Everything Changes

by Samantha Hale

  “I ran into him last night at the park. He was there with his little brother. I was babysitting for the neighbors and the kids wanted to go sledding. We got to talking while the kids played.”

  “That’s great, Summer,” she said, trying to match Summer’s enthusiasm. She was happy for her, but at the same time, she was also disappointed. They’d been planning on going to this party together as two of the few singles within their group of friends. Now she was going to have to go alone and third wheel herself to the couples there.

  “Now we just need to get you hooked up.”

  “What? Summer, no.” She should have seen this coming, should have prepared herself for this inevitable conversation, but she hadn’t.

  “You know, Greg Barrett was asking about you the other day,” Summer continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “He’s cute, in that nerdy, hipster way.”

  “I don’t want to go out with Greg,” she said plainly, hoping it would be enough even though she knew it would not be.

  “Why not?”

  Because I’m gay.

  Because I’m already seeing someone.

  The reasons were there on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t use any of them. She just couldn’t say it. Instead, she had to search her mind for an excuse she could actually utter. However, nothing came to her, so she just shrugged.

  “Come on. What’s wrong with Greg?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why won’t you go out with him?”

  “Because I’m not into him.”

  “Well, how do you know you couldn’t be into him unless you give him a chance?”

  Again, the truth was there, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit it, even though it would end this conversation and any conversation like it. She just couldn’t bear the thought of telling Summer, couldn’t bear the possibility of having her oldest friend turn her back on her.

  “I don’t have to go out with him to know we have nothing in common,” Raven answered. “He was on student council with me last year. All he talked about was video games and sci-fi movies. He speaks Klingon. And Navi.”

  “Navi?” She mouthed the word with a grimace and a shake of her head, but Raven knew the conversation was not over yet. While Summer might be willing to concede that Greg wasn’t a match for her, she wasn’t going to give up until she got Raven to agree to someone. She hated it when Summer got like this. Whenever she got asked out on a date, it suddenly became her mission to set Raven up with someone as well.

  Even though she’d never actually been interested in any of the guys Summer suggested, she’d always eventually given in just to get her off her back. That wasn’t an option this time though. She couldn’t do that to Morgan. Somehow she was going to have to get Summer to simply drop the subject.

  “What about Gabe Denton? He’s a sweetheart. And you said you had fun working with him on the winter dance.”

  “Isn’t he all hung up on Kendall Geiger?”

  “Okay. Well, how about Charlie? What’s his name…from civics last year?”

  “You can’t even remember his last name. Or the fact that he’s in our homeroom this semester, but you think he’d be a good match for me?”

  Summer shrugged. “Okay, so it was weak, but at least I’m making an effort.”

  “But I’m not asking you to.”

  Summer huffed out a sigh and fell silent. Raven wasn’t sure if she’d dropped the subject or if she was just reorganizing her arguments, but she was grateful for the reprieve. Even if the silence that fell between them as they pulled into the mall parking lot was tense and awkward.

  “So, any idea what you’re getting Noah for his birthday?” Raven asked into the silence.

  Summer didn’t answer for a long moment, long enough for Raven to wonder if Summer was mad at her.

  Finally, Summer shrugged. “Not a clue. You?” Her tone was flat, even, and Raven couldn’t tell if she was angry or not.

  “Nope.”

  “Well, it’s a good thing we’re both so prepared isn’t it?” Summer said with a grin.

  Raven grinned back, relief washing over her. She’d survived the matchmaking attempts with her secret—and Summer’s mood—intact.

  Chapter Twenty

  Shopping with Summer had been fun but exhausting. They’d walked from one end of the mall to the other, going into nearly every store in search of the perfect gift for Noah, before realizing they had no idea what he might actually want and getting him gift cards.

  She was in the middle of putting away her purchases—she’d had a much easier time finding things for herself than she had for Noah—when her cell phone rang, a muted tone from inside her pocket. She fished it out of her jeans. A quick look at the caller ID brought a smile to her face.

  “Hey, Morgan.”

  “You’ll never guess what happened,” Morgan said by way of greeting, her words a rapid, excited rush.

  She cast her bags aside, her full attention on Morgan. “What?”

  “You know that art show I was telling you about?”

  Raven cast around in her memory, and after a moment, recalled Morgan telling her about the exhibit, a collection of pieces done by students and a few local artists. It was something the gallery did every year. It was rather prestigious and the qualifications for entry were demanding.

  “Yeah?” She had a pretty good idea where this was going but was content to let Morgan have her big reveal.

  “They’ve asked me to submit two pieces.” She could practically hear the grin in Morgan’s voice.

  “Two? That’s amazing.” She knew how much this meant to Morgan. “That’s…amazing,” she repeated, because it was all she could come up with.

  “I know. I’m just…” Morgan’s sentence faltered, but Raven knew what she meant.

  “I’m so proud of you. I wish I were there right now so I could give you a hug and a kiss,” she said, aware of the fact that she was repeating what Morgan had said to her just a few days ago. But this was the kind of news that made her want to just throw her arms around Morgan and squeeze her tight.

  “I wish you were, too.”

