The Big Ohhh

by Ashton, Nikki

  “You fancy a drink sometime?” Viv asked, evidently not getting that she was being brushed off.

  “I don’t think so,” I replied. “Thanks anyway.”

  “Why?”

  She looked petulant with her lips pursed and hands on her hips.

  “Well, because I have a girlfriend.”

  It wasn’t totally untrue. I had Willow and she was my friend, and I wanted us to be exclusive. I wanted her to be my girlfriend.

  Viv shrugged. “And?”

  “Well unless she’s invited, which I doubt, I don’t think it would be right to go out for a drink with you.”

  “She wouldn’t need to know,” she said, adding a tinkling laugh that grated on my ears.

  “But I would. I wouldn’t like her going out for a drink with another man, so I don’t think it’s fair for me to go out with you.”

  I also wanted to add, I also think you’re a little too pushy to be even remotely attractive, but she was a client and I wasn’t totally sure she wouldn’t try and twist things.

  “You do know how big we’re going to be, don’t you?”

  “Well I’ve heard you, and you’re good, yeah.”

  Viv tilted her head and grinned. “I could get you a job on our tour,” she said with assurance, as if doing me a favour. “The tour that’s going to make us massive, bigger than fucking Devil’s Doorbell.”

  That was a matter of opinion. Legal Breakup were nowhere near as good as Devil’s Doorbell. They weren’t as gifted musically, wrote pretty mediocre songs and didn’t work hard enough.

  “Well, I’m happy here thanks.” I moved to walk past her, not wishing to waste another minute of my lunch break on her.

  “Let me take your number, in case I can change your mind.” Her hand landed on my chest and long, thin fingers worked their way in between the buttons of my shirt.

  I slapped my hand down on hers and then picked it up and pulled it away from me.

  “Like I said, Viv. I have a girlfriend who I care about a lot. I don’t want to risk what I have with her and to be honest, she’s the only woman I see.”

  Her intake of breath was inaudible, but I saw how her shoulders straightened and her lips parted. This was definitely a woman who didn’t usually feel rejection.

  “Your loss.” Viv curled her lip and moved to let me pass. “Don’t forget where I am though hon, when it all goes to shit with your girlfriend.”

  “It won’t,” I said confidently. “This one is a keeper.”

  And I meant every word.

  When I slipped out of the café into the corridor, my phone beeped in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a text from Willow.

  Pretty Girl: Pink lace and pretty small – or maybe that’s cos my arse is so big??? BTW my brother is having a house party on Saturday if you fancy going with me.

  Shit every single thing she did or said made me smile.

  Me: Yep I have a visual for the whole afternoon not only on my break. Thank you, Lord. Also, there’s nothing wrong with your arse…

  Her bum wasn’t tiny, she was right, but fuck it was sexy. Adjusting my jeans, I continued texting.

  Me: …Party sounds good. Look forward to it xx

  Yep, I’d put kisses at the end, but sod it, I didn’t give a shit. Most men did end texts to their girlfriends with kisses. Something that I was going to talk to her about as soon as I could. As I thought about it, another text came in.

  Pretty Girl: That’s great. I’ll let you know time etc. Enjoy the rest of your day x

  The text had come back pretty quickly, so she hadn’t had to think about it and so the kiss on the end must have been done naturally. Okay there was only one to my two, but it was a kiss and…what the fuck was I doing thinking about kisses on a text – I was turning into a damn teenage girl. I sent one more text before I turned my phone off and slipped it into my pocket and going back to work. It was only when I got back to the studio that I realised I’d forgotten my sandwich.

  Me: I will and you. Oh, and I’ll call you tonight about maybe going out tomorrow. Not sure I can wait until Saturday to see you xxxx

  Standing is best used for quickies, but make it better by turning around, leaning over and lifting one leg sideways. Once he’s inside, you can close your legs slightly, so he doesn’t pop out – this is also known as the dog having a pee position.

