Love & Lies

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “I wondered where you were,” I said, hugging him.

  “I was at the arcade with Jonathan and Elijah and Jonathan’s mom just dropped me off.”

  “Did you have a good time?”

  “Yes, we always do every time we go. Hey, Dad,” he said to his father.

  “Hey, son,” Curtis said, bumping his fist against Matthew’s, and then Matthew hugged and kissed his mom on the cheek.

  “I know you have homework,” Charlotte reminded him.

  “Yes, but only in math and history.”

  “Well, as soon as you eat, you’d better get started.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Charlotte, where’s Marissa?” I asked.

  “In her room, I guess. She was down here when Tracy left for the day, but then she went upstairs right after you rang the doorbell.”

  Somehow I wasn’t surprised, because although Marissa was only five, she’d never cared that much for me. She wasn’t rude, but she never had much to say, and, like today, she usually migrated to her room whenever I came around. I wasn’t sure why she felt this way because I’d never done anything except treat her well, but apparently she had her reasons.

  When Matthew left, I saw Curtis wink at Charlotte and wondered if she still suspected him of having an affair. She hadn’t talked about it since the last time we’d had lunch, but to me, Curtis seemed happy and in love with her. I knew she’d said that they were both good at putting on a façade, but I still thought they had the ideal marriage, household, and family. I would still trade places with her anytime, because she was still so much better off than I was.

  Better off because she didn’t have a loser like Antonio to deal with.

  Although in a matter of days, maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with him either.

  Chapter 12

  JANINE

  As I pulled into the subdivision and drove around the curve, I saw Killer’s raggedy SUV parked in my driveway. But when I arrived in front of my condo, preparing to open the garage, I noticed another vehicle parked on the other side of Killer’s, so I had no choice but to park on the street. Even then, I had to park in front of yet another car I wasn’t familiar with.

  When I stepped outside and onto the pavement, I went around to my trunk and pulled out two of four large paper bags that were filled with groceries. It hadn’t been my plan, but Antonio had called me while I was still at Charlotte’s to remind me about the new rules. So, against my wishes, I’d stopped at the store and piled up a cart with food, snacks, sodas, juices, and paper products. I’d spent well over a hundred dollars on items I didn’t really want, but I’d done it just so I could have a peaceful night at home.

  As I approached the front door, I heard loud rap music playing from the stereo so I knew there was no sense in ringing the bell. I had my keys in my hand but I still struggled to hold both bags and unlock the door at the same time. But when it opened, I walked in and looked over in the dining room where Antonio and everyone else were sitting.

  “What’s up, Antonio’s Girl?” Nate said.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” Chad added.

  “Hey, what’s happenin’?” Killer said, and I wondered if they knew any other words, because this was the same thing they’d said to me a couple of days ago and in that same order.

  But actually, right now they were the least of my worries, because I was more concerned with the ghetto-fabulous-looking woman I saw leaning on Antonio. They all must have seen my concern as well because Chad and Nate got up and came toward me.

  “Let us help you with those,” Chad offered.

  “Do you have more in the car?” Nate asked.

  “Yes. Two of them,” I answered, but didn’t take my eyes off of Antonio and this mystery person.

  “So how was your day?” Antonio finally said, staring directly at me and then turning his attention back to the table.

  And it was only then that I thought I saw a scale, some plastic bags, and…something white. So I walked closer to get a better view, and sure enough, Antonio, Killer, and this woman were weighing, separating, and bagging cocaine. I even saw a few rocks of crack. I was shocked, of course, but before I knew it, I burst out laughing. I knew they thought I was crazy, but this was one of those moments when I had to laugh to keep from crying.

  “What’s so funny?” Antonio asked.

  But instead I raised my hand, dismissing him, and left. I went to my bedroom and slammed the door, but of course he stormed in behind me.

  “What’s the matter with you, embarrassing me in front of my friends like that?”

  “You’re in my house dealing drugs and you’re asking me what’s wrong?”

  “I told you we were starting a business and that’s exactly what I meant.”

  “Whatever,” I said, because I wasn’t about to argue with him about this.

  “Whatever is right, and if you can’t treat my boys with a decent attitude, then I suggest you stay in here until they leave.”

  I didn’t want to believe he was serious, but I knew full well he was.

  “Who’s that woman, Antonio?”

  “A friend.”

  “What kind of friend?”

  “The kind that knows how to stand by her man and support him in any way he asks her to. She’s also the kind that knows how to satisfy me in a way that you never could.”

  “So let me get this straight. You’re dealing drugs in my house, you’ve brought some woman you’re sleeping with in my house, and you think I should be okay with it?”

  “Exactly. Because it’s like I told you this morning, you’re free to do whatever you want, and, of course, the same thing goes for me.”

  I shook my head and flipped on the television.

  “You know, it’s getting to the point where I hate even having to look at you,” he continued. “So maybe you’re the one who needs to be searching for somewhere else to stay.”

  He made that ludicrously dim-witted statement and then left to go rejoin his business partners.