  “We have to celebrate. I can be there by—”

  “Raven. Rae.”

  “Yeah?”

  “That sounds great. But you’ve got your party.”

  “I can skip—”

  “And…I already have plans with Jules and a few others. We’re going to go to that movie thing I told you about.”

  “Oh.” Raven deflated.

  “I guess it will have to wait until Wednesday when I come up,” she said “And I’ll set aside all of next weekend for you.” Although it was a reasonable compromise, it left her dissatisfied.

  “The whole weekend?” Morgan asked, a gentle tease entering her voice. “What makes you think I’d even want to spend that much time with you?”

  Raven scoffed, but a witty response escaped her.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The party was in full swing by the time Raven reached Noah’s house. Cars lined the street and sat bumper to bumper in the driveway. She was glad she’d walked and wouldn’t have to worry about getting blocked in by the time she was ready to leave. Every light inside was on, and music poured out of the basement windows before she’d made it even halfway up the walkway. When she reached the porch, she rang the bell and waited, but nobody came. After a moment’s hesitation, she reached for the doorknob. Noah had mentioned at lunch the other day that his parents would be gone for most of the evening, and with everyone gathered downstairs, she doubted anyone had heard her arrival. She felt a little weird letting herself into his house, but it was preferable to standing outside waiting for someone else to come along or a guest inside to come upstairs and spot her.

  The music was even louder as she stepped inside, and after kicking off her shoes into the pile by the front door, she followed the sound.

  “Raven, hey.” Noah was standing near the foot of the stairs as she descended, a red plastic cup in one hand, a
couple of darts in the other. He gave her an awkward hug, pulling her close with his forearm as he tried not to spill his drink or poke her with the dart points.

  “Happy birthday, Noah.” She returned the hug with more ease.

  “Glad you could make it. Drinks and stuff are over there. I think there’s still some pizza left,” he said with a vague wave of his arm to the far corner of the room. The drink in his cup sloshed perilously close to the edge. “And presents are being stacked over there.” He gestured in the opposite direction with a smirk and a wiggle of his eyebrows.

  Raven made a show of looking down at her empty hands and gave him an apologetic shrug before stepping away and reaching into her purse for the envelope with his gift card in it. She tossed it onto the table and turned, catching his eye and offering a little smirk of her own. He grinned, shook his head, and went back to his game of darts.

  She took a moment to survey the room. She spotted Summer and Jake in the corner by the stereo, talking quietly by one of the speakers, and couldn’t help but smile at how wrapped up in each other they appeared to be. She didn’t notice AJ or Chloe anywhere, so she headed toward the foosball table to say hello to everyone gathered there and maybe get in a game or two.

  Two hours later, she was hot and sweaty and breathless but having a great time. She couldn’t remember why she hadn’t wanted to come. She’d beaten three guys at foosball before AJ stepped in to kick her butt—not all that surprising since he was the one who’d taught her how to play—and had spent the last half hour dancing in the middle of the rec room with Summer and Jake and a few others. The fact that she was single and the majority of the people in the crowd were coupled up didn’t even matter. Everyone was mingling and chatting as a group. She didn’t feel excluded or intrusive.

  “I need something to drink. And to sit down,” she yelled into Summer’s ear, knowing her words would come out as a dull whisper over the music.

  Summer nodded and Raven slipped away, maneuvering her way off the “dance floor” and over to the drinks table. She grabbed a can of soda and headed for the nearest available soft place to sit—an empty couch cushion. She flopped down and took a long pull from her soda. A moment later, the couch dipped beside her.

  “Hey, Raven,” Jeremy Trent said, giving her an easy smile.

  “Jeremy. Hey. Long-time no see,” she teased him. He’d been hanging around the foosball table when she’d first arrived. He was one of the guys she’d bested and then they’d chatted for a while after AJ had taken over. He’d also been among the group of dancers who had taken up space in the middle of the living room.

  “Yeah, definitely,” he said, chuckling lightly.

  “Having a good time?” she asked after taking a long pull of soda and then holding the chilled can to her forehead.

  “Yeah,” he said, nodding slightly. “You looked really good out there.” He nodded in the direction of the other dancers.

  She wanted to tell him that he’d managed to do a good job of keeping up, but she couldn’t. At least not without lying. He’d looked ridiculous, flailing around out there, and she wasn’t sure she could return the compliment with a straight face. “My parents will be pleased to know all the money they poured into dance lessons didn’t completely go to waste,” she said instead.

  “Dance lessons?”

  “Yeah. Ballet. Nothing like I was doing out there, actually.”

  “Ballet?” Jeremy shook his head, laughing. “Like, in a tutu?”

  “No. No tutus.” She decided not to describe the leotards they had worn or the costumes for some of the recitals. She had a feeling he’d find it even more amusing than a tutu.

  “Do you still dance?”

  “No. I quit years ago.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I was never really that into it. The only reason I even joined was because Chloe did.” She glanced toward Chloe, who was dancing in the center of the room with AJ. “When she quit, I quit.”

  Jeremy nodded. “It was the same thing with me for soccer. My older brother played so I wanted to play. When he got bored of it, so did I.”