  * * *

  Charlie

  I was a grown, twenty-five year old man who had conversed and worked with one of the biggest rock bands in the world, had laughed and joked with some of the best producers in the music industry, yet the thought of being in a room with all four of Willow’s brothers made me want to shit my pants. They all seemed to be great guys, but I was worried they were going to give me shit about their sister.

  Danny had been nice enough to invite Johnny too, but as he couldn’t make it, Bomber had decided he’d take his place. Willow had assured me all the way to Danny and Patsy’s house it would be fine, that neither Danny nor Patsy would mind, but I still kept glaring at him for his damn cheek.

  “Hi.” Willow called as we let ourselves in through the kitchen.

  There were a few people in the kitchen fixing themselves drinks or standing around chatting. Through the doorway I could see the lounge had been converted into a temporary dancefloor. The music was pumping loud, a little too much bass in my professional opinion, but there was a good vibe going on by the look of the number of people in there.

  “Hey. Finally,” The guy I recognised as Danny, said, as he pulled Willow in for a hug. “I expected you ages ago.”

  “Why?” she asked as she scrunched up her nose.

  “I wanted you to make that nasty cocktail you make. You know the one with the rum.”

  “Rude Boy?”

  “Yeah, that’s it. Can you make some?”

  Willow folded her arms over her chest. “And what would the magic bloody word be, rude boy?”

  Danny rolled his eyes. “Please.”

  “Okay, but me, Charlie, and Bomber get first dibs on it.”

  Danny nodded and led her by the elbow toward one of the counters where there were at least four bottles of rum, a jar of coffee and a load of cans of something, which when I looked closer,

  saw it was Irish Stout.

  “Shit,” I muttered to Bomber. “Rum and stout? That sounds gross.”

  He rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait.”

  “Right,” Danny said as he rejoined us. “What can I get you both until the Rude Boy is ready? Oh, and I’ll get the first one, but after that you’re on your own.”

  Bomber and I both thrust carrier bags of booze at him.

  “Oh, and this is Bomber by the way. Johnny already had plans to go to a friend’s wedding, so this rude wanker decided to invite himself along.”

  Bomber elbowed me in the side and held out a hand for Danny.

  “Hiya mate, pleased to meet you and thanks for inviting me.”

  Danny laughed and slapped Bomber on the back. “No problem, the more the merrier.”

  He took the bags from us, laid it all out on the table with the rest of the booze and then looked over his shoulder. “A lager each?”

  “Yeah please,” I replied and walked toward him. “Seriously though, thanks for inviting us.”

  “Like I said, the more the merrier. I’ll introduce you to Patsy in a minute, but she’s gone to check on Nigel. We put him in our room out of the way.”

  “Oh yeah, good idea, you don’t want him getting trodden on.”

  “That your kid?” Bomber asked, as he took a proffered can from Danny.

  “Nope, my dog. He’d be fine, but someone would be bound to leave a door open and he’s stupid enough to wander out.”

  “What sort of dog is he?”

  “I have no clue. We went to the dog pound for a Chihuahua for Patsy and came back with him. I think his mother was a bit of whore because honestly, I can see about five different breeds in him. He was found in a cardboard box next to some
bins behind a restaurant.”

  “Danny, you do know only one dog can have impregnated his mother, don’t you?” Willow called without looking up from her cocktail making.

  “Yes, Willow, I am aware,” he replied with a sigh. “It was a joke and get on making that drink. I’ve been bigging it up with everyone.”

  “Where’d you learn to make that?” I asked as I moved to Willow’s side to watch her pour a can of stout into a huge bucket.

  “Tigger from Birmingham.” She turned and grinned at me and it struck me how damn cute she looked, especially as tonight’s hairstyle was two little buns on the top of her head, making her look like a cute teddy bear.

  “You look gorgeous,” I said on instinct.

  She blushed a little and then leaned forward and gave me a closed lip kiss. “Thank you, now go away, you’re distracting me from my art.”

