Love & Lies

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “There’s no such thing as luck, young lady, but yes, you are very blessed,” he said, picking her up—he picked up this demonic five-year-old who had just admitted that she wanted her brother or me terminated.

  And the same as every other time Marissa had shown how unstable she was, Matthew looked at her, then at me, and didn’t say a word.

  Today, though, I wanted to scream. I wanted desperately to tell Curtis about the stove incident, about the inexcusable way Marissa frequently treated Matthew and me, and about every other malicious act she had committed. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him anything because I couldn’t take the chance that he might start thinking that Marissa wasn’t his. I couldn’t take the chance of him believing that Aaron might be her natural father regardless of the paternity test results he’d been given. And although I knew keeping Marissa’s obvious issues a secret wasn’t the right thing to do, I didn’t see where I had a choice. Not when things were looking up for Curtis and me. Not when it seemed that our marriage finally had a chance at making it.

  So instead I kissed Matthew on his forehead, told him I loved him, and then did the same to Marissa.

  “I love you, too, Mommy,” she said, and then climbed into Curtis’s lap. “See you when you get back.”

  And it was only then that I realized who Marissa reminded me of.

  Rhoda Penmark, the little girl in The Bad Seed.

  I strode up the walkway to Janine’s condo but in the back of my mind I couldn’t help thinking about the horrible things Marissa had said to Matthew. I thought about the fact that this couldn’t have been the first time and how Matthew had kept quiet about all of it. Marissa had always spoken to him in a more than nasty tone, but until today I had never caught her wishing such tragedy and violence on him and it scared me. It also angered me, and I knew, for Matthew’s sake, I was going to have to do something about it. I wasn’t sure what, but there was no way I could continue allowing my son to be subjected to such abuse.

  When I rang the doorbell, it only took a few seconds for Antonio to answer it.

  “Is Janine here?” I said, even though I already knew she was because I’d called her from my cell phone.

  “She’s back there somewhere,” he said, leaving me at the door and heading back into the living room, totally dismissing me.

  I’d never liked him, but now I flat out couldn’t stand the sight of him. And I just knew that wasn’t marijuana I was smelling. Couldn’t be. Although from the looks of his scary-looking three-man posse, I wouldn’t be surprised.

  “Tonio, man, who’s that fine-ass mofo right there?” one of them said, and I cringed.

  “And is she puttin’ out anything, because I’d like to have me some of that,” another one added.

  “Man, you don’t want her,” Antonio advised. “She’s more uppity than that bitch Janine.”

  I walked away from the front door and headed down the hallway to Janine’s bedroom, but before I made it there, she leaned out from one of the spare rooms that she’d turned into a den.

  She looked at me, I walked in, shaking my head in disgust, and she closed the door behind me.

  “Girl, did you know those idiots were out there getting high?” I asked, sitting down on the sofa next to her and resting my handbag on the floor.

  “Yeah, I did.”

  “And you’re okay with that?”

  “No, I’m outraged. But what can I do?”

  “Put that fool out! And his friends, too.”

  “It’s just not that simple.”

  “I’m not saying it is, but how long are you going to allow this? Because now this joker is doing drugs and acting as though this is some party place.”

  “And that’s why I know I have to get him out of here.”

  “But when, J?” We were best friends and I loved her, but I was starting to tire from all this tolerance she seemed to have built around Antonio.

  “Soon. Very soon.”

  “Well, I hope so, because Antonio has lost his mind and he’s so disrespectful.”

  “That’s why I told you I didn’t think it was a good idea for you to come by here.”

  “I know, but since you weren’t at church, I wanted to see how you were. Plus, regardless of who Antonio thinks he is, I’m not afraid of him,” I said matter-of-factly, and then Antonio opened the door like some tyrant.

  “Hey, I need to borrow a hundred dollars,” he practically demanded.

  “I don’t have it,” Janine answered.

  “Liar.”

  “I’m not a liar. I really don’t have it.”

  “Then go to the ATM.”

  “Why don’t you go to the ATM?” I interrupted.

  “What? I just know you’re not talkin’ to me.”

  “Well, I must be because I don’t see anybody else in here begging for money.”

  “You need to mind your own business before you end up gettin’ hurt,” he said, frowning.

  “Charlotte, please just leave it alone,” Janine pleaded.

  “No, let this rich bitch keep runnin’ her mouth so I can show her who’s in charge over here,” he said, walking farther into the room and acting as if he wanted to hit me.

  I wished he would.

  “Look,” Janine hurried to say, and stood up. Next she went toward her bedroom. “All I have is a fifty.”

  “Then give me that,” he said, glaring angrily at me and following behind her.

  I was totally and completely astounded by what I’d just witnessed. Janine was already allowing him to live with her scot-free and now she was giving him money? I knew she was afraid of him, but maybe her fear was worse than I realized.

  I sat there for a few minutes until Janine returned to the den. Antonio followed her again.

  “And just so you know, I never liked you, anyway,” he declared to me.

  “Then that makes two of us, because I never liked you either. As a matter of fact, I don’t like any broke man I can think of.”