  “So, it wasn’t because you sucked?”

  “What? No. I was an awesome soccer player.”

  “Oh. Well, I was a horrible ballerina. I was so glad when Chloe quit and I didn’t have to do it anymore.”

  “No way. I don’t believe it.”

  “Oh, believe it. Go ask Chloe. She’ll confirm.”

  “No, never mind. I’ll take your word for it. You ready to get back out there?”

  Raven glanced over at the growing crowd of bodies in the center of the room and shook her head.

  “Not just yet. I’m beat.”

  Jeremy nodded and Raven thought he was going to get up, but he merely shifted position so he was half-facing her, his arm stretched out along the back of the couch between them, and started up a conversation about the reading list they had for English class.

  Raven had only intended to take a few minutes to catch her breath, have a drink, and cool off, but a few minutes blended seamlessly into thirty minutes, which became sixty minutes, and the next thing she knew the party was winding down and she realized she’d spent half the night on the couch, talking with Jeremy.

  “This was fun,” he said. “We haven’t really had a chance to talk before. It was nice.”

  She nodded, recognizing the truth in his words. They had spent a lot of time on the periphery of each other’s social circles with a number of friends in common and a fair amount of time spent together without ever really spending any time together, just the two of them.

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “I’m glad we ran into each other.” She’d never noticed before how funny he was, her sides hurt from laughing so hard, nor how insightful he was. She’d really enjoyed their conversation.

  “We should do this again sometime,” he said. “Soon.”

  “I’d like that.”

  The next thing she knew, his lips were brushing against hers. Somehow, she’d missed the fact that he’d been shifting closer until his breath was there, hot against her lips. She hadn’t really registered when his arm slid from the back of her couch to around her shoulder until he was using it to pull her toward him. Somehow, stupidly, she hadn’t seen this coming.

  For a moment, she simply sat there, stunned. Then, awareness began to set in, and all she could think was that the kiss was soft and warm and not unpleasant and how much easier it would be if she just gave in to this.

  No more secrets.

  No more feeling uncomfortable in her own skin.

  She would be able to hold his hand in public without feeling self-conscious. She could bring him home to meet her parents and invite him out with her friends.

  He increased the pressure, leaning closer, and instead of butterflies, she felt…nothing. Instead of wanting to wrap her arms around him and pull him closer, she had her hands on his shoulders keeping him at a distance, pushing him away. Because even though it might be easier to be with Jeremy, she knew she’d never be happy with him. Not after having a taste of how it could be, how it should be, with Morgan.

  Morgan. A flash of panic hit her as she realized what she’d just done.

  “Raven?” Jeremy’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. She dragged her gaze to his and saw the questions and confusion there.

  She blinked once, twice, trying to clear her head. “I’m sorry, Jeremy, that shouldn’t have happened.”

  He stared at her, brow furrowed in confusion. “We were having a good time. I thought—”

  “You weren’t wrong, okay? I enjoyed talking with you tonight, but that’s all it was, talking.”

  His confusion faded as his face hardened into a frown.

  She reached out to lay a hand on his arm, imploring him to understand and then thought better of it and pulled back. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”

  Her words fell on deaf ears though. He shook his head, stood up, and walked away without another word. Ra
ven knew she should be more concerned, but as bad as she felt about rejecting Jeremy, her focus was on someone much more important. How could she have done this to Morgan? She might not have initiated the kiss, but she had certainly let it go on long enough before pushing him away. What kind of person did that?

  “So, you and Jeremy, huh?” Summer dropped onto the couch beside her. “He’s a cutie.”

  She turned to Summer, staring dumbly at her for a moment before shaking her head. “No. Not me and Jeremy.”

  “I just saw you kissing him.”

  She shook her head, not quite sure how to explain.

  Summer’s teasing grin faded.

  “No, it’s not his fault. A miscommunication. We’d been talking for a while. I guess he thought it meant more than it did.”

  “So, you spent like half the night sitting here with him, looking to all the world like you were having a great time, but when he kisses you, you push him away?” Chloe asked, approaching with AJ in tow.

  Raven nodded, realizing for the first time that she’d been giving him signals she hadn’t meant to give.

  “God, Rae, what is going on with you?”

  She shrugged, not even knowing where to begin. It was all so tangled that she couldn’t explain some without divulging all.

  “It’s getting late. I’m tired. I’m going to head home,” she said, pushing herself up.

  Summer and Chloe exchanged glances but thankfully, neither of them decided to push the issue.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The wind had picked up at some point over the course of the evening. It howled and whipped snow around, forming oddly shaped drifts that tangled around Raven’s ankles as she trudged slowly home. If she had been paying attention, she probably would have found the wind biting, but her focus was on the cell phone in her hand and the phone call she knew she had to make.

  It wasn’t even an option to not tell Morgan. Despite the fact that it had been one kiss and it meant nothing. Even though she hadn’t started it, nor had she returned it, and had pushed him away the moment she’d come to her senses. None of that was the point. There were enough secrets in her life right now; she couldn’t keep another one. As she listened to the phone ring on the other end, she found herself wishing for the first time since they’d met that Morgan wouldn’t answer her phone.