  Taking a deep contented breath, I moved in closer and gave her a long, lingering kiss before taking Bomber to try and sort out the bass on the music.

  * * *

  “She looks beautiful,” Toby shouted into my ear as we watched Willow and Polly try to teach Bomber some dance.

  “I take it you mean Polly, although I’ve got to say your sister is rocking those leather leggings.”

  As Willow shimmied her shoulders, her loose-fitting t-shirt fell off her shoulder, revealing creamy, smooth skin which got me thinking about what I’d like to do to her if we were alone. My eyes moved down past her ample arse, down her long legs and to the high neon pink ankle boots which were the same colour as her top and lipstick. She was so damn sexy, and I knew I was mad if I didn’t ask her to be my girlfriend soon.

  “Yes, I mean Polly,” Toby scoffed and punched me in the arm. “As much as I love my sister and agree she has great genes, admitting that she’s beautiful would be slightly weird.”

  The look of disgust on his face made me laugh. I’d had a chat to all her brothers throughout the night and each one was great, even Ruben was laughing and joking with me, but I think I liked Toby the most. Even though he was a model, obviously good looking and had almost every woman in the house fawning over him, he was chilled and totally unaffected, and I liked that about him.

  “She still not succumbing to your charms then?” I asked. “Willow did tell me that you had a thing for her.”

  He sighed heavily and shook his head. “Nope. I’m going to have to pull out the big guns soon.”

  “And what are they?” I asked as an amused smile twitched at my lips.

  “It. What is it.”

  “Okay, so what is it?”

  He pointed to his dick.

  “It’s fucking huge man, but I really wanted to keep it a surprise for our first night together.”

  I bit on my lip, trying not to laugh because he looked so damn serious about the whole thing.

  “What if you don’t get a first night?”

  “Exactly,” Toby replied and slapped my back. “So, she needs to know what the possibilities are. The problem is, Willow made me promise to keep it in my boxers, well if I wore any.”

  I winced and instinctively put a hand to my dick, wondering whether I should warn Toby of the consequences of going commando.

  “So,” Toby continued. “That’s where you come in.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah, you could persuade Willow to let me free the anaconda.”

  I should not have taken a sip of my lager at that exact moment because I almost choked.

  “Your…anaconda?”

  “Yep, but what I call it is inconsequential,” he said rapidly. “I just need Willow’s permission to get it out and show Polly.”

  “You can’t show her! What are you going to do, slap it on the table and say ‘look at this’?”

  “Not what I had in mind, but it’d work.”

  As Toby contemplated my idea, which was the worst fucking idea ever, I decided to nip to the toilet and hopefully give him time to come to the realisation that he needed to rethink things.

  “I’ll be back,” I said as I put my glass down. “Don’t get the anaconda out just yet.”

  I laughed to myself and made my way through the party to the stairs and up to the bathroom. I’d already been up once and as Danny had put a picture on the door of a woman stood up peeing in a urinal, there was no forgetting which door I needed.

  I went inside, slipped the lock and sighed with relief as I peed for what seemed like ages, giving me time to look at the pictures on the wall above the toilet. They were of all Willow’s brothers, except Danny, some of Willow and some of another girl, who had a varying range of hairstyles from short, spiky and black, to long, wavy and pink – I guessed from meeting Patsy and seeing her pillar box red hair that the girl in the pictures must be her sister, Dolly, who she’d told me was currently travelling with her boyfriend.

  I smiled, seeing the humour in having a gallery of their siblings in the toilet and wished that Johnny and I had as many photos of each other as Danny and Patsy had. I wished we’d had the same sort of childhood that they’d all appeared to have, but maybe the photographs and the memories came hand in hand with happiness and that was something we hadn’t experienced much of growing up.

