The Big Ohhh

by Ashton, Nikki

“There’s nothing,” Declan said, and gave Toby a narrow-eyed glare, which proved there obviously was.

  “Declan knows he doesn’t need to butter me up for anything.” Mum smiled at him all gooey eyed.

  “Because he’s your favourite.” we all chimed together, even Dad.

  “So, what do you want?” Dad asked Declan.

  He tried to look affronted, but as we stared at him expectantly, he soon huffed out a sigh.

  “Okay, but it’s only a loan. Work have messed up my bonus and the lads and I are going to book our trip to Vegas tomorrow after work and I don’t have the deposit.”

  “I thought you were some big shot marketing salesman who earned megabucks?” Ruben asked.

  “And?”

  “Well if you earn so much money every month why don’t you have the deposit saved up?”

  “Ooh, ooh, I know that one,” Toby cried as he excitedly jumped up and down in his chair. “It’s because of all the shit clothes he buys.”

  “Oi, there’s nothing wrong with my clothes.”

  Ruben, Toby, and I all burst out laughing and stared at his awful Gucci t-shirt with two black panther’s heads on it, which I knew cost him over three hundred quid, the too-tight jeans and the Nike trainers which were the same puce yellow as his t-shirt.

  “How much do you need?” Dad asked as he evidently felt the need to change the subject.

  “Five hundred?” Declan looked at Mum as he gave the figure because he knew if he batted his eyelashes at her she’d say yes.

  “Five hundred for a deposit?” Dad groaned. “Where the hell are you staying, the bloody Bellagio?”

  Declan winced and shifted back in his chair.

  Dad shook his head and picked his half-chewed crackling back up. “I’ll get it for you in the morning, you’ll have to come and pick it up from my office if you need it before tomorrow night.”

  “Thanks Dad,” Declan sighed. “And I’ll pay you back as soon as they sort my bonus out. The stupid admin girl forgot to put it through, although she says I was late putting the sales forms in, but I wasn’t.”

  “Okay, okay.” Dad replied as he chewed. “I’ve said I’ll lend it to you. I don’t need a sob story to go with it. Now, Maureen, what’s for pudding?”

  As Mum and Toby cleared away the plates, I watched Ruben as he messed around on his phone. He read something on it, presumably a text message, and frowned before quickly typing a response, his thumbs moving at lightning speed. I wondered if they were quicker than usual and it was the drugs that had made them so fast, but I couldn’t say I’d watched him text often enough to notice.

  As Mum was placing apple crumble and cream in front of us, the dining room door opened and Danny, Patsy, and Nigel walked in.

  “Ooh you could smell the crumble, couldn’t you?” Mum pulled Patsy into her arms and kissed her on the cheek.

  Patsy then moved around the table, giving us all a hug, an especially tighter one for Ruben who was her favourite of all of us. Ruben gave her a bright smile and something akin to jealousy soured in my stomach. He was my little brother, yet never looked at me like that, even though we’d always been close when he was a kid. I took him everywhere with me until I was around fifteen or sixteen and then boys and drinking cider with my mates down by the river became more important. As I watched him pat Nigel on the head, I wondered if his animosity toward me was my fault and whether he felt as though I’d abandoned him in some way.

  “Hey, Willow,” Patsy said as she pulled up a chair beside me. “I hear there’s a new fella on the scene.”

  I glared at Danny and then turned back to his gorgeous girlfriend with her thick, waist length, scarlet coloured hair and rolled my eyes.

  “He’s got a big gob, but yes there is. His name’s Charlie Monroe and it’s early days.”

  “I know that name,” Patsy said, as she pursed her lips which were the same colour as her hair. “Does he have a brother in a wheelchair?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, how do you know him?” My question was filled with dread, because I wasn’t sure what I’d do if she said he was a well-known douche, or she’d been out with him herself – ugh imagine that, it’d be tantamount to having sex with my brother by proxy.

  “I have a friend who works with him, his brother I mean, they’re both accountant managers at Oxygas. She’s always going on about how fit Johnny and Charlie Monroe are and that they should shoot a calendar.”

