Transformation

by Rosemary Nourse

  "Hello, how did it go at the river?" she asked the handsome man standing in front of her.

  "As well as it could. I just wanna get home and take a very long, hot shower."

  "You're not coming to supper tonight?" she asked him.

  "No, not tonight. Um, I wanted to say I'm sorry about last night," Tray mumbled.

  She couldn't help but feel insulted, "exactly what about last night are you apologizing for?"

  "You're making this more difficult for me."

  "You're making this difficult all by yourself," she corrected him.

  "All right, I'm trying to say that I'm sorry about kissing you. It was impulsive, I didn't stop to think about your feelings or that you might have not wanted it to happen at all."

  "I would've let you know if it wasn't okay with me. However, I was surprised by your quick departure."

  "It was late, I had to go while I had the willpower," he replied.

  "Sometimes you're so straight forward and other times, you say nothing."

  "I don't recall you being too open about your life," he pointed out.

  She paused and changed the subject, "there's no need for an apology."

  She stood in the dirt staring at him, wondering what he would say next. He gave her a half smile and walked away, leaving her there as Molly let out a giggle, having heard their strange exchange.

  He felt her eyes on his back, he wanted to turn around, grab her and kiss her. Why and how did she look so beautiful after working twelve hours on a muddy farm? Her skin was browning from the sun, her auburn hair had gold highlights streaked through it, her limbs were long, slender and muscular from all the physical labor. She didn't know it, but all the hands talked about her periodically; how they'd love to take a shot at her if they were younger or weren't married. He knew Eddie had a crush on her. She was more than pretty; she was nice, caring, and smart. There was something true and honest about her even though she concealed a part of herself. She was a contradiction. Some of his past girlfriends had referred to him as the same.

  He had to get her out of his head but he couldn't avoid Red Oak. Marge and Burt were like family to him, he loved them and their ranch. He was constantly taking care of their numerous animals. He just wouldn't visit the house or barns when she was there working. But doing without Marge's cooking would be a painful sacrifice.

  He simply could not do it again; he couldn't fall in love and go through the crushing pain and disillusionment again. He had no trust in relationships and little faith left in women as a whole. He had his work, his friends, the endless sky and mountains, he had everything he needed.

  "Let's go Molly," Kate called up the stairs. "Eddie's waiting in the truck."

  She heard footsteps, then Molly came bounding down the steps soon after and followed Kate out of the house. They hopped into Eddie's truck and were off to the drive-in that was in Colton. It was a good thirty-five minute drive, even for those who knew the way, because of those curvy mountain roads. They arrived just in time for the show to start, it was scheduled to begin at nine.

  Rejecting Kate's money, Eddie ran for popcorn and soda as soon as they got into their parking spot while Kate fixed the seating arrangements. They sat together in the back of the pick up, very comfortably leaning against rolled up sleeping bags, covered up with a warm blanket and eating salty popcorn as they watched the comedy movie under the stars.

  It seemed as if they were only there for an hour and it was time to go already. Molly was yawning by the time they crawled back into the truck's cab. She leaned her head against Kate's shoulder for the ride home. The rocking of the truck lulled her to sleep in only a few minutes. Kate was quiet as she enjoyed the cool night air in her face and the peacefulness of the night, the mountain's black silhouettes visible against the moonlit sky. In this tranquility, she thought about her life and how she was living in the present for the first time. She didn't have to think or worry relentlessly about tomorrow in the hopes that it would be better.

  Eddie stopped the truck in front of the farmhouse, came around and lifted Molly effortlessly as he carried her into the house. Kate led him through the dimly lit stairwell and hallway to Molly's room where they gently laid her on her bed and covered her with a blanket.

  As they stood in the kitchen, Kate was prepared to say goodnight and walk back to her bungalow. But Eddie stood in front of her and from the way he looked at her, she knew he wanted it to be a romantic moment. She'd grown very fond of him, but not in that way. Instead, she gave him a platonic hug and thanked him for the wonderful evening. She could sense his disappointment as he left, but she didn't want to encourage his feelings.