  “You know, instead of worrying about my business, you need to be worrying about that preacher husband of yours and all that traveling he does. Because you can bet he’s got women all across the nation and you’re just too stupid to realize it. Although from what I just heard from one of my boys a few minutes ago, there was a time when you were out there gettin’ your freak on, too. So maybe you and the reverend got it goin’ on like that.”

  I wanted to call him everything imaginable but I would never let him know how much he was upsetting me.

  “Yeah, Ms. Thing, it’s a small world after all, because it just so happens that Killer’s mother used to go to Deliverance Outreach and he knows the whole story on you and some crazy dude you hooked up with a few years back and how he burned down your house.”

  At this very moment, I felt like crawling under the sofa because Janine knew nothing about Aaron. At least I didn’t think she did, and I had planned on keeping it that way.

  “I’ll bet you didn’t know your girl was keeping these kinds of secrets from you, did you, Janine?” he continued, and then strutted away, laughing.

  Janine sat there for a few seconds, just as quiet as I was, and then she said softly, “Charlotte, I did know. I heard about it right after I moved here, but I couldn’t care less. You’re still my best friend and I would never judge you based on something that happened in your past. So forget Antonio. Forget everything he said, because it doesn’t mean anything.”

  I heard what she was saying but to me his words meant everything.

  They meant that as long as I lived in this gossipy little town, I would never be able to live down the horrendous mistake I’d made and that there would always be someone like Antonio who couldn’t wait to remind me of it.

  It was one of the things I missed about the big city of Chicago, because unlike here in Mitchell, everyone didn’t know everyone.

  Not everyone knew or cared about your business and that was good.

  It was a true benefit I missed.

  Chapt
er 11

  JANINE

  I eased farther down into the bathtub so that my entire body was completely covered with bubbles. The water was way past warm but not too hot, and I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time. Normally I would take soothing baths like this only at night because it helped me get a good night’s sleep, but this morning I’d decided that it might help to calm my nerves and prepare me for another week.

  Today was Monday, and of course this past weekend hadn’t been one of my happiest. It also hadn’t ended on the best note, not with Antonio embarrassing Charlotte the way he had last night. I’d felt so bad and it was the reason I had never brought the subject up to her. I’d heard the story more than once from a couple of women at the church, but to me the past is exactly that and all I knew was that Charlotte had always treated me like family. I was even sure that some of the versions I’d heard were exaggerated because each time I’d heard them, the story had been slightly changed. This was also the reason I never took rumors too seriously.

  I leaned my head against the back of the tub and closed my eyes. It was still very early, only five A.M., so I was glad I didn’t have to get dressed for a while. Although the more I thought about it, it might have been best if I left before Antonio awakened and found some new way to harass me. Worse, he might even try to finagle more money from me. I was still saddened by the fact that I’d given him anything at all, but now he was taking things too far. I knew Charlotte had been beside herself and hadn’t understood why I would give him cash, but she just didn’t know what I was up against. It was always so easy for people to be on the outside looking in and deciding what they would never do, what they would never, ever tolerate. But for the most part, whenever someone was so adamant on what they wouldn’t put up with, chances were they had never been in the situation in the first place.

  After soaking for almost an hour, I realized I’d nodded off to sleep for a few minutes. I hadn’t planned to but I guess I’d been more comfortable and content than I’d realized. However, I knew it was time I washed and got out. Which is what I did, and then turned the knob to drain the water.

  I stood up, stepped out, and dried myself with an oversized bath towel. Then I saturated my skin with this wonderful vanilla and almond body butter by a new company called Drippin’ Nectar by Janell. I’d also been using her scrubs and oils, too, for more than a year, and I must say that I hadn’t been able to find anything better. It was the reason I made sure to never run out of it.

  But so much for all the pampering I’d just given myself, because just when I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, Antonio came through the doorway. Of course it had been closed and he hadn’t knocked or anything. He was now sleeping in the guest bedroom and I was glad of that, but I wasn’t happy about him bursting in on me anytime he wanted.

  “You know,” he began, “that trick Charlotte has one more time to speak to me the way she did yesterday, so I suggest you put her in check.”

  I pulled my towel tighter around my body and went over to the dresser and pulled out my underwear, but I refused to acknowledge what Antonio was saying.

  “Oh, so now you’re gonna try to ignore somebody?”

  I went back into the bathroom, slipped on my panties and bra, folded the towel in half, and hung it on the chrome and gold rack. Then I came back out and went directly into my closet.

  “Janine, did you hear me?” he said, moving in behind me, and now I knew I’d better respond to him.

  “Yes, I did hear you, but what do you want me to say? Because it’s not like I can tell Charlotte what and what not to do.”

  “Well, you’d better. Because if you don’t, your little friend is going to find herself laid up at the hospital somewhere. She talks way too much and it’s all because her money has gone to her head.”

  “I’m sure you won’t have to worry about it, because after the way you humiliated her yesterday, I doubt she’ll be coming around here anytime soon.”