  I grinned, feeling pretty proud that I’d bagged myself a potential model – well in Patsy’s friend’s eyes anyway.

  “She’s only dating him, you know,” Mum chimed in. “I don’t understand why you can’t just be boyfriend and girlfriend. All the kids at school are the same. All this dating, it’s because of programmes like that bloody Love Island that you two watch,” she said, as she wagged a finger at Dad and Toby. “They only date on there.”

  “Dating basically means shagging, Mum,” Danny said as he helped himself to my apple crumble.

  “Or not, as the case may be.” Dad gave me a sympathetic smile and reached for my hand and patted it. “Was it the zip incident love, or is it something else?”

  “What zip incident?” Toby asked.

  “Oh he-.”

  “Mum! No! I will have you taken out.”

  She grinned and ironically mimed zipping her lips.

  “You know, if you do need my help, I’d be more than willing.”

  My eyes went as wide as Frisbees as I pulled in a sharp breath.

  “No, I don’t, thank you very much. I don’t need or want it.”

  “I’m only saying, you don’t have the glow of a young woman enjoying good sex with her virulent new date.”

  “Well maybe they’re taking it slowly,” Patsy offered and nudged me with her shoulder.

  “Or maybe he doesn’t find her attractive,” Ruben muttered.

  “Or maybe I don’t want you lot knowing my business.”

  “Yeah, but we’re your family,” Danny said as he continued to tuck into my bloody pudding. “Anyway, I’m here to invite you all to a party at ours next Saturday. I don’t want to, but you’re my family so…”

  “Ooh lovely-.”

  “No, not you and Dad, Mum.”

  “Danny!”

  “What? They’re not invited, Pats. You know we’ve talked about this.”

  “You could be a bit nicer about it.” Patsy threw him a stare that said he was in trouble when she got him home.

  “It’s fine,” Dad responded.

  “Only because he’s your favourite,” I ground out as I snatched my pudding back from my brother and tipped my diet coke over it.

  “God, you’re so childish,” Danny said and then reached for Ruben’s untouched crumble, as he was distracted by texting again.

  “Anyway, back to you and Charlie, love,” Mum said chirpily. “Why isn’t he your boyfriend?”

  “’Cause he’s her ‘not getting fucked buddy’, by the sounds of it.”

  “Toby, your language is terrible. Ivan, tell him.”

  “Toby your language is terrible. Do you want my advice or help?”

  “No Dad,” I cried as I pushed up from the table. “Leave me alone.”

  I stormed out of the dining room to a chorus of ‘ooh’, slammed the door behind me and stomped toward the stairs.

  “Willow.” Dad’s voice was soft and coaxing behind me. “What’s wrong love? Is it your sex life, because I can help you know?”

  “Oh my God,” I said through gritted teeth. “Just leave me alone.”

  “But-.”

  I swung around to face him.

  “God, if you want someone’s business to interfere with, interfere with Ruben’s. He’s the one taking bloody drugs, not me.”

  As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I’d done the wrong thing. Dad looked stricken as he stared at me and gripped hold of the bannister.

  “W-what?”

  “Forget I said anything.”

  It was a pathetic attem
pt to take back the words I’d already said, but I didn’t know what else to do, or say. Dad looked desolate, a look that I’d never seen him have before.

  “No, Willow, you said your brother was taking drugs. Is it true or are you saying that because I’ve pissed you off?”

  “Dad-.”

  “Willow, please tell me. I need to know if my son needs help.”

  His shoulders sloped and he closed his eyes against the pain that he was obviously feeling.

  “I don’t know for sure,” I sighed. “I caught him hanging around with some dodgy looking guy near the toilets in a bar and when he spotted me, well, he looked shifty.”

  “So, what makes you think its drugs?” Dad shook his head in disbelief.

  Now I’d said it out loud, I wondered whether I believed it myself. When I’d told Charlie, I’d been so sure, but now looking at Dad and the worry etched on his face, I knew I should have got more proof before shooting my mouth off.