  I sat on my bed dumbfounded because I just knew he hadn’t suggested that I pack my things and move out of my own home, the one I paid a mortgage on, so that I could let him have it free and clear. I was naïve, unwise even, and a little too easygoing for my own good, but I wasn’t crazy. So he was in for a rude awakening if he thought this life we were living was going to continue.

  I slipped into a Mitchell University sweat suit and decided to call my father. I usually tried to speak to him at least four to five times per week, but with everything that had been going on, I realized I’d missed a few days. Not to mention I hadn’t seen him in six months. Although that wasn’t all bad, considering it wasn’t until after my mom passed that I’d even begun speaking to him again. I now regretted the strong animosity I’d held against him for so many years, but back then I hadn’t wanted a single thing to do with him. I hadn’t wanted anything to do with a man who’d never worked a legitimate job and who hadn’t really been there for my sister and me when we were growing up.

  I could still remember my mom having to work two jobs just to make ends meet. She did everything she could, making sure my sister and I were always clothed and fed, but my father never did anything except abuse her. More verbally than physically, but there was the time he’d hit her so hard he’d broken her jawbone and that’s when I’d promised him I would never speak to him again. And I’d kept that promise for sixteen years. I’d also convinced my mom to take my sister, who was two years younger than me, and leave him just before I’d gone off to college. She hadn’t wanted to, mainly because of fear, but she’d finally made up her mind to do it. She’d even filed for a divorce shortly after, but not without my father terrorizing her. Eventually, though, she’d listened to me and gotten an order of protection, and thankfully, going to jail was not something he’d desired.

  Today, however, I was in a different place spiritually and I was glad I’d finally been able to forgive him. It hadn’t been the easiest thing for me to do, but after visi
ting with him a few times and realizing he was all I had left, my heart had softened a great deal. It also had saddened me to learn that he was suffering with emphysema and was barely making it on a disability check and food stamps. Of course I sent him money each month, but I knew it wasn’t nearly enough. I also knew that he had to regret not staying with any one employer for more than a couple of months here and there. He was a very sad case, and I was sure that if he had it to do all over again, he would live his life a lot differently.

  I picked up the cordless phone and dialed my father’s number. It rang four times but he finally picked up before his answering machine connected.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Dad, how are you?”

  “Well, daughter, I’m still kickin’, but not too high,” he said with a smile in his voice, but I knew this meant he hadn’t felt too well today. “But how are you doing?”

  “I’m fine,” I told him, but Lord knows I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that I was more miserable than I’d ever been in my thirty-five years, but I just couldn’t see burdening him with such awful news.

  “Good, good. I’m glad to hear that.”

  “So what’d you have for dinner today?”

  “Oh, I had one of the neighbor ladies bring me a three-piece chicken dinner from the Colonel. And I enjoyed it, too. I hadn’t had anything from there in a while, but after seeing one of their commercials this morning, I thought I’d give it a try.”

  “I had Kentucky Fried Chicken one day last week and I hadn’t been there in a while myself.”

  “Hey, how’s that young man you brought with you the last time you were here? What’s his name?”

  “Antonio. And he’s doing fine,” I said, despising the fact that I was lying to my father about him.

  “Well, I really liked him, and you be sure and tell him I said hello.”

  “I will,” I responded, and then I heard my father coughing frantically. He did this all the time, but whenever he coughed straight from his chest, it usually meant he was smoking and more than likely drinking too much liquor.

  “Dad, are you okay?”

  “I think I am now,” he said, trying to calm himself.

  “I hate hearing you like this and I don’t know why you won’t quit smoking, because you know what the doctors told you a long time ago.”

  “Sweetheart, I know you don’t understand, but what else do I have? I mean, all I do is sit here day in and day out, watching television and talking on the phone to a few of my friends. And that’s not all that often. So if nicotine is going to take me out of here one day, then so be it.”

  “I know you’re lonely, and that’s why I asked you to come live with me.”

  “And I appreciate the offer but my place is here in Ohio. Plus I don’t want to be no trouble to you. I was more trouble to you than you deserved when you were a child, and now I want you to live the best life you can. I was never there for you girls the way I should have been, and I treated your mother like a dog on the street. I treated her bad and I’ll have to live with a mountain of guilt for the rest of my life.”

  “That’s all in the past and I’ve forgiven you for all that.”

  “I know you have, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for you. You’re a wonderful child and I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of the woman you’ve become, and you know I’m always bragging to everybody how intelligent my daughter is and how she’s a big-time college professor.”

  “Well, I don’t know about the big-time part,” I said, laughing, “but I do okay.”

  “You are big-time. You’re big-time to me, and sometimes I sit here crying with joy whenever I think about you getting that academic scholarship the way you did. Especially since you weren’t raised in a decent household. I mean, I know your mother was a good woman and a good role model for you, but with all the fightin’ and arguing you had to witness, I don’t know how you made it through.”

  “God was watching over me the whole time. That I know for sure.”

  “You’re right about that, because there’s just no other way to explain it.”