  “Good. Because I don’t want her here, anyway. And since we’re on the subject of what I want and don’t want, maybe this is as good a time as any to tell you how things are going to be around here from now on,” he said, dropping down in the chair near the window.

  “Meaning what, Antonio?” I said, stopping dead in my tracks.

  “Meaning, you can go and come as you please, because it’s not like I want you sexually anymore, anyway. To be honest, it was never all that great. You weren’t the worst I’ve had, but you definitely don’t qualify for any first-place medals. That’s for damn sure.”

  I swallowed hard and continued getting dressed, trying to pretend my feelings weren’t hurt.

  But he continued with his list of demands.

  “Next I want the refrigerator to be full at all times. I’ve noticed how you’ve been slacking up on your grocery shopping, I guess trying to punish me, but that shit ends today. I want it fully stocked with the things you know I like. Then, as far as my boys are concerned, I don’t want to hear any complaints about how much they’re hanging around, because we’re about to start us a little business venture and that means they’ll be in and out of here a lot.”

  “What kind of business venture?” I said, turning to look at him directly.

  “The kind that will make sure I’m never in the position you put me in yesterday, having to ask you for funds and you only giving me fifty percent of it. I told you I needed a hundred dollars and that’s what you should have given me.”

  “But I didn’t have it.”

  “Just stop it, Janine. Stop lying before you make me hurt you.”

  I backed away, went into the bathroom, and zipped open my makeup bag.

  “Ignore me all you want to, but I’ll bet you one thing. That refrigerator had better have a ton of food in it by this evening,” he said, yelling at me. He yelled a few more words and I prayed he would just leave the bedroom. I prayed that he would leave me alone altogether.

  But he wouldn’t and instead followed behind me again.

  “And just so we’re on the same page…if you even think about calling the police, you should know that my boys are capable of doing just about anything to anyone at anytime. Your family, including that drunk for a father you have in Ohio, and your skank friend that was here yesterday.”

  “Antonio, how can you do this to me, knowing that I’ve done everything I could for you?”

  “It’s like I told you before, you had no business thinking you could dismiss me like I was nothing. But since you thought you could, these are the new house rules and you either abide by them or else.”

  I gazed at him; however, all he did was walk away.

  But then he stopped and turned back toward my direction.

  “Oh and one other thing, Killer might need to stay here for a few days. His girl is actin’ almost as stupid as you are, and I told him he could crash here if he needed to.”

  I knew this should have sent me into a violent rage, but at this point I was too numb to feel anything.

  “Curtis, it’s so good to see you,” I said after entering the house and hugging my best friend’s husband. I’d just gotten off work and decided to pay them a visit.

  “I’m good. And you?”

  “Well, I guess you already know the story about Antonio,” I said. “So actually I could be better.”

  “Hey, J,” Charlotte said, embracing me.

  “Hey, girl. I know I called on short notice and I hate dropping in like this, but I just didn’t want to go home.”

  “Please,” Charlotte said, frowning. “Don’t you ever feel bad about coming over here. Not ever.”

  “Well, I do because I know the two of you only have a couple more days together before Curtis has to leave back out, and I didn’t want to interrupt like this.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Curtis said as we all sat down at the island in the kitchen. “You’re welcome here at any time. I know Charlotte has already told you that, but now I’m telling you, too.”

&
nbsp; “Thank you, Curtis. Knowing that I have both of you to turn to really means a lot.”

  Curtis sighed deeply. “So what are you planning to do about this?”

  “I don’t know, but I definitely can’t take much more of Antonio. He’s getting worse by the day.”

  “And what’s this Charlotte was telling me about some marijuana?”

  “He and his friends have started smoking it in my home, and I can tell they’re not going to stop.”

  “You do know you can go to jail for having that junk in your house, right?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “And you’re okay with that?”

  “No, not at all, but…” I paused because this was one of those times when I wanted to defend my failure to take action. I wanted to tell both Curtis and Charlotte about my sister and why I couldn’t move on ousting Antonio as quickly as they wanted me to.

  “But what?” Charlotte asked.

  “I have a plan,” I finally said.

  I really didn’t, at least not exactly, but I was starting to think that maybe it would be best if I just called the police to have them come wait for Antonio to gather his things and then escort him out. Charlotte had already suggested this that day we’d gone to the spa, and while I’d been hesitant then, maybe this was the only way. Maybe instead of talking about what I was going to do, thinking about how I ought to handle this, and listening to others offering the same advice over and over, maybe it was time I ended this whole mockery. Maybe it was time I ignored my fears and faced this ridiculous situation head-on the way I’d originally planned when I’d decided to give him a thirty-day ultimatum, regardless of what might happen to me in the process. Because there was a chance that maybe Antonio had realized what a wimp I was when it came to being threatened by him and he was actually only bluffing. On the other hand, maybe he really would do great harm to me the way he’d claimed.

  To tell the truth, I was making myself sick, let alone everyone around me, with all this wishy-washiness, and it was time I did something, and soon.

  “Aunt Janine,” Matthew said, smiling after closing the door behind him.