  “That and his bloody moods all the time,” I continued. “It seemed to make sense, but I don’t have any other proof. I can try and-.”

  “No, Willow,” Dad said quietly, putting a hand on top of mine. “It’s not your problem. Thank you for looking out for him, but I’ve got it from here.”

  “What are you going to do, Dad?”

  He shrugged. “I’ll speak to your mum and we’ll decide how to approach it.”

  “I might have got it all wrong.”

  He gave me a small smile. “Let’s hope so, love. Let’s hope so.”

  With that he turned and went back to the dining room where I could hear laughter and I wished once again that I had a time machine.

  When in a 69 position, keep pace together by putting on some music with a strong, steady beat – I always find Agadoo by Black Lace does the trick.

  * * *

  Charlie

  “Morning, Charlie,” Deke Johnson, the producer I was helping out, called to me. “We all set up?”

  “Hey, Deke. Yeah, I just need to finish setting Jimmy’s drums up in the isolation booth, but otherwise all done.”

  A popular Indie band, Devil’s Doorbell, were recording their latest album and Deke Johnson was a huge name to be producing for them. He was the producer of some of Dirty Riches’ best albums, and having him on board generally guaranteed a hit, so the fact that I was working with him was astonishing.

  Jake and Skins from Dirty Riches had visited the studio the day before and both of them had told me to make the most of the opportunity and learn as much as I could, because if production was something I wanted to go into, they’d help me every step of the way – and people asked why I’d worked here since I was sixteen.

  “You have a good weekend?” Deke asked as he shrugged off his battered leather jacket.

  I thought about Johnny’s fall and my dick trapped in my zip and groaned.

  “Not the best, got to be honest.”

  “What, no golden moments at all?” Deke sat down at the mixing console.

  I thought of Willow, snuggled in my bed and smiled. “Yeah, there was. I’m dating an amazing girl, so seeing her was pretty special.”

  “Dating? What is this dating shit, my kids tell me the same thing and I have no fucking clue what that means?”

  I smiled. “It’s what we young kids do these days, Deke.”

  He shook his head in obvious disgust. “Stupid idea. If she’s so amazing, ask her to be your damn girlfriend.”

  He was right, I knew he was, and I’d been going to do it, despite the fact I’d only known her for a couple of weeks. What was the point in waiting when I already knew how much I liked her? She’d already experienced my damn mother and still seemed to want to keep on seeing me, so yes, I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend.

  “I think that, maybe you oldies had the best ideas, Deke,” I said and grinned at him.

  “Yeah and maybe we oldies know what we’re talking about. Now, less talking and more working. The band will be here in about ten minutes and we have a lot to do.”

  “Okay,” I replied, moving toward the door, “so how many sugars do you want in your coffee?”

  * * *

  We’d had a great morning as the band had managed to lay down the bed track and the vocals of the first song for the album. They’d worked hard, but Deke wasn’t one to let them slack anyway, so I’d been the one to suggest we stop for lunch.

  The band had decided to nip out and grab something, whereas I chose to use the subsidised café that we’d recently had installed at the studios. When I walked in, I noticed how quiet it was, considering all the studios were being used. I looked at my phone and realised we were pretty late for lunch which would account for the lack of people. It also meant that I was unlikely to be able to get a proper lunch.

  “Hey, Maggie, what’ve you got left?” I asked the sweet, middle-aged lady who worked the counter.

  “Not much I’m afraid, love. Chef has gone, so it’s a jacket potato or sandwich I’m afraid. Unless she’s left something in the fridge. Want me to check?”

  She gave me a dazzling smile that creased the corner of her eyes and it struck me, as it did most days, how great it would have been to have a mum like Maggie.

  “Whatever is easiest for you,” I replied, as I picked a bottle of water from the cooler.

  “Anything for you.” She leaned forward and pinched my cheek. “It’s those bloody dimples.”

  I rolled my eyes. “A sandwich would be great. Cheese and ham, please.”

  “Okay love, I’ll sort it for you. You go and sit down.”