  The rest of the weekend was hers alone. Kate enjoyed having the time to herself, she'd grown up spending a great deal of her time alone so she didn't have a need to be around a lot of people. She took walks by herself, country drives around Mare's Creek and found scenic places where she could get a clear view of the snow-capped mountains. She'd discovered an untouched prairie of wild flowers that were just beginning to bloom and explored rocky canyons whose only inhabitants were the animals and plants that made it their home. She was learning to appreciate the incredible diversity of Montana's natural grandeur.

  It was uncharacteristically warm that first week in April, the afternoon sun heated the air to about fifty. While eating lunch, Kate seriously considered taking a dip in the hot spring Molly had led her to a couple of days ago. She could go after work for about half an hour, before she'd have to help Marge with supper. Her break over, Kate was wet with perspiration and feeling irritable as she returned to cleaning all the stalls in the barn. After working with them a month, the animals had come to know her and were more comfortable with her. At least they had stopped attacking her.

  Kate was on her knees in a stall when she heard footsteps. She hoped it was Eddie, he seemed to be avoiding her lately.

  "I've got to inoculate that new pig, Kate, can you get her over here," Tray asked as he walked into the pen where she was working.

  "Yeah sure, she's cute isn't she," Kate remarked as she pushed the squealing thing towards him.

  "Yes, she's a cute pork chop," he teased her.

  She didn't bother to answer him, he'd only make another comment about her silly perceptions of these working animals. These past couple of weeks, it seemed as if they were always on opposite sides of the ranch. In a way, she missed him, she kind of wanted to see him. She thought about him periodically, she was attracted to him and wanted to know more about him. She couldn't guess what he was thinking or feeling towards her. She put that curiosity aside because she didn't want to put a negative spin on her new life or the decent reputation she had built.

  "So," he ended the silence, "how was your date with Eddie?"

  "Excuse me," she said in surprise.

  He wished he hadn't put it quite that way.

  "I meant, how was the movie?"

  "The movie was great, it was a lot of fun."

  "Do you need more fun in your life?" he asked her with a smile.

  "Yeah, I need more fun than cleaning these pens and stacking hay."

  "So you're saying Eddie's more fun than baling hay and shoveling poop?"

  She didn't bother to reply as she helped him hold the pig still while he injected it. She grew angry inside, taking offense at how he'd spoken about her friend. Eddie was someone she could count on and that was more than she could say for Tray. He had just stepped over the fencing and was on his way out when she yelled after him.

  "Exactly who do you think you are to inquire about my personal life and insult Eddie like that?"

  "Uh," he stuttered, caught off guard, "I didn't mean to insult Eddie, he's a great guy."

  "Then what did you mean?"

  "Nothing, it was just a stupid joke."

  "Well, I don't have time for stupid jokes, I'm working."

  Kate turned her back to him and returned to her chore. She'd done something no other woman had managed to do; she made him feel foolish.
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  Molly ran all the way home from the bus stop as she burst through the kitchen door and asked her mother if she could go down to the hot spring with her friend to meet Kate. Marge said she could, but that she'd have to turn around and come right back home if Kate wasn't there. Molly agreed as she scampered away with her best friend greeting her outside.

  "Kate, Kate," Molly yelled as she spied her sitting on a boulder by the steaming water.

  She waved to them as they made their way over to her. They quickly stripped down to their underwear and tee shirts and tossed their clothes in a pile away from the water. They screeched and laughed as they waded into the warm water. They splashed, swam and played. Though it was quite warm, the water was still refreshing. It smelled a little strange, due to the sulfur, but was clean and safe. The spring was deeper in the middle so Kate supervised the girls to keep them safe even though they were good swimmers. Before they knew it, forty minutes had passed and it would soon be time to leave.

  "Darn, I'm late. We've gotta go girls," Kate said as she waded out of the water while looking at her watch. She threw an old towel about her shoulders and did the same to the complaining girls.

