainer before he begins working.”

  “Not a problem, and thanks so much for getting me
in so quickly.”

  “Okay, then. We’ll see you in couple of hours or so.”

  Well, this was it. I’d scheduled my initial consultation and now it would only be a matter of time before I found out everything. I had to admit, though, this whole idea made me a little nervous. It even made me a bit sad, because what I really wanted was to find out that Curtis wasn’t messing around on me after all. I knew it was wishful thinking, but what I wanted was for Curtis to love me the way he once had. I wanted us to recapture the love we’d genuinely shared together—love we’d had before I began sleeping with Aaron. I wanted life to be good between us again but I didn’t know if it would ever be possible.

  Before I went upstairs to get dressed, I realized I hadn’t spoken to Janine, so I called her cell number. I knew she had an eight o’clock class that she taught on Fridays, so chances were she was sitting at her desk, reviewing her lesson, or she was still in the car driving.

  “Hey,” she said, obviously seeing my number on her Caller ID.

  “Hey, yourself. How’s it going?”

  She sighed deeply and I knew something was wrong.

  “Girl, I didn’t even want to bother you last night, but you won’t believe what happened yesterday!” she exclaimed.

  “What? And where are you?”

  “I’m about two minutes from the university. But yesterday Antonio came to my last class of the day, right when it was over, and he brought me a bunch of roses and an engagement ring.”

  “I know you’re kidding?”

  “No, but the killing part is that he used a credit card of mine to pay for it. That jerk actually forged my name on some preapproved letter and he’s had the card in his possession for three months. He even had one authorized in his own name.”

  “J, this is crazy. You have got to put that deadbeat out. Not next week, not next month, but now.”

  “I tried, but he threatened to do bad things to me if I brought it up again. And Charlotte, I believe him. I’m so afraid I don’t know what to do.”

  “You have to call the police.”