  I flushed and then moved over to wash my hands and above the sink where two black and white pictures, one of Joanna Lumley as Patsy and one of John Travolta as Danny Zuko and I laughed out loud. Shit, I wanted what these two appeared to have and I was pretty sure if things kept going in the right direction, I’d want them with Willow. I’d never been so hooked on a girl in such a short space of time and while it was a little bit scary, it was exciting, too, thinking about the possibilities of a future with someone like her.

  I opened the door and started to make my way back downstairs, when I heard someone talking in one of the bedrooms directly in front of me. The door was slightly open, and I could see through the gap that it was Ruben. He didn’t see me because he had his head down and was dragging his hand through his hair and stamping his foot.

  “No,” he hissed. “I told you, you can’t come here, it’s too risky…fine…I don’t know, the usual amount.”

  I realised I’d stopped walking and was eavesdropping when I shouldn’t have been, so darted past the room as quietly as I could and made my way back downstairs.

  When I got back into the lounge, Willow was bouncing around as she pumped her hands in the air and shook her head. She looked so full of joy I guessed it was seventies music that was playing as I didn’t recognise it. She caught my eye and waved as she lost herself in the music.

  “Dance with me,” she cried. “It’s Crazy Horses by The Osmonds.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “I’m fine babe, you go for it.”

  She rolled her eyes and waved a hand at me. “Spoilsport, but I’ll get you later.”

  “Okay, I’ll save you a dance.”

  When the chorus kicked in, her dancing got wilder and I decided to retrieve my drink and find Bomber, with what I’d heard Ruben saying playing on my mind. I wasn’t sure I should tell Willow; there wasn’t much to tell, and it wasn’t really my business. It worried me though that Willow was right, and he was mixed up in something he shouldn’t be. I picked up my drink from where I’d left it, and noticed that Bomber was sitting in a corner. He was propped up against the wall, fast asleep and had a blue, plastic fish slice poking out of the neck of his t-shirt.

  “What’s Bomber doing?” I asked Polly, who was gazing at Declan.

  She startled and turned her head to me. “Oh, teaching him The Chameleon took it out of him, I was using the fish slice to keep him in time, so he stole it from me.” She laughed, but her eyes quickly went back to Declan, who was now snogging the face off a small, blonde haired girl.

  “You should give Toby a chance,” I suggested and nudged her with my shoulder.

  She flashed me a smile and rolled her eyes. “Please don’t tell me he’s been bending your ear too. He’s too young.”

  “He’s only four years
younger, isn’t he?”

  “Four years is a lot,” she protested. “Anyway, he’s going to be a famous model and won’t be around for much longer.”

  “He comes across as a pretty loyal guy though, Polly, and he’s chased you for long enough from what Willow told me. I’m guessing he wouldn’t risk losing you if he did manage to persuade you to give him a chance.”

  She looked at me thoughtfully as she chewed on her lip, but then quickly shook her head and looked back at Declan, who now had the girl’s legs wrapped around his waist as their kiss was becoming a little less PG than it had been before.

  “I’m going to go,” she sighed. “I’m too drunk and too bloody emotional and will end up making a fool of myself.”

  “Don’t go,” I said, as I looked to where Willow was dancing and tried to catch her eye. “And how are you getting home.”

  She held up her phone to show me a taxi app. “I can have one here in five minutes.”

  I glanced over at Willow, who luckily was looking at us, so I beckoned her over.

  “Hey, what’s up?” she asked breathlessly.

  “Polly is going home.” I indicated to Declan with my eyes and Willow sighed.

  “Don’t go because of him,” she said, pulling Polly into a hug. “Come and dance with me.”

  “It’s not only that,” Polly replied. “I’m too drunk and I’ve got to go to my cousin’s baby’s christening tomorrow with Mum and Dad, so I don’t want to be too knackered or too hung over.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes, honestly.” She pulled Willow into a hug. “Take care of you.”

  “Take care of you.”

  I looked at them quizzically and wondered what the American accent was all about.

  “Pretty Woman,” they chorused together without me even having to say anything.

  “Right,” I replied, still having no clue as I followed Willow to walk outside with Polly and wait for her taxi.