  "No, we want to stay," Molly pleaded. "Stay a little longer, Kate, we'll tell my mom it was my fault."

  "I'd really like to, but I can't. I've got too much to do."

  "Oh, I'm not going back," she pouted.

  "Come on Molly, you knew we couldn't stay here that long. If it's a nice day, we'll come back tomorrow."

  "All right, come on Sue," she conceded as her buddy followed her up the path that led back to the farmhouse.

  Kate always watched them go to make sure they didn't stay down at the water without her. Kids were kids, they'd try to pull something if they could. When they were out of sight, she began her own walk back. Still dripping water but feeling good, she headed for her bungalow to change. Tray passed her on his way down to the other side of the ranch.

  He stopped his truck on the dirt road and got out as he boldly walked up to her.

  "Look, I want to apologize for what I said earlier."

  "Okay," she remarked without complaint.

  "Okay, see ya," he walked back to the truck and took off. He wished he hadn't stopped to talk to her, he could see through her damp clothing. The recollection of that sight would definitely affect his concentration for the rest of the day.

  Crickets were chirping loudly as dusk fell, Marge and Kate cleared the supper dishes while Molly set out cake and coffee. Kate purposely sat next to Eddie that evening and chatted with him, just as she had always done, trying to make things go back to the way they used to be. Though Tray had stopped by for an intense conversation with Burt about breeding and hadn't acknowledged her at all, she caught him glancing at her a few times as though it bothered him.

  "Do you want to drink our coffee out on the porch, Eddie?" Kate asked him.

  "It's kinda chilly, but all right," he replied as he followed her outside.

  The front porch of the house was huge, wrapping around the entire face of the home. There were generous flower boxes and flower pots patiently waiting to be filled, along with white wicker and wooden chairs softened by plump cushions on their seats. Best of all, a large wooden porch swing hung from the ceiling. It was Kate's favorite spot and on nights that weren't too cold, she'd sit out there with Molly or even by herself and contemplate.

  They sipped at their coffee while gently swaying on the swing, a breeze somehow making it up to the porch and tousling their hair.

  "You were the first friend I made out here, Eddie, you were kind to me, you've helped me more than anyone else on this ranch and I'll never forget that. I don't want to lose your friendship," Kate spoke up.

  "You're not gonna lose my friendship," he assured her.

  "I'm just not ready, I just don't feel—," she began an explanation but lost the right words.

  "Don't," he interrupted her, "don't worry about it."

  A few moments of silence passed between them before he spoke again.

  "Besides, you are kinda old for me."

  She laughed, slapped his arm like she usually did when he'd throw her a jab, and the awkwardness dissipated.

  He smiled at her as they continued to rock back and forth, talking pleasantly about nothing of any importance.

  "What're you doing Friday night?" Eddie asked Kate as they finished hauling feed back from the supply store.

  "Marge's gonna teach me how to make some of her secret recipes," she answered, wondering if he was going to ask her on a date again.

  "That's pathetic."

  "Thanks a lot. But I don't think so, I can't cook that well and Marge is the best cook I've ever known. She's an excellent teacher, I could learn a lot from her."

  "But you'll never be as good as Marge, so you might as well give up right now," he laughed.

  "Thanks for the encouragement," Kate replied.

  "You really need to get out more."

  "There aren't that many places to get out to," she argued.

  "That's not true, you just don't know about them. I think you need more friends."

  "I have plenty of friends."

  "I know you aren't exactly the outgoing type, as far as wanting to know a lot of people, but you do need more friends than a bunch of smelly, fifty year old farmhands, a nine year old and some cows," he pointed out.

  "Geez, when you put it that way..."

  "I wanna introduce you to my cousin Devon, she's about your age and she's got a shit-load of friends. She'll get you into some fun."

  "All right, but I'm basically a boring person. I'm not into partying that much and I'm too old for immature or stupid behavior, know what I mean?"