  Taking my pick of the tables, I pulled out a chair with my back to the door and flopped down onto it. I had forty minutes to kill, so decided to check out some social media.

  As soon as I turned my phone on it pinged with a message.

  Pretty Girl: I know you’re busy today but need to tell you this. I’m totally embarrassed but I walked to work with my skirt tucked into my knickers. An old lady on a motorised scooter beeped at me and actually shouted ‘put your drawers away, love’. No idea what she meant until James pointed them out when I got into work. OMG I’m such a dick!

  I tried to keep my laughter quiet, but it wasn’t long before Maggie was looking up from making my sandwich and watching me.

  “What’s tickled you?” she asked.

  “A text from the girl I’m seeing.”

  Maggie nodded and picked up the plate with my sandwich on it. “Means a lot when someone can make you laugh. My Tony makes my sides ache with laughter sometimes.”

  Her eyes twinkled as she placed the plate in front of me.

  “You been married long, Maggie?”

  “Thirty-one years. Got married at twenty-one and while it’s not been perfect, we’ve been very happy.”

  “Wow, twenty-one?”

  I had still felt like a kid at twenty-one, never mind getting married.

  “Yep. You married young in those days though, love, you didn’t really live together first. Marriage doesn’t seem to be so important now.” She gave me another warm smile, patted my shoulder and went back behind the counter to carry on whatever she’d been doing before I came in.

  I smiled and sent a text back to Willow.

  Me: And what size and colour were the knickers? I need to know for visuals when I get a break later.

  I put my phone down on the table not expecting a reply, because I knew she’d be in surgery, but at least when she did eventually read it, she’d know I’d been thinking of her. Thoughts of her brought a smile to my face and I decided I’d ask her out on another date when I got home.

  “Hi.”

  The soft, sultry voice grabbed my attention and when I looked up, I was surprised to see Viv Cator, the drummer for Legal Breakup, who were recording in one of the smaller studios. I’d done some set up for them before and they were a pretty decent bunch, inviting me out for a drink with them on their last day of recording – and now they were back.

  “Was pretty disappointed not t
o see you in the studio this morning,” she said as she ran her tongue along the edge of her teeth. “Patrick is great, but he’s not you.”

  “I’m working with Deke Johnson and Devil’s Doorbell,” I replied, feeling proud to be able to say it and trying to ignore the way she was looking at me – like she was a spider and I was a big juicy fly.

  “Devil’s Doorbell? Wow.”

  Her eyes went wide and she looked suitably impressed, and I had to admit that I liked that I’d managed to make her a little awe-struck; I had an ego just like everyone else.

  “So, you’re going up in the world.” Smiling, Viv moved a hand to my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “That’s great, hon.”

  I moved back a little, trying to create some distance between us, because she’d maneuvered herself so that her crotch, in tight leather trousers, was in my eye line which made me feel uncomfortable.

  “Yes, it’s been great. Deke has shown me loads already.”

  “I heard he’s good.”

  She tilted her head on one side and let her eyes graze over me and her scrutiny made me feel a little awkward. I could flirt with the best of people, but there was something about Viv that felt a little predatory and it didn’t sit well with me.

  “Yeah he is.” I flashed her a smile and then shifted my chair, so that I was turned back to the table.

  When I picked up my sandwich and took a bite, I hoped she’d take the hint, but was shocked when her head appeared in front of me and she took a bite too.

  “Hmm, nice,” she said, as she wiped at the corner of her lips. “Tastes good.”

  “Err, I’m sorry but I’d rather you didn’t.” I looked back at the sandwich and threw it onto the plate. “Hey Maggie. I need to get back, so is it okay if I take this to go?”

  Maggie looked up from filling the counter chiller with cakes and smiled. “No problem, love. Make sure you bring the plate back when you’re next in.”

  I nodded and pushed back my chair. “Well, I’ll get back. Great seeing you Viv.”

  Her smile faltered and she put out a hand to touch my arm, but I quickly stood and shifted to one side, avoiding her touch.