  “Dad, I have a few things I need to take care of, but in a couple of weeks or so I’m going to take a few days off to come see you. I was thinking I would wait until Thanksgiving, but I really want to see you sooner.”

  “Well, you know I’ll be looking for you,” he said, and I could already hear his spirits lifting. I could tell he actually felt as though he had something special to look forward to.

  “Do you need anything in the meantime?”

  “No, sweetheart, I’m good. I still have some of that money you sent me two weeks ago.”

  “That’s fine, but you let me know if something changes.”

  “You worry too much.”

  “Only because I love you.”

  “I love you, too, daughter.”

  “Well, I guess I should let you go, but you take care of yourself, Dad, okay?”

  “I will. And you do the same.”

  I hung up, leaned against my pillows, and cried like a baby. I was more upset about this Antonio situation than I had realized, and then now thinking about my pitiful father hadn’t helped the way I was feeling. I was also saddened by the fact that my father didn’t want to come live with me because he didn’t want to be any trouble, yet I had allowed Antonio to almost ruin me.

  I turned up the volume on my television set and flipped through the channels. At first I didn’t see anything too interesting, but I stopped when I saw a young woman doing an interview with a national news correspondent. They were inside a prison and the young woman was now in tears. I listened and wasn’t quite sure what she was doing time for, but I rested the selector on my comforter when I heard her say, “I begged him not to deal drugs out of my house but he wouldn’t stop and now I’m doing more time than he is. He actually lied and said the whole operation was my idea. And then…” she said, now wailing, “he made some deal with the prosecutor and testified against me.”

  I sat there watching the young woman, but mostly I pictured myself in her place.

  I pictured myself in an orange jumpsuit, wasting away behind bars, serving time for a crime I hadn’t committed.

  I had already decided that I was going to take a stance, but the young woman in front of me had officially confirmed it.

  She had sealed the deal perfectly and would never even know about it.

  Chapter 13

  CHARLOTTE

  Curtis and I both breathed deeply until our heart rates began to settle. It was bright and early Tuesday morning, we’d just made love, and we were now holding each other the way we used to when we were newlyweds. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d been intimate with each other for five consecutive days, especially since as of late, our lovemaking had become practically nonexistent. But nonetheless, I was happy that Curtis was making such a noticeable effort to satisfy me.

  “I’ve really missed you,” I said.

  “We’ve missed each other and I’m sorry that we’ve lost so much precious time. I know I should have worked harder at trying to forgive you, but I just couldn’t seem to do it.”

  “We’ve both done things that we’re not very proud of, but baby, life is too short to keep living the way we have been. We have so much to be thankful for, and I just can’t see giving up our marriage and taking a chance at ruining Matthew’s and Marissa’s lives.”

  “Neither do I. Those children mean the world to me, and it’s our responsibility to give them the kind of life they deserve.”

  “I really hate that you have to leave tomorrow,” I said, already feeling sad.

  “I do, too, and the thing is, I’ll be gone for seven days and only home for two before I have to leave again.”

  “If I had known you and I were going to reconcile our differences, I would have made plans to go out with you.”

  “Yeah, that would have been nice, but maybe you can go out with me the next time.”


  “Maybe so. I’ll have to make sure Matthew and Marissa don’t have anything going on that I need to be here for,” I said, and the phone rang. Curtis reached over to answer it.

  “Hello?” he said. “Hello?” he repeated. “Hello?” he said, elevating his voice.

  Then he hung up.

  “Has this been happening a lot?” he said, rising and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

  “No, this is the first time I’m aware of. Nothing showed up on the Caller ID?”

  “No, it registered on the screen as unknown.”

  “Maybe they dialed the wrong number.”

  “Maybe. But if they did, then why would they sit there breathing in my ear?”

  “Who knows?” I said, wondering if it had been Aaron. Especially since he hadn’t hesitated to call my cell phone the way he had. I’d been contemplating getting our numbers changed the way Aaron’s psychiatrist had suggested but the reason I hadn’t was because I knew Curtis would want to know why I was doing it.

  I wanted to tell him that Aaron had contacted me, but I couldn’t take the chance of bringing up Aaron’s name and having Curtis focusing on the affair Aaron and I had had. Not when Curtis had finally made up his mind to forgive me. I also didn’t want to take the chance that Curtis might call the mental facility where Aaron was, trying to speak to his doctor. I didn’t expect that the doctor would share any privileged information with Curtis, but again, I couldn’t take any chances. For all I knew, Dr. Goldstein might tell Curtis how insistent Aaron was regarding the daughter he believed he had. I wasn’t sure if Aaron had shared that information with his physician or not, but I knew it was possible. Then, of course, if Curtis got wind of that and learned that Marissa might be mentally disturbed, I knew it wouldn’t be beyond him to order another blood test. He would do it without hesitation and I just couldn’t allow that to happen. I couldn’t allow our family to be destroyed forever.

  “I guess we should get busy so we can head down to breakfast,” Curtis said, walking across the room.