  "Uh-huh, but I've seen you do a lot of stupid things," he commented.

  "Oh really?"

  "Yeah, like causing a hay avalanche, screaming and running away from the pigs, thinking a horny goat was just being friendly, trying to pet the chickens, getting sprayed by milk—,"

  "That's fine, no need to go on," she stopped him.

  "But there's more," he laughed.

  "Shut up, Eddie."

  "Where are you going?" Molly asked Kate that Saturday evening while sitting on her bed and paging through one of Kate's magazines.

  "Out with a new friend," Kate replied.

  "You mean Devon?"

  "Yup. Do you know her?"

  "I've seen her around, sure. Her parents live near Eddie's folks. Heard she's kinda wild," Molly added.

  "Wild? Where did you hear that?"

  "I've heard the grown-ups say it," Molly informed her.

  "Great, I'm not wild and I'm not looking for any wild times."

  "Maybe you'll have fun."

  "Fun, I think it would be fun to curl up in this bed with a good book or go watch the sun set behind the mountains or sit on your mom's porch swing with a glass of her pink lemonade."

  "That's stuff we do everyday, there's nothing special about that."

  "Everything's special about that, you'll realize that when you're older," Kate smiled.

  "You look pretty, I wanna look like you when I get old."

  Kate ignored the "old" part of her statement, "you're beautiful already Molly because you're sweet, plus you've got your daddy's light blue eyes."

  Molly liked Kate's words as she hopped up and gave her a hug.

  "Thanks. Now you'd better scoot, she'll be picking me up soon."

  "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. I want you to tell me everything that happens tonight," Molly reminded her.

  "See you tomorrow," she kissed the top of the girl's head as she skipped out the door, joining her dog that had been waiting obediently outside.

  "This is probably a mistake," Kate said to her reflection in the mirror. She did look pretty, wearing a white cotton sweater top with a scooped neck, slimming jeans, wavy hair down, her skin glowing against her velvety dark eyes. She still was not completely at ease looking attractive, it brought on its own problems.

  Ju
st then she heard a beep outside, she grabbed her purse and ran out. A shiny sporty jeep was waiting for her. She climbed in and saw Devon for the first time. She was quite pretty, with long blond hair and light green eyes. She had a terrific smile, was very talkative and bubbly.

  "Hi, it's nice to finally meet you after talking on the phone. You're adorable, just like everyone says. God, you must have been bored as hell stuck out here with nothing to do. I don't know how you can stand it. Yeah, I grew up on a ranch but it sure as heck wasn't something I wanted to do for a living. So I moved to Jackson River as soon as I finished college. I'm a lab technician at St. Luke's hospital out there, it's a nice job and I make great money. Not to mention I meet lots of single men in the city, some doctors, though I've dated my share of them and most are pompous jerks. They love their sex, that's for sure, I'll never figure out why they marry homely women. Whatever. I bet you've dated a lot of men, you'll have to tell me about your experiences."

  Kate was listening to Devon's ramblings, not sure when it was time for her to speak.

  "Uh, not really. I haven't dated that much, but the experiences I had weren't good

  "Now I find that hard to believe, you're from the city aren't you?"

  "Yes, back East, but that doesn't mean the men there are less idiotic than anywhere else."

  "Guess not, never looked at it that way. Anyway, my parents want me to settle down, they tell me I'll be thirty in another four years and it's time to make a respectable commitment. I say, what's the rush, a woman's got her whole life to be married, why spend the best years of your life locked into that kind of a situation. No one's taking my freedom, no one's going to make my choices for me. I do what I want when I want, I only have to make myself happy. I don't have the energy to worry about someone else's emotions every hour of the day, understand what I mean?"

  "Kind of, I guess if a person meets someone special, they'd be ready to make the compromises. I don't know," Kate assumed, feeling she was the last person to ask about relationships.

  "Then I suppose I haven't met that man who was special enough," she laughed.

  "Where are we going?" Kate asked nervously.